how to make friends easily | tips for the socially awkward, healthy friendships, how to be likeable
Summary
TLDRDieses Video skizziert die Herausforderungen und Strategien des Freundschaftsfindens. Es widerlegt den Mythos, dass es für introvertierte oder schüchterne Menschen schwer sei, neue Beziehungen zu knüpfen. Der Sprecher teilt persönliche Erfahrungen und Tipps, wie man durch hohe Beziehungsstandards, das Überwinden von Freundschafts-Traumen und das Setzen von Standards die richtigen Freunde auswählt. Zudem werden Methoden vorgestellt, um potenzielle Freunde zu treffen und wie man durch positive Interaktionen und gemeinsame Interessen die Beziehungen vertieft.
Takeaways
- 😀 Manchmal kann das Finden von Freunden einfach sein, selbst wenn man introvertiert, schüchtern oder unauffällig ist.
- 🌟 Der Sprecher selbst war einst alle genannten Dinge und hat trotzdem gelernt, wie man Freunde macht und pädagogische Videos für Tausende macht.
- 🔍 Es geht darum, die richtigen Freunde auszuwählen und nicht nur Freundschaften zu 'machen', um eine positive Einflussnahme zu gewährleisten.
- 📋 Um erfolgreich Freunde zu finden, sollte man eine Checkliste mit den Eigenschaften von gesunden Freundschaften erstellen.
- 🤝 Vertrauen, Respekt, Gehör und Offenheit sind entscheidende Merkmale einer gesunden Beziehung.
- 🚫 Man sollte nicht von Einsamkeit oder Verzweiflung aus Freundschaften eingehen, um toxische Beziehungen zu vermeiden.
- 🌱 Es ist wichtig, die eigene Vergangenheit mit Freundschaftsverletzungen zu verarbeiten und dabei zu vermitteln, wie man das tut.
- 💡 Man sollte die Freundschaftsverletzungen verkraften, indem man Vergebung übt, seine Bindungsart heilen möchte und langsam Schritte macht.
- 🛑 Man sollte aufhören, Freunde perfekt zu finden und akzeptieren, dass sie unterschiedliche Interessen haben können.
- 🏋️♀️ Vertrauen und Selbstvertrauen zu bauen, indem man sich selbst Herausforderungen stellt und die Möglichkeit einer Ablehnung in Kauf nimmt.
- 🤝 Die beste Art, Freunde zu finden, ist durch gemeinsame Hobbys und Aktivitäten, die man regelmäßig betreibt.
- 🗣️ Für eine gute Konversation sollte man sich auf den anderen konzentrieren und viele Fragen stellen, um ein tieferes Verständnis zu entwickeln.
Q & A
Wie sieht die Meinung des Sprechers über das Herstellen von Freundschaften aus?
-Der Sprecher betont, dass das Herstellen von Freundschaften einfach sein kann, und es ist eine falsche Vorstellung, dass es besonders für introvertierte, schüchterne oder außergewohnungsscheue Menschen schwierig sei.
Was sind die 'Grünen Flaggen' in Bezug auf Freundschaften, die der Sprecher anspricht?
-Die 'Grünen Flaggen' beziehen sich auf die positiven Merkmale, die in einer gesunden Freundschaft vorhanden sein sollten, wie Positivität, Vertrauen, Respekt, Zuhören und Offenheit.
Warum betont der Sprecher die Bedeutung von hohen Freundschaftsstandards?
-Hohe Freundschaftsstandards sind wichtig, um sicherzustellen, dass man sich um die richtigen Menschen bemüht und nicht aus Einsamkeit oder Verzweiflung falsche Freundschaften einht.
Was ist eine der Hauptbotschaften des Videos in Bezug auf das Auswählen von Freunden?
-Stattdessen Freunde zu 'machen', sollte man sich auf das Auswählen von Freunden konzentrieren, um eine bessere und aufrichtige Beziehung aufzubauen.
Wie befasst sich der Sprecher mit dem Thema 'Heilen von Freundschaftswunden'?
