Keeping the humanness at work when using Reality-Based Leadership
Summary
TLDRIn this episode of the Reality Based Leadership podcast, S Wakeman and Alex Dore discuss the misconception that eliminating drama in the workplace leads to a loss of humanness. They argue that by using reality-based leadership tools, employees can transcend the ego-driven drama and tap into their authentic, compassionate selves, fostering a more supportive and innovative work environment. The hosts emphasize the importance of validating feelings while challenging the stories behind them, encouraging leaders to help their teams move beyond limitations and towards greater impact.
Takeaways
- 🤝 The fear of removing drama from the workplace is a concern for many, as they worry it may lead to a loss of humanness and emotional expression.
- 💡 Reality Based Leadership (RBL) aims to diminish drama, not human emotions, encouraging a more evolved expression of humanness in the workplace.
- 🧠 The human brain has a tendency to default to drama, but RBL tools help raise awareness and guide individuals to move beyond these patterns.
- 🌟 Instead of being robots, people who practice RBL can tap into a more evolved version of themselves, using their full intelligence and emotional capacity.
- 🚫 The concept of 'bringing your whole self to work' is challenged; instead, it's encouraged to bring your 'most evolved self', leaving behind primitive reactions.
- 🧐 RBL encourages individuals to question their stories and feelings, reducing the charge of emotions that are based on assumptions or grievances.
- 🛠️ The 'Edit Your Story' tool helps in breaking down large emotions to their factual core, which can then guide clear and purposeful action.
- 💖 After removing drama, the true humanness emerges, which includes increased compassion, kindness, and the desire to find win-win solutions.
- 🔄 The natural state of humans is to be accountable, innovative, and emotionally rich, which is achieved when drama and ego are set aside.
- 🌈 RBL practices lead to a workplace where people feel more connected, supported, and engaged, focusing on shared dreams and positive contributions.
Q & A
What is the main concern discussed in the podcast about reality-based leadership?
-The main concern discussed is the fear that by reducing drama in the workplace, leaders might also reduce the humanness, leading to a robotic work environment where employees cannot express emotions or have their needs met.
How does the podcast address the misconception that reducing drama leads to a lack of humanness?
-The podcast explains that reducing drama does not equate to removing humanness. Instead, it's about raising awareness of the human condition and gently moving beyond it, using tools and strategies to think differently and maintain human connection.
What does the term 'Human Condition' refer to in the context of the podcast?
-In the podcast, 'Human Condition' refers to the innate human tendencies to default to drama, which can lead to patterns of behavior that are not productive or healthy in a workplace setting.
What is the significance of 'thinking inside the box' in the context of maintaining humanness in the workplace?
- 'Thinking inside the box' is a tool that encourages leaders to work within the constraints of reality-based leadership (RBL) while still maintaining their humanity. It's about finding the balance between using RBL tools and staying authentically human.
How does the podcast suggest leaders validate employees' experiences without validating their faulty sense-making?
-Leaders are encouraged to acknowledge and validate the feelings employees have, such as frustration or discomfort, but to challenge the stories and assumptions that employees make about their experiences. This helps employees question their thinking and move towards a more productive mindset.
What is the role of emotions in a drama-free workplace according to the podcast?
-In a drama-free workplace, emotions are not suppressed but rather channeled in a constructive way. Emotions based on stories and assumptions are reduced, but genuine human emotions like compassion, joy, and the desire to help others are enhanced.
How does the podcast differentiate between 'feelings' and 'drama'?
-According to the podcast, 'feelings' are genuine emotional responses that can be acknowledged and validated, while 'drama' arises from stories, judgments, and assumptions that are often based on things that haven't happened or are speculative in nature.
What advice does the podcast give to leaders about dealing with their own feelings and biases?
-Leaders are advised to work on their own biases, feel their feelings, and use the tools of reality-based leadership on themselves first. This self-awareness and practice enable them to better help their teams manage their emotions and thoughts effectively.
How does the podcast suggest using the 'edit your story' tool to deal with strong emotions?
-The 'edit your story' tool involves breaking down a big, emotionally charged story into factual elements. This process can help individuals identify the core feelings without the weight of the story, which can then lead to clear action or a better understanding of how to respond to the situation.
