Dining Etiquette: how to master the basic table manners
Summary
TLDRIn this video, international social etiquette consultant Jamila Musayeva shares essential dining etiquette tips. She covers table manners, seating arrangements, and proper use of cutlery and napkins. Jamila advises on phone and bag etiquette, explains the placement of various table settings, and guides viewers through the meal process, from soup to dessert. She emphasizes the importance of sending thank-you notes after a dinner invitation, ensuring viewers are equipped to navigate formal dining with grace.
Takeaways
- 🍽️ Table manners are crucial for comfort and etiquette during meals.
- 📍 As a guest, wait for the host to indicate where to sit.
- 💺 The guest of honor should be seated with the best view.
- 🙅♀️ Maintain proper posture; do not slouch or lean back fully.
- 🙌 Avoid resting elbows on the table while eating, but it's okay during breaks.
- 📱 Keep phones and bags away from the dining table.
- 🍽️ Use the correct utensils for each course to adhere to dining etiquette.
- 📜 Fold the napkin appropriately and use it to wipe fingers or dab lips.
- 🥂 Hold glasses by their stems to prevent warming the drink.
- 🍞 Use the bread plate and butter knife for bread, taking one bite at a time.
- 🍲 For soup, scoop from the center to the edge to avoid spills.
- 🍽️ After finishing the meal, signal for the bill by catching the waiter's eye or raising your hand.
Q & A
What is the primary purpose of table manners?
-Table manners are your behavior around the table, including how you hold cutlery, how you eat, and the kind of conversation you hold. They are essential for making you feel more comfortable and putting others at ease.
Why are good table manners important even in casual dining settings?
-Good table manners are important for your own good as they contribute to your comfort and the comfort of others at the table, regardless of the dining setting's formality.
What should guests do when it comes to seating arrangements at a dinner?
-Guests should wait for the host or their date to gesture to the seat before taking it. The rule of thumb is that guests get the best seats, usually facing the main area or the entrance.
How should one sit at the dinner table according to etiquette?
-One should sit straight without slouching, not press their back against the chair, and avoid placing elbows on the table while eating. However, elbows can be on the table during breaks in the meal for conversation.
What is the proper way to handle one's phone and bag during a formal dinner?
-Phones should be silenced and placed away from the table, and bags should not be placed on the ground as it can be seen as disrespectful. Instead, they can be placed on a special chair, hung on a bag holder, or placed on an empty chair nearby.
What is the significance of the bread plate and butter knife during a meal?
-The bread plate is used for enjoying bread, and the butter knife, which has a dull blade, is used to scoop and spread butter rather than cut it.
How can you avoid confusion about which glass is for what during a meal?
-To avoid confusion, glasses are often arranged in order of their height from tallest to shortest. The taller glasses are behind the shorter ones, and the waiter usually fills them accordingly.
What is the correct way to hold different types of glasses during a meal?
-Water goblets are held by the bottom of the bowl, champagne glasses by the stem to prevent warming the drink, and white wine glasses by the stem to avoid warming the wine.
How should you indicate to the waiter that you are expecting the bill at the end of the meal?
-You can indicate to the waiter by making eye contact or raising your hand at your elbow.
What is the appropriate way to end a dinner and leave the table?
-After paying the bill, you should take your napkin, fold it, and place it on the left side of your plate before leaving. If you're the host, you should indicate to your guests that it's time to leave.
What is the etiquette for thanking the host after being invited to a dinner?
-It is polite to send a thank-you message to the host the next day, and if you truly enjoyed the dinner, you might consider sending flowers along with a handwritten thank-you note.
Outlines
🍽️ Introduction to Dining Etiquette
Jamila Musayeva, an international social etiquette consultant, introduces the concept of dining etiquette and its importance. She defines table manners as behavior around the table, including how to hold cutlery, eat, and converse. Jamila emphasizes the personal benefits of good table manners, such as increased comfort and the ability to put others at ease. She advises on seating arrangements, suggesting that guests should wait for the host to indicate their seats and that the guest of honor should be seated in the best spot with a view of the main area or entrance.