-Der Sprecher erklärt, dass ungeheilte Traumata aus der Vergangenheit unsere sozialen Interaktionen und die Art und Weise, wie wir Freundschaften eingehen, beeinflussen können, und er gibt Tipps, wie man diese Traumata überwinden kann.
Was sind einige der Strategien, die der Sprecher für das Treffen neuer Leute und das Herstellen von Freundschaften vorschlägt?
-Einige dieser Strategien beinhalten, sich in Gruppen oder Klassen einzufinden, die einem Interesse entsprechen, das Herstellen von Beziehungen als regelmäßiger Kunde in Geschäften oder das Nutzen von Apps wie Bumble BFF.
Wie kann man nach Ansicht des Sprechers eine bessere ersten Eindruck als potenzieller Freund machen?
-Durch das Herstellen einer guten Verbindung, das Betonen von Gemeinsamkeiten und das Zeigen eines positiven Energie und Interesses für den anderen Menschen.
Was sind die 'Psychologie-Hacks', die der Sprecher für das Herstellen von Freundschaften anbietet?
-Einige dieser Hacks beinhalten, zuzuhören und zurückzuspiegeln, ein offenes und positives Verhalten zu zeigen, über sich selbst zu lachen, nach Rat zu fragen und über andere positiv zu sprechen.
Wie sieht der Sprecher die Rolle von sozialen Medien bei der Freundschaftsbildung?
-Soziale Medien können als Werkzeuge dienen, um sich mit Leuten in Verbindung zu setzen, die ähnliche Interessen haben oder in der gleichen Region leben, und sie kann dazu beitragen, neue Freundschaften zu knüpfen.
Was ist der Schlüssel zu einem fließenden Gespräch und einer guten Beziehung, laut dem Sprecher?
-Der Schlüssel besteht darin, sich auf den anderen zu konzentrieren, Fragen zu stellen, aufzumerksame zuzuhören und gemeinsame Interessen zu betonen, anstatt sich nur auf die eigene Persönlichkeit und das eigene Interesse zu fokussieren.
Outlines
🤝 Freundschaften neu definieren
Der erste Absatz spricht über die Herausforderungen des Freundschaftsfindens und wie manche Menschen dies für unmöglich halten, selbst wenn sie introvertiert, schüchtern oder zurückhaltend sind. Die Sprecherin teilt ihre persönliche Erfahrung mit, wie sie trotz ähnlicher Eigenschaften erfolgreich YouTube-Videos macht und Freunde aufbaut. Sie stellt die These auf, dass das Herstellen von Freundschaften falsch angewendet wird und stattdessen auf grünen Warnsignalen und Standards in Beziehungen basiert. Der Absatz beinhaltet auch eine Einführung in die thematischen Bereiche, die im Video behandelt werden, darunter das Erkennen von grünen Warnsignalen in Freundschaften, das Finden von Freunden im Erwachsenenalter, die Vermeidung von häufigen Fehlern und Strategien zur Bekanntschaftsbildung.
🛡️ Gesunde Freundschaftsstandards setzen
Der zweite Absatz konzentriert sich auf die Erstellung einer Checkliste für Gesundheit in Freundschaften. Es werden Eigenschaften wie Positivität, Vertrauen, Respekt, Zuhören, Offenheit, Ausrichtung und Bemühung als entscheidend für eine gute Freundschaft identifiziert. Die Sprecherin betont die Notwendigkeit, hohe Standards einzustellen und nicht aus Einsamkeit oder Verzweiflung zu suchen. Zudem werden Fragen aufgelistet, die man sich selbst stellen soll, um die eigenen Erwartungen und Standards für Freundschaften zu definieren.
🌱 Überwindung von Freundschafts-traumata
Der dritte Absatz behandelt das Thema des Überwindens von Freundschafts-traumata und wie dies das soziale Verhalten beeinflusst. Die Sprecherin erklärt, wie unheilte Traumen zu Selbstsabotage führen kann und wie man durch das Vergeben, das Heilen der Anhangsweise und das Festlegen einer Mission Vorsichtsmassnahmen gegen Isolierung und die Schaffung von gesunden Beziehungen ergreifen kann. Es wird betont, dass man langsam voranschreiten und sich selbst belohnen sollte, um das Vertrauen und die Fähigkeit, Freunde zu finden, wiederherzustellen.
