The plow horse: how marriage uses men

Summary

In this thought-provoking video, Dr. Orion Taban discusses the metaphor of the plow horse to describe the lives of many married men, highlighting how they often sacrifice personal freedom and identity to serve the needs of their wives. He critiques traditional marriage roles, suggesting that men become subjugated to work, provision, and protection responsibilities, akin to a plow horse yoked to labor. Through this lens, Taban argues that such relationships are not flawed, but are instead designed by societal expectations. He invites viewers to reflect on the dynamics of modern marriages and the economic model of relationships.

Takeaways

• 😀 Marriage often leads to men becoming like 'plow horses,' losing their freedom and vitality to serve their spouses' needs.
• 😀 Many men, after marriage, feel like shadows of their former selves, with their lives becoming routine and their autonomy significantly reduced.
• 😀 The metaphor of the plow horse is used to describe how men in traditional marriages often feel 'yoked' to the relationship, with little room for personal freedom or growth.
• 😀 Marriage is seen as a system where men, like plow horses, are primarily expected to provide, protect, and maintain sexual exclusivity for their wives.
• 😀 The institution of marriage, as described, is not seen as inherently flawed but rather as fulfilling its intended purpose—optimizing for provision, protection, and sexual exclusivity.
• 😀 The traditional roles of the husband are explained as being optimized in such a way that he sacrifices his own leisure, autonomy, and sometimes even his life for the benefit of the wife.
• 😀 The idea of 'Happy wife, happy life' is explored, suggesting that wives often tolerate men's leisure activities only when they serve a practical purpose for the family or benefit them directly.
• 😀 Male leisure activities, like playing golf, are tolerated more by wives if they have a functional benefit (e.g., networking), while activities like video games are seen as wasteful and selfish.
• 😀 Men are portrayed as 'beasts of burden' in traditional marriages, with their needs and desires often secondary to the demands of their wives and family.
• 😀 The script argues that men, by entering into marriage, knowingly sign up for a life of service to their wives, with their primary role being to serve the family's needs, much like plow horses.
• 😀 The life of a married man is framed as one of sacrifice, with protection being a key responsibility, where men are expected to 'die in harness' for the well-being of their families.

Q & A

What is the main metaphor used in the script, and what does it symbolize?

The main metaphor used is the comparison between married men and plow horses. It symbolizes how men in traditional marriages often lose their freedom, autonomy, and vitality, becoming subjugated to the expectations and needs of their wives, much like plow horses are yoked and controlled to serve their owners.

Why does Dr. Orion Taban mention the observation of hundreds of marriages?

Dr. Taban mentions observing hundreds of marriages to establish his credibility and provide a basis for his perspective on the institution of marriage. This helps set the stage for his critical examination of the traditional roles within marriage, especially focusing on the dynamics between men and women.

What does Dr. Taban mean when he says, 'Happy wife, happy life'?

Dr. Taban uses the phrase 'Happy wife, happy life' to describe the common societal expectation that a husband's role in a marriage is to prioritize his wife's happiness and well-being, often at the expense of his own freedom and desires. It reflects the power imbalance he perceives in many traditional marriages.

How does Dr. Taban describe the life of a plow horse?

Dr. Taban describes the life of a plow horse as one of subjugation, where the horse is yoked, controlled, and forced to serve the needs of its owner. This metaphor is used to highlight how men, particularly in traditional marriages, can become similarly controlled, losing their independence and being forced to work tirelessly without rest.

What does Dr. Taban suggest about the nature of marriage in relation to the concept of 'getting hitched'?

Dr. Taban argues that the term 'getting hitched' reflects the idea that marriage is not about mutual happiness but rather about making a man the primary provider and protector for a woman. He suggests that the institution of marriage is designed to bind a man to these roles, similar to how a horse is yoked to work.

What does Dr. Taban say about the traditional duties of a husband?

Dr. Taban outlines the traditional duties of a husband as being to protect, provide, and prioritize his wife above all else. He goes on to say that these roles, when optimized, result in a life resembling that of a plow horse, where the husband sacrifices his freedom, rest, and personal desires in service of his wife and family.

How does Dr. Taban explain the concept of optimizing for sexual exclusivity in marriage?

Dr. Taban explains that optimizing for sexual exclusivity involves limiting a man's interactions with other women, controlling his social media, forbidding time alone with other women, and ultimately monopolizing his sexuality. He describes this as a way of keeping the man working and motivated, making sex a tool for maintaining control.

What does Dr. Taban say about the wife's role in a man's leisure time?

Dr. Taban argues that a wife will tolerate certain forms of male leisure if they are perceived to benefit her indirectly. For example, he suggests that women are more likely to accept activities like golf because it’s associated with networking, whereas they often disapprove of activities like video games, which do not serve any direct or indirect benefit to them.

What is Dr. Taban’s view on how men are treated when they lose their ability to provide?

Dr. Taban suggests that when a man loses his ability to provide, for instance by losing his job, a wife is unlikely to remain supportive for long. He compares this situation to a farm owner who simply replaces a worn-out horse with a new one capable of working, treating the man as disposable once he no longer serves his primary role.

What is the message Dr. Taban conveys about the institution of marriage?

Dr. Taban’s message is that the institution of marriage, especially the traditional roles of men as providers, protectors, and sexually exclusive partners, is designed to optimize these roles at the expense of the man’s autonomy. He suggests that this structure is purposeful and inherent in the system, not an accidental flaw in marriage.