The Harder You Try, The Worse It Gets | Law of Reversed Effort
Summary
TLDRThe video script explores the paradoxical concept of the 'law of reversed effort,' which suggests that in many situations, the harder we try to achieve something, the further we move away from the desired outcome. Using examples from sleep, attraction, and performance, it illustrates how forcing or obsessing over specific goals can lead to anticipatory anxiety and hinder progress. Instead, the key lies in combining relaxation with activity, letting go of conscious control, and allowing the unconscious mind to guide us into a state of effortless 'flow.' The script emphasizes the importance of striking a balance between conscious effort and non-action, developing skills while simultaneously allowing them to emerge naturally.
Takeaways
- 🐈 Trying too hard to get something often pushes it further away, but letting go and relaxing allows it to come naturally.
- 🕰️ The more we consciously try to achieve something, the harder it becomes; proficiency comes from combining relaxation with activity.
- 🌙 Things like sleep, attraction, and performance cannot be forced; trying too hard often backfires.
- 🧘 Paradoxical intention (wishing for what we're trying to avoid) can help overcome hyper-intention and anxiety.
- 🚗 Skills become effortless and automatic with practice, as the conscious mind gets 'out of the way'.
- 🌊 Our unconscious mind plays a major role; the conscious mind is just the 'tip of the iceberg'.
- 🦋 Creation emerges when we don't actively try, but let it happen naturally, like 'waiting for a bug on the wall'.
- ⚖️ Optimal performance requires a balance between conscious effort (for learning) and relaxation (for letting skills emerge).
- 🏎️ In a 'flow state', actions happen effortlessly, without conscious thought or analysis.
- ☯️ As Lao Tzu said, 'Can you remain tranquil until right action occurs by itself?' – embodying the principle of 'wu-wei'.
Q & A
What is the law of reversed effort?
-The law of reversed effort, also called the 'backwards law', suggests that in many situations, putting in more effort or trying harder to achieve something can actually move us further away from the desired outcome. Instead, less effort or not trying can sometimes lead to better results.
How does the law of reversed effort apply to pursuing happiness?
-According to Mark Manson, the more we want or chase happiness, the less happy we'll be, as we're reinforcing a sense of lack. However, if we accept our negative experiences and are content with how things are, we're more likely to find happiness.
What is the paradoxical intention method, and how can it help?
-The paradoxical intention method, proposed by Viktor Frankl, involves wishing for or wanting the very thing we're trying to avoid or prevent from happening. This can help relieve the anxiety and hyper-fixation on specific outcomes, which often lead to the outcomes we're trying to avoid.
How does the law of reversed effort relate to the concept of 'wu-wei' or the flow state?
-The law of reversed effort suggests that optimal performance and entering the flow state often require us to relax and let our actions emerge naturally, rather than trying too hard or consciously controlling every aspect. Excessive conscious effort can disrupt the flow state.
What is the role of the conscious mind in the law of reversed effort?
-The conscious mind, while valuable for reasoning and analysis, can often hinder our ability to perform optimally or enter the flow state. The law of reversed effort suggests that we need to relax the conscious mind and let our unconscious processes and skills emerge more naturally.
How does the law of reversed effort apply to attraction or relationships?
-The script suggests that, in general, being too clingy or chasing someone can make us less attractive, while being more elusive or detached can increase attraction. The more we chase or try to force attraction, the more it may move away from us.
Can you provide an example of how the law of reversed effort applies to learning a skill?
-The script uses the example of learning to drive a car. Initially, it seems almost impossible to coordinate all the actions required, but with practice, we eventually catch ourselves doing these tasks automatically and effortlessly, without conscious effort.
What is the role of relaxation in the law of reversed effort?
-Relaxation plays a crucial role in the law of reversed effort. The script suggests that we need to combine relaxation with activity or conscious effort to achieve optimal performance and let our skills emerge naturally.
How does the law of reversed effort relate to the concept of "the wider self" or the unconscious mind?
-The script suggests that the law of reversed effort allows the "wider self" or unconscious mind to come through and function properly. Our conscious mind is just a small part of our psyche, and relaxing it can allow the unconscious processes and abilities to emerge.
Can you summarize the key message or advice offered in the script regarding the law of reversed effort?
-The key message is that while conscious effort and practice are necessary for developing skills, optimal performance and achieving goals often require us to relax, let go of excessive effort or control, and allow our actions to emerge naturally from our unconscious abilities. We need to find a balance between effort and non-effort, action and non-action.
