Divorcing online

Summary

In this video, the YouTuber discusses their two-year journey since their divorce, addressing the disconnect they felt from their audience due to avoiding the topic. They share their experience of avoiding the issue, the anxiety it caused, and the support they received from their community. The creator also talks about their current relationship, the balance they're seeking between personal life and content creation, and their plans for future videos, including a skydiving vlog.

Takeaways

• 😊 The speaker reveals that it has been two years since their divorce and this video is a way to share that with their audience.
• 🤔 The speaker hadn't addressed the divorce publicly before, leading to some confusion and disconnection with their viewers.
• 💬 The speaker acknowledges that after the split, they focused on work as a distraction, not realizing it until much later.
• 😟 Despite sharing the news on social media, they still received unwanted comments, which caused anxiety and discomfort.
• 🙌 The speaker appreciates the positive and supportive response from the majority of their community during this difficult time.
• 😢 Over time, the negativity and gossip around the situation led the speaker to develop anxiety, especially about reading comments and posting online.
• 🛑 The speaker even closed their subreddit due to the overwhelming amount of gossip and overanalysis about their personal life.
• 🤷‍♂️ They acknowledge that in hindsight, they could have handled the situation differently, but they did the best they could at the time.
• ❤️ The speaker introduces a new relationship and shares that they are now in a better place emotionally, having moved on.
• 🎮 Finally, the speaker expresses that they are still figuring out how much of their personal life they want to share, but they remain passionate about creating content focused on gaming and fun with loved ones.

Q & A

Why is the speaker making this video?

The speaker is making this video to officially address their divorce and reconnect with their audience, as there have been lingering questions about their personal life.

How long ago did the speaker get divorced?

The speaker got divorced two years ago.

Why did the speaker not want to talk about their divorce initially?

The speaker avoided talking about the divorce because it was a difficult topic, and they preferred to distract themselves with work and other activities to avoid thinking about it.

What emotions did the speaker experience after announcing the divorce?

The speaker experienced anxiety, overthinking, and a sense of dread when reading comments or engaging with the audience, due to persistent questions and gossip about their personal life.

How did the speaker's audience respond to the divorce announcement?

While there were negative comments, the majority of the speaker's audience was supportive, sending kind messages and defending them against disrespectful comments.

What impact did the divorce have on the speaker's relationship with their YouTube channel?

The divorce created a sense of disconnection between the speaker and their YouTube channel, as they felt the channel was behind in reflecting their personal life, leading to feelings of anxiety and discomfort when engaging with viewers.

Why did the speaker close their subreddit?

The speaker closed their subreddit because of negative posts, gossip, and overanalysis of their personal life, which contributed to their anxiety.

How has the speaker’s content changed since the divorce?

The speaker has tried to balance how much of their private life they share on YouTube and has experimented with different content approaches, including increasing the quantity of videos but ultimately preferring quality-focused content.

What has the speaker learned about balancing their personal and public life on YouTube?

The speaker has learned that while they enjoy sharing parts of their life, they are still trying to find a balance between being open and keeping certain things private, especially after experiencing anxiety and overthinking due to public scrutiny.

How does the speaker feel about their current situation and future content?

The speaker feels they are in a good place now and are happy with their life and the content they are creating. They are still experimenting with their YouTube direction but are enjoying the process and looking forward to future projects.

Outlines

00:00

😊 Opening Up About Divorce After Two Years

The creator reflects on their divorce, explaining that it happened two years ago and addressing viewers who might still be unaware. They mention how their ex used to appear in their videos and that the video serves as a way to share the experience of divorcing in the public eye. Despite not wanting to talk about the divorce initially, the creator recognizes a disconnect with their audience and feels it's time to update their viewers about the emotional journey.

05:01

😔 Coping with Avoidance and Public Scrutiny

The creator delves into the feelings of avoidance that arose after their divorce, explaining how they immersed themselves in work as a distraction. Although they tried to keep their private life out of the public eye, this only led to more anxiety as people kept asking about the divorce. They liken the experience to working retail, where random customers would bring up the painful subject, leading to emotional discomfort. The creator also describes how gossip and unsolicited questions from viewers added to the emotional toll.

10:02

❤️ Community Support Amid Negativity

The creator discusses the positive support they received from their community after publicly sharing their divorce. Despite the negativity from some people, many viewers showed empathy and kindness, especially through private messages. This overwhelming support became a turning point emotionally, as hundreds of messages reinforced the creator's connection with their audience. The creator emphasizes how this YouTube community handled the situation with understanding compared to others in similar situations.

