Ask Better Questions to Build Better Connections | Amber L. Wright | TEDxCSULB

Summary

In this engaging speech, the speaker emphasizes the importance of asking better questions to foster deeper connections with others. She shares personal stories, such as connecting with her daughter about school and a student's passion for hip-hop, to illustrate how thoughtful inquiries can enrich relationships. The speaker, a communication expert, advises being genuinely curious without being intrusive and highlights the benefits of active listening and authentic responses in enhancing personal and professional connections.

Takeaways

• 🗣️ Communication is key to building connections and relationships.
• 👂 Active listening involves asking questions to delve deeper into conversations.
• 🤔 Asking 'good' questions demonstrates genuine curiosity without being intrusive.
• 🏫 The speaker's daughter's response to 'how was your day?' evolved into sharing the 'best part of the day'.
• 🎓 A change in questioning led to a more engaging and meaningful conversation with the speaker's daughter.
• 👨‍🏫 The speaker's experience as a professor showed how asking better questions can break stereotypes.
• 🎤 A student's perception of the speaker was altered by showing shared interests, like hip-hop.
• 💡 Asking better questions can lead to more thoughtful and fulfilling interactions.
• ❤️ The impact of asking meaningful questions can be seen in romantic relationships, where communication is valued over sex and passion.
• 🤝 Asking better questions at networking events can lead to more profound and inspiring conversations.
• 🌟 Authentic and honest responses to questions are as important as asking them.

Q & A

What was the initial challenge the speaker faced when trying to connect with her daughter?

The speaker initially struggled to get her daughter to share more than just 'good' when asked about her day at school.

How did the speaker change her approach to get her daughter to open up about her day?

The speaker shifted from asking 'how was your day' to asking 'what was the best part of your day today', which prompted her daughter to share more detailed and engaging stories.

What was the result of the speaker's new question strategy with her daughter?

The new approach led to a more meaningful conversation where the daughter shared specific activities and experiences that made her day enjoyable.

What is the speaker's profession and how does it relate to her emphasis on asking better questions?

The speaker is a communication expert and certified life coach, and her work revolves around the idea that effective communication can enhance the quality of one's life.

According to the speaker, what is the difference between asking good questions and just gathering information?

Asking good questions goes beyond gathering factual information; it helps understand people's thoughts, feelings, and desires, which is crucial for developing meaningful relationships.

How did the speaker's understanding of her student Khalid change after asking him a more specific question?

By asking Khalid about his interest in Top Dog Entertainment (TDE), the speaker was able to connect with him on a personal level and see him not just as a student but also as a fellow hip-hop fan.

What was the impact of the speaker's authentic conversation with Khalid?

The conversation transformed their relationship from a typical teacher-student dynamic to a more personal connection, where Khalid felt seen and valued for his interests.

What does the speaker suggest is the most important factor in romantic relationship success?

The speaker references a study that found communication to be the most important factor in relationship success, outweighing even sex and passion.

How does the speaker recommend asking questions in a networking event to foster deeper connections?

Instead of asking generic questions like 'what do you do?', the speaker suggests asking questions that inspire thought and reveal more about a person's passions and values.

What is the importance of being authentic in responses according to the speaker's personal experience?

The speaker shares a personal story where being asked an authentic question led her to admit her struggles, which was a pivotal moment in recognizing the importance of honesty in communication.

How does the speaker practice honesty in her daily interactions?

The speaker commits to answering the common question 'how are you doing?' honestly by reflecting on her current state and expressing whether she is doing well or not, without oversharing.