Leading with Emotional Intelligence | Ben Zoghi | TEDxTAMU
Summary
TLDRThe speaker, raised in a Persian family with limited career choices, shares a personal journey from studying engineering to becoming a professor. He emphasizes the importance of emotional intelligence, intrinsic motivation, and the power of being present in the moment. The speaker challenges the traditional 'do-have-be' mindset, advocating for a shift towards self-awareness, empathy, and relationship management as keys to personal and professional fulfillment.
Takeaways
- 😀 The speaker emphasizes the importance of focusing on personal and professional development rather than just academic achievements.
- 🏛 Raised in a Persian family, the speaker was limited to career choices of being an engineer or a doctor, highlighting cultural influences on career paths.
- 🎓 The speaker reflects on the extensive curriculum in higher education and questions how many of those courses are truly about the individual's personal growth.
- 👨🏫 As a professor, the speaker admits to using only 10-15% of their education in their daily work, suggesting a disconnect between education and practical application.
- 💡 The speaker challenges the traditional 'do-have-be' mindset, advocating for a shift towards understanding what one truly wants to be in life.
- 💖 Emotional intelligence is a key focus of the presentation, with the speaker explaining its importance in self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management.
- 🔄 The speaker suggests that changing one's mindset and behavior can lead to intrinsic motivation and a more fulfilling life.
- 👂 The importance of active listening and empathy is highlighted as essential skills for effective communication and understanding others.
- 🌐 The concept of being interconnected and responsible for each other's well-being is presented, encouraging a sense of global community and social awareness.
- 🧘 The speaker introduces mindfulness and its benefits, such as calming the emotional brain and promoting emotional intelligence.
- 🌬 The power of breathing as a tool for being present and managing emotions is shared, underlining its role in achieving a balanced state of mind.
Q & A
What was the speaker's initial career choice influenced by their family background?
-The speaker's initial career choice was influenced by being raised in a Persian family, where they were given limited choices to become either an engineer or a doctor.
What does the speaker suggest about the relevance of the education received during their bachelor's degree?
-The speaker suggests that the education received during a bachelor's degree may not be fully relevant to one's professional life, as they personally use only 10 to 15 percent of their education as a professor.
What is the speaker's childhood dream and what influenced it?
-The speaker's childhood dream was to become a professor, influenced by a neighbor who was a professor, always well-dressed, smoked a pipe, and commanded high respect in their neighborhood.
What is the speaker's main challenge to the next generation of leaders?
-The speaker challenges the next generation of leaders to reevaluate their mindset, focusing not just on doing and having but on being—on what kind of person they want to become.
What is the speaker's view on the current mindset of people in relation to their happiness?
-The speaker believes that the current mindset, which is focused on doing a lot of work to eventually have a job, family, house, and money, is the root cause of unhappiness for many people.
What is the concept of emotional intelligence as discussed by the speaker?
-Emotional intelligence, as discussed by the speaker, involves recognizing and understanding one's own emotions and those of others for the purposes of self-motivation, self-management, and building deep, profound relationships.
How does the speaker define intrinsic motivation?
-Intrinsic motivation, according to the speaker, is the ability to internally motivate oneself, driven by personal desires and goals rather than external incentives.
What is the significance of the poem from the Persian poet mentioned in the script?
-The poem signifies the interconnectedness of all human beings and the importance of empathy, suggesting that one should not be indifferent to the pain of others and that responding to it is a shared human responsibility.
What is the speaker's advice on effective communication and listening?
-The speaker advises to listen with the intent to truly understand the other person's perspective, which is different from merely hearing their words, and this is referred to as empathy.
What is the concept of mindfulness as presented by the speaker?
-Mindfulness, as presented by the speaker, is the act of paying attention with intention to one's thoughts, feelings, and body, which can lead to a more emotionally intelligent and calm state of being.
How does the speaker suggest one can manage their emotions and reactions?
-The speaker suggests managing emotions and reactions by being aware of one's biases, understanding the impact of emotions on thoughts and behavior, and practicing mindfulness to soothe the emotional brain.
Outlines
📚 The Traditional Education Mindset
This paragraph discusses the speaker's background and the conventional educational path, which often leads to a career in engineering or medicine. The speaker reflects on the extensive coursework and the limited applicability of this knowledge in later life. They emphasize the importance of reflecting on the relevance of one's education to their personal and professional life, challenging the audience to consider how many courses truly align with their interests and goals. The speaker also shares their childhood dream of becoming a professor due to the respect it commanded, only to realize later that as a professor, they use a mere fraction of their education in their daily work.