What is the ultimate goal of reality-based leadership as presented in the podcast?
-The ultimate goal of reality-based leadership is to create a workplace where people can be their most evolved selves, fostering a culture of accountability, innovation, and compassion. It's about transcending the limitations of the human condition to unlock greater potential and impact in the world.
How does the podcast suggest leaders foster a more human workplace?
-Leaders are encouraged to build relationships, connect with their teams on a personal level, validate experiences, and use reality-based leadership tools to help team members move beyond barriers. This approach helps uncover the authentic humanness that ego often hides, leading to a more supportive and impactful work environment.
Outlines
🎙️ Introduction to Reality Based Leadership
The podcast begins with host S Wakeman welcoming listeners to another episode of the Reality Based Leadership podcast. S introduces his co-host, Alex Dore, Vice President of People Evolution, and expresses excitement for their future co-hosting endeavors. The main topic of discussion is the concern that removing drama from the workplace, a key aspect of reality-based leadership, might also remove the human element. S and Alex aim to address this fear and explore how to maintain humanness while reducing unnecessary drama.
🤔 The Fear of Losing Humanness
S and Alex delve into the common fear that by reducing drama in the workplace, leaders might inadvertently turn employees into emotionless robots. They argue that this is a misconception and that the goal is not to eliminate human emotions but to raise awareness of the patterns that lead to drama. The discussion highlights the importance of shifting from default patterns that lead to drama to a more evolved state of being, where individuals can still express their feelings but in a constructive and drama-free manner.
🌳 Beyond the Human Condition
The conversation continues with S emphasizing that while it's impossible to completely remove the human condition, leaders can work towards transcending it. S introduces the idea of using tools and strategies to help individuals toggle between their primitive and evolved selves. Alex adds that bringing one's 'most evolved self' to work means being aware of one's biases and leveraging differences to foster an inclusive environment. The discussion also touches on the importance of not intellectualizing feelings into grievances but rather using them as information to guide actions.
💡 The True Nature of Humanness
S and Alex discuss the true nature of humanness, arguing that it is not about indulging in negative emotions or drama, but rather about uncovering the authentic, compassionate, and curious human being that lies beneath the ego's influence. They highlight the importance of leaders helping their teams to question their thinking and move beyond barriers to reach their full potential. The conversation also touches on the transformative power of shifting from a drama-filled environment to one that fosters positive emotions and a desire to make a meaningful impact.
🌟 Embracing Authentic Humanness
In the final paragraph, S shares a personal story from a workshop that illustrates the transition from judgment and negativity to a more authentic and supportive human interaction. The story demonstrates how focusing on facts and eliminating assumptions can lead to a more meaningful and emotionally positive conversation. S and Alex conclude by encouraging leaders to embrace their feelings, question their stories, and help their teams do the same. They invite listeners to provide feedback and share their experiences with reality-based leadership.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Reality Based Leadership
💡Drama
💡Ego
💡Human Condition
💡Emotions
💡Accountability
💡Innovation
💡Edit Your Story
💡Toggling Up/Down
💡Humanness
💡Sense Making
Highlights
The discussion revolves around the concept of reality-based leadership and its impact on the humanness in the workplace.
The fear that removing drama from the workplace might also remove the human element is a common misconception.
The human condition, including ego, is an inherent part of everyone, and it's not about rejecting it but understanding and managing it.
The idea of bringing one's 'whole self' to work is challenged, with the suggestion to bring one's 'most evolved self' instead.
Drama is often confused with emotions, but it stems from stories and assumptions that may not be based on facts.
The practice of editing one's story to reach the facts can lead to clearer emotions and actions, rather than leading to inaction or robot-like behavior.
The humanness in the workplace is not diminished by removing drama; instead, it allows for a more authentic and impactful expression of humanity.
Leaders are encouraged to validate feelings but not the stories or assumptions that employees make about their experiences.
The use of tools and strategies like 'Thinking Inside the Box' can help leaders and teams navigate complex emotional and interpersonal situations.
Authentic human connection and support can be enhanced by focusing on shared dreams and aspirations rather than dwelling on grievances.
The natural state of humans is to be compassionate, kind, and solution-oriented, which is often obscured by ego-driven drama and judgments.