🧍 Posture and Placement at the Table
Jamila advises on proper posture and placement at the table. She recommends sitting upright without slouching or pressing one's back against the chair, leaving space as if a kitten were behind the back. Elbows should not rest on the table while eating but are allowed during conversation breaks. She explains the differences in hand placement between American and French dining etiquette, with the former suggesting hands remain on the lap when not holding cutlery and the latter advising to keep wrists visible on the table. She also discusses the placement of personal items like phones and bags, recommending they be kept away from the dining area to maintain a respectful and focused dining experience.
🥄 Table Setting and Dining Etiquette
Jamila details the proper table setting, including the placement of napkins, plates, cutlery, and glasses. She demonstrates how to identify one's own bread plate and glasses using the 'B' and 'D' finger trick. She explains the correct way to unfold and use the napkin, as well as how to signal to the waiter or leave the table. The consultant also covers the proper way to hold and use different types of glasses for water, white wine, and champagne. She provides guidance on starting the meal by observing the host and waiting for everyone to be served before eating. She discusses bread plate usage, soup consumption with a soup spoon, and salad eating techniques, including both American and European styles.
🍰 Dessert and Ending the Meal
Jamila concludes the video by discussing dessert etiquette. She explains how to use a dessert fork and spoon, suggesting using the fork to hold the dessert and the spoon to cut and scoop. She advises taking a break to use the restroom before dessert if needed. After finishing the meal, she recommends signaling for the bill by making eye contact or raising a hand, and then leaving after paying. As a host, she suggests indicating to guests that it's time to leave, and as a guest, to follow the host's cue. Jamila emphasizes the importance of sending a thank-you message to the host after the dinner, suggesting a handwritten note or flowers to show appreciation.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Table manners
💡Seating arrangements
💡Posture
💡Elbows on the table
💡Hands on lap
💡Phone etiquette
💡Bag placement
💡Dinner table setting
💡Napkin usage
💡Glass identification
💡Dessert etiquette
💡Indicating for the bill
Highlights
Table manners are your behavior around the table, including how you hold cutlery, eat, and converse.
Good table manners are essential for personal comfort and to put others at ease.
As a guest, wait for the host to gesture to your seat before sitting.
The host should point to the seat for guests, indicating where they should sit.
Guests should be given the best seats, facing the main area or entrance for the best view.
Maintain good posture by not slouching and leaving space between your back and the chair.
Do not place elbows on the table while eating, but it's okay during conversation breaks.
In American etiquette, keep hands in lap when not holding cutlery; in French etiquette, rest wrists on table.
Keep phones and bags away from the table; silence phones and place them in pockets or bags.
Use the bread plate for bread and the butter knife to spread butter.
Unfold the napkin once seated, with the host doing so first to indicate to guests.
Use the napkin to wipe fingers and dab lips, and place it on the chair if you return from the bathroom.
If leaving the table for good, place the napkin on the left side of the plate and fold it gently.
Hold water goblets by the bottom of the bowl, champagne glasses by the stem to avoid warming the drink.
Wait for the host to start eating before you begin; in a group, wait for everyone to be served.
Use the bread plate and butter knife to enjoy bread, taking one bite at a time.
For soup, use the soup spoon by dipping in the center and sliding to the edge of the bowl.
When cutting salad, use the American method of switching the knife to the other hand or the European method of leaving the knife in hand.
For the main course, use the main course fork and knife to cut food piece by piece.
After finishing the main course, signal for the bill by making eye contact or raising your hand at the elbow.
If invited to a dinner, send a thank-you message to the host the next day, and consider sending flowers with a handwritten note.
Transcripts
[Music]
Hello, I'm Jamila Musayeva, an international social etiquette consultant and author of the
book "Etiquette: The Least You Need to Know." In today's video, I'm going to be telling you
about what is the least that you need to know about dining etiquette. Before I get started,
let's address two questions. Number one, what are table manners? Table manners are
basically your behavior around the table, so how you hold cutlery, how you eat, and even
what kind of conversation you hold all make a part of table manners. The second question that
people often ask me is why do we even need table manners, especially in today's world where our
restaurants are casual dining places and we often have informal dining experiences? The truth is,
you need to have good table manners for your own good. You will feel more comfortable at the table,
and you'll put others at the table at ease with your good manners. So, whatever the occasion,
whatever the degree of formality the dinner is, make sure you put your best foot forward.