15:03

😓 Anxiety and Overwork Post-Divorce

The creator admits to developing anxiety from overworking and struggling with public interactions, especially during the podcast they started. They reflect on how overanalyzing and obsessive thoughts made things worse. The pressure of being constantly scrutinized, especially regarding their personal life, created mental and emotional challenges. They also express how this period of overthinking affected their confidence in sharing opinions and experiences.

🤔 Reevaluating Privacy and Public Life

As time passed, the creator considered being more private, inspired by other YouTubers who maintain boundaries between their work and personal lives. However, they realized that sharing personal stories is a fundamental part of their channel's identity. Meeting someone new (referred to as B) reminded them of the joy of combining personal life with content creation. Despite this, they remain unsure of how much of their private life they want to share, constantly seeking a balance.

💡 Hindsight and Reflections on Communication

The creator reflects on how they initially revealed their divorce, mentioning that they could have communicated it more clearly. They regret not being more direct, as it caused confusion among viewers when introducing their new partner. This led to increased anxiety and difficult interactions with the public, culminating in the closure of their subreddit due to hurtful gossip. The creator emphasizes that people often overanalyzed their actions, adding to the stress they were already feeling.

🏠 New Beginnings and Moving Forward

The creator shares their current situation, revealing they've moved out of their previous home and are now living with B in an apartment. They explain how this transition has brought a sense of peace and personal growth, though they remain uncertain about their future living arrangements. The creator stresses that they've moved on emotionally and no longer want viewers to express sympathy, as they're in a much better place mentally.

🎮 Channel Direction and Future Plans

Closing the video, the creator addresses their content strategy, reflecting on an earlier decision to prioritize quantity over quality. They quickly realized that this approach wasn't right for them, as they prefer ensuring each video meets their personal standards. Despite recent life changes and moving, the creator feels energized about future content and excited to continue making videos. They tease an upcoming skydiving vlog and thank their viewers for their continued support.

Keywords

💡Divorce

The main subject of the video, divorce refers to the legal dissolution of a marriage. The speaker discusses their own experience with divorce, explaining the emotional and social challenges that came with going through it publicly as a YouTuber. It’s a pivotal moment that shaped much of the content and reactions discussed in the video.

💡YouTube community

This refers to the audience and followers of the speaker’s YouTube channel. The speaker emphasizes how the community has been largely supportive, but also mentions the challenges of maintaining a personal connection with the audience while managing public curiosity about private matters like divorce. The YouTube community is crucial for the speaker's emotional connection and career.

💡Anxiety

Anxiety is a central theme in the video, as the speaker describes how the public nature of their divorce and the online discussions about it led to increased stress. The anxiety stemmed from overanalyzing audience comments and feeling pressure to respond or clarify personal matters, which impacted their mental health and content creation.

💡Privacy

The concept of privacy plays a significant role in the video, as the speaker reflects on the balance between sharing personal life on YouTube and maintaining boundaries. While they initially shared a lot of their personal life, including their marriage, the divorce made them reconsider how much they should reveal about their private life going forward.

💡Connection

The speaker repeatedly mentions the need for connection with their audience, which they feel was disrupted by the lack of openness about their divorce. Re-establishing this connection by sharing more about their emotional journey is a key motivation for making the video. Connection represents both the bond with viewers and the authenticity the speaker wants to maintain.

💡Public perception

This refers to how the audience and general public perceive the speaker’s personal life, especially after their divorce. The speaker discusses the challenges of being judged or overanalyzed by viewers and how public perception influenced their anxiety and decision to be more selective about sharing personal details.

💡Overwork

Following their divorce, the speaker threw themselves into work as a way to distract from personal pain. They mention that overworking became a coping mechanism, but it also led to burnout and added to their stress, impacting their mental health and content production over time.

💡Support

Support is a recurring theme, especially in relation to the speaker’s YouTube community. While acknowledging the negative comments, the speaker emphasizes the overwhelming support they received from fans, particularly in the form of private messages and positive feedback. This support helped the speaker navigate through the emotional challenges of going public with their divorce.

💡Subreddit

The speaker had a subreddit where their community would discuss their content, but they eventually closed it due to gossip and hurtful discussions about their personal life. The subreddit is a symbol of how online spaces can become toxic, despite originally being intended for positive engagement with fans.