The transition from ego-based to reality-based leadership can lead to a more positive, inclusive, and emotionally intelligent work environment.
The importance of leaders being in touch with their own emotions and capable of questioning their stories to better support their teams.
The potential for teams to experience a shift from negative bonding over judgments to positive collaboration on dreams and goals.
The call to action for leaders to embrace reality-based leadership as a means to enhance the human experience in the workplace.
The podcast format is designed to be more casual and relatable, reflecting the kind of discussions that happen at a kitchen table.
The invitation for listeners to engage with the podcast, share it with their teams, and provide feedback for continuous improvement.
Transcripts
hello everyone and welcome to another episode of the reality based leadership podcast I'm s Wakeman
hopefully you're here because you know at least my name and I'm hoping you know Alex Dore our vice
president of people Evolution he is uh here today um and hopefully on every episode going forward
with me we're GNA um co-host these things so hey Alex how's life in your world Life's good this way
and I'm excited for this topic got today so hope everybody's well it's it's going to be um a good
one the topic Alex and I wanted to bring up today is um if you practice reality based leadership and
if you really work to take the drama out of your workplace a big fear is if we take the drama out
do we take the humanness out like that's really the work of the ego right like people will say
well gosh if I diminish drama then my people just seem to show up as robots and that's ego thinking
because it's very polarized it's very like gosh if I do the hard things you're telling me which
the ego doesn't want to have it happen then you know um we'll just have a robotic workplace where
nobody can have feelings or get their needs met or there can be like no humanness at work and
it's absolutely not the case but it certainly is a fear I think you hear it too Alex when we
talk about ditching the drama people are like so um we're just going to all you know be new
and never have any emotion and just you know be basically robots yeah it's like say yes to
whatever we're ask not really have feelings if a strategy shifts out of nowhere we can't really
like feel that oh I was I worked on that project for eight months I shouldn't feel that now we're
going this way and uh and yeah and one thing I said recently when I heard this is someone's
like I'm a little nervous to take the humanness out and I said it I don't totally agree with it
but I'm like we're not taking the humanness out we're trying to take a little bit of that Human
Condition out now you can't really take you can't take the Human Condition out it's going to come up
and that's where we sometimes get into patterns that we all have that default to drama but we're
it's more about raising the awareness of The Human Condition so we can gently move Beyond it it's not
like taking it out because you can't really do that but I thought that was the play on words
I was trying to to just interrupt their thinking a bit to say we we can we can keep the humanness and
bring in a couple of rbl tools or ways to think through a challenge differently so that's kind of
how I've seen it come up as uh play on those words with people I love it I love it and I think it's
really key because you know for some people that get deep into my work I'm really into internal
family um systems as far as a a therapy concept and that's where like our all parts are welcome
like even your ego is not to be rejected or tried to like if you're toggle down that's not the time
to be like oh I gotta stop thinking that it's a time to welcome and say Let me listen into what
I'm thinking and work to get into inquiry so that we can resolve um dissolve things so that we can
resolve things and I think a way I shock people too is people will say you know well you know
in the in in my interpretation of you know Dei work like I'm gonna bring my whole self to work
and I often respond in a way that's disarming I'm like please do not do that and the reason
it's disarming is most people who know me know I work pretty hard at my own biases and trying
to be you know inclusive and leverage people's differences and like all are welcome here right
but when they say I want to bring my whole self to work and for me I'm like don't do that please
do not do that bring your most evolved self to work and that's the recognition that we all this
Human Condition we will come in toggle down at times and we've got tools so that you can toggle
up and make sure that you're bringing your most intelligent self like when you're toggled down in
ego you're working with your most primitive brain and when you're toggled up and you're in brain
coherence you really are using like all of your intelligence whether it's emotional intelligence
or um expansive thinking or innovation you know because our Natural State really is accountability
Innovation and all of that when U when we're toggled up and when the drama gone so we're just
asking people to not bring in drama and drama can look like feelings it's mostly Behavior by the way
it's not really feelings but drama is usually if you have feelings feelings based on story
or things that never happened so once you clean up the story you clean up a ton of the feelings
that come with the story yeah and I I and I've thought about that often is the feeling as you
clean up the story loses a bit of the charge you still might be because some people are like oh
so I use these tools and I edit my story get to the facts and I'm like either a robot or I just
go sit in a forest somewhere and drool and like don't take action you know so it's like you're
