THIS Is What Happens When You Stop Talking To A Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style
Summary
TLDRThis video explores what happens when you stop talking to someone with a fearful avoidant attachment style, particularly after a breakup. It explains the common emotional patterns they go through, such as becoming more avoidant, repressing emotions, and relying on creature comforts. Over time, they may shift to their anxious side and possibly reach out indirectly. The video also offers advice on how to reconnect with them while avoiding overwhelming their avoidant tendencies. Additionally, it introduces resources for healing from breakups and managing attachment dynamics in relationships.
Takeaways
- 😀 Fearful avoidant attachment style, also known as disorganized or anxious-avoidant, is marked by a push-pull dynamic in relationships, where individuals desire closeness but fear it when it occurs.
- 😥 After a breakup, fearful avoidants often become more avoidant and may rationalize that they are fine, while repressing their emotions.
- 📺 Fearful avoidants may cope with their emotions by indulging in creature comforts like binge-watching TV, drinking, or other forms of detachment from the external world.
- 📉 Over time, the avoidant tendencies start to fade, and they struggle to continue repressing their emotions, leading them to eventually feel their suppressed feelings.
- 📱 As they begin to acknowledge their emotions, they may shift into a more anxious attachment phase and attempt indirect contact, such as liking social media posts or sending accidental messages.
- 📴 If the fearful avoidant’s outreach is met with rejection or no response, they are likely to revert to avoidant behavior again, becoming cold and distant.
- 🚦 It's important to navigate a relationship with a fearful avoidant by moving at a measured pace to avoid overwhelming them, which could trigger their avoidant side.
- 💬 Healing from a breakup requires grieving and understanding emotional patterns, allowing both partners to address core wounds, establish boundaries, and avoid repeating negative relationship dynamics.
- 🏋️♀️ Taking time after a breakup to reflect on what went wrong can empower both partners to grow and prevent falling into old patterns of attachment.
- 🏫 The speaker offers a course to help individuals heal from breakups, navigate attachment styles, and reprogram their relationships in a healthy way.
Q & A
What is a fearful avoidant attachment style?
-Fearful avoidant attachment style, also known as disorganized or anxious avoidant, is characterized by a tendency to want closeness but also fear intimacy. This results in a push-pull dynamic where the individual becomes both anxious and avoidant in relationships.
How does a fearful avoidant react after a breakup?
-After a breakup, fearful avoidants typically become more avoidant. They tend to push people away, repress their emotions, and rely on creature comforts like binge-watching TV, drinking, or smoking to cope.
Why do fearful avoidants initially become avoidant after a breakup?
-Fearful avoidants become avoidant as a defense mechanism. When faced with intense emotions, such as those triggered by a breakup, they repress their feelings and distance themselves from others to avoid confronting their pain.
What are 'creature comforts' in the context of a fearful avoidant's coping mechanisms?
-Creature comforts refer to habits or activities that fearful avoidants use to self-soothe when avoiding emotional distress. This can include activities like drinking, smoking, binge-watching TV, or withdrawing from the external world.
What happens when you go no contact with a fearful avoidant after a breakup?
-When you go no contact with a fearful avoidant, they initially become more avoidant. Over time, they struggle to rationalize their feelings and begin to feel their emotions, leading them to possibly miss the person and become more anxious.
How do fearful avoidants express their emotions once they start feeling them after a breakup?
-Fearful avoidants may start to reach out indirectly, such as liking a social media post, sending an old memory or picture, or pretending to contact someone by accident. This shows a shift from avoidance to anxiety, although they still try to maintain emotional distance.
What should you be mindful of when reconnecting with a fearful avoidant?
-When reconnecting with a fearful avoidant, it’s important not to move too fast or pressure them. They need time to rebuild trust and feel safe. Rushing can cause them to retreat into their avoidant side again.
How long does it typically take for a fearful avoidant to move from avoidance to anxiety after a breakup?
-It usually takes about three to six weeks for a fearful avoidant to shift from their avoidant side to their anxious side after a breakup.
What is the 'Goldilocks' zone when reconnecting with a fearful avoidant?
-The 'Goldilocks' zone refers to finding a balance when reconnecting with a fearful avoidant. You need to go slow enough that the avoidant doesn’t feel overwhelmed, but also ensure there’s enough communication to avoid slipping back into old patterns.
What are some key strategies for healing after a breakup with a fearful avoidant?
-Key strategies include taking time to process emotions, avoiding emotionally driven decisions, and engaging in healthy communication to address core wounds, boundaries, and unmet needs. It’s also important to heal from the breakup before considering rekindling the relationship.
