Raising a Gender-Neutral Child | Raising Baby Grey | The New Yorker Documentary
Summary
TLDRDieses Video skizziert das Leben eines Paares, das sich für geschlechterneutrale Erziehung entscheidet. Sie erzählen von ihren Bedenken und Herausforderungen, wie die Beantwortung der Frage nach Geschlecht und die Reaktion anderer auf ihre Entscheidung. Sie möchten, dass ihr Kind Grey ohne gesellschaftliche Vorurteile aufwächst und selbst bestimmen kann, wer es sein möchte. Das Paar diskutiert auch über die Bedeutung von Geschlecht und Biologie und wie diese das Kind früh beeinflussen kann. Sie sind sich bewusst, dass es Schwierigkeiten geben könnte, aber sie sind bestrebt, ein umarmendes Umfeld für Grey zu schaffen.
Takeaways
- 👨👩👦 Eltern diskutieren die Herausforderungen und Freuden der Elternschaft und fragen sich, ob sie alles richtig machen.
- 👶 Das Paar spricht über die Vorfreude auf die Elternschaft und die Platzprobleme in ihrer Wohnung für ein Baby.
- ⚖️ Sie entscheiden sich, ihr Kind Grey geschlechtsneutral zu erziehen, damit Grey frei entscheiden kann, wer sie sein möchten.
- 🌈 Eltern betonen, dass gesellschaftliche Erwartungen an Geschlecht von Geburt an Einfluss auf das Verhalten gegenüber Kindern haben.
- 🧠 Sie wollen Geschlechterstereotype minimieren und ihr Kind ohne diese Erwartungen aufwachsen lassen.
- 🏳️🌈 Die Mutter reflektiert über ihre eigene Kindheit und wie Geschlechterrollen sie verwirrt und belastet haben.
- 🛠️ Sie streben an, als Eltern Vertrauen und Offenheit zu schaffen, damit Grey sich sicher fühlt, ihre Identität auszudrücken.
- 🌍 Sie betonen, dass sie in Brooklyn in einer unterstützenden und inklusiven Gemeinschaft leben, was für ihre Erziehungsansätze von Vorteil ist.
- 👥 Das Paar spricht über die Herausforderung, wie andere Eltern und Außenstehende auf ihre Erziehungsmethoden reagieren.
- 🎂 Am Ende des Videos feiern sie Greys Geburtstag und betonen, dass ihr Kind letztlich seine eigene Identität wählen wird.
Q & A
Worüber sprechen die Eltern in Bezug auf ihr erstes Date?
-Die Eltern sprechen darüber, dass sie bei ihrem ersten Date das Thema Kinder angesprochen haben und ob sie Kinder haben möchten.
Was ist der Ansatz der Eltern hinsichtlich der Geschlechtsidentität ihres Kindes Grey?
-Die Eltern ziehen einen geschlechtsneutralen bzw. geschlechtskreativen Ansatz vor, damit Grey ohne die gesellschaftlichen Erwartungen bezüglich des Geschlechts aufwachsen kann.
Warum glauben die Eltern, dass unbewusste Vorurteile hinsichtlich des Geschlechts Kinder beeinflussen?
-Die Eltern glauben, dass unbewusste Vorurteile um Geschlechterrollen die Wege beeinflussen, die Kinder im Leben einschlagen, da bereits kleine Unterschiede in der Behandlung von Kindern aufgrund ihres wahrgenommenen Geschlechts eine große Wirkung haben können.
Wie reagieren die Eltern auf die Frage anderer Leute nach dem Geschlecht ihres Kindes?
-Die Eltern verwenden für Grey die Pronomen 'they/them' und erklären, dass Grey sie eines Tages selbst darüber informieren wird, welches Geschlecht sie sich zuordnen.
Welche Herausforderungen erwarten die Eltern bei der geschlechtsneutralen Erziehung von Grey?
