This is Why Love Doesn't Stay After Marriage.
Summary
TLDRThis transcript discusses the dynamics of marriage in Islam, emphasizing the importance of love, mercy, and understanding between spouses. It highlights the need for mutual respect, patience, and communication, especially as the passionate early stages of marriage evolve into a more complex relationship. The speaker advises husbands to be patient and silent during arguments, and for wives to understand their husbands' challenges, particularly regarding temptations. The message underlines that maintaining a strong marriage is essential for personal faith and community harmony.
Takeaways
- ❤️ Love and Mercy: Marriage is sustained by love initially, but as time passes, mercy and courtesy become essential.
- 🧑🤝🧑 Mutual Responsibility: Both husband and wife must take care of each other instead of focusing solely on their own expectations.
- 🤔 Understanding Weakness: Women need to understand the intense temptation men face regarding other women.
- 🙂 Smiling Matters: A simple smile from the wife when the husband comes home can have a huge positive impact on the relationship.
- 🔄 Resentment Cycle: If small gestures of affection are neglected, resentment can build up over time in the marriage.
- 🗣️ Avoiding Arguments: Men should avoid using logic and argument to resolve issues with women, as it often backfires.
- 🤐 Power of Silence: Silence and patience can be more effective than arguments when dealing with sensitive situations in marriage.
- 💔 Fragility of Marriage: The marital relationship is delicate and easily influenced by negative forces like Satan.
- 🏡 Foundation of Community: Strong marriages are essential to maintaining the integrity and morality of the broader Muslim community.
- 🙏 Prayer for Good Marriages: The speaker concludes with a prayer for all to be the best spouses and to be blessed with the best partners.
Q & A
What does Allah say about the relationship between husband and wife in marriage according to the Quran?
-Allah mentions that He has placed love (mawaddah) and mercy (rahmah) between husband and wife. This love is initially passionate, but over time, mercy and courtesy sustain the marriage as other obligations like work and children come into play.
Why is mercy important in a long-term marriage?
-As the initial passionate love in marriage may fade due to life’s demands, mercy becomes crucial in sustaining the relationship. This involves being kind, understanding, and patient with one another.
What advice is given to husbands who feel they no longer love their wives?
-Husbands are reminded of the courtesy they owe their wives, considering all the care and support their wives have provided over the years. It's important not to base their feelings solely on physical attraction but to appreciate the partnership and sacrifices made.
How does the Quran describe the desires of men, and how should women respond to this?
-The Quran mentions that the greatest weakness for men is their desire for women. Women are advised to understand this natural inclination and support their husbands by warding off temptations instead of condemning them.
Why might a husband build resentment towards his wife, according to the speaker?
-Resentment can build if a husband feels unappreciated at home, especially if he is greeted with negativity after facing temptations and challenges outside the home. A lack of kindness and warmth from the wife can exacerbate these feelings over time.
What simple act is recommended for wives to improve their relationship with their husbands?
-A simple smile from the wife when the husband comes home can significantly improve the relationship, making the husband feel appreciated and positively affecting his mood for the rest of the evening.
What common mistake do husbands make when trying to resolve conflicts with their wives?
-Husbands often try to resolve conflicts through reasoning and logical arguments, forgetting that women may not respond to logic in the same way men do. Women’s emotions are more complex, and they might require a different approach.
What alternative approach is suggested for husbands when dealing with disagreements with their wives?
-Instead of arguing, husbands are advised to use silence and mercy. Silence, when used effectively, can lead to introspection and reconciliation, as the wife may reflect on the situation and approach it differently.
Why is it important for husbands and wives to maintain a harmonious relationship in Islam?
-A harmonious relationship is essential because its breakdown can lead to broader corruption within the Muslim community, including moral decline and the spread of scandals. Healthy marriages contribute to the overall well-being of the community.
What role does the speaker attribute to Shaytan (Satan) in marriages?
-Shaytan aims to destroy marriages because he knows that the breakdown of this relationship can lead to further corruption within the community. Therefore, it is crucial for couples to safeguard their relationship from such influences.
Outlines
💑 The Dynamics of Love and Mercy in Marriage
This paragraph discusses the Quranic perspective on marriage, emphasizing that the initial passion and love between a husband and wife often fade as life progresses and responsibilities increase. The key to sustaining a marriage lies in cultivating mercy and courtesy towards each other. The speaker highlights how men may become less enamored over time, but maintaining respect and understanding is crucial. Additionally, the speaker touches on how men should guard their gaze and control temptations, while women should understand and support their husbands’ struggles with their inherent weaknesses, particularly their attraction to women.
🙂 The Power of a Wife's Smile and the Fragility of Marriage
This paragraph explores the importance of small, seemingly simple acts, such as a wife's smile, in maintaining harmony within a marriage. The speaker describes how a husband's day, filled with external temptations and challenges, can be brightened by a warm welcome at home. Conversely, constant negativity and nagging from the wife can lead to deep-seated resentment. The speaker argues that both spouses should focus on fulfilling their roles and supporting each other, rather than engaging in arguments or using religious teachings as weapons against one another. The paragraph concludes with advice on how silence and mercy can effectively resolve conflicts and strengthen the marital bond.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Marriage
💡Love and Mercy
💡Temptations
💡Courtesy
💡Resentment
💡Smile
💡Arguments
💡Silence
💡Psychological Speech
💡Support
Highlights
Marriage is sustained by love and mercy, with the passion of love being prominent at the beginning and mercy becoming crucial as marriage progresses.
