why you can’t stop doing things you hate

Summary

The video script addresses the 'binge fallacy,' a common obstacle in self-improvement where individuals repeatedly relapse into bad habits despite initial progress. The speaker shares personal experiences with breaking free from pornography and outlines five steps to overcome this cycle, including acknowledging the issue, observing urges mindfully, setting up 'bumpers' to avoid triggers, practicing positive self-talk, and quickly stepping back into the 'higher self.' The script emphasizes the importance of understanding one's core goals and purpose to maintain discipline and suggests guided meditation as a tool for mental mastery.

Takeaways

• 🔁 The 'Binge Fallacy' refers to the tendency to repeatedly engage in a harmful behavior after an initial lapse, causing more damage than the initial slip-up.
• 💡 Recognizing and acknowledging a lapse is crucial for preventing further relapses and understanding the reasons behind the initial decision to avoid the behavior.
• 🧘 Observing the urge mindfully, rather than trying to distract oneself, can help in managing the urge without giving in to it.
• 🚧 Creating 'bumpers' or barriers around triggers can prevent falling back into old habits by changing routines or environments that lead to temptation.
• 🌱 Positive self-talk and self-compassion are important after a lapse to maintain self-esteem and avoid falling into a negative self-identity.
• 🚫 Ignoring the lapse can lead to subconscious acceptance of the behavior, increasing the likelihood of future relapses.
• 🔑 Metacognition, or being aware and in control of one's own mind and thoughts, is a key skill in managing urges and preventing relapses.
• 🛑 The human brain tends to rationalize further indulgence after an initial lapse by thinking the day or period is already 'ruined'.
• 💪 Stepping back into the 'higher self' immediately after a lapse helps in regaining control and getting back on track with one's goals.
• 🔄 The cycle of breaking free from a habit and then relapsing can be broken by addressing deep subconscious programming and reprogramming one's identity.
• ⏰ The powerful dopamine release after abstaining from a habit for a while can make the behavior even more tempting, requiring extra vigilance to resist.

Q & A

What is the 'binge fallacy' mentioned in the script?

The 'binge fallacy' refers to the tendency to engage in a behavior repeatedly after an initial lapse, often under the belief that since one has already done the 'bad thing' once, it's acceptable to continue doing it multiple times, which amplifies the negative effects.

Why does the speaker suggest that ignoring a relapse might lead to further relapses?

The speaker suggests that ignoring a relapse can communicate to the subconscious that the behavior is not serious, which can lead to a lack of commitment to change and ultimately result in further relapses.

What is the significance of acknowledging the reason behind wanting to stop a bad habit according to the script?

Acknowledging the reason for quitting a bad habit helps tie the individual's actions to their core goals and purpose, providing a stronger motivation to resist the urge to relapse.

How does the speaker describe the process of observing an urge in the context of breaking a habit?

The speaker describes observing an urge as a mindful process where one uses metacognition to observe the urge without identifying with it, allowing it to dissipate like a shadow under a spotlight.

What is the purpose of creating 'bumpers' as mentioned in the script?

Creating 'bumpers' is about identifying triggers and urges that lead to bad habits and setting up barriers or changes in routine to prevent falling into those patterns, similar to how bumpers in a bowling alley prevent the ball from falling into the gutter.

Why is positive self-talk important after a relapse according to the script?

Positive self-talk is important because it helps maintain a healthy self-image and prevents the individual from identifying with the negative behavior, thereby reducing the likelihood of further relapses.

What does the speaker mean by 'stepping back into the higher self as soon as possible'?

The speaker means that after a lapse, one should quickly adopt the mindset and behaviors of their ideal, improved self, rather than waiting until they have completed all the good habits to become that ideal self.

How does the speaker relate the concept of identity to subconscious programming?

The speaker relates identity to subconscious programming by stating that identity acts as the captain steering the ship of the subconscious, implying that changing one's identity can reprogram the subconscious mind towards better habits.

What is the role of meditation in the script's discussion on overcoming bad habits?

Meditation plays a crucial role in developing metacognition, which is the skill of being aware and in control of one's thoughts, aiding in the process of observing and overcoming urges without succumbing to them.

What is the 'Mental Mastery' program mentioned in the script and how can it help?

The 'Mental Mastery' program is a self-improvement master class that teaches individuals how to reprogram their minds to become more conscious, focused, disciplined, and confident, ultimately helping to break free from bad habits and patterns.