Outlines
🐱 The Law of Reversed Effort and the Desire for Happiness
This paragraph introduces the concept of the law of reversed effort, using the analogy of a cat that comes to us when we stop chasing it. It explains that trying too hard to achieve something can often backfire, and that sometimes we need to let go and abstain from action. The paragraph then discusses how this law applies to the pursuit of happiness, referencing Mark Manson's idea that accepting a negative experience is paradoxically a positive experience. It sets up the exploration of the law of reversed effort from the perspective of performance and goal achievement in the next paragraphs.
🧠 The Role of Conscious Effort and Relaxation in Skill Development
This paragraph delves deeper into the law of reversed effort, quoting Aldous Huxley's idea that proficiency comes from combining relaxation with activity and letting go of conscious effort. It provides examples such as sleep, attraction, and stuttering to illustrate how trying too hard can be counterproductive. It introduces Viktor Frankl's concept of 'paradoxical intention' as a method to overcome hyper-intention and anxiety. The paragraph then explores the role of conscious effort and relaxation in developing skills like driving, drawing parallels to the Taoist concept of 'wu-wei' or the flow state. It discusses how the conscious mind can sometimes hinder optimal performance and how actions often emerge from the unconscious.
🌊 Achieving Optimal Performance through Relaxation and Non-Effort
This paragraph continues the discussion on the importance of relaxation and non-effort for optimal performance. It highlights the role of mental clarity and equanimity in achieving the flow state, as described by athletes, musicians, and others. It emphasizes the paradox that top performance requires letting go of conscious effort and allowing activities to emerge automatically. The paragraph reinforces this idea with quotes from Aldous Huxley, Lao Tzu, and Charles Bukowski, all emphasizing the need to relax and not try too hard. It concludes by suggesting that the path to optimal performance lies in combining conscious effort for skill development with the ability to let go and allow the skills to emerge naturally.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Law of Reversed Effort
💡Flow State
💡Conscious Mind
💡Unconscious Mind
💡Paradoxical Intention
💡Relaxation
💡Hyper-Intention
💡Wu-Wei
💡Anticipatory Anxiety
💡Middle Path
Highlights
The law of reversed effort shows us that, in many situations, putting in work only removes us further from the desired outcome. And that the more we try, the worse it gets. But the less we try, the better it gets.
The harder we try with the conscious will to do something, the less we shall succeed. Proficiency and the results of proficiency come only to those who have learned the paradoxical art of doing and not doing, or combining relaxation with activity, of letting go as a person in order that the immanent and transcendent unknown quantity may take hold.
Sleep is one of those many things we cannot force. Yet, we often try hard to fall asleep, with horrible results.
No one chooses to be attracted to someone or something; it just happens. Even though this is a generalization, by and large, we see that clinginess repels, and elusiveness attracts. The more we chase someone, the less attractive we become. But if we stop chasing, we become more elusive, and the attraction may return.
Trying too hard often backfires. Philosopher and psychiatrist Viktor Frankl observed that when we focus too much on achieving specific outcomes (and preventing others), we generate 'anticipatory anxiety.' In many cases, this hyper-intention leads to the situation we try to avoid.
Viktor Frankl provides us with a practical method called 'paradoxical intention.' This method can help us relieve ourselves of hyper-intention or, in other words: not try so hard.
Learning to drive a car can be an immensely frustrating experience. It takes many lessons and many hours to master for most people. For an inexperienced person, controlling a vehicle (while watching traffic) is a very unnatural and complicated task.
Our conscious mind is a gift and a curse. It allows us to reason, analyze, and use language. However, the conscious mind often sits in the way of what the Taoists call 'wu-wei,' also referred to as the flow state.
Any conscious effort in addition to the flow state causes us to hesitate. That's why the moment we become consciously aware that we're in such a state, and we begin intellectualizing and trying to control it; we lose it.
The Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung realized that our conscious mind is just a tiny part of the psyche. We could compare the conscious mind to the tip of an iceberg, while the unconscious is the major part of the iceberg that lies underwater, invisible to those above the surface.
Aldous Huxley distinguished between consciousness and the personal conscious, saying that a relaxed personal conscious is required to let the 'wider self' come through.
When someone asked author Charles Bukowski how he writes and creates, he answered: 'You don't (...) You don't try. That's very important: not to try, either for Cadillacs, creation or immortality. You wait, and if nothing happens, you wait some more.'
The more we try, the worse it gets. The more we chase the people we desire, the more they run from us. The harder we try to sell something, the fewer sales we tend to make. But if we don't act at all, we won't see any results either.
