Forbidden love in Indonesia | DW Documentary

Summary

This video follows the stories of three Indonesian couples facing societal and familial challenges due to differences in religion, culture, and sexuality. Taufan and Pingkan, an interfaith couple, rekindle their love after years apart, despite family disapproval. Stela and Moses navigate obstacles of ethnicity and faith, defying cultural norms to build a life together. Kedung and Insan, an LGBTQ+ couple, marry abroad, as their love remains unrecognized in Indonesia. The couples' stories highlight the resilience of love in the face of deep cultural and societal expectations.

Takeaways

• 😀 Taufan and Pingkan rekindled their love after many years apart, despite being from different faiths, showcasing resilience in the face of societal and family opposition.
• 😀 Interfaith marriages in Indonesia face significant challenges, including disapproval from family members who hope their children marry within their own faiths.
• 😀 Indonesian law does not explicitly prohibit interfaith marriage, but it is subject to complex regulations that require both parties to fulfill the religious requirements of their respective faiths.
• 😀 Ahmad Nurcholish has been a counselor for interfaith couples since 2005, noting that every year the number of interfaith couples seeking advice increases.
• 😀 Stela and Moses faced challenges due to their different religious backgrounds and the age gap between them, with Stela's family initially rejecting the relationship.
• 😀 Despite societal pressure, Stela and Moses remained determined to marry, with their parents eventually accepting their relationship after seeing their commitment to each other.
• 😀 LGBTQ+ relationships in Indonesia remain taboo, with 92% of the population opposing same-sex marriage, but some couples still find ways to commit to each other, like Kedung and Ino.
• 😀 Kedung and Ino married in the United States but their marriage is not legally recognized in Indonesia, highlighting the legal and social barriers LGBTQ+ couples face.
• 😀 Kedung's mother, although accepting of her son's homosexuality, wishes he were heterosexual and continues to pray for his change, reflecting the ongoing struggle for acceptance in Indonesian society.
• 😀 These couples demonstrate the power of love to transcend societal, religious, and cultural boundaries, despite the intense pressures they face from their families and communities.

Q & A

What are some of the main challenges faced by interfaith couples in Indonesia as described in the script?

Interfaith couples in Indonesia face challenges such as family disapproval, societal pressure, and difficulties in receiving blessings from their parents. In particular, religious differences and traditional views make it difficult for families to accept marriages between people of different faiths.

How did Taufan and Pingkan rekindle their relationship after many years?

Taufan and Pingkan rekindled their relationship in 2020 after more than a decade of living separate lives. Taufan’s wife passed away, which allowed him and Pingkan, who were once high school sweethearts, to reconnect and renew their love.

What is the role of religion in the marriages of interfaith couples in Indonesia?

Religion plays a significant role in interfaith marriages in Indonesia. Many interfaith couples undergo separate religious ceremonies—one for each religion—before having their marriage notarized. The legal process ties marriage validity to religious beliefs, which often complicates the situation for these couples.

What legal issues arise from Indonesia's marriage laws concerning interfaith couples?

Indonesian law does not explicitly prohibit interfaith marriage, but it requires that the marriage be conducted according to the laws and beliefs of each religion involved. This creates complications, as some couples have to convert to one religion before marrying, only to later revert to their original faith. Legal expert Bivitri Susanti criticizes this system, as it forces individuals to 'play' with religion to conform to marriage requirements.

How does Ahmad Nurcholish support interfaith couples in Indonesia?

Ahmad Nurcholish, an advocate for interfaith marriage, provides counseling to interfaith couples, including Taufan and Pingkan. He notes that the number of interfaith couples has been growing annually, and despite facing challenges, many couples manage to get married, although many still struggle to gain parental approval.

What cultural obstacles did Stela Nau and Moses face in their relationship?

Stela and Moses faced several cultural and familial obstacles, including differences in ethnicity, religion, and an age gap. Stela is from Flores and Catholic, while Moses is from North Sumatra and Protestant. Stela’s parents initially opposed their relationship, particularly due to the difference in their faiths and Moses’s younger age.

What was Stela's father's reaction to her relationship with Moses?

Stela’s father initially strongly opposed the relationship due to Moses being from the Batak tribe and of a different faith. He had a bad experience with a Batak person in the past, which influenced his negative attitude. However, over time, he came to accept the relationship once he saw that Stela and Moses were a good match.

How did Kedung and Insan handle their marriage in a society where homosexuality is taboo?

Kedung and Insan, a same-sex couple, faced societal rejection in Indonesia, where homosexuality remains a taboo. They married in the United States, where their marriage is legally recognized. However, they did not consider the official certificate important in Indonesia, focusing instead on the commitment and celebration of their relationship.

What was Kedung's mother's perspective on her son's homosexuality?

Kedung’s mother, Kan Moy, accepted him and Insan as a couple, though she still wished her son were heterosexual. She expressed a belief that prayer could change his sexual orientation, hoping for a 'healing' of his homosexuality according to her religious views.

How do all three couples, despite their struggles, demonstrate their faith in one another?

Despite facing significant challenges—whether societal, familial, or cultural—all three couples continue to demonstrate unwavering faith in each other. They believe in the strength of their love and commitment, with some turning to prayer for guidance, and they prioritize their relationships over societal expectations.