you're taking out all the humanist or you get into inaction and what often happens I find
with like an edit your story tool where you take the big story that's causing the big feelings get
down to the facts you might be left with still being frustrated or that is a in the world and
it gets you so clear that you have to take action and kind of be a better human or it brings your
your softest part out so you you can't even help yourself to go help like you have to do it and
and so um the humanness actually I find comes out in its best way after you ditch the drama so it's
counterintuitive to those that initially hear our stuff they're like I feel like we're starting to
take some of the you know the human out of human resources or we're taking the human out of of the
workplace and and I find people tap into a whole different part of their humanness when the drama's
gone that they didn't even know they had or it's it's a bigger heart or it's bigger um impact they
have from that because when we're into emotions that come out of like drama and story we're not
being helpful we're judging or we want to get even or we want to isolate and um you know kick people
out of our lives like we really only have some primitive options like fight flight freeze spawn
and once you really get in there and you edit your story like what do I know for sure your natural
helping inclination it naturally leads you to the next question um how can I help and that's why in
my tedex talk and if you all haven't seen that go out to YouTube and check it out in my tedex
talk I talked about the three questions that will naturally move you very humanly through
a place that you can really make a difference in people's lives that it's not about burning
yourself out and churn and who's to blame and feeling victimized and feeling like you need to
play defense and come up with the big Strate it's really like what do I know for sure what could I
do next that would help and then if we were great like what would what would great look like um and
that goes with our philosophy of venting like I want people to share their feelings and a lot of
us need to grieve a true loss and um there's a lot of feelings to be had in the world but most
of the time we start to feel a feeling and we intellectualize it into a grievance like I wake
up anxious and I'm like why am I anxious well if I really looked at why I'm anxious because we're in
a world that has some unsettling things going on and I care a lot and so if I'm being responsible
to my feelings I'm saying given I'm anxious how should I move through the world today like use
my feelings this information I'm anxious I'm G to move through the day more carefully I'm not
going to expect people to read my mind I'm going to really make sure that I'm not using alcohol
or something else to medicate I'm gonna today is an anxious day I'm going to you know make sure I
do my meditation and then move softly through the world so instead what most people do is they go I
feel anxious and then they go I wonder why oh my gosh my boss never communicates anything to me or
my organization hasn't kept me psychological safe and what that's doing is it's intellectualizing
your feelings into a grievance and so with the drama inventing it's like I want you to share
your feelings and some context around that but the minute you go into story and justification
and speculation and conspiracy theory about like who's trying to do what to whom that's where you
you've left it so what I like to invite leaders to do is validate people's experience this is hard
this is unexpected I I'm uncomfortable I see that but don't validate the sense their making of their
experience because a big part of accountability is helping do sense making mentoring and if you
don't validate the sense people are making their experience and you invite invite them
into to question their thinking and our tools and curiosity and compassion you can get them back in
a position where they actually could connect this unpreferred reality to a different future it's
our way of getting people back um in play and so you might say like I'm really frustrated I go I
see that but when you go on to say and you know this person is trying to do this on purpose and
they're trying to make me look bad and you know they don't care about the customer I'm like time
out it's all elaborate scheme to get someone else a position you know yeah time out as a leader I
need to invite you to question that so you see people and you love them up you see their human
but then you call them up to go beyond their Human Condition and what you're going to get
down to is who they authentically are which are good people who are naturally accountable
who care a lot about having impacts in the world and that's the humanness we're trying to uncover
that the ego is um hiding from us so you've got to like do a lot of revealing there it's so well
said and I don't know for the those watching on the video I I I I'm a little bit of a nerd
to the point where like visual tools which by the way the ego loves you know verbal dialogue
ambiguity which is why as s mentioned it loves venting and so she kind of talked about if you
can see this there's one line that's like sharing the feeling but then the story on this other side
we call this this means that or it's a way to see what's happening there then the story gets
really long with all those judgments assignments and motive and in sometimes just seeing this um
feelings are great it's that's the part we can acknowledge and validate the feeling that you're
frustrated but that other story there is what to investigate and then from the feeling that's
left over like I said earlier it you might still be frustrated and then the next step and I think
it's the most human thing you can do is I'm here with you why you're struggling I see why you're