Outlines
🔄 Understanding Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style
This paragraph introduces the video topic, focusing on what happens when someone stops talking to a person with a fearful avoidant attachment style, particularly after a breakup. It explains that fearful avoidant attachment is one of four attachment styles, marked by a push-pull dynamic where individuals crave closeness but become distant when others get too close. This creates a cycle of both anxious and avoidant behaviors, affecting relationships deeply. Fearful avoidants tend to become more avoidant following a breakup.
❄️ Fearful Avoidants: Emotional Withdrawal and Avoidance
Here, the video explores how fearful avoidants cope with emotional pain, especially after significant stressors like breakups or betrayals. It highlights that these individuals often become more avoidant, withdrawing into their comfort zones (e.g., binge-watching, drinking) to soothe themselves. The avoidance response is stronger when the emotional pain is more intense, and they often suppress their feelings during this phase.
🌀 The Anxious Phase and Reaching Out
This paragraph explains the third phase where the fearful avoidant attachment style shifts from avoidance to anxiety over time, typically within three to six weeks. As their rationalizations weaken and suppressed emotions resurface, they may start missing the person they distanced themselves from. This often leads them to reach out indirectly, for example, through social media posts or 'accidental' phone calls. However, if they feel rejected after reaching out, they may revert to their avoidant behavior.
⏳ Rekindling Relationships: Finding Balance
The video then discusses how fearful avoidants may navigate re-engagement in relationships. They often oscillate between anxious and avoidant behavior, which is why it’s important not to rush the process of reconnection. Fearful avoidants need time to re-evaluate the relationship and ensure it doesn't repeat previous patterns. The key is to balance reconnection without overwhelming them to avoid triggering their avoidance tendencies again.
🎓 Healing Resources and Support
This section introduces a personal development school offering lifetime memberships with resources for understanding and healing from attachment styles. It includes access to over 60 courses, daily social support groups, and webinars led by counselors. The school focuses on emotional connection, relationships, and personal growth, providing a structured path for participants to work on themselves in various areas of their lives.
💡 Final Thoughts on Fearful Avoidants and Breakups
The video concludes by emphasizing the importance of healing from breakups with a balanced emotional approach. It encourages viewers to avoid making decisions from a place of emotional vulnerability and instead work through their feelings to reach a healthier state. The video invites comments and questions and encourages viewers to subscribe for more content on emotional health and personal growth.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style
💡Push-Pull Dynamic
💡Creature Comforts
💡Repression
💡No Contact
💡Anxious Side
💡Rationalization
💡Avoidance Side
💡Indirect Reaching Out
💡Rekindling
Highlights
Fearful avoidant attachment style is one of four attachment styles, also referred to as disorganized or anxious avoidant.
Fearful avoidants experience a push-pull dynamic, wanting closeness but pushing others away when they get too close.
After a breakup, fearful avoidants become more avoidant, coping by pushing people away and repressing emotions.
With small issues, fearful avoidants may lean on others for support, but with more significant emotional events, they withdraw completely.
Fearful avoidants often rely on creature comforts like binge-watching, drinking, or smoking to soothe their emotions post-breakup.
Eventually, they struggle to maintain emotional repression and begin to acknowledge their feelings after a few weeks of no contact.
Fearful avoidants may shift to their anxious side, engaging in indirect attempts to reconnect, such as liking posts on social media or accidental calls.
If fearful avoidants face rejection during their anxious phase, they revert to avoidant behavior, shutting down again.
If reconnection is handled carefully, fearful avoidants may become more anxiously attached and rebuild the relationship cautiously.
It’s crucial not to pressure fearful avoidants into reconnecting too quickly, as they may shut down if they feel overwhelmed.
For long-term relationship success, both parties must discuss boundaries, core wounds, and changes needed to avoid repeating past patterns.
Rebuilding a relationship with a fearful avoidant requires patience, careful communication, and vetting the relationship over several weeks.
Fearful avoidants may need four to six weeks to process their feelings and reach a balanced emotional state.
Personal development strategies, such as understanding grief and attachment styles, help both fearful avoidants and their partners heal and improve relationships.
The personal development school offers a variety of courses, social support groups, and webinars to assist individuals in navigating attachment issues and relationships.
