On Holding a Feedback Conversation

Summary

The transcript discusses the complexities of providing feedback in various contexts, such as business or education. It emphasizes the importance of understanding how individuals perceive and relate to feedback about themselves. Effective feedback delivery is described as requiring emotional awareness, patience, and practice, especially in situations where recipients may become defensive or disengaged. The speaker highlights that while many systems are designed to capture feedback, the key value lies in the skill and training of the person delivering it. Ultimately, feedback is about fostering understanding, not just giving information.

Takeaways

• 🤔 Understanding oneself is critical in discussions and negotiations.
• 🤝 People may already have a relationship with what they know about themselves.
• ⚠️ If there's no relationship between self-awareness and knowledge, it creates a significant gap.
• 🔄 A teacher or trainer's role involves guiding someone to realize their own method of understanding.
• 💬 Delivering feedback is challenging and requires comfort with holding difficult conversations.
• 💡 Simply giving more information may not always help; sometimes, it's better to sit in the discomfort of uncertainty.
• 👂 Listening and observing nonverbal signals is essential during feedback to avoid missing key emotional cues.
• 🎯 Many systems focus on feedback metrics, but the real value lies in the person delivering it.
• 👨‍🏫 The ability to give meaningful and constructive feedback varies greatly between individuals.
• 🛠️ Effective feedback delivery requires practice, training, and space to refine these skills.

Q & A

What is the primary concern expressed about feedback in the script?

The primary concern is whether people truly understand themselves in relation to the feedback they receive. If there is a gap between what they know about themselves and what the feedback is, this can create a significant issue.

Why is it important to understand someone's relationship with the feedback they receive?

It is important because if a person has no relationship or awareness of the feedback they are receiving, there will be a large disconnect, which can prevent them from improving or addressing the issues raised.

What challenge does the script mention about giving feedback?

The challenge is holding a difficult conversation and being comfortable with the tension that comes with it, especially when the recipient might become defensive or hurt.

How does giving too much information relate to feedback delivery, according to the script?

Providing too much information can sometimes be comforting for the person giving feedback, as it feels like they have something to deliver. However, it can also prevent them from sitting in the discomfort of seeing how the recipient reacts or deals with the feedback.

What does the script suggest is often the focus in feedback systems within organizations?

The focus is often on designing systems for feedback, such as metrics and capturing information, but the key is really the person who is trained to deliver the feedback.

What is the script's view on how teachers or trainers deliver feedback?

The script highlights that good teachers or trainers can deliver useful feedback, even if it's tough. However, some teachers give feedback that the recipient cannot use effectively.

What nonverbal signals are mentioned as being important during feedback sessions?

Nonverbal signals such as glazing over, looking away, or checking an inbox are mentioned as indicators that the feedback recipient might not be fully engaged.

What is the suggested approach when noticing nonverbal signs of disengagement during feedback?

Instead of increasing the volume or becoming more assertive, the script suggests sitting back, noticing the signs, and asking about them to better understand the recipient’s reaction.

How does the script describe the role of practice in giving feedback?

The script suggests that giving effective feedback requires a lot of practice, especially in managing the discomfort that can arise during difficult conversations.

What key insight does the script offer about feedback systems and their effectiveness?

The script argues that while systems and metrics are important, the true value in feedback comes from the person delivering it. The feedback system is only as effective as the individual trained to provide it.