frustrated and then two options let's impact it or radically accept and let this one go kind of Grace
and tolerance but a lot of times we think we're being the human supporter by letting someone stay
in what we call the third option which is kind of stay and complain about it stay and hear you vent
about it and it takes some discernment but I think what people eventually see in a lot of
our tools that support someone struggling is that you you're doing the most human thing if you stay
in there and hold the center with someone as they go through that process and eventually through one
of our tools and I want to bring up another one so I'm kind of having a nerdy moment is uh when
someone's like how do we keep the humanness in the workplace while trying rbl I one time in a
session just was about to answer it because we've already gone through like three of our answers we
would say and you might say well those sound kind of good but I eventually you know what I would say
people are like how do we how do we not take the humanness out of it I'm like you just don't like
I remember you said that as a response I was sitting in that session I almost died laughing
because you're like why don't we just keep you keep being a human and then add a tool in there
but one time I brought up our Thinking Inside the Box I'm like I could answer this for you
but let's just think through this differently so I kind of did like a a reversal tool within
the tool where I'm not going to answer this for him and the person smiled at me and it was like
well on one side let's keep the rbl tools let's try those out and they want to do either or can
I use rbl or can I keep the humanness and it's an NE or it's the sucker's choice so I just said our
goal is to have better well-being and a beautiful workplace that's kind of the overall goal these
aren't mutually exclusive and then cross out the or for and so it's like given our goal is a great
um workplace where we get good results given rbl seems like you're interested in the option on one
side but you're worried about the humanness how can we think inside the box and the person next
to the in the session kind of dropped the mic it was a colleague just like dropped the mic because
then the person that I did that to they smiled and kind of the audience smiled because this is their
answer it's the leadership magic is where you work each day to stay human ask about people's
kids connect with them build those relationships and then feel those moments where it's validate
your experience and let's get you beyond this barrier and and so the Thinking Inside the Box
is my favorite tool to do that but I almost called them up with that within that question there and
so it's like the ego was running from that call to Greatness too and and they smiled and kind
of thanked at thanked me at the end for staying in there so instead of just answering it like a
lot of us leaders do I was letting them kind of process that and find the sweet spot where the
humanist stays and we try a tool and and that's where they if they're operating in there they're
they're in the right direction that's what I was that softly dissolves things so leaders can engage
the ego I'm going to tell you it's possible are tools just help us clarify reality up in front
of you and then let you look at that you're like well wait a minute now that you've got
it out there on paper that makes no sense like there's gotta way got to be a way that we can
can do um both of those and I think what we need to remember in our workplaces and the reason that
they're challenging especially right now is that most of us are not showing up who we authentically
are as humans because I think authentically we as humans are compassionate and kind and curious
and that we want to find win-win Solutions and we want inclusive work environments no one is really
thrilled when there's conflict and yet we create so much conflict because of our own thinking in
our world a lot of people are feeling lonely but what they don't understand is their own judgment
is the first thing that separated them out from from the the group and now they're out there
alone they feel under supported and um you know I believe our natural state is full of emotion
and um that emotion can be like gratitude and appreciation and um um connection and joy and
you know um you know Victory and and and sometimes I tell the story when people are concerned about
this because I yet if you take what we're asking take the drama out it feels at times like we're
just taking the human out just come to work you know agree with what we say don't you know people
really you'll see the ego take our philosophy to extremes and one time I was at a workshop where I
was just really doing some deep work on editing my story and questioning my thinking and it had
been a long day and we were asked to go to dinner together and we were asked and our our assignment
was to just really hold each other accountable to just speaking the truth no assignment of motive
no assumptions no judgments and you know I'm like I'm not a very judgmental person how hard
can that be so we go to dinner and the first thing that started to happen was our unconscious selves
our ego coming out where we're like oh my gosh did you hear about Brenda and her husband and they're
divorcing and what is she thinking and then we all were like well I bet she's thinking this and
I know and and so we were way into judgment and story and we called ourselves we like guys we need
to yeah well and at least like let's not start out negative it's so easy to you know um Talk
negatively about someone so then we intentionally tried to be positive and so somebody says oh my
gosh like this chicken is really delicious and then we started having fun we're like actually