🔄 Shifting the Paradigm: From 'Do-Have-Be' to 'Be-Do-Have'
The speaker introduces a paradigm shift in mindset from the traditional 'Do-Have-Be' to 'Be-Do-Have,' suggesting that one should first define who they want to be, which will then guide their actions and ultimately lead to desired outcomes. They encourage the audience to consider their aspirations beyond material success, such as becoming a great human being, partner, or professional in their field. The speaker shares their personal journey of realizing the limited use of their education in their daily life and challenges the audience to re-evaluate their motivations and priorities, focusing on intrinsic motivation and personal fulfillment.
🧠 Emotional Intelligence: The Key to Personal and Professional Growth
This paragraph delves into the concept of emotional intelligence, which the speaker identifies as a critical component of personal and professional development. They explain emotional intelligence as the ability to recognize, understand, and manage one's own emotions and those of others. The speaker outlines three key aspects: self-awareness, self-management, and relationship management. They stress the importance of intrinsic motivation, empathy, and effective communication, using the model by Daniel Goldman as a reference. The speaker also shares their experience of teaching emotional intelligence to engineering students, emphasizing the need for leaders in various fields to possess these skills.
🌱 Mindfulness and Presence: Tools for Emotional Intelligence
The final paragraph focuses on the practice of mindfulness as a tool for enhancing emotional intelligence. The speaker advocates for being present in the moment to alleviate anxiety and depression caused by excessive focus on the past or future. They introduce breathing as a simple yet powerful method to achieve mindfulness, which can calm the emotional brain and promote a more balanced response to life's challenges. The speaker concludes by defining mindfulness as the intentional attention to one's thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations, which provides insight into oneself and the situation at hand.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Persian family
💡Curriculum
💡Intrinsic motivation
💡Emotional intelligence
💡Mindset
💡Paradigm
💡Accountability
💡Empathy
💡Mindfulness
💡Aggie spirit
Highlights
The speaker emphasizes the importance of choosing a personal and professional path that can change one's life, suggesting a shift in mindset from 'doing' to 'being'.
Raised in a Persian family, the speaker chose engineering due to limited career options, reflecting on the extensive education that often feels unused later in life.
The average bachelor's degree requires about 120 credit hours, equating to 30-40 courses, highlighting the extensive curriculum students undertake.
The pursuit of higher education, including master's and PhD degrees, involves taking numerous courses, yet the speaker questions how many are truly about the individual.
The speaker's childhood dream was to become a professor, influenced by the respect a neighbor received, revealing the impact of role models on career aspirations.
As a professor, the speaker finds that only 10-15% of their education is utilized, suggesting inefficiencies in the educational system.
The speaker challenges the audience to reflect on their mindset, questioning the traditional 'do-have-be' paradigm and urging a reevaluation of priorities.
Emotional intelligence is introduced as a key to personal and professional success, with the speaker sharing their experience of teaching it to engineering students.
The speaker defines emotional intelligence as recognizing and understanding one's own emotions and those of others, for motivation, self-management, and empathy.
The importance of intrinsic motivation is discussed, encouraging students to find internal drive rather than relying on external incentives.
Effective communication and the challenge of listening with intent are highlighted, with the speaker advocating for empathy in understanding others.
The speaker shares a poem about human interconnectedness, emphasizing the collective responsibility to respond to the suffering of others.
The concept of 'Aggie spirit' is introduced, linking the speaker's educational philosophy to a broader sense of community and social awareness.
The speaker discusses the power of being present and the role of mindfulness in managing emotions and thoughts for better decision-making.
Breathing is presented as a tool for achieving mindfulness and calming the emotional brain, with the speaker sharing personal techniques.
The presentation concludes with a call to action for the audience to evaluate their mindset and consider their version 2.0, aiming for continuous self-improvement.