-Die Eltern erwarten, dass Grey irgendwann Scham oder Stigmatisierung aufgrund der geschlechtsneutralen Erziehung erfahren könnte, sind aber bereit, offen über ihre Entscheidungen zu sprechen.
Wie beschreiben die Eltern ihre eigenen Erfahrungen mit Geschlechtsidentität?
-Die Mutter erzählt, dass sie in ihrer Kindheit das Gefühl hatte, anders zu sein, besonders im Hinblick auf die Erwartungen ihrer Mutter, eine 'mädchenhafte' Tochter zu haben. Diese Diskrepanz führte zu Gefühlen der Isolation und Angst.
Wie wird das Thema Geschlecht in der Erziehung von Grey angesprochen?
-Die Eltern erklären, dass Geschlecht eher mit sozialen und kulturellen Aspekten verbunden ist, wie Kleidung und Verhalten, während das biologische Geschlecht auf Genitalien basiert.
Was ist die Meinung der Eltern über gesellschaftliche Reaktionen auf ihre Erziehungsmethoden?
-Die Eltern erleben gelegentlich Kritik und Unverständnis, fühlen sich jedoch in ihrer Entscheidung, Grey geschlechtsneutral zu erziehen, bestätigt. Sie sind der Meinung, dass jede Erziehung ihre Herausforderungen hat.
Wie stehen die Eltern zu den möglichen Auswirkungen ihrer Erziehung auf Grey?
-Die Eltern glauben, dass Grey trotz der geschlechtsneutralen Erziehung irgendwann mit gesellschaftlichen Erwartungen konfrontiert wird, sind jedoch zuversichtlich, dass sie Grey auf diese Herausforderungen vorbereiten können.
Wie reagieren Familienmitglieder und Betreuungseinrichtungen auf die Erziehung von Grey?
-Die Familienmitglieder und das Betreuungspersonal von Grey sind bemüht, die von den Eltern gewünschten Pronomen und Erziehungsansätze zu respektieren, auch wenn gelegentlich Fehler gemacht werden.
Outlines
👨👩👦 Geschlechtsneutrale Erziehung und Herausforderungen
Das Paar reflektiert über die anfänglichen Unsicherheiten, Kinder großzuziehen, insbesondere in Bezug auf geschlechtsneutrale Erziehung. Sie beschreiben die Gesellschaft, die oftmals geschlechterspezifische Erwartungen an Kinder stellt, und wie sie diese vermeiden möchten, um Grey die Freiheit zu geben, sich selbst zu entfalten. Die Eltern wollen die subtilen geschlechtsbezogenen Unterschiede im Umgang mit Kindern minimieren, um keine starren Rollenbilder zu vermitteln.
🏫 Einfluss von Umgebung und Geschlecht auf die Entwicklung
Das Paar spricht darüber, wie bereits kleine Unterschiede in der Behandlung von Jungen und Mädchen großen Einfluss auf die Entwicklung haben können. Sie erklären, wie die Gesellschaft Geschlechtsnormen durchsetzt und wie sie versuchen, Grey davor zu schützen. Sie betonen, dass sie in Brooklyn eine inklusive Umgebung und Schulen gefunden haben, die ihre Erziehungsphilosophie unterstützen. Gleichzeitig bereiten sie sich darauf vor, Grey über die gesellschaftlichen Erwartungen an Geschlechterrollen aufzuklären.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Genderneutrale Erziehung
💡Pronomen
💡Unbewusste Vorurteile
💡Geschlechtsidentität
💡Elternschaft
💡Gesellschaftliche Erwartungen
💡Suizidale Gedanken
💡Queer
💡Inklusive Schulen
💡Risikominderung
Highlights
Parents discussing the decision to raise their child in a gender-neutral way.
Father's early thoughts on becoming a parent and the joy he felt about parenting.
The impact of societal gender expectations and unconscious biases on how children are treated based on their perceived gender.
