How I Learned To Be More CONFIDENT In Myself

Summary

This video explores the importance of self-awareness and the dangers of seeking external validation. It contrasts the 'socialized mind' (seeking approval from others) with the 'self-authoring mind' (looking inward for self-direction), ultimately advocating for the 'self-transforming mind' that balances both. The speaker emphasizes that growth comes through taking risks, embracing discomfort, and not fearing failure. Redefining success as fulfillment rather than external achievements is key to living an authentic life. The core message is to stop seeking approval and trust yourself to lead your own life, embracing the challenges that come with growth.

Takeaways

• 😀 External validation leads to self-doubt and insecurity. Constantly looking for approval from others traps you in an endless chase of changing goals and self-image.
• 😀 Most adults are still high schoolers inside, chasing external validation, trying to fit in, and seeking to be the 'cool' or 'popular' one, even as they get older.
• 😀 The concept of success has evolved over time. In the past, people sought validation through careers like acting or music. Now, many chase the role of an influencer.
• 😀 True self-confidence comes from within. If you're always focused on how others perceive you, you'll never be able to fully feel secure or confident.
• 😀 The socialized mind looks to society for approval and validation, whereas the self-authoring mind focuses on trusting your own internal values and judgment.
• 😀 Leaders and successful individuals often operate from the self-authoring mind, but it's important to balance internal wisdom with external feedback to avoid blind spots.
• 😀 Social media amplifies the socialized mind, with many people seeking external validation through likes, comments, and the opinions of others.
• 😀 When faced with challenges, ask yourself, 'What would I do if no one else could give me the answer?' Trust your own instincts before seeking external guidance.
• 😀 Life, like a video game, requires you to take action and learn through trial and error. Avoid the mistake of studying the 'brochure' (i.e., over-researching) without actually playing the game (taking risks).
• 😀 Embrace embarrassment and discomfort. If you're not experiencing cringe regularly, you're playing it too safe and not pushing yourself enough. True growth happens when you take risks and face fear.

Q & A

What is the main issue with constantly seeking validation from others?

Constantly seeking validation from others keeps you trapped in a cycle of self-doubt and insecurity. You end up letting external factors define your self-worth, which means your goals and values can constantly change, and you're unable to feel truly confident or secure.

How does the 'socialized mind' affect personal growth?

The 'socialized mind' refers to the mindset of looking outward for guidance, validation, and approval. People in this state tend to follow the crowd, seeking external signals about what's good enough or cool. This reliance on others' opinions prevents them from developing self-awareness and self-direction, limiting their personal growth.

What is the 'self-authoring mind' and why is it important?

The 'self-authoring mind' is when an individual starts looking inward for guidance rather than relying on external influences. It’s the ability to define your own values, goals, and sense of self, which leads to a stronger sense of confidence and personal empowerment. However, it’s important to balance this with openness to feedback.

Why is balancing external feedback with internal reflection important?

While the self-authoring mind encourages self-reliance, relying only on your own perspective can lead to blind spots. Balancing internal reflection with external feedback helps you avoid tunnel vision, gain new insights, and make more informed decisions, leading to more sustainable growth.

How does social media amplify the socialized mind?

Social media amplifies the socialized mind by constantly presenting external standards of success, beauty, popularity, and validation. People often turn to social media for confirmation of their choices, deepening their reliance on social proof and further disconnecting them from their own internal compass.

What role does self-trust play in personal transformation?

Self-trust is crucial for personal transformation because it allows you to make decisions without waiting for external validation. When you trust your instincts and insights, you become more resilient and capable of navigating challenges independently, leading to deeper and more lasting change.

Why should you embrace discomfort and embarrassment in the pursuit of personal growth?

Embracing discomfort and embarrassment is a sign that you are pushing beyond your comfort zone. Personal growth happens when you take risks, make mistakes, and face challenges head-on. Avoiding discomfort leads to stagnation, while facing it head-on accelerates development and helps you grow stronger.

How does taking risks contribute to standing out in life?

Taking risks allows you to differentiate yourself from the crowd. Most people avoid the unknown because it’s uncomfortable, but those who embrace it create unique experiences that are hard to replicate. By stepping into uncomfortable situations and standing out, you build a distinctive path and become more memorable.

What is the danger of playing life too safe?

Playing life too safe means avoiding risks and staying in your comfort zone. While it might feel secure, it also leads to a lack of growth and a life that blends in with the majority. The danger is that you may miss out on meaningful opportunities, while others who take risks will stand out and achieve more.

What does the speaker mean by 'redefining success'?

Redefining success means shifting from external measures—such as money, status, or approval—to a focus on internal fulfillment. Success is about how happy, fulfilled, and aligned you feel in your life, rather than how society defines success or what others think of you.