Let's talk about seating arrangements. Where should you sit if you're a guest and you are
invited by a host or you say, your date? Then, you would wait for him or her to gesture to the
seat and take your seat afterwards. If you're the host, then you do the same. You will point
to the seat that's intended for your guests, and he or she will take their seat. So,
the rule of thumb is that the guests always get the best seats, meaning he or she will be facing
the main area or the entrance, so he or she will get the best view. If you have multiple guests,
then one guest will be your guest of honor, and you should save that best seat for him or her.
Now that we have seated down, we need to remember a couple of things. Number one,
don't slouch. Don't sit like this. Roll your shoulders backwards, straighten your back, and
sit straight. Number two, don't press your back to the back of the chair. Imagine you have a little
kitten behind your back, so you are not pressing the little kitten. Leave some space between the
back of the chair and your own back. Number three, do not place your elbows on the table when eating.
However, it is acceptable to place your elbows on the table whenever you're taking a break
between the meal to have a conversation. Number four: According to American dining etiquette,
you're supposed to leave your hands on your lap whenever they're not holding cutlery. In French
dining etiquette, you're supposed to always rest your wrist on the table so that your hands remain
visible to your dining partners at all times. This comes from an old, outdated notion that
you might be holding some weapon in your hand and hiding it on your lap underneath the table.
The question that I get asked a lot is what should I do with my phone or my bag? The general rule is
that whatever does not belong to the dining experience by itself should be held away from
the table. That applies to your phone and your bag. You should silence your phone before sitting
down and put it in your pocket or your bag. If it's a large bag, you can place it on a special
little chair designed for that bag, or you can ask for a bag holder, which looks like a hook, and you
can hang your bag from there. Alternatively, you can also place your bag on an empty chair nearby.
It is acceptable to place your bag behind your back but only in very rare cases. If you have a
small bag that's like a clutch, you can place it on your lap and cover it with a napkin. Whatever
you do, do not place your bag on a ground level. In some cultures and some traditions,
it is seen as disrespectful to place a bag on the ground, and it shows that you
don't respect the money that you're holding in your bag. So, always keep it off the ground.
Let's now look at our dining table. Where should I start? This is my dinner table
setting. I have a napkin, a plate, soup spoons, a salad fork and knife, a main
course fork and knife, a dessert fork, a dessert spoon, and a dessert box. The
dessert box should be much smaller than this, but this is what I'm going to serve,
and I'll be using it next. I also have a bread plate where I'm going to eat my bread, and I
have a butter knife. The interesting part about this knife is that unlike traditional knives,
it has a dull blade and is used to scoop the butter and spread it, rather than cut it.
Next, I have my glasses. So, in order not to confuse which one belongs to whom,
I'm going to make the letters B and D with my fingers. Where B is pointing,
that's where my bread plate and butter knife are, and where D is pointing, that's where the
glasses are. In order not to confuse it with that of your dining partners, use this trick.
Now that you are seated down, you unfold the napkin. If you're the host, you do it first to
indicate it to your guests. You can do it in two ways: one with fold lines facing outward
like this, or the other way around when you have the folded lines facing inwards towards you. I
actually prefer this way because I can basically have my fingers and leave the stains inside,
so from the outside, my napkin looks perfectly clean. Once you place the napkin on your lap,
you would use it to gently wipe your fingers and also dab your lips with it if necessary. If you
are going to the bathroom and you will be back, you would place a napkin on the chair to indicate
that you will be coming back. If you are leaving the table for good and you're not coming back,
then you would place the napkin on the left side of the plate and gently fold it. There's
no need to shape it back to its original shape, and you can just leave the table. If you happen
to drop your napkin, you can pick it up if you're okay with that, or you can also indicate to the
waiter that you want a new one. The glasses also often get confused about which glass is for what.