Outlines

00:00

🔄 The Struggle with Binge Fallacy

The first paragraph discusses the common struggle of breaking free from bad habits, using the metaphor of 'the thing you do.' It highlights the cycle of attempting to quit a habit, experiencing the benefits, and then relapsing into it due to triggers and dopamine rushes. The speaker shares personal experiences with pornography as an example and describes the binge fallacy, where one mistake leads to multiple, amplifying the negative effects. The paragraph emphasizes the importance of understanding this cycle to make progress in life and avoid self-sabotage.

05:00

🧘 Acknowledgement and Observation of Urges

The second paragraph focuses on the first two steps to overcome the binge fallacy: acknowledgement and observation. It stresses the importance of recognizing a relapse and understanding the reasons behind the initial decision to quit the habit. The speaker advises against ignoring the urge, as it can lead to subconscious acceptance and further relapses. Instead, one should observe the urge mindfully, detaching from it and realizing that thoughts are not defining. This approach helps in dissipating the urge and maintaining self-control.

10:02

🚧 Creating 'Bumpers' to Avoid Triggers

In the third paragraph, the concept of 'bumpers' is introduced as a strategy to avoid triggers and urges that lead to bad habits. The speaker shares a personal anecdote about a friend who quit bad habits during military training but relapsed once back in regular life. The paragraph suggests identifying and eliminating common triggers by creating barriers or 'bumpers' in one's environment. It also touches on the importance of positive self-talk and self-compassion in the process of self-improvement.

Keywords

💡Binge Fallacy

The 'Binge Fallacy' is a psychological phenomenon where an individual, after giving in to a temptation or bad habit, continues to indulge excessively, believing that the initial failure has ruined their progress. In the video, the speaker uses this term to describe the cycle of relapse into negative behaviors after an attempt to quit, such as binge-watching, overeating, or engaging in pornography. The speaker emphasizes that this fallacy is a major obstacle in self-development.

💡Relapse

Relapse refers to the act of returning to a previous bad habit or behavior after a period of improvement or abstinence. The video discusses how relapses can occur in various contexts, such as quitting smoking or overcoming addictions, and how they can be triggered by external situations or internal thoughts, leading to a series of repeated negative actions.

💡Dopamine

Dopamine is a neurotransmitter associated with the brain's reward system. In the script, the speaker mentions how dopamine is released during 'triggering situations,' creating a strong desire to engage in the 'thing' that provides pleasure or relief, which can lead to a relapse into the habit the individual is trying to quit.

💡Willpower

Willpower, in the context of the video, is the mental strength to resist urges or temptations. The speaker talks about how willpower can be 'whittled down' to the breaking point, leading to a relapse. It is portrayed as a limited resource that can be depleted, especially when faced with persistent urges or triggers.

💡Metacognition

Metacognition is the awareness and understanding of one's own thought processes. The video suggests using metacognition to 'observe the urge' from a mindful perspective, which means recognizing the thought without identifying with it, allowing it to pass without acting on it.

💡Urge

An 'urge' is a strong, often uncontrollable desire to engage in a particular behavior. The script discusses how urges can arise and how they can be managed by observing them mindfully rather than trying to suppress or ignore them, which can lead to eventual giving in.

💡Self-Talk

Self-talk refers to the internal dialogue one has with oneself. The video emphasizes the importance of positive self-talk in overcoming setbacks and maintaining motivation towards one's goals. It contrasts negative self-talk, which can reinforce bad habits and lower self-esteem, with positive self-talk, which can encourage progress and self-improvement.

💡Identity

Identity, in the context of the video, is the sense of self or the personal characteristics that define an individual. The speaker suggests that changing one's identity is key to breaking the cycle of bad habits and achieving self-improvement, as the identity acts as the 'captain' steering the subconscious 'ship'.

💡Bumpers

In the video, 'bumpers' are metaphorically used to describe strategies or barriers one can put in place to prevent falling back into bad habits. The speaker uses the analogy of bowling alley bumpers to illustrate how creating these barriers can help avoid triggers and urges that lead to relapse.

💡Mental Mastery

Mental Mastery is a concept introduced by the speaker as a comprehensive approach to self-improvement and overcoming bad habits. It involves techniques such as meditation, mindfulness, and positive self-talk to gain control over one's thoughts and behaviors, and to reprogram the subconscious mind.

Highlights

The speaker discusses the struggle of breaking habits that negatively impact physical and mental health.

Mentioning the common pattern of relapse after attempting to quit a harmful habit.

Describing the emotional consequences of relapsing into a harmful habit.

The concept of the 'binge fallacy' where one slip leads to repeated indulgence.

The speaker's personal experience with the struggle of quitting pornography and the cycle of relapse.