Transcripts
so in today's video we are going to talk
about what happens when you stop talking
to a fearful avoidant we'll cover
particularly after a breakup but we'll
also talk about this in the context of
friends family relationships
Etc so first and foremost if you're not
familiar with fearful avoid and
attachment style it's one of four
attachment Styles or love Styles and you
can think of your attachment Styles
essentially being the subconscious set
of rules you have about how to give and
receive love with others fearful
avoidance are also sometimes referred to
as disorganized attachment Styles or
anxious avoidant attachment Styles but
we really call them fearful avoidance
the most on this channel and they
essentially have you know every person
has an attachment Style by the way but
the fearful avoidant has this sort of
capacity to be both hot and cold both
anxious and avoidant they they um you
know want closeness but then when people
get too close they're like get back so
they're in this constant Push Pull
within the relationship to themselves
which obviously translates into the
relationships with others so after a
breakup this sort of hot and cold
attachment style usually goes through
some really interesting things the first
thing we'll often see for fearful
avoidant attachment Styles is that after
a breakup they become more avoidant so
after a breakup initially happens they
usually cope by pushing people away this
is a really interesting Dynamic of
fearful wooden attachment style as a
whole which is that fearful avoidance
with small things like small things that
are bothering them will try to soo
through others so things where like
they're in an argument with a co-worker
or they're frustrated with their boss at
work they'll often become more in their
anxious side and try to suo through
others around those things not always
but oftentimes but with the really big
things the really really painful things
a really bad breakup a big betrayal a
lot of fear about something usually with
those things that are kind of clocking
like a nine or 10 out of 10 on the
emotional um intensity scale I'll see
the fearful wood become very avoidant
really go into their much more avoidant
side clam up shut down push people away
become ice cold and so you know if the
breakup is something that's happening
where you've been dating somebody for
you know a week or two and it's sort of
like an ending the the chatting
situation you have going on though we
might see the the fearful Point lean in
more anxious but generally with like an
actual breakup if there's a lot of care
in the relationship if there's a decent
relationship history the first thing of
of three or four major things we'll see
here um is that the fearful W will
become extra avoidant and the fearful
avoidant in this space May rationalize
quite well to themselves like okay this
is over I'm fine it's not a big deal for
me I'm more free and fearful avoidance
in this case they also tend to repress
their emotions so when they go kind of
more cold and they go more into their
avoidance side they may rely heavily on
Creature Comforts they may go out and
drink more they may smoke they may um
you know really avoid you know binge
watch television sort of detach from the
external world and really rely on their
Creature Comforts to soothe when they're
in that really avoidant side and that's
a the second major thing that we'll see
here they they kind of go more avoidant
than they go into their Creature
Comforts now eventually if you
completely stop talking to the fful
wooden and they go you go no contact
with them
eventually they have a difficult time
sort of rationalizing that okay I don't
miss the person at all I'm not impacted
by the situation at all I don't care
these sorts of things that they'll tell
themselves really is a mechanism to
soothe right really is a mechanism to
try to like make themselves feel okay
about a situation that feels really
uncomfortable and so you know if you are
the fearful avoidant listening to this
too by the way um it's beneficial to
recognize yourself in these patterns so
that you can then Soo in a healthier way
which will also help you heal faster
through anything that you're you're
going through so in a romantic
relationship friendship these types of
things a breakup a going no contact with
a family member we'll often see again
the same patterns follow suit like go
really into the avoidance side and then
start relying on the Creature Comforts
now the third thing that then happens in
all of these different Dynamics is then
eventually enough time passes where
number one they they can't rationalize
forever um and and so they start sort of
and and number two they have a hard time
like not repressing their feelings I'm
still on number three in total but it's
like 3A and 3B so they have a hard time
not repressing ing their feelings for
that long so eventually they'll start to
kind of feel their feelings a little bit
and then they will get into their
feelings and they'll start to kind of
recognize that they do miss somebody and
this brings us to number four where they
may even move to their anxious side they
may do things to reach out indirectly to
a person like something that they post
on social media send something that's um
you know an old memory or a picture um
call somebody and say they bought dial
them like you know we we'll see these
types of Dynamics with a fearful wom
they'll go into their anxious side but
they'll still it's like their anxious
side passing through the fact that they
still have an voidance side as well and
they don't want to be too vulnerable
they don't want to open up too much and
so when you stop talking to them they'll
ultim ultimately move into that anxious
side but usually it takes about you know
three to six weeks we're generally
seeing in a romantic relationship but
the same types of things apply like post
um friendship breakup um post you know
uh family members going no contact with
one another we'll tend to see these
sorts of Dynamics and from there then we
have like this sort of different path
that opens up by the way I will just say
one thing here too which is that if you
are going through breakup or you're
moving through like a no contact with a
friendship a romantic relationship