Mercy towards the spouse becomes vital when the initial passion fades, helping to maintain a strong and lasting relationship.
A husband's courtesy towards his wife is essential, recognizing her role and efforts in the relationship.
Men have a natural weakness for women, a desire that Allah has placed in them, which women may not fully understand.
Women should support their husbands in controlling their desires, rather than condemning them for their weaknesses.
Men often face temptations outside the home, making it crucial for wives to provide a supportive and understanding environment.
A wife's smile when greeting her husband can have a profound impact on the relationship, setting a positive tone for the entire evening.
Small gestures, like a smile, can prevent resentment from building up in a marriage over time.
Men should avoid turning marriage into a competition of who's right, as women can often out-argue them.
Women are complex, and sometimes they don't know why they're upset, making it important for men to be patient and understanding.
Argumentation isn't always effective with women; sometimes silence and mercy are more powerful tools.
The Sunnah of the Prophet teaches that silence, combined with mercy, can be an effective way to resolve conflicts with one's wife.
A husband’s silence, when used wisely, can prompt a wife to reflect on her actions and foster harmony in the relationship.
Good communication and emotional intelligence are key to maintaining a healthy and balanced marriage.
A strong marital relationship is foundational to sustaining faith and preventing moral corruption in the broader community.
Transcripts
and Allah says about
marriage beautiful words of Quran you
will find these words applicable in all
of your married lives those of you that
are married Allah says he put between
you between the husband and wife love Ma
and it's passionate love Allah says and
mercy because in the beginning of
marriage is very passionate you're
obsessed with your wife you can't think
about anything else your friends call
you they go straight to voicemail right
because you just got married for you
know for 6 months you're out of you know
out of sight no no body sees you but
then as marriage goes further what keeps
marriage alive isn't that anymore cuz
other obligations come in there's kids
there's work there's not not you're not
honeyy anymore how do you keep the
marriage sustained Mercy towards your
wife Mercy towards the husband courtesy
between you you know this man comes to
he says I want to divorce my wife and he
says why do you want to divorce your
wife I don't love her anymore I don't
find her attractive anymore and so asked
him what about courtesy what about the
courtesy you ow your wife she doesn't
take care of your kids she hasn't put up
with you all this time you know and you
know we have we're difficult creatures
to put up with men right we're we're
very difficult creatures to put up with
and our wives put up with us even if
they share you know say a couple of
words here and there in the end they
still put up with us right so they do
quite a bit for us so we can't just say
oh well she doesn't look like what I was
imagining the you know back in the day
when I didn't used to lower my gaze I
saw some things on TV and I was
expecting that
you know this is you know really it's
it's not the healthy attitude you have
to if the believer watches their gaze
and they control their Temptations and
then they do the best with their wives
they will be the most satisfied and they
won't have any Temptations outside but
at the same time and I'm I'm ranting on
the brothers but at the same time the
sisters have to understand this Allah
subhana wa T created men and women very
differently men their biggest weakness
is women they could be richer they could
be poor they could be you know healthy
and not very healthy you know skinny and
fat or tall doesn't matter what culture
what language all of them have the same
weakness women and women Allah many in
majority cases he made them oblivious to
this weakness of men they don't realize
how bad it is so when the Ayah comes and
a woman reads it lower their gaze oh
yeah I could do that and they're like
what's the big deal why can't men just
lower their
gaze and you you don't understand what
don't I understand you have eyes I have
eyes they have Retina you know it
processes the same information
so what's the problem you see they're
not they don't understand the power of
this desire that Allah subhana wa put
inside of us and mentioned as number
one number one of the desires that were
beautified for men were desires for
women right the number one FNA the
prophet sallallahu alaihi wasallam fears
for the men of this um is what women
because it's a serious problem so the if
the wives understand that then instead
of condemning the their husband why are
you so
weak how come you can't control your
eyes instead of knowing that they would
accept this is the creation of Allah
subhana wa tala you have to the wife has
a role of supporting her husband and
becoming strong and she can do that by
warding Temptations off from him not by
lecturing him you know and and this is
the other thing that's very important
for wives to understand the husband he
goes to the office or he goes to the
train and there are women horribly
dressed they're sitting there smiling at
everybody trying to you know basically
this is all these women have in terms of
their dignity they're not respected for
their intellect they're not respected
for their opinions so all they think is
we're going to be respected if men see
more of our you know our shame so they
they dress it in decent fashion because
when men look at them they feel kind of
you know self-respect like I'm worth
something people are looking at me
that's basically what it is it's really
horrible it's sad but then they go to
the office and the secretary is smiling
at you and saying how are you how was
your day you know what are you getting
for lunch oh you're fasting oh that's
you know and they're they're smiling at
you and then you go you know and every
ad women are smiling at you and then you
get
home and you open the door and the wife
said where were you oh the the the the
Train the train was late oh every day
the train is late oh I understand you
