How To Say No | Sadam Permana | TEDxIPB

Summary

In this insightful talk, Sadam Permana explores the concept of people-pleasing behavior, especially among Generation Z, and its impact on personal well-being. He discusses the challenges of saying 'no' to social invitations and obligations, emphasizing how fear of disappointing others can lead to neglecting personal priorities. Sadam provides practical advice on how to set boundaries, prioritize self-care, and politely decline requests without feeling guilty. Drawing from personal experience, he highlights the importance of self-awareness and the value of focusing on what truly matters to maintain mental and emotional health.

Takeaways

• 😀 People-pleasing behavior occurs when we prioritize others' feelings over our own needs and goals.
• 😀 Saying 'no' is not about rejecting the person but rejecting the invitation or request in a respectful way.
• 😀 We often struggle to say 'no' due to fear of judgment, losing friends, or being seen as selfish.
• 😀 Self-awareness is crucial to recognizing our limits and understanding when to prioritize ourselves.
• 😀 Prioritizing yourself helps prevent burnout and keeps you focused on what truly matters.
• 😀 Overthinking about how others might feel when we reject them can prevent us from saying 'no' when needed.
• 😀 Setting clear personal boundaries allows you to maintain energy and time for essential tasks, like studying or work.
• 😀 Respectfully rejecting others' requests or invitations involves explaining your reason politely.
• 😀 Understanding that saying 'no' doesn't mean disliking the person can help change the mindset around rejection.
• 😀 Recognizing that your time and energy are limited will help you prioritize tasks effectively, leading to more productivity.
• 😀 Keeping a to-do list and focusing on personal priorities can help you stay on track and avoid distractions.

Q & A

What is 'people pleasing behavior' as described in the script?

People pleasing behavior is when an individual prioritizes the feelings and approval of others over their own needs and priorities. It stems from a lack of self-awareness, where one is more concerned with pleasing others rather than focusing on personal goals and self-care.

Why is it difficult for some people to say 'no'?

It is difficult for some people to say 'no' because they fear disappointing others or feeling guilty. This behavior is often driven by the desire to maintain relationships, avoid conflict, or because of overthinking about potential negative consequences like losing friends or support.

What is the impact of people pleasing on mental and physical well-being?

People pleasing can be draining, both mentally and physically. It leads to a situation where an individual is constantly putting others' needs before their own, causing stress, overcommitment, and a lack of time for personal priorities, ultimately affecting their overall well-being.

How can understanding one's own priorities help in saying 'no'?

When an individual understands their own priorities, they can make decisions that align with their personal goals and needs. This awareness empowers them to say 'no' to things that might interfere with their priorities, thereby helping to maintain focus and reduce stress.

What is the mindset shift recommended for saying 'no' without guilt?

The mindset shift involves recognizing that saying 'no' does not mean rejecting the person who made the request. It means rejecting the action or the invitation. This mindset helps to separate personal relationships from specific requests and allows for healthier boundaries.

What does the speaker mean by 'saying no doesn't mean disliking the person'?

This means that turning down a request or invitation should not be seen as a personal rejection of the person making the request. It is simply a decision based on one's own priorities and needs, not a judgment on the person themselves.

Why is it important to value oneself before considering others' needs?

Valuing oneself and recognizing one's own needs is crucial because it helps to establish healthy boundaries. Without self-awareness and self-respect, an individual may overextend themselves, leading to burnout and neglect of their own well-being.

What are the recommended steps for politely saying 'no'?

To politely say 'no', it is important to first show appreciation for the invitation or request, then respectfully decline by providing a clear reason for the refusal. This approach ensures that the other person feels respected while maintaining one's own boundaries.

What personal experience did the speaker share about the importance of setting boundaries?

The speaker shared a personal experience where they accepted every invitation and request, which led to feeling overwhelmed and dissatisfied with their actions. This realization made them understand the importance of setting boundaries and prioritizing personal goals and well-being.

How does the speaker relate making 'to-do lists' to prioritizing time and tasks?

The speaker emphasizes that creating a to-do list helps to organize tasks and set clear priorities. This method ensures that time and energy are spent on important tasks, and it helps to avoid distractions or commitments that would interfere with completing one's responsibilities.