The art of asking questions | Andrew Vincent | TEDxBollington

Summary

This speech emphasizes the profound importance of questions in our lives, focusing on how childlike curiosity fosters discovery and connection. The speaker reflects on how, as we grow, we shift from asking open-ended questions to seeking simple answers, often losing the essence of inquiry. By examining both the value and pitfalls of questions, the speaker encourages us to embrace curiosity, empathize with others, and recognize the deeper meaning behind the questions we ask. Ultimately, the speech calls for a return to asking more, telling less, and appreciating the power of genuine inquiry.

Takeaways

• 😀 Questions are fundamental to discovery and connection, and they should be valued more than the answers themselves.
• 😀 Childlike curiosity, seen in toddlers constantly asking questions, should be rediscovered and applied throughout life.
• 😀 As we age, we often lose the natural curiosity we had as children, focusing more on finding answers rather than questioning the world around us.
• 😀 In education, we become more concerned with correct answers and exam results, and less with the process of questioning itself.
• 😀 Life is not a series of simple yes/no questions—real life often involves complexity and nuance that a binary choice cannot capture.
• 😀 Some questions, like 'Does my bum look big in this?' are not really questions at all, but statements revealing the emotional state of the asker.
• 😀 Questions that offer binary choices, like yes/no, often oversimplify complex situations, leading to incomplete answers.
• 😀 It’s crucial to ask questions that invite conversation and empathy, such as 'How did that feel?' or 'Tell me more.'
• 😀 The language we use when asking questions is important; small changes can drastically affect the conversation. For example, asking 'How was school?' is more open-ended than 'I bet maths was good today.'
• 😀 In conversations, focus on asking more questions and telling less, as it creates a more open and exploratory dialogue.
• 😀 For every question you hear, consider what it reveals about the person asking it—this is the true art of questioning.

Q & A

What is the main theme of the speaker's message?

The main theme is the importance of asking questions and maintaining a childlike curiosity throughout life. The speaker emphasizes that while answers matter, the questions themselves hold more significance as they foster understanding and empathy.

How does the speaker illustrate the role of curiosity in childhood?

The speaker uses the example of their toddler daughter who would ask questions constantly as a way of exploring the world. This highlights how, as children, we approach learning through questioning, not worrying about the answers but focusing on the exploration itself.

What happens to questioning as we grow older?

As we grow older, we begin to prioritize answers over questions, especially in the education system. The focus shifts to getting the correct answer rather than questioning the information itself, and this continues into adulthood.

What is the problem with focusing too much on answers rather than questions?

Focusing too much on answers can limit creativity, exploration, and deeper understanding. By prioritizing the answer, we miss out on discovering the complexities behind the questions themselves, which can lead to a narrow view of the world.

How does the speaker relate asking questions to empathy?

Asking questions helps us empathize with others by allowing us to understand their experiences and perspectives. This creates deeper connections and facilitates better communication, whether in personal relationships or professional contexts.

What example does the speaker give about the use of questions in everyday situations?

The speaker mentions how asking questions like 'How was school today?' or 'How did it feel?' fosters connection, especially in situations like a first date. These open-ended questions encourage deeper conversations rather than merely offering surface-level answers.

What is the issue with the question 'Does my bum look big in this?'

This question is problematic because it is not really a question but a statement that reveals emotional insecurity. It sets up a binary response that oversimplifies a complex emotional issue, trapping the person being asked into an uncomfortable situation.

Why does the speaker caution against yes/no questions?

Yes/no questions often oversimplify complex situations and can obscure the nuances involved. For example, a question like 'Should we go to the cinema on Friday?' presents a simple choice, but the real decision lies in what movie to watch, which the yes/no question doesn't address.

How does the speaker advise parents when asking their children about their day?

The speaker advises parents to avoid phrasing questions in a way that makes them a statement, such as saying 'I bet maths was good today.' Instead, parents should ask open-ended questions like 'How was maths today?' to encourage a more honest and open dialogue.

What is the key takeaway about the nature of questions from the speaker's talk?

The key takeaway is to never stop asking questions and to embrace curiosity. The speaker suggests rediscovering the childlike approach to questions—questioning freely and using questions to connect, empathize, and understand the world around us.