The comparison of relapse patterns in different addictions such as overeating and smoking.

The psychological impact of a disrupted routine leading to a full-day relapse.

The importance of acknowledging a relapse and understanding its causes.

Observing the urge to engage in the harmful habit as a mindfulness practice.

Creating 'bumpers' to avoid triggers and urges that lead to relapse.

The negative self-talk that can follow a relapse and its potential to perpetuate the cycle.

The importance of positive self-talk and quickly re-engaging with one's higher self.

The role of identity in subconscious programming and its impact on habit formation.

The speaker's offer of a comprehensive self-improvement program to reprogram the mind.

The encouragement to be mindful and not listen to the voice of the 'dying' past self.

Transcripts

so there's that Thing You Do you know

what I'm talking about and you know it's

bad you're fully aware of all the

negative effects it has on either your

physical health mental health or both so

of course logically you decide I'm going

to stop doing the thing and some time

goes by maybe it's a day a week a month

and you're starting to feel the benefits

of going without this thing but then one

day you get put in a triggering

situation the waves of dopamine flood

your receptors as your mind generates

every possible reason why you should do

the thing and you do the thing the

negative emotions like shame frustration

depression wash over you as you think to

yourself I thought I was actually done

this time I just wasted all that effort

what happened to my willpower see this

isn't the real you stop trying to change

you never will but then it gets worse

because something strange happens

instead of getting back on the path you

were on the path to freedom from the

thing you do the thing again and again

and again and trust me I've been there I

am no better than you I know exactly how

it is for the longest time even when I

knew I needed to quit my biggest

struggle the biggest thing I just kept

binging and relapsing over and over over

on was pornography I tried to do the

whole noof fap thing I'd get like a 3day

streak maybe even a week but eventually

something would trigger me or my

thoughts would Whittle down my willpower

to the breaking point and I would just

give in and then I would do it again and

again and one more time before bed and

by the end of it you know you're just

kind of playing with a gummy worm can't

even get fully bricks which logically

doesn't make sense because if it's

something you don't want to do that is

re havoc on your life then why is it the

moment you give in and do it all of the

sudden it is this precious resource that

you can get as much of it as you

possibly can before you sacrifice and go

without it for a long period of time

it's the same with obesity when you're

trying to cut out junk food think about

it a fat person doesn't binge on just

one cupcake they eat the cupcake they

have a bag of chips they drive through

McDonald's they have a large soda how

many people do you know that try to quit

smoking or drinking just relapse on one

cigarette or one beer never happens

right they go full balls to the wall

finally it's time my precious this is

what I call the binge fallacy and it is

probably the biggest thing I see in like

the self-development world that holds

people back the most because think about

it in reality if you mess up and do the

Bad Thing Once that's not nearly bad as

doing it once and then doing it four

more times that is five times the amount

of damage if you were to just do it once

and get back on track but the human mind

doesn't work that way because our brains

tell us well I already did it once the

day is already ruined I might as well do

it again and again and again and then

I'm going to get back on track tomorrow

even after I quit pornography I started

experiencing this again recently in

self-development because you know you

start your morning routines you have

your day structured out and it may be oh

you wake up you have your cold shower

and then I go on a walk or the gym and I

have breakfast and then I meditate and

then I journal and then I have my

caffeine and then I start working and I

stop at this time and I go do this and

that's how my days were and everything

was going good until some days a wrench

got thrown in to the system maybe I

slept past my alarm maybe I had to go do

something last minute in the morning

morning and it threw my whole routine

off and for some reason my brain would

go oh well the routine messed up so this

whole day is kind of a waste let's just

[ __ ] off let's do more bad stuff and

we'll start again tomorrow we we can

start fresh the next day there's always

tomorrow right which means that not only

does this binge fallacy occur in

relation to bad things but in relation

to not doing the good things we want to

do but even more [ __ ] up is when you

abstain from certain bad habits

especially dopamine related ones if you

go a certain period of time without

doing it and then you do it the dopamine

release all the good brain feel-good

chemical releases is more powerful than

if you were doing it every single day

because you essentially weaned yourself

off you were edging yourself away from

it for a while and then you went back to

it think I mean if you are addicted to

something like porography or smoking or

anything like that if you're smoking a

cigarette every single day you know it's

nice it's a cigarette it's a stimulate

whatever but if you go a week without

smoking a cigarette and you're feing for

it and then you smoke a cigarette you're

seeing Stars you're brain has an orgasm

and if you're someone who's trying to

make progress in life trying to be

consistent trying to give up bad habits

or addictions you've most likely

realized by now that this is a cycle you