There's no need to worry about it because the waiter or the son Leo would usually fill your
glass. But it's good to know what is for what. Let's look at this arrangement here. Generally,
the taller glasses should be behind the shorter glasses, or the glasses are often arranged in
the order of their height from the tallest to the shortest. Look at my arrangement. I
can see that I have a glass for water, one for white wine, and a glass of champagne.
So let's start with a water goblet. It usually doesn't have a stem like you see in this case,
and you hold the water goblet by the bottom of the bowl like this. This is a quite
recognizable glass. It's a champagne glass. It's longer and thin. The shape assures that
the bubbles in the champagne stay intact while you're enjoying your drink. Also,
make sure that you hold this glass by the stem so your fingers are not actually
touching the bowl and are not warming up the drink while you're drinking it.
This is a white wine glass. Unlike the red wine glass, which is shorter and larger, this glass
is longer and thinner. The white wine glass is shorter and larger because red wines have much
broader taste notes, and they need more area to breathe. With the red wine glass, both hold by the
bottom of the bowl. So imagine this: a red wine glass, you will hold it like this. For the white
wine glass, you have to hold it by the stem so you don't warm up your drink while you're drinking it.
So let's get started with our meal. Before you start, watch your host to commence. If
he or she starts to eat, then it's time to enjoy your meal. If you're in a large group of people,
then you would wait for everyone to be served with their meal, and then you'll start to eat.
The bread plate is used to enjoy a piece of bread, and I use a butter knife to pick the
butter and spread it on their bread piece, and then I'm going to enjoy one bite at a time.
The first meal that I'm going to be enjoying is soup. I'm going to use the soup spoon,
dip it in the center of the bowl, take it to the opposite edge of the bowl, slide gently,
and then bring the spoon to my mouth in order to make sure that I don't spill
any on my lap. For my second course, I'm going to have a salad. I'm going to use
a salad knife. I will show you two ways of eating, and one is American,
which I'm going to currently show you. So you cut one bite of mozzarella and tomato at a time. Then
you would place your knife and switch your work to the other hand and eat it like that.
The other way is the European or Continental way of dining where I would just use the fork
and knife and in the same way and use it to cut my tomato and mozzarella. And then what's
going to happen? I'm going to leave the knife in my hand and eat it like that. Here I have my main
course, which is chicken breast with Parmesan. I'm going to use the main course fork and a
main course knife to cut the chicken breast one piece at a time. When you're done with the meal,
you place your fork and knife in a position 12 to 6 o'clock with tines facing upwards or downwards,
like the French dining etiquette does usually, or you can also place it in a position of 10:00 to
4:00 o'clock just like this, with a fork facing tines facing down or facing up. It's up to you.
Once you've finished your main course, it's now time to enjoy the dessert. This
is a perfect time to excuse yourself from the table and use the bathroom if you wish
to. Here I have a dessert fork and a dessert spoon. I will slide them to the both sides
effective sites. I'm going to be using a fork as a holder and a spoon to cut as a knife. So
I'm going to hold the dessert with a fork and cut it with the spoon, then use the fork to
push any remaining particles that I want on my spoon and use a spoon to eat my dessert.
Once you're done eating your dinner, it's time to indicate to the waiter that you're
expecting the bill. You can do so by having eye contact with a waiter or by raising your
hands at your elbow. Once you have paid the bill, it's time to leave. You should take your napkin,
fold it not too neatly, and place it on the left side of your plate and leave. If you're the host,
youshould indicate to your guests that it's time to leave. If you're a guest,
you should watch the host do so and leave.
On a final note, if this was a dinner you were invited to, make sure you send a thank-you
message to the host the next day. If you really truly loved the dinner experience,
you might also consider sending flowers with a beautifully handwritten thank-you note. I
guarantee you a beautiful handwritten thank-you note will serve you a long,
long way. Thank you so much for watching this video, and I hope you really enjoyed
it as much as I enjoyed filming this for you. I'll see you next time. Bye.
you [Music]
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