How to Discover Your Authentic Self -- at Any Age | Bevy Smith | TED

Summary

The speaker, a self-proclaimed late bloomer, shares her journey of personal and professional transformation at 55. She emphasizes the importance of not settling, drawing on life lessons from her mother, Lolly, who taught her to be independent and embrace aging. The speaker candidly discusses her past as 'Bitchy Bevy' and her evolution to a more authentic self, advocating for self-acceptance, extending grace to others, and living life to the fullest in the present.

Takeaways

• 🌟 The speaker embraces being a late bloomer and finds success and fulfillment in her 50s, emphasizing that life gets better with age.
• 💼 At 38, she was a successful fashion advertising executive but realized she was pretending to be happy and decided to make a change.
• 🚀 The speaker's mother, Lolly, taught her not to settle and to seek a life of adventure, which influenced her decision to quit her high-profile job.
• 💸 She experienced financial struggles from the age of 40 to 45 but considers those years invaluable for her personal growth and journey.
• 🤔 The speaker challenges the audience to question their confidence and the judgments of others when going against societal norms.
• 👵 The influence of her mother's independence, self-sufficiency, and attitude towards aging is a significant factor in the speaker's philosophy of life.
• 🎭 The speaker encourages embracing one's authentic self and not being confined by societal expectations or personas created for career advancement.
• 🧐 She shares a self-help ritual called 'Take a note, give a note' to deal with envy and to cultivate grace and authenticity in one's reactions to others' success.
• 🔍 The process of self-discovery involved asking three key questions about her core identity, how she was perceived, and how she wished to be perceived.
• 🌈 The speaker's transformation led her to reconnect with her 'Little Brown Bevy' persona, allowing her to pursue her passions and live a more authentic life.
• 🏆 Despite her late start in certain areas, she has achieved success as a radio and TV host, author, actress, and creative consultant, proving that it's never too late to bloom.

Q & A

How does the speaker describe herself in the context of her age and accomplishments?

The speaker describes herself as a 'late bloomer' who, at the age of 55, has achieved success and self-assurance by living a life of adventure and not settling for less than what she desires.

What was the speaker's profession at the age of 38, and how did she feel about it?

At the age of 38, the speaker was a successful fashion advertising executive, living what many considered a dream life. However, she realized she was only pretending to be happy and felt that she was settling.

What lesson did the speaker's mother, Lolly, teach her that influenced her life decisions?

Lolly's number one lesson to the speaker was 'don't settle.' This lesson encouraged the speaker to quit her job at 38 with the intention of making every day a great adventure.

How did the speaker's mother, Lolly, demonstrate independence and self-sufficiency in her life?

Lolly demonstrated independence by keeping her maiden name, continuing to work after having children, and cooking only once a week to avoid being financially dependent on her husband.

What is the significance of the phrase 'Black don’t crack' in the context of the speaker's discussion about aging?

The phrase 'Black don’t crack' is used humorously to acknowledge a common belief about the aging process in the Black community. The speaker's mother embraced aging and did not hide her age, teaching the speaker to appreciate the beauty in aging.

How does the speaker address the issue of settling in life and its potential consequences?

The speaker views settling as insidious, suggesting it keeps people waiting for a better day that may never come. She encourages not settling for less and making each day better than the last.

What personal transformation did the speaker undergo after leaving her high-powered job in fashion?

After leaving her job, the speaker experienced financial struggles but found a sense of adventure and fulfillment. She describes becoming more authentic, pursuing her passions, and learning to be alone without being lonely.

What advice does the speaker offer for dealing with feelings of envy or inadequacy when seeing others succeed?

The speaker suggests a self-help ritual called 'Take a note, give a note.' This involves self-reflection to determine if one truly wants what others have, and then extending genuine congratulations to others as a way to cultivate grace and improve one's own well-being.

How did the speaker redefine her identity and move away from the 'Bitchy Bevy' persona?

The speaker redefined her identity by asking herself three questions: 'Who am I at my core?', 'How am I being perceived?', and 'How would I like to be perceived?' This introspection helped her to embrace her authentic self and let go of the 'Bitchy Bevy' persona.

What is the significance of the speaker's journey in terms of personal growth and self-discovery?

The speaker's journey is significant as it represents a process of personal growth and self-discovery. She moved from a place of pretending to be happy and settling in her career to embracing her authentic self and finding fulfillment in her later years.

How does the speaker conclude her speech, and what message does she convey to the audience?

The speaker concludes her speech by embracing her status as a late bloomer and asserting that it's okay because 'it gets greater later.' She conveys the message that it's never too late to find one's true self and that personal growth and happiness can be achieved at any age.