STEPHEN COVEY - NEW YORK SUBWAY STORY (Paradigm Shift)

Summary

The speaker shares a story about a paradigm shift that occurred while observing a father and his wild children on a subway. Initially irritated, the speaker confronted the father, only to learn that the children had just lost their mother. This revelation led to an immediate change in perspective, replacing irritation with empathy and a desire to help. The speaker explains that true change comes not from altering behavior or attitudes alone, but from shifting one's paradigm—how one sees the world. Once that happens, behavior naturally follows.

Takeaways

• 🚇 The speaker was on a subway in New York where a man with kids was causing a disturbance.
• 👀 The kids were running around, upsetting people, while the father seemed disengaged.
• 😠 The speaker initially felt irritated by the father's lack of control over the children.
• 😟 Upon confronting the father, the speaker learned that the children had just lost their mother.
• 💔 The father's response caused an immediate shift in the speaker's perspective on the situation.
• 🔄 This paradigm shift transformed the speaker's feelings of irritation into empathy and a desire to help.
• 😊 The speaker realized that changing behavior alone (e.g., acting less irritated) wouldn't have had the same impact as the paradigm shift.
• 🧠 The term 'paradigm' is explained as a pattern or way of seeing reality.
• 🔑 The key message is that by changing one’s paradigm, behavior and attitude will automatically change.
• 📖 True change comes from altering the way one perceives a situation, not just modifying actions or attitudes superficially.

Q & A

What is the 'paradigm shift' described in the script?

The 'paradigm shift' refers to a fundamental change in the way the narrator views the father and his children. Initially, the children were seen as unruly and disruptive, but upon learning that they had just lost their mother, the narrator's perspective shifts, leading to empathy and a desire to help.

Why were the children causing irritation on the subway?

The children were running around and disturbing passengers, which initially caused frustration for the narrator and others on the subway.

How did the narrator initially react to the situation on the subway?

The narrator was irritated by the children's behavior and approached the father to suggest he control his children better.

What explanation did the father give for the children's behavior?

The father explained that they had just come from the hospital, where the children had lost their mother, and neither he nor the children knew how to handle the situation.

How did the narrator's perspective change after learning about the family’s situation?

Upon learning about the children's loss, the narrator's perspective shifted from irritation to empathy. Instead of feeling annoyed, the narrator wanted to help the father and children cope.

What does the narrator suggest would have been a better approach in handling the situation before knowing the context?

The narrator suggests that speaking with a better attitude, not showing irritation, and trying to smile could have improved the situation, even without knowing the full context.

What does the narrator mean by 'paradigm' in this context?

The term 'paradigm' is used to describe a pattern or way of seeing reality. In this case, it refers to the shift in the narrator’s perspective after gaining new information about the father and children’s situation.

What does the narrator imply happens when a paradigm shift occurs?

The narrator implies that when a paradigm shift occurs, it leads to a spontaneous change in behavior and attitude. For example, after the shift, the narrator wanted to help the family instead of being frustrated.

Why does the narrator emphasize the importance of changing paradigms rather than just behavior?

The narrator believes that by changing paradigms (how one sees the world), behavior and attitudes will naturally follow. A shift in perspective leads to a deeper, more authentic change in actions.

What lesson does the narrator hope to convey through the story of the subway incident?

The narrator hopes to convey that our perceptions influence our reactions, and when we change how we see a situation (paradigm shift), we can act with greater empathy, understanding, and compassion.

Outlines

00:00

🚇 Encounter on the Subway

The narrator shares a personal experience from a New York subway where a man boarded with his unruly children, causing disturbance among the passengers. The narrator observes the situation with increasing irritation, hoping the children would settle down, but they do not. Eventually, the narrator feels compelled to address the father, questioning his control over his children.

😔 A Heartbreaking Revelation

The father reveals that they are returning from the hospital, where the children have just lost their mother. He admits he doesn’t know how to handle the situation, and neither do the children. This admission profoundly changes the narrator’s perspective on the situation, invoking sympathy and a deeper understanding of the father's struggle.

🤔 The Paradigm Shift

The narrator discusses how learning about the family's loss immediately shifted their attitude, from annoyance to empathy. The change in perception led to a genuine desire to help the father and his children, highlighting how understanding the underlying context can dramatically alter one's feelings and actions.

🔄 Behavior Follows Perspective

The narrator explains that while small efforts to change behavior might help, true and lasting changes come from a shift in perspective, or a 'paradigm shift.' Once the narrator’s understanding of the situation changed, their behavior and attitude adjusted naturally, without conscious effort.

🔍 What is a Paradigm?

The narrator concludes by defining the word 'paradigm,' tracing its origin to the Greek word 'paradigma,' meaning 'pattern.' A paradigm reflects how individuals perceive reality, and changing it can lead to profound transformations in behavior and attitudes.

Keywords

💡Paradigm shift

A paradigm shift refers to a fundamental change in perspective or worldview. In the script, the narrator experiences a paradigm shift when he learns the reason behind the children's behavior, which completely alters his understanding of the situation. This shift transforms his attitude from irritation to empathy and a desire to help.