Mother's reflection on her own upbringing and the pressures of gender conformity.
The parents' desire to minimize the influence of societal gender norms on their child.
Discussion on how people's treatment of children changes based on their perception of the child's gender.
Parents emphasizing that gender and sex are separate, with sex being biological and gender being how one moves through the world.
Parents' approach to explaining gender and genitals to their child as they grow older.
Reflection on societal judgment and criticism towards non-traditional parenting methods.
Comparison of evolving parenting practices, such as the normalization of seatbelt use.
The parents acknowledging that their child may still face stigma and shame, but they are prepared to discuss their parenting decisions with them.
Use of 'they/them' pronouns for the child until they can express their own gender identity.
The importance of trust between parent and child, and the parents' goal of creating an open and supportive environment.
The parents' appreciation for their supportive family, friends, and daycare, while acknowledging occasional mistakes.
Overall emphasis on letting the child decide who they want to be without forcing societal norms upon them.
Transcripts
[relaxing music]
- [Father] I think on our first date we talked about,
"Do you want kids?"
- [Mother] A lot of people,
their initial reaction is,
"Oh this is so different, it must be wrong."
- [Father] "What if I'm not being the right dad?
"Or not being the right mom?"
Or "What if what I'm doing is really damaging them?"
and some people can get really like, personally offended
like, "how dare you do this?".
[relaxing music]
[heart beat]
[laughing]
- I was very excited looking around our tiny apartment
like, where are we gonna put a baby?
- [Mother] Keep trying.
- [Father] Baby crepe, un-crepe the baby.
- Whatcha eatin' Grey?
I was so excited to parent,
I've wanted to be a parent since I was 16 years old.
It's one of the most challenging
and also one of the most rewarding things
I've ever done in my life.
[baby cooing]
[relaxing music]
What do you think, Kiddo?
There you go.
- [Father] [grunt] gotta get the booty in.
The question of, is this a boy is this a girl,
as long as that's still an unknown,
people act much more neutrally.
So, if we're raising Grey in a gender neutral
slash gender creative way,
Grey can be who they want to be
without the strictures that society
puts on so many kids so early on.
- [Mother] See all the birds? Look there's another one!
- From the minute someone finds out a child's sex,
the tone of your voice, the way that you speak,
the way that you handle a child, changes
in little ways that most people go,
"oh it's not a big deal",
but it can be because it builds up.
- These unconscious biases that we hold around gender,
they absolutely frame the paths
that our children think that they can go down.
- The ones that are born with penises
get much more rougher handled
and peoples voices get lower and,
"oh you're a tough guy, buddy"
and "hi princess", higher voices, softer tone.
We really wanted to minimize that
as much as humanly possible,
because without those expectations
kids are free to be whoever they want to be.
We really wanted everyone to treat Grey
thee way you would any other child,
regardless of gender.
I was born and raised in rural Wyoming.
I always knew I was different,
I couldn't put my finger on what it was.
I think my mom wanted a very feminine, girly girl daughter.
I wore a lot of pink dresses.
I knew pretty immediately, something about this isn't right,
but I just didn't know who was safe, what was safe.
On the inside I felt alone and isolated,
and at times afraid,
and when things really became overwhelming
and seemingly unapproachable,
I would turn to suicidal thoughts.
But luckily, I had family and friends who were there for me.
I remember eating dinner, I remember looking at them going,
"when am I gonna grow my penis?"
Both my parents were just kind of frozen
and then they had to be like, "oh, you don't grow one."
- [Older Man] The amazing Tiffany.
- "How do you know that you're queer?",
like everybody questions it.
- [Older Man] All right just talk to me.
- [Mother] It's so silly, 'cause if you flip it, you're like
"how did you know you were straight?",
why would you ever ask that,
it's just like the assumption that you're straight,
and so I struggled a lot with that.
