Text mistakes every guy makes (And how to correct them!)

Summary

The video explores a guy’s texting experience with a girl after a cold approach. While the initial interaction goes well, issues arise due to over-texting, a mismatch in conversation topics, and an insensitive joke about suicide. Despite trying to engage with her interest in literature, his comments about authors and literary preferences inadvertently make him seem uninformed. The situation escalates when he jokes about Sylvia Plath's suicide, triggering a negative reaction. The video emphasizes the importance of balancing communication, choosing appropriate topics, and maintaining a strong, confident frame in dating interactions.

Takeaways

• 😀 Be cautious when texting someone you're interested in, especially if there's a significant time gap between agreeing to meet and actually seeing each other.
• 😀 Avoid bombarding someone with too many texts during the waiting period. It's better to keep the conversation light and sporadic to avoid killing the tension.
• 😀 When trying to plan dates, keep the details a bit vague to leave room for follow-up texts without coming across as too eager or needy.
• 😀 Avoid over-explaining logistics or being too specific about plans, as it can make the conversation feel less engaging and more transactional.
• 😀 It's important to balance showing interest with maintaining your own life outside the interaction to avoid coming off as overly available.
• 😀 While it's great to be positive and supportive, avoid reinforcing unhelpful or low-value frames, such as agreeing too quickly with someone's decision to prioritize other things over you.
• 😀 Engaging in a conversation about a shared interest is important, but be mindful of your level of expertise. Don’t try to engage in topics where you’re not knowledgeable, as it can come off as awkward or low-effort.
• 😀 When discussing sensitive or intellectual topics, like literature, be careful not to come across as uninformed or overly casual, as this can turn off someone who is passionate about the subject.
• 😀 Avoid making jokes about sensitive topics, especially those related to personal trauma or tragedy. Even if the intention is to keep things light, it can backfire and trigger negative reactions.
• 😀 Keep the flirtation and playful tone alive, but always be mindful of the other person's interests and emotions. Ensure your comments align with their comfort level and avoid pushing too far.

Q & A

Why did the man choose to make specific plans early in the conversation?

The man made specific plans early to avoid the conversation getting lost in small talk and to move things forward quickly. By being direct, he hoped to maintain momentum and avoid the potential of losing interest or not following through.

What is the issue with being too specific about plans in the early stages of texting?

Being too specific early on reduces flexibility and leaves fewer opportunities for follow-up texts. If the plans become set in stone too quickly, there’s less room to maneuver or add excitement to the interaction.

How did the woman’s response about scheduling plans indicate her level of interest?

While her response was positive, she mentioned having other priorities (a paper due) and suggested meeting the following week. This indicated that while she was interested, the man was not a top priority for her at that moment.

Why did the man opt to give several time options for meeting up instead of keeping it more general?

The man wanted to show he was available and make it easier to schedule, but by offering too many time options, he inadvertently appeared overly eager, which can come across as less attractive.

What is the risk of texting too frequently when trying to set up a date?

Texting too frequently increases the risk of losing attraction, making the conversation feel more like an obligation. Over-communication can create an unbalanced dynamic, leading to loss of tension and potential disinterest.

Why is it risky to engage in small talk during a gap of several days between setting up the date and meeting?

Small talk during such a gap risks making the interaction feel stale and can lead to a loss of interest or a shift in focus. If there’s too much idle chatting, the interaction may lose its initial spark and excitement.

What was the problem with the man's response about 'grades before boys'?

While the response was supportive, agreeing with her priority of academics over meeting up made the man appear less assertive and lower value. It reinforced the idea that he was secondary to her other commitments, which isn't ideal for building attraction.

How could the man have handled the conversation about her paper differently?

Instead of diving into a mundane discussion about the paper, the man could have maintained a flirty, light tone. A more playful or engaging response would have kept the conversation more dynamic and exciting, rather than delving into a potentially boring topic.

Why was the man's mention of Chuck Palahniuk a potential mistake in this conversation?

Mentioning Chuck Palahniuk, while a valid author, was a mistake because he was not considered a 'literary snob' favorite like the authors the woman mentioned. It could make the man appear less cultured or knowledgeable about literature, particularly in a conversation with someone passionate about it.

What mistake did the man make when joking about Sylvia Plath’s suicide?

Joking about Sylvia Plath’s suicide was insensitive and risky, especially since the woman had shown an interest in her as an author. The joke not only risked offending her but also undermined the depth of the conversation, potentially damaging rapport and leading to a negative reaction.