❌ Vermeidung häufiger Fehler beim Freundschaftsfinden
In diesem Absatz werden häufige Fehler aufgezeigt, die Menschen beim Freundschaftsfinden machen, wie z.B. die Erwartung, dass Freunde perfekt sein oder genau wie man selbst sind. Die Sprecherin ermutigt, Ausreden abzulegen, authentisch zu bleiben, sich nicht von dem Ego oder Stolz ablenken zu lassen und sich ständig der Ablehnung auszusetzen, um die Furcht vor Ablehnung zu überwinden. Es wird betont, dass man die Vergangenheit hinter sich lassen und Vertrauen zeigen muss, um echte Freundschaften aufbauen zu können.
📍 Orte zum Treffen neuer Leute
Der vierte Absatz gibt Empfehlungen für Orte und Methoden, um neue Leute kennenzulernen und Freundschaften aufzubauen. Dazu gehören die Regularität in bestimmten Orten, das Beitreten zu Klassen, die Verwendung von Apps wie Bumble BFF, die Nutzung von Social-Media-Plattformen wie TikTok und Facebook Gruppen, sowie das Initiieren von Kontakten durch Direktnachrichten. Die Sprecherin betont die Wichtigkeit, sich selbst zu präsentieren, das Gespräch zu eröffnen und gemeinsame Interessen zu finden.
🗣️ Gesprächsführung und Lernpunkte
Der letzte Absatz bietet Tipps für eine fließende Unterhaltung und wie man durch positive Interaktionen wie Belobigung, Fragen stellen und das Betonen gemeinsamer Interessen sympathisch wirkt. Es werden auch Psychologie-Hacks vorgestellt, die dazu beitragen können, dass man sympathisch wirkt, wie das Wiederholen von Aussagen, das Lachen, das Anbieten von Ratschlägen und das Loben anderer Menschen. Der Absatz endet mit einem Aufruf an die Zuschauer, das Video zu liken und zu teilen, und ein Ausblick auf zukünftige Videos und soziale Medien-Aktivitäten der Sprecherin.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Freundschaft
💡Sozialer Zusammenhalt
💡Introversion
💡Selbstvertrauen
💡Freundschaftsstandards
💡Kommunikation
💡Echtheit
💡Verletzlichkeit
💡Freundschaftswunden
💡Motivation
💡Vergangenheit
Highlights
Making friends is often perceived as difficult, especially for those who are socially awkward, shy, quiet, or introverted.
The speaker overcomes personal challenges to make YouTube videos and connect with people, despite being shy and introverted.
The video aims to debunk misconceptions about making friends and provide strategies for forming meaningful friendships.
Choosing friends is emphasized over making friends, to avoid a lack mindset and ending up with the wrong people.
Teddy Blake New York's sponsorship is mentioned, highlighting the brand's premium Italian leather handbags at accessible prices.
Qualities of a healthy friendship are outlined, including positivity, trust, respect, listening, vulnerability, alignment, effort, and communication.
Setting high friendship standards is crucial, and a checklist of qualities is provided to help viewers determine what they're looking for in friends.
Healing from past friendship traumas is discussed as a necessary step before seeking new friendships.
The importance of forgiving oneself and healing one's attachment style to avoid self-sabotage in friendships is emphasized.
Creating a mission for making friends helps with motivation and long-term sustainability of new relationships.
Avoiding common mistakes when making friends, such as expecting perfection or being too similar, is advised.
Staying authentic and not changing oneself to fit others' expectations is highlighted as key to forming genuine connections.
Exposure therapy through consistently putting oneself out there, despite the fear of rejection, is recommended to build confidence.
Taking a leap of faith and trusting others, despite the risk of hurt, is presented as a necessary step in forming deep friendships.
Various places to meet new people are suggested, including becoming a regular at a spot, joining classes, and using apps like Bumble BFF.