On the one hand, conscious effort seems necessary to develop our skills: we need to practice, learn, think, understand and analyze. On the other hand, the absence of conscious effort and intellectual activity seems necessary for letting the developed skills emerge naturally.
The flow state appears to accompany mental clarity and equanimity, according to the accounts of people who experienced it. When athletes, musicians, singers, Formula 1 drivers, and martial artists experience 'being in the zone,' they don't ruminate, worry, analyze, intellectualize, or think about their next step: they just flow along with the natural course, as if they're the course itself.
Transcripts
Have you ever tried petting a cat, but every time you come closer, the cat runs away and
keeps watching you from a distance? Then, you walk towards the cat in a second attempt,
but it runs away again. When you approach the cat a third time, it flees and disappears. However,
a few hours later, when you’ve focused your attention on something else, the cat appears,
walks toward you, and jumps onto your lap. A phenomenon we often experience is that when
we chase something or someone, it moves away from us. But when we leave it alone, it comes to us.
This mechanism can be hard to reconcile with the idea that ‘effort’ is the key to success. Even
though it’s true that achieving goals often requires work, there’s also another side to
the story. The law of reversed effort shows us that, in many situations, putting in work only
removes us further from the desired outcome. And that the more we try, the worse it gets.
But the less we try, the better it gets. Hence, achieving goals doesn’t just require work; we also
must abstain from action. And to know when to act and when not to, we need intelligence and skill.
In a previous video, we explored a dimension of the law of reversed effort (also called ‘the
backwards law’). But this exploration was from the viewpoint of pursuing happiness,
as stated by bestselling author Mark Manson: “wanting a positive experience
is a negative experience; accepting a negative experience is a positive experience.”
End quote. So, the more we want happiness, the less happy we’ll be, as we’re reinforcing a
sense of lack. And that if we’re content with how things are (and not in a state of lack),
we suddenly have what we’re looking for. But in this video, we’ll explore the law of reversed
effort from the viewpoint of performance, achieving goals, and overcoming fears.
The law of reversed effort was once coined by English writer and philosopher Aldous Huxley,
who stated that we only achieve proficiency by combining relaxation with activity. I quote:
The harder we try with the conscious will to do something, the less we shall succeed. Proficiency
and the results of proficiency come only to those who have learned the paradoxical art of
doing and not doing, or combining relaxation with activity, of letting go as a person in order that
the immanent and transcendent unknown quantity may take hold. We cannot make ourselves understand;
the most we can do is to foster a state of mind, in which understanding may come to us.
Imagine an insomniac trying to sleep. The more he tries, the longer he seems to stay
awake. And the longer he stays awake, the more frustrated he becomes and the harder he tries.
But after a while, the insomniac stops trying,
accepting that he can’t sleep. And suddenly, without any effort, he dozes off.
Sleep is one of those many things we cannot force. Yet, we often try hard to fall asleep,
with horrible results. When we look at the nature of sleep, this isn’t much of a surprise. We can
see sleep as the ultimate form of relaxation. Thus, trying to sleep is pretty contradicting,
as we make an effort (or even force ourselves) to relax, which is the opposite of relaxation.
Another thing we cannot force is attraction. No one chooses to be attracted to someone or
something; it just happens. Even though this is a generalization,
by and large, we see that clinginess repels, and elusiveness attracts. The more we chase someone,
the less attractive we become. But if we stop chasing, we become more elusive,
and the attraction may return. As the proverb goes: “absence makes the heart grow fonder.”
Trying too hard often backfires. Philosopher and psychiatrist Viktor Frankl observed
that when we focus too much on achieving specific outcomes (and preventing others),
we generate “anticipatory anxiety.” In many cases, this hyper-intention leads to the situation we try
to avoid. An example from his book Man’s Search For Meaning is a stutterer who desperately tries
not to stutter. But because he tries too hard, his speech falters even more as he’s
anxious not to speak without stammering. And so, it’s with many things. If we try too hard
to enjoy ourselves, we’re probably not enjoying ourselves because we’re so fixated on results
that the fixation itself is unpleasant. Another example is people who experience
difficulties climaxing in the bedroom. The more they fixate on trying to climax,
the less successful they’ll be, and the more dreadful the whole bedroom
experience becomes (including the anticipation beforehand). Again, hyper-fixation on specific
outcomes hijacks one’s ability to perform. Viktor Frankl provides us with a practical
method called ‘paradoxical intention.’ This method can help us relieve ourselves of hyper-intention
or, in other words: not try so hard. By applying paradoxical intention, we shift the paradigm from
avoiding specific outcomes (like stuttering or not being able to sleep) to wanting these outcomes. By
wishing for things we previously tried to prevent from happening, we’re less likely to become
petrified by anxiety, as we remove the pressure of wanting results. So, we’re more likely to fall
asleep by wishing to stay awake than by trying hard. You’ll find a more detailed exploration
of paradoxical intention in a previous video named Viktor Frankl’s Method to Overcome Fear.
