Borderline Thinking | 10 Borderline Behaviors and the Thoughts that Cause Them

Summary

In this video, Dr. Grande explores the cognitive underpinnings of borderline personality disorder (BPD) by examining ten behaviors commonly associated with it and the distorted thoughts that drive them. The discussion contrasts BPD with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), highlighting the lack of insight and the role of beliefs and stress in shaping thoughts and behaviors. The video aims to provide insight into the disorder and foster understanding through the lens of cognitive behavioral therapy.

Takeaways

• 🧠 Beliefs and thoughts significantly influence behaviors associated with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), which is a core principle in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT).
• 🔄 The cycle of beliefs, stress, thoughts, and behaviors is a key focus in understanding and treating BPD, aiming to identify and change harmful thought patterns.
• 🤔 Individuals with BPD often lack insight into their behaviors, which can be distorted and counterproductive, similar to narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) but without the deceitful traits.
• ❤️‍🔥 Idealization and devaluation of romantic partners are common behaviors in BPD, driven by thoughts of extreme love or hate, reflecting a love-hate cycle.
• 🚫 After a breakup, individuals with BPD may refuse to move on romantically, holding onto the hope that their partner will return, indicating a profound lack of insight.
• 🤯 Attacks on romantic rivals can occur in BPD, stemming from the belief that the rival is the cause of the relationship's issues and a misguided attempt to prove the intensity of their love.
• 📵 Excessive communication, especially texting, is a way for those with BPD to avoid feelings of abandonment and to reassure their partners of their love and interest.
• 🔁 Affective instability in BPD is often interpreted as the truth, with individuals believing their feelings are justified and indicative of reality.
• 💢 Anger in BPD can be a way to involve others in one's suffering, to make others understand one's pain, or as a form of revenge for perceived hatred from others.
• 🔕 Counter-attacking after criticism in BPD can stem from a sense of entitlement, fear of shame, or a desperate need to maintain communication, even if it's negative.

Q & A

What is the core principle of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) as it relates to behaviors and thoughts?

The core principle of CBT is that beliefs combined with stress lead to thoughts, and these thoughts then lead to behaviors. Identifying and changing these underlying beliefs and thoughts can help alter behaviors.

How does the script differentiate between Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)?

The script differentiates BPD and NPD by highlighting that while both disorders show a lack of insight, NPD is associated with deception, which is not a characteristic of BPD.

What is the significance of the love-hate cycle in BPD as discussed in the script?

The love-hate cycle in BPD is significant as it reflects the rapid and extreme shifts in emotions and perceptions towards a romantic partner, often leading to idealization and devaluation.

Why does the wife with BPD decline a date with a new love interest after a breakup, as described in the script?

The wife with BPD declines a date because she holds onto the hope that her original husband will return, indicating a belief in the destiny of their relationship despite the reality of the breakup.

What thought processes are behind the behavior of attacking a romantic rival in the context of BPD?

In BPD, attacking a romantic rival is driven by thoughts such as blaming the rival for the partner's departure, proving the intensity of love through violent actions, and a sense of entitlement that others should not interfere with what is perceived as true love.

How does the script explain the excessive communication behavior in BPD as a way to avoid abandonment?

The script explains that excessive communication in BPD is an attempt to reassure the partner of one's love and to prevent the perception of lost interest, stemming from a deep fear of rejection and abandonment.

What are the thoughts behind impulsive self-harm behavior in a person with BPD, particularly after a breakup?

Impulsive self-harm in BPD is driven by thoughts such as the belief that causing harm to oneself will make the partner understand the impact of their actions, teaching others to take one's demands seriously, and proving the depth of one's love.

How does the script connect affective instability in BPD to the individual's interpretation of their own emotions?

The script connects affective instability in BPD to the individual's belief that their feelings are always truthful and justified, reflecting a lack of ability to regulate emotions and a tendency to act on intense emotional states.

What are the typical thoughts that lead to anger in individuals with BPD, according to the script?

In BPD, anger is often a result of thoughts such as feeling hurt and seeking to blame others, wanting others to suffer to understand one's own pain, and a sense of revenge for perceived hatred from others.

How does the script describe the counter-attacking behavior after being criticized in the context of BPD?

The script describes counter-attacking after criticism in BPD as stemming from thoughts of feeling entitled to not be criticized due to the belief in a destined relationship, a need to strike back due to the pain of shame, and a desire to maintain communication even through conflict.

What thoughts might lead to stalking behavior after being rejected in BPD as discussed in the script?

Stalking behavior in BPD after rejection can be driven by thoughts of feeling entitled to not be rejected, a belief in the necessity of the relationship for one's existence, and a sense of powerful love that is meant to be reciprocated.