💡Balance

Balance is a central concept as the speaker reflects on finding a middle ground between sharing their personal life and maintaining their privacy. After their divorce, they struggled with how much to reveal to their audience, and they continue to work on achieving a balance between transparency and protecting their mental health.

Highlights

The video serves as a personal update, revealing the creator's divorce from two years ago.

The creator explains the emotional journey of balancing personal hardships with being an online public figure.

The video acknowledges a feeling of disconnection from the audience due to not addressing the divorce sooner.

The creator initially avoided discussing the divorce by immersing themselves in work and projects, including streaming and a podcast.

Acknowledging the emotional strain of receiving constant comments and questions about the divorce.

The community’s response was mostly supportive, with hundreds of positive DMs received after addressing the situation.

The creator developed anxiety about opening up, partly due to overanalyzing feedback and criticism from viewers.

The decision to close the subreddit stemmed from negative and hurtful posts that overanalyzed personal behavior.

The creator expresses gratitude to their community for handling the news of their divorce with respect and empathy.

A reflection on the difficulty of balancing how much personal life to share online, especially in light of past experiences.

After a year, the creator met their new partner, B, and started creating content with them, reigniting a passion for sharing life moments online.

The creator recognizes that while they did their best at the time, looking back, they would have addressed the divorce more directly.

The creator is now in a good place emotionally and appreciates the growth and changes over the last two years.

Despite challenges, the creator remains committed to making content and is figuring out how much of their personal life to share moving forward.

The video closes with plans for future content, including a skydiving vlog, and gratitude for the community's continued support.

