Why I Used to Be Ashamed of Being Chinese — And What Changed

Summary

This video script shares a powerful personal journey of growing up as a Chinese child in the Netherlands, navigating racism, cultural mockery, and a struggle with identity. The speaker reflects on childhood experiences of bullying, stereotypes, and feeling ashamed of their heritage. Over time, they learn to embrace their Chinese roots, finding strength and pride in their cultural identity. The video highlights the importance of empathy, respect, and representation, with a hopeful message that society is evolving towards greater awareness and kindness.

Takeaways

• 😀 The speaker reflects on their childhood experience of feeling like an outsider and ashamed of their Chinese heritage in the Netherlands.
• 😀 Cultural differences were highlighted during birthday celebrations at school, where the Chinese birthday song became a source of discomfort and mockery.
• 😀 The teacher's comment about the speaker’s eyes made them feel singled out and further amplified the discomfort around their identity.
• 😀 Innocent actions of children, such as singing or mimicking accents, can lead to unintentional mockery and reinforce harmful stereotypes.
• 😀 The speaker was often bullied with racial slurs and insults, which deeply affected their self-esteem and sense of belonging.
• 😀 Growing up in a small Dutch city where the speaker was the only Asian in the class made it harder to fit in and contributed to feelings of isolation.
• 😀 Despite being advised by their parents to 'ignore' the bullying, the speaker struggled to do so, as children and teenagers are not always equipped to handle such experiences.
• 😀 The speaker gradually internalized the hurtful comments, often feeling they weren't 'white enough' rather than not 'pretty enough,' highlighting deeper issues of racial identity.
• 😀 Over time, the speaker gained pride in their heritage and embraced their Chinese identity, realizing the importance of cultural representation and personal empowerment.
• 😀 Society has changed with more awareness and representation of Asian cultures, leading to a more inclusive environment where racism and microaggressions are no longer as prevalent as before.
• 😀 The speaker’s journey from shame to pride is a message of self-acceptance, and they now wish to instill these values in future generations, hoping that no child has to feel the same hurt they once did.

Q & A

What does the speaker recall feeling as a child regarding their ethnic identity?

The speaker recalls feeling like an outsider, ashamed of their Chinese heritage, and struggled with a sense of not belonging due to their ethnicity.

How did the birthday song sung in the Netherlands contribute to the speaker's discomfort?

The birthday song, sung in multiple languages including Chinese, featured a distorted version of the Chinese language, which encouraged children to imitate a Chinese person in a mocking way. This caused the speaker to feel uncomfortable, as the performance resembled mockery rather than celebration.

How did the teacher's comment about the speaker's eyes affect them?

The teacher's comment, which was meant to be lighthearted, actually made the speaker feel singled out and uncomfortable, reinforcing the feeling of being different and encouraging mockery of their physical features.

What role did media and television shows play in the speaker's experiences with racism?

Television shows like 'Ik hou van Holland' reinforced stereotypes about Chinese people by presenting them in a mocking light, where a Chinese person was made to sing with an exaggerated accent, making the speaker feel further marginalized.

How did the lack of representation in mainstream media affect the speaker's self-identity?

The absence of positive or accurate representation of Chinese people in mainstream media led to the speaker internalizing the stereotypes, which made them feel isolated and ashamed of their heritage, as they had no role models or examples to look up to.

What were some of the racist comments the speaker encountered during childhood and adolescence?

The speaker was subjected to derogatory remarks such as 'chink' and 'poep chinees' (which means 'shit Chinese'), along with insults about their eyes being 'slit'—comments that were frequent and deeply hurtful during their youth.

How did the speaker's environment, specifically growing up in a small city, impact their experiences with racism?

Growing up in a small city with few other Asian people, the speaker was the only Asian child in their class for 16 years, making them a target for bullying and reinforcing feelings of isolation and difference.

What was the reaction of the speaker's parents when they shared their experiences with racism?

The speaker's parents advised them to ignore the hurtful comments, believing that their child was Dutch and should not be bothered by racial remarks. However, the speaker feels this advice stemmed from a place of colorblindness, where the complexity of their identity was not fully understood.

How has the speaker's perspective on their ethnic identity changed over time?

As the speaker grew older, they developed a stronger sense of self-worth and stopped allowing racism to affect them. They now embrace their Chinese heritage with pride, no longer feeling the need to hide it or feel ashamed.

How does the speaker feel about the social changes regarding Asian representation and awareness in society?

The speaker believes that societal awareness and representation of Asian culture have improved, particularly with the rise of social media and Asian influencers, which has helped create a more positive view of East Asian cultures.

What message does the speaker want to convey with their story?

The speaker wants to spread a message of empathy, kindness, and respect, encouraging people to recognize the importance of cultural awareness while also warning against colorblindness, which can ignore the nuances of people's identities and experiences.

How does the speaker's experience with their identity affect their hopes for their future children?

The speaker hopes their future children will not experience the same feelings of shame or exclusion based on their ethnicity. They wish for their children to embrace their heritage and for society to become more inclusive and respectful.