Interactions "Going Nowhere" -- Why You Have Escalation Issues
Summary
TLDRThe transcript discusses the concept of escalation in social interactions, particularly in the context of dating and attraction. It outlines four types of escalation: verbal, physical, logistical, and through the steps of a system. The speaker emphasizes the importance of having a clear sequence of steps or 'stack' for each type of escalation to progress the interaction naturally. They provide examples of how to implement physical and verbal escalations, suggesting that as one form of escalation progresses, it naturally leads to escalation in other areas, such as moving to more intimate venues or deepening the conversation. The goal is to keep the interaction moving forward without stagnation, and if an escalation attempt fails, to retreat and try a different approach at an appropriate level.
Takeaways
- 🔍 Identify your next stage: Always have a clear idea of what the next step in the interaction should be and plan accordingly.
- 🛑 Choose your escalation type: Decide whether to escalate verbally, physically, logistically, or through the system's steps, and stick to your chosen method.
- 🤝 Start with small physical steps: If opting for physical escalation, begin with minor, non-threatening actions to break the physical barrier.
- 💃 Sequence your moves: Have a planned sequence of physical escalations, such as handshake, high-five, spinning, hugging, lifting, and kissing.
- ⏱️ Pace is important: The time between escalation steps can vary; focus on progressing to the next step rather than rushing.
- 🔄 Adjust if needed: If an escalation attempt doesn't work, retreat, improve the vibe, and try a different move at the same level.
- 💬 Use verbal escalation strategically: Plan a series of verbal interactions, including premises, evaluations, narratives, and closing lines to drive the conversation forward.
- 🏢 Plan logistical moves: Choose a sequence of venues or locations to move through as part of your logistical escalation strategy.
- 🔄 Combine escalation methods: As you escalate in one area (e.g., physically), it's natural to escalate in others (verbally and logistically) as well.
- 📈 Progress is key: Regardless of the driving force, the main goal is to continuously progress through the interaction without stagnating.
Q & A
What are the four types of escalation mentioned in the transcript?
-The four types of escalation mentioned are verbal escalation, physical escalation, logistical escalation, and escalation through the steps of the system.
What is the importance of having a framework for interaction according to the transcript?
-Having a framework for interaction is crucial as it helps in planning the next step and how to get there, ensuring a progression in the interaction rather than stagnation.
Can you explain the concept of 'verbal escalation' as described in the transcript?
-Verbal escalation involves using a sequence of premeditated lines or statements to drive the interaction forward, with the aim of increasing intimacy and connection through conversation.
What is the initial physical move suggested in the transcript for someone who hasn't been physical yet?
-The initial physical move suggested is a small, non-threatening action, such as showing concern or sympathy, to break the physical barrier gently.
How does the transcript describe the progression of physical escalation?
-The transcript describes a sequence of physical escalation starting with a small gesture, moving to more significant actions like dancing or hugging, and potentially leading to more intimate behaviors.
What is the purpose of having a sequence of moves in physical escalation?
-The purpose of having a sequence of moves is to ensure a natural progression in the interaction, with each move building upon the previous one to create a sense of momentum and connection.
What should one do if a move doesn't work according to the transcript?
-If a move doesn't work, one should back off, improve the vibe of the interaction, and then try a different move of an equivalent level rather than repeating the same unsuccessful move.
How does the transcript relate physical escalation to conversation and logistical escalation?
-The transcript suggests that as physical escalation occurs, it naturally leads to more intimate and sexual conversations, and it also makes sense to escalate logistically, such as moving to different locations.
What is the role of verbal escalation in driving the set forward according to the transcript?
-Verbal escalation serves as a driving force by using a series of planned lines and statements to move the interaction forward, which can naturally lead to increased physicality and changes in the interaction's setting.
How does logistical escalation fit into the overall strategy of escalating an interaction?
-Logistical escalation involves moving the interaction to different venues or locations, which can complement physical and verbal escalation by providing new environments that facilitate increased intimacy.
What is the final recommendation for a general driving force in escalating interactions according to the transcript?
-The final recommendation is to use the stages of the system as the general driving force, which involves progressing through various stages of interaction in a natural and integrated manner.
Outlines
🤝 Escalation Techniques in Social Interactions
This paragraph discusses the importance of having a clear idea of one's next stage in social interactions and the various types of escalation one can choose from: verbal, physical, logistical, and through the steps of the system. It emphasizes the need to think about the next step at every point in the interaction. The speaker provides examples of physical escalation, such as breaking the physical barrier with a light touch and progressing to more intimate actions like hugging, lifting, or kissing. The paragraph also touches on the idea of having a sequence of moves and the importance of progressing to the next step rather than stagnating. It suggests that if an escalation attempt doesn't work, one should retreat and try a different move at an equivalent level. The paragraph concludes by highlighting the natural progression of conversation as physical escalation increases, and the potential for logistical escalation to follow physical escalation.