it's just chicken you can't really judge it to be delicious that's the story we start laughing
and then somebody's like do we even know it's chicken for sure like what do we know and the
chef has said yeah the chef has stated that it's chicken but we don't even know and it was like the
stars are beautiful and we're like oh actually if we're sating facts there's 1.2 trillion stars in
you know our galaxy or whatever people knew the facts and what happened was we got super quiet
because everything you would bring up to talk about all that cheap bonding that bne brown talks
about everything we' bring up to talk about was like gosh can't really say that can't really say
that and for a while there wasn't a lot to talk about and then what we all started doing naturally
is we started talking about our hopes and dreams and what people wanted in the future like it was
really the topic that was eligible for dinner that night and the cool thing started happening is when
somebody would bring up a topic they're like so like let's talk about like what do you guys all
dreaming and scheming about like what would be an awesome thing that you would like to have happen
in your life and somebody said you know gosh I really do a lot with this charity for water and
I really want to get more involved when I retire in clean water and you know what the rest of the
table did they jumped in how can I help somebody's like I know a person in the Gates Foundation that
works on that I'll introduce you everybody started offering up ways to help people's dreams and how
we could and the entire energy shifted emotion got high again but it was excitement it was thinking
of possibilities it was joyful it was um big energy around what if we could well sounds like
action too like email here's an email you got it down ready to send when you get back you know yeah
and and so it really took us from this passive kind of complaining judging um emotion but emotion
of you know we were even saying things like well it just pisses me off when Brenda does X and she
should recognize like Steve's a good guy like we around the table it wasn't even our life we
were mad about the choices this you know friend who needed our support was making ugly side of
the human condition but what I loved about that evolution is is the evolution that has happened
on our work team and every team I've worked with to implement rbl the emotion doesn't leave the
humanist doesn't leave we just get down to the most beautiful humanist which is a judgment but
the the humanist that's helpful and it's a reset for our teams where you might think you're dealing
and feelings and emotion but what you're probably dealing in is those emotions generated from story
and once you get rid of the story story you get rid of a lot of the emotions there's not a lot to
be angry about in the world um but there's a lot I can get excited about and then step into my point
of impact and really make a difference and that's really the call we're making with reality based
leadership is let's get this back transcending our Human Condition so that in our humanness we
can really plug and play in co-creative ways that um really makes this world place and work work
place better well and the last thing I want to connect to something you said earlier is
you know the first version of the group kind of judging and stuff there's a lot of conversation
it looks Lively although it's kind of negative so you feel like in some ways that's my whole
self like we're really connecting getting into like sharing our feelings about that and you're
learning about me because that frustrates me so you feel like that's the humans coming together
like if you're looking at that table like that's a lot of good humanness going on they're really
connecting but when you look at the difference in the second phase that's what we're talking
about like that evolved humanness that many of us think we have but have is better intimacy it
Wasing yeah so um I feel like that's kind of that lesson there that I haven't heard it from that
story said like that but that's really what we're we're hoping to point to that's out there and and
don't take art word for it um check it out for yourself but a lot of what we've seen at the end
of the practice of these these tools and some of these philosophies is is that beautiful although
it's a judgment that other way forward it really is and leaders if you're listening to us you can't
take teams where you have not gone so get in touch with your own feelings grieve what you
need to feelings feel your feelings I have a whole chapter in life SP you live happy about feel your
feelings they're good information um but don't trust your feelings question your stories and so
leaders if you aren't able to feel your feelings and resist the urge to um intellectualize those
interg grievances you can't help your people um do that so use this on yourself first and
and then move forward we hope you're loving this new U more casual just Alex and I getting together
um talking about things that we talk about when we're together at the kitchen table um and if you
are we would love for you to rate this podcast share it um share it with your teams um talk at
up out there we went from no ego to reality based leadership and that switch we want to make sure
we don't lose people um along the way so if you subscribed to no ego or Alex's Carver those are
great subscribe now to reality based leadership it's going to be our format that we spend the
next couple years in um playing with um what works best for all of you and as always we'd love your
feedback so ellex keep on being human just to just people with it I'm gonna chew on this one
some more but this was this was fun to get into so um can't wait to hear the feedback awesome
5.0 / 5 (0 votes)