Learning to drive a car can be an immensely frustrating experience. It takes many lessons
and many hours to master for most people. For an inexperienced person, controlling
a vehicle (while watching traffic) is a very unnatural and complicated task.
Unless you drive an automatic, you have to step on three different pedals to accelerate, slow down,
and switch gears, and you must learn to use mirrors to observe what’s happening around
the car. It seems almost impossible to master. However, after lots of practice, you suddenly
catch yourself automatically doing these things. Our conscious mind is a gift and a curse.
It allows us to reason, analyze, and use language. However, the conscious mind
often sits in the way of what the Taoists call ‘wu-wei,’ also referred to as the flow state.
In the flow state, our actions are fluent and effortless, as if they happen by themselves:
as if the dancer becomes the dance or the painter becomes the painting. The video ‘Taoism | The
Philosophy of Flow’ quotes retired basketball player Bill Russell, describing the flow state
as “playing in slow motion” and that he “could almost sense how the next play would develop
and where the next shot would be taken.” Any conscious effort in addition to the
flow state causes us to hesitate. That’s why the moment we become consciously aware
that we’re in such a state, and we begin intellectualizing and trying to control it;
we lose it. And so, many of our actions seem to emerge from beyond our conscious minds.
The Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung realized that our conscious mind is just a tiny part of the psyche.
We could compare the conscious mind to the tip of an iceberg,
while the unconscious is the major part of the iceberg that lies underwater,
invisible to those above the surface. Hence, according to Jung,
the psyche generates many unconscious processes that the conscious mind isn’t aware of. Similarly,
Aldous Huxley distinguished between consciousness and the personal conscious, saying that a relaxed
personal conscious is required to let the “wider self” come through. I quote:
The personal conscious self being a kind of small island in the midst of an enormous area
of consciousness — what has to be relaxed is the personal self,
the self that tries too hard, that thinks it knows what is what, that uses language. This
has to be relaxed in order that the multiple powers at work within the deeper and wider self
may come through and function as they should. In all psychophysical skills we have this
curious fact of the law of reversed effort: the harder we try, the worse we do the thing.
End quote.
When someone asked author Charles Bukowski how he writes and creates, he answered:
You don’t (...) You don’t try. That’s very important: not to try, either for Cadillacs,
creation or immortality. You wait, and if nothing happens, you wait some more. It’s like a bug
high on the wall. You wait for it to come to you. When it gets close enough you reach out,
slap out and kill it. Or if you like its looks, you make a pet out of it.
End quote.
The more we try, the worse it gets. The more we chase the people we desire, the more they run from
us. The harder we try to sell something, the fewer sales we tend to make. But if we don’t act at all,
we won’t see any results either. So, we’re looking for a middle path between action and non-action,
between conscious effort and letting action occur. On the one hand, conscious effort seems necessary
to develop our skills: we need to practice, learn, think, understand and analyze. On the other hand,
the absence of conscious effort and intellectual activity seems necessary
for letting the developed skills emerge naturally. We have to calm the mind and
“get out of our own way,” so to speak, to perform optimally. As Aldous Huxley wrote:
Take the piano teacher, for example. He always says, relax, relax. But how can you relax while
your fingers are rushing over the keys? Yet they have to relax. The singing teacher and
the golf pro say exactly the same thing. And in the realm of spiritual exercises, we find that
the person who teaches mental prayer does too. We have somehow to combine relaxation with activity.
End quote.
The flow state appears to accompany mental clarity and equanimity, according to the
accounts of people who experienced it. When athletes, musicians, singers, Formula 1 drivers,
and martial artists experience “being in the zone,” they don’t ruminate, worry, analyze,
intellectualize, or think about their next step: they just flow along with the natural course,
as if they’re the course itself. So, paradoxically, optimal performance
requires us to relax, stop trying, and let our activities emerge and happen automatically.
Or, as Lao Tzu stated: “Can you remain tranquil until right action occurs by itself?”
Thank you for watching.
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