🚀 Progression and Escalation in Social Dynamics
The second paragraph focuses on the concept of progression in social dynamics, suggesting that one should ideally be driving with all forms of escalation together over time until it becomes natural. It offers a strategy for those having trouble escalating by using an explicit stack or checklist to guide one's actions, such as a sequence of verbal lines or logistical moves. The speaker encourages the idea of having a clear driving force in one's social interactions, whether it's physical, verbal, or logistical escalation, and stresses the importance of moving forward with each interaction. The paragraph concludes by reinforcing the end goal of making escalation a natural and normal part of one's social repertoire.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡escalation
💡verbal escalation
💡physical escalation
💡logistical escalation
💡system stages
💡sequence of steps
💡driving force
💡premise lines
💡evaluation lines
💡narrative lines
Highlights
Importance of having an idea of the next stage in an interaction
Four options for escalation: verbal, physical, logistical, and through the system's steps
Framework for thinking about the next step in an interaction
Example of verbal escalation and how to progress through conversation
Physical escalation starting with small moves to break the barrier
Sequence of physical escalation steps from handshake to making out
The concept of not stagnating and always progressing to the next step
Adjusting the approach if an escalation move doesn't work
Natural progression of conversation as physical escalation increases
Using physical escalation to drive the interaction and conversation
The role of verbal escalation in driving the set forward
Combining verbal escalation with physical and logistical moves
Logistical escalation as a set of venues to move through during interaction
Escalating through the stages of the system as a general driving force
Practicing explicit stacks for clarity in driving an interaction
The end goal of natural and normal escalation in all levels
Using a checklist for explicit progression when having trouble escalating
Transcripts
you have to have an idea of what your
next stage is and you can choose any
escalation you like so you can choose a
verbal escalation you can choose
physical escalation you can choose
logistical escalation you can choose
escalation through the steps of the
system those are four good options you
can choose but at every point in the
interaction you need to be thinking what
is the next step and how do I get there
that's the framework you need to have so
let's say you had a verbal escalation
kind of view on things
all right so okay I haven't been
physical at all or such I say verbal I
said I say verbal or physical okay let's
say you had a physical escalation way of
looking at things alright let's say you
haven't been physical at all right well
if I'm talking you I haven't been
physical at all well the first physical
move I'm gonna make isn't gonna be a big
one especially we've been talking for a
few minutes I have it but then like
maybe like you say something you like
her kind of ass off something oh poor
girl
what are we gonna do with you right and
now I've broken the physical barrier now
maybe the next step after that maybe
we're sitting would be to like if you in
certain places like hey like pull her up
and like hey let's dance
alright maybe that's a that's a much
bigger physical escalation and then from
there on the dance floor you can do
stuff like hugging lifting her up
kissing her different things like that
but the point is you have a sequence of
steps all right and what I would ask you
to do if you chose physical as your like
you're kind of driving sequence you
could call it then what you should do is
have a sequence of moves alright and we
used to teach this on like we'd have an
exercise on mountain boot camps where
this is what we do is like your job is
to go in and first you're gonna
handshake and then you're gonna
high-five and you like spin the girl
around dance style and then you're gonna
hug her and they're gonna lift her up in
the air and then you're gonna make out
with her and it's not like you're gonna
do all those things one after another
after another although some students
would you give them this exercise they
try to do all over the first 20 seconds
which but sometimes work but it also
weird some girls out but the idea is
once you've done one your goal to see
it's the next one and your goals to get
the next one it doesn't matter if it
takes ten seconds between our five
minutes between it's just the goal is
the next one you know you're driving to
that next step and if you're not
progressing to the next step you're
stagnating in the set you're not going
anywhere alright now if you did try and
move and it didn't work then you'd like
back off chill out get the vibe good and
then try maybe not the same move but
something of an equivalent level and
then just keep escalating
alright so that's physical escalation
sequence and that could be your driving
escalation and if you do that it
natural that the conversation is going
to follow right so if you start dancing
with a girl and getting more physical
it's natural that the conversations get
more sexual and intimate too right
it's also natural as you're dancing
around to get more physical it's natural
you may pull the grow over the bar pull
it or sit down and so the the logistical
escalation can follow the physical as
well because when you're escalating one
way it's only natural to escalate on the
other levels that make sense so you
could choose physical escalation as
driver you can also choose verbal
escalation this driver so maybe you have
a couple premise uihlein's that you're
going to use early on maybe one that's
like subtle premise one or two that are
more like explicit premise then maybe
have some evaluation lines and then
maybe have some like kind of narrative
we like each other now lines and then
you have a close alright and your job
could be you have this list of like
eight lines are going to use the rest of
your set you're doing completely
whatever but you're gonna do first line
one and then once you've done line one
you're gonna talk talk talking at some
point your drop line to in some point
line three right and then now you're
driving the set forward with verbal
escalation alright and it's natural as
you're escalating verbally it might make
sense to get more physical it might make
sense to take your girl to go sit down
where you can be more intimate
especially when you're getting into
evaluation and narrative all right and
so you use the verbal as the driving
force but you're still going to be
escalating all these levels
you
and so for you what you might do if
you're used to driving the set verbally
but you're kind of nervous about getting
physical or something for one night go
out and use a physical stack and just
trust the verbal is gonna fill in
because you're used to it and make
yourself escalate physically you could
also buy oh you could also choose a
logistical escalation stack so now it's
a set of venues so you have the venue
where you met the girl so maybe it's
like meet the girl and then like next
step is like take her to the bar to sit
down her to your friends something like
that in the club venue right and then
maybe the next next move that you want
to make is to move her just outside of
the club let's go to the smoke let's go
like it's a little warm in here let's go
to smoking or just about to like get
like the word we can like get some fresh
air all right and then the next step
maybe is take her to like oh just down
the street and then to back to a near
your place and then your place and again
as you're escalating through this it's
going to make sense to a certain extent
at least to escalate verbally and
possibly definitely physically so you
can use physicality as the driving force
or the final one and actually I think
this is the best one to have it as a
general way but it's it's good to
practice the other ones because they're
more explicit I think the best general
one is to have the stages of the system
as your driving force
alright I'm open once I'm open I'm gonna
start doing a Prem supremacy lines then
some evaluation at Center etc right but
whatever the driving force in your set
is you need to be progressing right and
ideally like over time you're kind of
driving with all of them together and it
just becomes like natural for you and
normal for you to escalate that's the
end goal but if you're having trouble
escalating it's good to have that
explicit stack where I'm gonna have this
checklist and I do this then this then
this then this
you
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