Transcripts

hello um real fun title on this one this

is

a so it's been two years since my

divorce uh

and this is my way to kind of get it out

there for the people who still I every

now and then still now I still get

questions saying like oh wait what what

happened like so this is my way to get

it to the few people who maybe still

don't know of my viewers uh that I'm

divorced uh so two years ago yeah so if

you're if you're new around here if

you've come in the last two years and

you're like what what's this about I

used to be married and uh my ex used to

be in some videos and stuff and that's

what this video is going to be about

it's going to be about um uh well my

divorce uh more so what it's like to

divorce online I need to

feel um a connection that I feel is

missing with you guys I've been doing

YouTube for 16 years and I think I've

been very good during that time at

staying connected with you guys not to

say that there haven't been events that

I haven't told you about

uh that was a lot of negatives but I

think that came out right there things

have happened of course in my life that

I haven't talked about the thing is

though that when I divorce that's

something you guys need to know about

because you find out and yet I also

didn't want to talk about it and that

led to me feeling there was a little bit

of a disconnect with my audience on

here and

um I'm now in a place where I think I I

feel that I've moved on and I feel that

I'm in a good place

but I still feel like my YouTube channel

is a step behind me based on comments I

get I feel like I haven't really updated

I I need to connect me and my channel

and to do so I think I need to open up a

little bit um about what the last two

years uh sort of explaining some of the

emotions you've seen in me um and again

this isn't about drama that's not what

this video is going to be about so you

can just click right out if that's what

you're looking for I know that a lot of

uh the internet is about that that's not

what what I'm about

um if you've ever gone through something

difficult then you know the feeling of

wanting to just avoid it wanting to

distract yourself like when it's just

like it's not something you want to

think about you know whatever it is so

you'll distract yourself through work or

a hobby or games or traveling or drugs

or alcohol whether it's good or bad you

know that feeling of like oh I don't

want to think about this and so that's

what I did not on purpose I didn't do it

deliberately or like conscious ly Just

Looking Back Now I could see that's what

I did I just started working a ton uh

after um Alex and I

split so yeah that's what I did for a

few months um and then came the time

that you know it was time so I put up a

tweet telling people uh about it and

then finishing it with like H can you

respect that like I don't want to talk

about it um and then I just went back to

streaming and doing things and I even

start started a podcast with Richard I

was doing a lot um and I'm going to get

to the podcast as well

but the difference at that point was

that now people know um and

so I developed uh well it became an

issue because I still didn't want to

talk about it and the only way I could

explain is it's the equivalent of being

at a job where

you're I've worked retail before it's

the equivalent to me working retail and

every fourth customer that comes or not

fourth but you know every now and then a

customer in the day will be like

so you feel like [ __ ] huh like it was

just it it's not very nice and I don't

think I have to put it in any more

perspective than that um so that was

kind of the struggle at that point and

um whether it was me being live or

putting up a video every now and then

there'd be someone um gossiping or not

even gossiping but um just making things

up or asking me about it or um or uh

what's it what's the word I'm looking

for word not brainstorming uh I guess is

gossiping whatever it sucked people were

talking about it um so I de I developed

a lot of anxiety around that

time

um it was a shame actually because I

really like and this is something I've

said a lot I like the part of YouTube

where you put up a video and then you um

read comments I love reading feedback it

that turned into something negative for

me where I was like dreading opening the

comment section because there's always

like it's kept being this lovely lovely

lovely random comment about the thing

you don't want to talk about and like

it's just it's not very nice um and I'm

sure people right now are thinking not

all of you but I'm sure there's some of

you thinking you know this obviously

comes with a job and stuff and yeah it

does you don't have to tell me that I I

I am aware that this comes with a job of

being in the public eye um that is

something I've heard over the last two

years people have been quite uh awful

about it in fact like just like what do

you expect and it's like yeah I could

still feel [ __ ] you know it's not like

I'm not surprised that doesn't mean I

don't get to feel feelings around it

um the I want to be clear though that

the majority of of my community's

response was positive you guys were

lovely I've seen and and people who were

negative I've seen plenty of you guys in

the replies telling them to show some

respect and um there was at some I put

up an insta story and reply to someone

who uh uh I wanted to reply to and I got

I got hundreds

hundreds oh that made me emotional uh I

I actually got hundreds of messages DMS

from from um from you guys showing

support because I I I just did a story

where I was um responding to someone who

said that he deserved to know like what

happened or something it was something

like that and and and and that was so

lovely to me because um that was in

private as well I think it's one thing

when people are doing it in a comment

section and it's public and they know

others are going to see it but I got I

got uh hundreds of of DMS Page Long

showing whoa that was a really um big

moment for me I think people were people

were really really lovely so while this

video focuses a lot I'm just going to

keep going here uh on the negative side

of the last two years just want to make

it clear that like I think that this is

uh and I mean this this is one of the

communities on YouTube where I think uh

I don't think there's many communities

online that that can can deal with their

YouTubers divorce well done guys such

you it was genuinely like I do think

that I've had

it pretty good compared to some other

YouTubers who would go through the same

thing you yeah my community has been

very nice with that said I developed

anxiety

issues and um I think at some point I I

I noticed I was a little overworked I

went a little too deep with work um and

that's when I and I had anxiety like the

podcast I had anxiety around it I got

into this point where I

was uh I started overthinking I've

always been an overthinker as you know

and uh I'm quite obsessive with my

thoughts and I I came to a point

where uh oh I just lost my thread one

sec yeah um the podcast I I was getting

a little bit of anxiety uh I was both

overworked having trouble keeping up

with everything thing but also just

anxiety about talking on a about

opinions on a podcast and stuff nothing

to do with my divorce it's just it was