Transcripts
foreign
for the past few months
what can I share with you rather than
what I can lecture you
if I can give you one nugget
that can change your life personally and
professionally what would it be
so that's what I'd like to share with
you
being raised in a Persian family or was
given limited choices
either I can be an engineer or a doctor
or nobody
so I decided to choose the first one so
when I came to a state
I started
studying engineering so I took a lot of
classes like you do
regardless of your major a math physics
chemistry
engineering you name it
I studied a lot did a lot of homework
that I never used for the rest of my
life
there's a lot of papers that I don't
know why I wrote those
but I had to do it because that was a
part of the package
so I went back out look at the
curriculum that every one of us gets
impacted by when you look at the
bachelor's degree on the average is
about 120 credit hour
if a course is three to four hours
you're checking about 30 to 40 courses
and I make the Assumption you know what
you're doing
because a lot of you may change your
major
so you take more classes
and if you want to do your master's
degree that would be about another 10
courses
and some of you may decide to do your
PhD even though there's a lot of
research involved but you're going to be
taking some classes as well so on the
average
we're taking about 30 to 50 courses
I want you to think I want you to
reflect how many courses do you check
that the topic of the course is all
about you
so wait a second wait a second I forgot
to mention something my dream was to be
a professor since I was a kid and the
reason I wanted to be a professor I had
a neighbor
who dressed up all the times
he was smoking pipe and he got the
highest respect in their neighborhood
and I told my parents if smoking is bad
why is this guy getting all the respect
they said because he was a professor
I'm like damn
that's what I want to be I want to be a
professor
and I'm not joking with you that's how
the whole thing started
you know what the sad news is
the sad news is as a professor I use 10
to 15 percent of my education
as a professor I use 10 to 15 percent of
my education
do you know what percent of me I use
every day
think about that
I use me 24 hours a day 100 percent
and the worst case is when you get
married or if you're in a relationship
you're gonna find out she's a lot
smarter than you in my case
you can't even understand that part of
it they never taught us how to listen
that's why especially men
we can hear but we don't listen well
so four years of college four years of
studying four years of you know simplest
night
what am I missing here
took me a long time to figure that out
so what I'm going to share with you is a
current mindset the mindset that we have
is actually the root cause problem for
the way we live
so what exactly is the mindset the
mindset that we have is what I refer to
as do
we do a lot of work we do a lot of
studies we do a lot of classes we do a
lot a lot a lot the reason we do all of
that is eventually
we have a job we have a family we have a
big house we have a nice car we have
money and the reason we do that is
eventually
to be happy to be content to have impact
I see some of your parents here in this
room and I don't want to embarrass
anyone
but if you ask your parents a lot of
them are not happy with their job
they did their job just to pay the bills
they did their job just to make sure you
know you have a better education and a
better life
so you don't need to blame them
my challenge to you as a next generation
of leaders in our country
is to consider the following mindset
so rather than do have be
run like rats
working on 18 hours a day stay up three
four nights I want you to reevaluate
your paradigm
so what I'd like to propose to you is a
little shift in the mindset that changed
my life personally and professionally
and the question is what do I want to be
that's a hard hard question to have an
answer when you're 18 to 22 you may not
have an answer for that it's perfectly
fine you don't have to but you can think
what do I want to be I want to be a
great human being
I want to be a great husband I want to
be a great friend I want to be a great
father I want to be an outstanding
engineer I want to be a great doctor I
want to be a good accountant I want to
be an artist I want to be a dancer
regardless of what you want to be
then you can go ahead focus on doing
what you want to do
if I love what I'm doing then it's not
work anymore so if I know what I want to
do then I can do that and I'm spending
hours and hours is worth it they have
will eventually come even if it doesn't
come I'm happy with what I want because
my Paradigm about the whole world
started early on
rather than I get a job I get fired I
have a house mortgage you go to a couple
you know family divorces and then you
find out why am I so miserable
so my challenge to you
is re-evaluate your mindset what is your
mindset
the previous speaker Allison is the best
example and I met her yesterday it's the
best example of a young lady who has the
right mindset
she could be a lawyer and make a lot of
money and Chase ambulances you know and
other people
but she decided not to do it
she decided you know to go ahead
dedicate her life to something you know
of value
every one of you has Aggies you have
that responsibility
in my case I got into this Paradigm
through actually understanding and
learning more about emotional
intelligence
I even created a course that I teach
engineering students about emotional
intelligence
no I get a lot of you know crap because
of that they say that's oxymoron but
none in College Station Texas
because here we make leaders who are
Engineers our focus is on leadership
development we make leaders in
agriculture we make leaders in political
science we make leaders in nutrition
so that's a different level of mindset
so what exactly is emotional
intelligence
emotional intelligence is recognizing
understanding your own emotion and of
others for three reasons for three
reasons simple reasons
how do you motivate yourself
as a student we all have days that it is
hard to motivate yourself
a lot of us we live in a society that we
look outward
we're looking for incentive from outside
to motivate us
it's called extrinsic motivation my
challenge to you is intrinsic motivation
I can internally motivate myself what
drives me to do what I do and to do an
excellent job
the second aspect of emotional
intelligence is managing emotion well in
myself
obviously all of you look so calm right
now
but if you are under the halt State
hungry angry lonely tired
stressed out
you would be reacting a little
differently
I promise you we all have we're human
you're human we have emotion and the
third aspect is how do you build
