Honest liars -- the psychology of self-deception: Cortney Warren at TEDxUNLV

Summary

The speaker delves into the concept of self-deception, revealing how humans often lie to themselves about everyday details and life choices. They discuss the impact of childhood experiences on adult self-deception, using psychological theories like Freud's ego-defense mechanisms and cognitive distortions to explain these tendencies. The talk emphasizes the importance of self-awareness and therapy in confronting self-deception, advocating for honesty as a path to a more fulfilling life. The speaker's personal journey, including a surprising career change, illustrates the challenges and rewards of embracing truth.

Takeaways

• 🧐 **Self-Deception is Ubiquitous**: People often deceive themselves about various aspects of their lives, from trivial details to significant life choices.
• 🤔 **Self-Deception's Impact on Relationships**: Fear of abandonment and self-deception can lead to unhealthy behaviors in romantic relationships.
• 💪 **Psychological Strength and Self-Truth**: Lying to oneself stems from a lack of psychological strength to face the truth; understanding self-deception is crucial for personal growth.
• 👶 **Childhood Influences on Self-Deception**: Early life experiences and conclusions about oneself significantly shape the self-deceptive tendencies in adulthood.
• 🧐 **Freud's Ego-Defense Mechanisms**: Sigmund Freud's theories describe how self-deception works through denial, rationalization, and projection.
• 🤯 **Cognitive Distortions**: Cognitive-behavioral theories explain how irrational thinking patterns, like polarized thinking and emotional reasoning, contribute to self-deception.
• 🌐 **Existential Givens**: Self-deception is a way to avoid confronting the fundamental realities of life, such as death, ultimate aloneness, meaninglessness, and freedom.
• 🌈 **Cultural Influences**: Multicultural and feminist psychology highlight how cultural norms and expectations can lead to self-deception.
• 🔍 **Self-Awareness**: Becoming aware of one's self-deceptive behaviors and irrational thoughts is the first step towards change.
• 💬 **Responsibility for Choices**: Acknowledging our insecurities and the lies we tell ourselves leads to taking responsibility for our choices and their consequences.
• 🛡️ **Therapy as a Tool**: Psychotherapy can be a powerful tool for confronting self-deception and fostering personal growth.

Q & A

What is the main theme discussed in the script?

The main theme discussed in the script is self-deception, how it manifests in various aspects of life, and its consequences.

How does the speaker describe the concept of self-deception?

The speaker describes self-deception as a tendency to lie to ourselves about various aspects of our lives, from minor details to significant life choices, often due to a lack of psychological strength to face the truth.

What are some examples of self-deception mentioned in the script?

Examples of self-deception mentioned include lying about daily food intake, not listing actual height and weight on a driver's license, making aspirational statements about behavior that are not followed through, and upholding social ideals that may not reflect personal reality.

How does the speaker's personal experience with self-deception in romantic relationships illustrate the concept?

The speaker's personal experience illustrates self-deception through her actions driven by a fear of abandonment, such as anxiously waiting for phone calls and questioning her partner's love, which she was unable to admit at the time.

What are the psychological theories mentioned that help explain self-deception?

The psychological theories mentioned are Sigmund Freud's ego-defense mechanisms, including denial, rationalization, and projection, as well as cognitive distortions from cognitive-behavioral realms.

What is the significance of childhood experiences in shaping our self-deceptive tendencies according to the script?

Childhood experiences are significant because they shape our identity and the conclusions we make about ourselves and our environment, which later manifest as self-deceptive tendencies in adulthood.

How does the speaker suggest we begin to confront our self-deception?

The speaker suggests that the first step in confronting self-deception is self-awareness, becoming observers of ourselves, and pausing to reflect when we have strong emotional reactions, inconsistencies between our words and actions, or irrational thoughts.

What role does psychotherapy play in addressing self-deception according to the script?

Psychotherapy is presented as a beneficial relationship that exists solely to help the individual confront their self-deception, requiring courage to be vulnerable and offering a space to understand oneself better.

What is the existential perspective on self-deception as discussed in the script?

The existential perspective suggests that self-deception is a way to avoid confronting the fundamental realities of life, known as the Givens of Life, which include death, ultimate aloneness, meaninglessness, and freedom.

How does the speaker's personal decision to resign from her tenured position at UNLV relate to the theme of self-deception?

The speaker's decision to resign relates to the theme of self-deception as it represents her confronting her own truth and passions, despite the societal and self-imposed expectations and fears, which is a significant step in overcoming self-deception.