know you go back and forth from it's so

over we're so back it's so over we're so

back and by now you've probably realized

like I did if this cycle isn't broken

then you'll forever be holding yourself

back from the very things you're working

towards like making more money so you

can have the lifestyle the things you

want the freedom you want attracting

great friends and partners and just

overall living a better and more

fulfilling life that doesn't involve you

taking a mic Tyson blow to the mental

health once every week or month or three

days so I figured this out the hard way

obviously it took me a long time to

break these Cycles but I did finally

find the five steps that actually allows

you to escape the binge fallacy and

break the cycle but the first thing I

used to try and do when I would have my

noof fap relapses is I would try to just

immediately ignore it think oh it's not

a big deal it's okay I'm back on track

now whatever that was just a once once

in a blue moon type thing it's not going

to happen again y yada y push P it away

push it out of my Consciousness I did

not want to think about it because

obviously there's a lot of negative

emotions that would surface but what

actually happened was because I was

ignoring it and not taking it seriously

that communicated to my subconscious

that this is not something to take

serious so the next time I got an urge

or something triggered me I wouldn't

take what I did that serious and I would

relapse again instead what I needed to

do was step one acknowledgement after

you do the bad thing acknowledge that it

happened acknowledge what led you there

and most importantly acknowledge why you

don't want it to happen again what was

the reason you were going without the

bad thing in the first place and this

requires you to have some big picture

idea how does this tie into that true

core goal your why your purpose that you

are working towards and if you can't tie

this into that you're going to struggle

infinitely more than someone who

understands how this plays into the big

picture of their life and their goals

but even if you do that most likely

you're going to get the urge to do it

again at some point and typically our

initial reaction is to well I'm going to

distract myself from the urge I'm going

to go do something productive I'm going

to think other thoughts think positive

thoughts but that is actually setting

you up for long-term failure and

eventual relapse because the urge is

coming in it's appearing in your

Consciousness and you're just trying to

introduce a whole bunch of other things

to kind of cloud it and make yourself

unable to perceive it in the current

moment but that doesn't actually get rid

of the urge and it'll just go back into

subconscious and it'll pop back up later

go back down pop back up later or even

worse it stays in your conscious mind it

keeps poking at you poking at you

tempting you triggering you triggering

you until your mental willpower because

willpower is a limited resource I talked

about that in some of my other videos

gets whittel down to the breaking point

and you give in but instead of that do

step two observe the urge and I know

that sounds counterintuitive at first

because you're think oh what you want me

to sit with the urge isn't that going to

whittle down my willpower make me

relapse no because you are observing it

from a mindful perspective you are using

the skill of metacognition to observe

this appearance in your mind and

Consciousness but you're not identifying

with it cuz reality it's not really you

it's a signal from your brain trying to

convince you that it's you so it propels

you into doing the thing that gives it

the good chemical release you need to

understand that you are not your

thoughts for example if I'm looking out

of my balcony and I see a mom walking

her baby in the carriage and all for

some [ __ ] up reason my brain thinks

snipe the baby pull out a sniper rifle

snipe the baby I would laugh it off and

be like oh that's a [ __ ] up thought

that's stupid that's silly y y y we've

all had bad thoughts like that before

but we're so quickly to be like oh

that's not actually me thinking that why

is it no different when you get these

thoughts that try to propel you into a

relapse because once you're able to

detach from the thought and observe it

it disappears it's like shining a

spotlight on a shadow if you shine the

spotlight on a shadow the shadow

dissolves because at the end of the day

no thought or emotion lasts forever the

urge doesn't pop up and it's going to

torment you day after day for the rest

of your life until you finally give in

no it's going to disappear sometimes

after a few minutes but of course this

does require a bit of a skill in terms

of metacognition which is being aware

and in control of your own mind of your

own thoughts the things that appear and

for me and for thousands of people that

have done my guide and all my students

in mental Mastery meditation guided

meditations in a specific way was the

game changer so if you're interested in

that I do have a free 5day series to get

you started as well as I recently

launched my full 30-day guided series

that previously was only available to my

students but now it's available as its

own thing Link in the description if you

want to check out conscious Catalyst but

even when you do that wouldn't it be

even even better if you just had less

urges and triggers throughout the day

well you can do that by putting up the

bumpers step three I had a friend who

was struggling with some bad habits but

once he enlisted in the military and

went through basic training he

completely quit all of his bad habits he

came out of it saying how much he's

changed how he doesn't even feel the

urge to do these things anymore but

pretty shortly after once he got back

into regular life and some of the old

things he used to do and the freedom to