relationship I'm not talking about
superficial relationship I'm talking
about deep profound relationship the
model that I'm sharing with you is from
Daniel Goldman relatively a simple model
is being divided between self
interpersonal and others into a personal
and the reason this is important the
reason you know that I'm sharing it with
you there's a lot of Neuroscience in the
past 10 years that actually backs up
what I'm sharing with you
your emotion has direct impact on your
thinking
and you're thinking has a direct impact
on your behavior
what do people see do they see your
thoughts
no they don't do they see your emotion
no they don't the only thing they see is
your behavior you're being judged based
on your behavior so my challenge to you
is you want to change your behavior you
got to change your thoughts
so I can change even my emotion by
changing my thoughts
keep that in perspective it's a powerful
tool
is very powerful
the second aspect of the model is okay
I'm aware of myself I'm aware of the
emotion I have the knowledge now what am
I doing about that
that's a self-management aspect of it
those two leads into social awareness
social awareness is really understanding
others
it's beyond listening to words is really
understanding him on an emotional level
and that's what we refer to as empathy
empathy is actually trying to be in
somebody else's shoes and feeling you
don't have to agree with them
but being able to be there and
understand them
both of those come into relationship
management
that's what's visible to a lot of people
that's where the emotional intelligence
and social intelligence come together so
self-awareness our mentioned it's about
knowing your emotion knowing you know
that that emotion is gonna impact the
way you think
and believe it or not it's going to
impact your behavior
do you understand your biases we all
have biases
but being aware of those biases and
being able to manage those biases is
extremely powerful
I'm sure he probably has happened to
some of you or I may be the only person
in this room you're driving on a highway
somebody cuts you off and flip a finger
how would you react some people say oh I
send a kiss that's brilliant a lot of us
at a younger age we don't act that way
we curse we scream we yell we tailgate
and if you have kids in the car
you go home at night the kids are
learning a new language a language that
you don't like to hear but your kids at
age two they picked up
interesting language and you ask your
spouse where the heck did the kid learn
that language
and it was from you
because everything starts with you
and you can manage it and Lead it so
you've got to be accountable and
responsible
so under a stress sometimes we act like
animals
you've got to be very very cautious of
that
the other thing is how do you motivate
yourself
the days you are not motivated
the days you don't want to do it I'm an
engineering student I hate differential
equation
well the fact is pass it
change your major no I love engineering
so how do I motivate myself the
motivation factor is maybe this helps me
somehow
maybe it does maybe it's a little hard
right now but if I study it makes it a
lot a lot easier
this is a hard hard part listening
every company I work with the biggest
problem they have with their team is
effective communication
every challenge marriage
activity people I talked to the biggest
challenge they have is
effective communication
so what is it that we don't communicate
why is it so hard to listen to somebody
else not just listen listen with the
intent
to really know where they're coming from
and what they're saying which is
completely different
and that's what I said I refer to as
empathy I love this poem from a Persian
you know poet it is in the United Nation
on the wall it says human beings are
member of a whole in creation of one
Essence and soul if one member is
inflicted with pain other members uneasy
will remain if you have no sympathy for
human pain the name of human you can't
pertain you know what I call this
I call it Aggie spirit this was written
900 years ago
900 years ago
the fact is you're not alone anymore
we're all connected
a kid you know in Siberia in China in
Africa downtown Bryan is being infected
it impacted you know by pain is our
responsibility to respond to it that's
what social awareness is
and again we're very very good at that
and the last aspect of it was
relationship management building a
bridge being there dealing with issues
and bringing the better version of your
team your people so the challenge is
what is your version 2.0
can I be better than what I am right now
and how can I get better
so I want you to be present I want you
to bring your mind to this room because
your mind has a mind of its own
a lot of a lot of us we agronize about
the past what we have done wrong and
what we could have done better
spending too much in the past brings
depression
some of us we worry too much about the
future
worrying too much about future actually
bring anxiety
we see it all over higher education with
our students high level of anxiety
getting ready for medical school getting
ready for law school getting ready for
exam
this is a powerful tool that I'd like to
share with you try to be in the present
moment
and the easiest way to do is what God
has given you is right under your nose
is breeding
use breathing you know to actually bring
your attention to the present moment
most of us we don't pay any attention to
breathing right
isn't it true
and the best part is the day you don't
have to worry about it all your problem
will be solved
not funny but it's true
so I want you to pay attention to
breathing
the most important gift on this planet
is breathing
just pay attention to it
it's a life-changing event from a
neuroscience perspective it actually
sootheens your amygdala that's your
emotional brain
so you act more like a human an
intelligent human not only the
cognitively intelligent but also
emotionally intelligent human
so I can be calm or I can try to
actually calm my amygdala my emotional
brain
the way I have done it I'm going to end
my presentation with a technical
mindfulness
most of us we have mindful not mindful
what exactly is mindfulness you may ask
mindfulness is to really pay attention
with intention to three things your mind
what am I thinking right now my emotion
my feelings how am I feeling right now
because they tell me a lot about myself
and then my body which provides a lot of
information about the situation that I'm
in
one more time
can I go ahead pay attention with
intention not just pay attention
pay attention with intention of my
thoughts feelings and body
with that in mind I conclude you know my
presentation thank you very much I
appreciate your time
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