know and there's a frown every day and
the first day it's okay the second day
it's okay 10 years of this 12 years of
this what's going to happen the husband
has resentment towards the wife even if
he doesn't say anything he's building
resentment inside and the simple simple
solution of the messenger sallallahu
alaihi wasallam a smile of the wife when
the husband comes home you know how big
a deal this is this is not a small thing
it stabs the husband when the husband
comes home and the wife doesn't
care and you know he's very disturbed by
that he may not say something but it
really really hurts husbands and it
hurts the relationship and it comes out
in weird ways now that they're hurt
they're kind of upset as they're having
dinner oh there's not enough salt in
here you know there's something wrong
and they're extra angry at the kids
they're frustrated but the same scenario
the the wife opens the door and she
greets the husband with a smile just a
smile it's not expensive but what
happens the rest of the night goes
smoothly the husband's in a good mood
he's talking to her when he's talking to
her I I don't want to talk right now I
have a headache it's not going to happen
all started from where just one little
Act of the wife these are Simple
Solutions but they're powerful Solutions
and you don't take care of these
Solutions and things this baggage just
keeps adding up and adding up and adding
up and that's where you get those
statistics cuz the husband doesn't even
want to look at the wife she's just
annoying you know she just does this or
that right so both sides have to
understand they have to take care of the
other side instead of expecting from the
other side just make a goal for yourself
to take care of the other side this
is the only time they don't guard their
privates is with their spouses and this
relationship is very strong I don't even
want to quote the Hadith even though you
know quoting a Hadith is a good thing
but I know the repercussions it can have
in our community unfortunately I don't
personally Allah I don't personally feel
that Muslim families are mature enough
to take a Hadith and take it in a mature
way usually they end up using Islamic
text as a weapon you know what the
prophet said about the wife who doesn't
take care of her husband's need at night
he said this this this you should be
ashamed of yourself you know or she's
really going to be nice to you now you
know it's not it's not a contest you
know you should be more like the sahab
and she be like you're no sahabi
yourself you
know that's how it's going to be so if
you want to make it a competition you
will never defeat women not not your
mother not your sister not your wife you
will never defeat them in argument cuz
what they can come up with you didn't
even think of from the back of your head
right Allah put this in them you know
they have they have the power of of
speech psychological speech speech
psychologically effective speech so you
have to learn to deal with that the
other thing another piece of advice just
in terms of Harmony between husband and
wife is that you know argumentation men
seem to think everything can be solved
by reasoning and logical evidences right
and they they forget that Allah subhana
wa tala didn't create women in this
simple black and white fashion women are
complicated creatures when you get
married many of you will testify your
wife is crying one day and you ask her
why are you crying she'll say I don't
know
I I I'll talk to you later about it and
you say no really is it something I did
no leave me alone I don't know and they
really don't know sometimes and if they
do it's too complicated for you to
understand so they'll say you're not
going to get it right so they're complex
creatures and so you will learn this and
when you're not married you'll learn
this with your mother and you will learn
this with your sister you try to reason
with them you give them reasons for why
you did something that disappointed them
they say oh so you know so much better
fine next time I shouldn't argue with
you cuz you're so smart
right and their feelings will be hurt
who just lost that argument you did cuz
you tried to reason the way you argue or
you want to make your point with women
what's the best way to make your point
with women it's not by argument the W
the best way to make a point with your
wife to make a point with your mother is
actually the Sunnah of the messenger
sallallahu alaihi wasallam one Mercy
second
silence silence you know how effective
silence is for good believing wives if
the husband is silent then she will say
what's the matter is there something I
did but if the husband talks back man
she will talk back way better than you
can right she will come back with a
better rebound than you ever thought it
possible but if you're silent and if
there's an ounce of good in her goodness
in her she will come and say maybe even
if I don't think it was my fault it was
my fault I'm sorry but the husband has
to learn this technique of silence and
not Silence with a frown and pushing her
away just a little extra sad puppy face
here and there you know try it with your
mom see if it works and it will work to
with your wives also inshal right but
this is important these are the
etiquette of marriage the messenger he
could yell at his spouses he could say
harsh things them he doesn't because you
know the the relationship is so fragile
this relationship and Shan wants every
opportunity to destroy it and as soon as
he destroys it what's going to happen
corruption in the Muslim Community is
going to happen that's what's going to
happen men are going to be not guarding
their eyes anymore and other things are
going to happen scandals are going to
spread This Is How They spread from Bad
marriages all the great tragedies that
happen in the Muslim Community that
people don't even want to talk about cuz
they sound so disgusting where did they
start they start from a husband not
taking taking care of the wife and a
wife not taking care of the husband so
this is this is at the heart of being a
Believer and sustaining our Iman taking
care of the wife and taking taking care
of the husband may Allah subhana wa
taala make us the best husbands and
grant us the best wives
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