do things again he fell back in to one

of the biggest bad habits he had which

was was pornography it's like when you

go to a bowling alley and there's some

kids in a lane and what the bowling

alley does is they put up the bumpers to

prevent the kid's ball from rolling into

the gutter cuz kids are dog [ __ ] at

bowling cuz they're little what happened

to him was when he went to basic

training all of the bumpers were put up

for him he wasn't able to do the bad

habits he wasn't able to experience the

triggers and urges that he used to in

regular life but once he got out of that

went back into regular life the bumpers

came down the gutters were fully

available for him to throw his balls

into so what he then needed to do was

create his own bumpers if taking a

certain route home from work causes you

to binge on McDonald's you need to take

a different route home from work if

using your laptop and bed creates the

urge for Naughty websites don't allow

Electronics in your room if going out

late at night causes you to drink a

bunch of alcohol you need to stop

staying out so late identify where most

commonly you get hit with these urges

and these triggers and put bumpers

around those gutters so you don't fall

into them but another thing I realized

my friend was doing that was setting

himself up for failure is when he was

telling me about this he was talking

about himself pretty negatively he was

referring to himself as degenerate and

saying things like oh I've lost all my

good character traits and that is

actually pushing him more towards the

bad habit even if it seems like oh all

this negative emotion that's good it's

going to push you away from that not in

this sense because it is lowering his

self-image to a lower version of himself

and what does the lower version of

himself do the bad thing I want you to

imagine a young child in your life maybe

it's a sibling maybe it's a cousin and

if you can't think of anything just

picture a young version of yourself if

that little kid made a mistake would you

then belittle the [ __ ] out of them I'm

talking like really lay into them roast

them tell them you hate them they're

never going to prove they're never going

to get better they should just give up

they suck well no unless you're an

absolute monster you wouldn't say that

to a little kid sure you would

acknowledge it and you may even punish

them for it but you would never lose the

love and care that you have for them

because of that mistake why do you treat

yourself any different plus understand

that every is human I know you watch

these self-improvement videos these

motivational videos and these gurus seem

like they're perfect they stay hard 24/7

they are not faulting whatsoever even

the most disciplined men on the planet

have made a ton of mistakes in their

past and had to overcome them to achieve

that level of discipline and if you're a

man of Faith like me you probably

believe that humans in general are just

inherently sinful so mistakes are going

to happen along the way to become better

more Christlike instead see if you can

engage in positive selft talk even after

the bad thing think about all those

negative emotions feel like oh wow

that's why I'm quitting this thing that

thing sure is bad I'm really glad that

I'm making progress and Breaking Free

from this thing I'm not actually the

type of person to do this thing it was a

little mistake I'm going to put up

bumpers I'm going to make all these

habits I'm going to make all these

changes that Kenny told me to do and

we're going to be better moving forward

and that is a great way to get started

on step five step back into the higher

self ASAP this is what 99% of

self-improvement guys get wrong they

think oh I have to do all the good

things to eventually become this High

version of myself the ideal version of

myself when in reality that's not the

case you become the ideal version of of

yourself and then you get all the good

things and of course first you do need

to work on becoming that higher version

of yourself I teach you exactly how to

do this in mental Mastery Link in the

description but understand that you can

step right back into that version of

yourself in a relatively short span of

time even after bad thing happens so

just try it even if it feels forced

engage in some positive selft talk get

right back on track on what would the

higher version of Me Do In This Moment

he wouldn't sit around moping he

wouldn't think oh I'm so bad I'm a poooo

degenerate and of course when you're

killing the passer version of yourself

when you're undoing a lot of this

negative subconscious programming your

mind the past self is going to say and

do anything it can to save its life

because it's dying right think about if

you were dying you would give it your

all right before you died I said dying a

lot in there I'm sorry just be conscious

be mindful and never listen to that

voice but most likely you've probably

realized that if this is something that

you've been struggling with for a very

long time there are some deep

subconscious programming at play and you

need to reprogram that in order to find

finally fully break free and never do

the thing again now one of the biggest

factors in your subconscious programming

is the identity if the subconscious is a

ship taking you towards a destination

the identity is the captain steering the

ship it is the programmer writing the

code into your brain so if you would

like to fully reinvent yourself and

generate a new identity click the video

on the screen right now if you want my

full Flagship self-improvement master

class that teaches you every single

little step of the way to fully

reprogram your mind and become a more

conscious more focused more disciplined

more confident individual check out

mental Mastery in the description thank

you for watching bye-bye