family relationship you can check out
are how to heal from a breakup course it
applies to all types of breakups or sort
of distance and relationships it's based
on principles of grief and the whole
course is designed to help you literally
heal as quickly as possible like
literally understand the principles of
grief why we grieve people and exactly
the subconscious things you can do
there's four main steps to take a lot of
that sting out of your grieving process
by like 30 40 maybe even 50% in the time
it takes to complete the course it's
only a couple hours so it really will
help you FASTT track The Grieving by
understanding it and then applying
principles to root cause so um going
back to this though is eventually when
we see the the fearful wooden go into a
space of becoming
um anxious either they will reach out
indirectly and if they feel rejected
when they reach out they'll return to
their avoidant side so if they do reach
out to you and you don't answer their
call or you don't text them back they
will become very avoidant and back into
that really cold side or um if you do
connect they may become more anxiously
attached and sort of Leaning into their
anxious side and start to sort of pick
up seam in the connection but if you
move too fast to getting things back on
track to the way that they were the
fearful void will shut back down again
so we talk a lot about like kind of this
Goldilocks like this middle Zone that
you want to stay in where if you are
reconnecting and potentially rekindling
with a fearful ofo you don't want to go
too much too soon and if you are the
fearful ofoen thinking of rekindling you
don't want to do that to yourself either
you want to take the time to vet
somebody to make sure you're not
repeating the same old patterns or just
jumping back into the same type of
relationship from the getg go so by
vetting somebody and taking your time
over the next four to six weeks to have
different discussions about what wasn't
working what you can do better what
boundaries you need to have what core
wounds you each need to be accountable
of on your side of the relationship you
actually Empower yourself to get back on
track in a more effective Manner and
that will be really important for the
relationship to actually work whether
it's a friendship a romantic
relationship a family relationship but
you also want to make sure if you're the
loved one up a fearful of w you're not
pressuring them too much to move too
quickly or they will go back to that
avoidance side because they'll fear
things being repeated and then you'll
you'll see that whole cycle kind of
rehash from the start so I just wanted
to stop by here and let you know a
really exciting announcement and is that
we are doing $1,000 off of our lifetime
memberships to the personal development
school for life so I will tell you
what's actually included in there number
one you get access to all of our
different 60 plus courses everything
about every single attachment style how
to reprogram how to heal we have courses
in there about the six stages of
relationships and how to navigate each
stage we have courses in there about how
to get back together or heal
relationship ship between different
attachment Styles and all of the steps
for reconnecting and we have all sorts
of other courses on boundaries conflict
communication setting and achieving
goals at the subconscious level seeing
how attachment Styles even show up in
your workplace and how to navigate some
of those different Dynamics and heal
those aspects of your attachment style
there's so many forces in there but
number two feature that we have daily
social support groups so these are small
groups that are all included in the
lifetime membership and we do daily
events sometimes even twice a day where
where there will be you know 10 people
or so led by a trained counselor coach
or facilitator and you can actually join
in there and practice some of the
different tools with other members it's
a great place to build relationships
connect with like-minded people and to
really FastTrack your learning and have
that extra support all the time and
number three we have daily webinars
Monday through Saturday um I do three of
those webinars every single week that's
a time to come in ask me your questions
you can come in on camera we can chat
you can come in on off camera and just
post them in your in the chat whatever
you're most comfortable doing and we
have other amazing counselors coaches
facilitators who also lead other
webinars and again those are slightly
larger groups of people but it's a great
opportunity to connect with like-minded
Learners who also care about the same
things emotional connection
relationships and personal growth so I
hope you check it out we also have all
these different discussion forms in
there we have a Facebook group so you
can connect with each other there as
well and there's a tremendous amount of
communi support in an ongoing way at PDS
so I would love to see you on the other
side I hope you join me and now we'll go
back to the video so I hope this gave
you a lot of insight into what happens
when you stop talking to a fearful
avoidance if you want to do that deeper
dive into healing from a breakup moving
through some of the different pain
points and challenges um it can be very
beneficial to even prepare you for maybe
getting back into the relationship
because you're not grieving and making
decisions from that really emotionally
based place but more from a a more
balanced emotional place as well so
that's it for today let me know
questions you have down below comments
more content you want to see like this
let me know thank you so much for
watching and I look forward to seeing
you in the future videos and I hope you
become a subscriber to this Channel and
join our community thank
you
تصفح المزيد من مقاطع الفيديو ذات الصلة
5 Attractive Habits That Make Avoidants Beg For Your Attention
Fearful Avoidant Attachment & Friends with Benefits Situations
What is The Attachment Theory and How is it Affecting Your Relationships?
The Surprising Traits Avoidant Partners Find Attractive
The 1 thing I did to heal my Fearful Avoidant Attachment Style
How to make an Avoidant Man bond to You in the Bedroom?
5.0 / 5 (0 votes)