just an effect of it that I I think

Looking Back Now like I there's a lot

that's changed me over the last two

years um and I I I second guess myself a

lot or

um I I when I say things online and put

up Clips I'm really worried how people

are going to take it because I I know I

think I just felt I was being

overanalyzed and uh there were certain

things uh certain posts I've seen from

people

uh which I'll get to I don't have to go

into details but um anyway it sucked

time goes on so at this point it's been

maybe 10 11 months and and that's when I

closed the podcast or closed stopped it

I'm just summarizing in my head where

we're at um over this time what I had

been thinking

was you know that maybe I shouldn't be

so public about my life maybe I should

close up a bit and just do like there's

a lot of YouTubers who do gaming videos

just like me who maybe don't show so

much about

life I felt very much like seeing the

negative side of it which is what I was

focusing on I was like oh God I I can't

do this you know where and and I I felt

a little lost I think

um

um and but we kept going and I kept

streaming kept making videos uh roughly

a Year's gone by and I met B and I think

I was reminded very quickly about uh why

I do things the the way I do them um why

I like I enjoy

sharing um my life and stuff with that

said I'm still in a place just to

forward like I I'm still in a place

where I don't know I'm trying to find a

balance with how much I want to talk

about about my private life and things

about me and stuff and like how much I

want to show but um I very quickly was

like I I want to play like pubg with you

you're hilarious I this is fun like

let's let's like I think my what my what

I've come to realizes my channel on

YouTube is about um videos mainly games

with people I love uh and and and so um

so I made some videos with B who was my

girlfriend

and the the problem was there was one

problem with it and it's that I still

hadn't really announced fully on YouTube

I had done I've skipped the part let's

rewind two months that's what I was

going to say two months prior to that I

I realized that not enough people knew

cuz not everyone's on Twitter so I put

up a YouTube video at that point I did a

20-minute commentary about something

else and in the in the last like two

minutes I said that I'm divorced and

asked people to stay respectful I don't

remember exactly when it was but it was

in the beginning of that year you know

it was it was a few months after I put

up the Tweet um anyway fast forward to

I'm making videos with b and I realized

this is kind of like

I I don't blame myself for how I did it

but I probably should have looking back

if I could do it all again I would have

ripped off the Band-Aid and instead of

doing a tweet and then some like at the

end of a video commented I would have

just put up a video like

this but I don't blame myself you can't

blame yourself doing something like for

hindsight for something you did the

first time like it's you you can't be

too hard on yourself and and I'm trying

not to be but it led to issues you know

I'm I've brought a a girlfriend out into

the Limelight and I a lot of people

people don't even know that I'm divorced

and so I got a lot of questions about it

and stuff led to more anxiety I was

struggling

was um it was

messy um led to Me closing the subreddit

my subreddit was fun there were a lot of

fun posts but this wasn't the first time

over the years it's been gossip here and

there and it [ __ ] sucks man why why

do we

like I'm not going to go deep into the

human psyche of why people gossip but I

didn't want to subred it around it just

wasn't nice people are overanalyzing and

this is what I mean about me um when I

say that I've started second guessing

things I say and stuff it's an example

of it like there was uh um posts there

was one post someone was like

overanalyzing how I acted playing pubg

with Bea and his conclusion was that I

hate my

girlfriend and it was uh there was a lot

of stuff like that where um people were

just genuinely

awful

um so close the

subreddit um I need to kind of summarize

my thoughts I've kind of zoned out give

me a

sec did that pause sorry about that I

didn't know how the uh I didn't know how

the OBS pause button worked um

anyway yeah I think this the the summary

of that is it I you know I could have

done it better over the last two years

but I did as best as I could man and

um I don't know I'm in a good place at

the moment don't say you're sorry that's

something I get a lot these days I or

not a lot but every now and then someone

will come in and they'll find out they

go oh I'm so sorry and it's like don't

be sorry I'm I'm in a good place

um I've moved now as you can tell it's

actually the first time since I was 20

it's the first time in 12 years roughly

that I don't own anything I I was going

to find a place and I realized I don't

know where I want to live or if I want

to live in a house or apartment so um

I'm living with be at the moment in her

apartment and um and I've rented an

office in an office building you might

see me in a new place in half a year you

might see me in a new place tomorrow you

might see me in a new place two years

from now I don't really know um I'm kind

of vibing just kind of relaxing at the

moment and figuring myself out I'm happy

to have moved out of the house

um and I I hope you guys take what I've

said with the I don't know I hope I hope

we're good I hope that I've uh I think I

just needed a

open up just a little bit I want to

thank you guys for having been uh

respectful and lovely this this this

Channel at the end of the day is just

games with with with friends um but uh

but there is emotions involved

obviously um right regarding that video

at the start of the Year where I said

that I want to focus on quantity not

quality here we go like let's change it

up yeah I quickly realized I don't want

to do that I I spent about a month and a

half doing that experiment I took on a

couple of extra editors and then and

then the whole point of it was for me to

lower the bar and like maybe not have to

put as much thought into video but I

ended up working more because there were

more videos for me to check and then I

also quickly realized I kind of enjoy

making sure each video is like in my

standard perfect uh so the last couple

months maybe there hasn't been quite as

many videos as I wanted but I have been

busy moving uh I'm starting to settle

down now and stuff and we got a lot of

good videos coming um I'm still figuring

out where I'm at

uh on U both with YouTube and like I'm

still trying to try things I've been

taking on more sponsorships recently

which I've been enjoying trying to be

creative with them and I'm still trying

to figure out how much of my life I want

to show you guys but uh I'm I'm very

much enjoying YouTube at the moment and

uh speaking of private life there's a

jet jet packing when you're using a jet

pack you do not hold down space jet pack

stop no there's a um skydiving Vlog uh

coming in the next few days so I hope

you guys will enjoy that um thank you

guys so much for being viewers and being

around and being lovely I don't know if

comments are going to be on on this I'll

decide that when I upload much love guys

bye-bye