💡Perspective

Perspective is the way an individual views a situation or reality. In the video, the narrator initially views the father and his children as disruptive, but after learning about their loss, his perspective changes, leading him to sympathize with their difficult circumstances. The shift in perspective is central to the message about how our reactions are shaped by how we view the world.

💡Empathy

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person. After the narrator discovers that the children lost their mother, he immediately empathizes with the father and wants to help. This marks a transition from irritation to compassion, illustrating the power of empathy to transform interactions.

💡Behavior

Behavior refers to the actions or conduct of a person. In the video, the narrator's behavior is initially driven by irritation, but after experiencing the paradigm shift, his behavior changes spontaneously to one of care and support. The video highlights that behavior often follows our perceptions of reality.

💡Attitude

Attitude is a person's mental or emotional stance towards something. Initially, the narrator’s attitude is critical and frustrated towards the father and children. However, after learning about their situation, his attitude shifts to one of concern and understanding, demonstrating how attitudes evolve with changing perspectives.

💡Frame of reference

A frame of reference refers to the set of assumptions or perspective through which a person views and interprets a situation. The narrator initially views the father as negligent, but his frame of reference shifts when he learns about the family's tragedy, leading him to reevaluate the situation entirely.

💡Irritation

Irritation is a feeling of annoyance or frustration. The narrator feels irritation as the children disturb passengers on the subway, and he initially approaches the father with this emotion. This feeling of irritation contrasts with the empathy and care that emerge once he understands the true situation.

💡Compassion

Compassion is a deep sympathy and concern for the suffering of others, often accompanied by a desire to help. After the paradigm shift, the narrator feels compassion for the father and his children, offering assistance and expressing sorrow for their loss. This emotion is a key result of his changing perspective.

💡Paradigm

A paradigm is a model or pattern of thinking. In the video, the narrator explains that paradigms shape how we interpret reality. The term is used to describe the larger concept that how we see the world (our paradigm) affects our behavior, and changing this paradigm leads to new ways of acting and responding.

💡Reality

Reality refers to the world as it actually is, beyond personal perceptions or misinterpretations. The video emphasizes that while our perceptions shape our reactions, understanding the full reality of a situation—such as the family's grief—can lead to more appropriate and empathetic responses.

Highlights

The speaker describes a scene on a New York subway where children are acting wildly and disturbing people.

The speaker initially expects the children to settle down after a few minutes, but they do not.

The speaker becomes irritated along with other passengers as the children continue to cause disturbance.

The father of the children is described as sitting quietly, not engaging or trying to control them.

The speaker approaches the father, irritated, and suggests that he should control the children better.

The father responds by explaining that they just came from the hospital, where the children lost their mother.

Upon hearing the father’s explanation, the speaker experiences an immediate shift in perspective, or a 'paradigm shift.'

The speaker suddenly feels sympathy for the father and the children after learning about their situation.

The speaker notes that if they had approached the situation with more empathy initially, it could have been handled differently.

The paradigm shift causes the speaker to want to help the father and entertain the children.

The speaker highlights the difference between forcing behavior changes and genuinely changing one’s perspective.

A change in paradigm, or worldview, naturally leads to changes in behavior and attitudes.

The speaker explains that focusing on altering behavior without a shift in perspective is less effective.

The speaker emphasizes that paradigm shifts lead to spontaneous and sincere changes in behavior.

The word 'paradigm' is explained as coming from the Greek word 'paradigma,' meaning 'pattern' or 'how you see reality.'

Transcripts

here's the paradigm shift

um i was on a subway in new york

one man came in with a bunch of little

kids

and they were wild

i thought for sure that they would

settle down after

two or three minutes on the subway but

they were running up and down and

climbing around and really really

upsetting and disturbing people

i was just observing this whole scene

and this continued on so much it became

irritating to people

and i started to feel some irritation

and the father

just kind of sat there

kind of looking around his head was down

a lot of the time

i was kind of annoyed and i went up to

him and i said sir

you know your children are so upsetting

to so many people don't you think you

can control them a little better than

this

and he said

i know

yeah and we've just come from the

hospital and they've just lost their

mother and

they don't know quite how to handle it i

guess and

i don't either i mean

it's always you know

so hard see now

imagine you're in that situation

would you have a paradigm shift

in fact didn't you just have it just now

you see him totally differently don't

you

now what if i'd really tried to just

change my behavior a little

not speak with say irritation in my

voice

or have a little better attitude toward

him see or just smile about it but no

effort

to see it from another frame of

reference see you can see how i can make

a little improvement in the situation

but when a fundamental shift took place

in the way i saw that situation

then i immediately wanted to help him

let me help with the children let me

entertain them or play with them i'm so

sorry about the loss of their

their mother and your wife it's just

so

can you tell me a little about it see

in other words it spontaneously it

sincerely came out of me new behavior

new attitudes

you don't consciously work on behavior

and attitudes what you do is work on

your paradigm

then the behavior and the attitude will

automatically begin to change now

paradigm

is a word that comes from the

greek word paradigma it means

pattern

how you see reality