I think about all of the people that I know
who are trans or non-binary who's experiences growing up
were traumatic, and I think knowing that,
I want to be a parent who hopefully
is creating space for my child to trust me,
because I'm showing that I trust them.
[crowd cheering]
You ready?
Sorry, excuse us.
- [Spectator] How old is she?
- They are 15 months old.
We actually use they/them pronouns
for Grey - Oh!
- until they tell us who they are
that's why you were like "who? What?"
- Oh, wow.
All right so...
- They. - They, awesome.
Well enjoy the pride parade.
- Did you say thank you? Thank you!
[upbeat music]
We are pulling apart this idea of sex,
which is related to genitals,
and gender which is related to how you move in the world.
So what you wear,
how you share your identity with other people,
all of those things are related to gender,
whereas sex is really biology,
genitals, that's about it.
- I mean we're lucky, we have...
We're in the best, we're probably in one of the best places
we could be in, being in Brooklyn,
to find some really good inclusive schools
that are gonna respect what we're doin'.
- Like regardless, people are gonna gender our kid.
I know we're gonna have a conversation
as they get a little bit older
about like, what their genitals
are expected to mean at some point and that will be related
to why people will gender you in a certain way.
'Cause you don't want them to feel
all that stigma and shame that you've...
You're already feeling and filtering for them,
but then the hard part is is they're engaging in the world.
- And this could just be me but it feels like
a lot of people are quick to, they're like
"oh yeah you're gonna mess up your kids",
and it's like, well... - [Group Member] So are you.
[group chuckles]
- I mean, every parent has learned something
from the parents before them.
I mean, when we were kids
I don't remember wearing a seatbelt.
Like ever. [group chuckles]
- Grey's gonna grow up and probably experience
some shame and stigma around the way that we raised them,
and that's okay,
and we're gonna have to have conversations about that.
And also talk about why we made the decisions we made.
- [Older Woman] Who's the baby?
How old is he?
Or her?
How old are they?
- They're 20 months.
- [Older Woman] 20? You have two of them?
- No, so we use the singular they.
Like if we-- you know if you don't know if someone
uses he or she, you say they.
- I don't think, I don't think you have to prepare them,
I think they already are prepared at birth.
They ju-- this happens naturally.
'Cause I think what you're doing
is you're changing the pattern of life.
Where I just allowed the child--
I mean I have so many people, little girls that
I thought were so feminine,
but they turned out to be very masculine.
- That's basically what
we're doing in a different way - and that's what you're doing
you're doing it in a.. - everything is an option
and they'll decide
- well you're doing it, I didn't do it and let it become.
- [Mother] They talked a more earlier.
- Yeah, I think you're pretty snoozy, kid.
[jazz music]
- The cameras.
Hey.
Gender creative parenting is only this
like tiny facet of what we're doing as parents.
We're making hundreds of decisions every single day.
- [Father] What books do you read your child,
or what toys do you let them play with?
Did you do bottles, did you do formula,
did you breastfeed, did you do both,
did you do this, did you do that?
- Grey, come pick.
- [Father] For me the hardest thing
is sometimes other parents
being really critical - What do you wanna wear?
- We're not saying everyone has to do this,
we're not saying that this is for everyone,
but for us, this is one of those things of risk mitigation
is what we're trying to accomplish.
As long as they're happy,
that's really all that matters to us.
- [Woman] Oh look who's up.
- [Mother] You're in your birthday outfit!
- Our families are really supportive
and they try really hard,
and sometimes they make mistakes.
At our daycare, they're trying.
It's in our file that we use they/them pronouns.
- Really the goal here is,
it's not about me trying to force anything on Grey,
it's actually the exact opposite.
And we don't know their gender yet,
and when they tell us, they'll tell us.
And it might change over time and that's okay too.
♪ Happy birthday too you ♪
♪ Happy birthday dear, Gray ♪
♪ Happy birthday too you♪
[group laughing and cheering]
[jazz music]
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