The power of social media, particularly Tick Tock and Facebook groups, in connecting with like-minded individuals is discussed.
Tips for having engaging conversations are provided, focusing on asking questions and finding common ground.
Psychological hacks to become more likable are shared, such as repeating back what others say, being easygoing, and asking for advice.
The video concludes with a reminder to be authentic, confident, and to focus on making others feel valued and understood.
Transcripts
making friends is so easy but everyone
acts like it's hard everyone has this
misconception that it's this impossible
task especially if you're socially
awkward shy quiet or introverted but
guess what I was and still am all four
of those things and yet I sit here every
single week and make YouTube videos to
thousands of people I come across
confident and I have the ability to go
to a stranger talk to them and make
friends with them but I get it okay
because for years I was a loner or I was
surrounded by friends that weren't right
for me and for so long I always dreamed
of the day that I'd have friends around
me that actually aligned with me and it
wasn't until I learned these tips that
it was possible and that's why this
video is all about how you choose
Friends making friends is the wrong
approach it's so centered around a lack
mindset and it means you're more likely
to end up with the wrong people as
always here's the video instructor we're
going to be covering green flags and
friendships how to make friends as an
adult how to avoid common pitfalls when
it comes to making friends strategies
where to meet people and so much more I
got you covered don't worry but right
before we jump into this video I wanted
to mention that this video has kindly
been sponsored by Teddy Blake New York
and if you've been following me on
Instagram then you know how obsessed I
am with this bag and that I've been
wearing it literally everywhere over the
last week when I tell you I am obsessed
with this bag and I need it in every
single color this brand is amazing
because they're all about designing
premium luxury feel handbags without the
luxury price tags every single one of
these bags are actually made with real
premium Italian leather they use the
same materials as all luxury Brands and
they never compromise on quality I love
the fact that this can be used with a
top handle but it also comes with a long
strap the inside is so roomy I actually
can't get over the smell of this bike
you guys and then there's a small pocket
I always like to put my lipsticks in
there they have a bunch of designs not
just this one every single color you
could imagine small bags big bags
everything this gray bag that I own with
the gold Hardware is the Kim lizard 11
inch bag there'll be a link in the
description for you guys to shop as well
as an amazing discount code for you guys
but honestly I'm just so impressed that
this is made with a team of Italian
designers they always give you a fair
price and it's so high quality pretty
enjoyable that it's literally designed
to withstand the test of time so your
money will be very well spent because
this is going to last you ages and
honestly I wear it with every single
outfit there's not one thing in my
wardrobe that this bag doesn't go with
so chapter one the friends you should be
choosing not making it's vital we place
importance on friendship green flags and
what our friendship standards look like
so of course this is the first step
because you need to enter into the
process of finding your new friends with
the correct mindset your friendship
standards need to be Sky High and you
cannot come from a place of loneliness
or being desperate because that's how
you either end up more lonely or
surrounded by toxic friendships so first
things first let's get our checklist for
these people in order so we know exactly
what we're looking for and then how we
can get it here are the qualities of a
healthy friendship one positivity of
course friends are there so that you can
talk to each other about your problems
have a shoulder to cry on but ultimately
you want to have positive people around
you as I said in my last video you will
the average of The Five People You spend
the most time with when you are going
into this process of trying to get new
people into your life you need to make
sure they're a good influence on you and
that you uplift each other you're not
trying to just find people to spend time
with and talk to it's important to find
people that actually energize you rather
than every time you leave a meeting with
them you feel drained and exhausted
because all they do is complain
criticize and gossip if you put up with
that that's exactly how you live a low
vibrational life healthy friendships
also look like trust okay I need to have
100 trust in you that you're not gonna
stab me in the back you're not going to
go around spilling my secrets to
everybody talking bad about me I need to
trust that you're loyal you won't lie to
me and if we have an issue you can come
to me and communicate with me next is
respect and this is crucial okay no
matter how different my friend is to me
we could be complete opposites maybe I
would never make the choices they make
in life however I still respect them and
the choices they make in life okay I
don't want to be friends with people who
just because they don't live the same
lifestyle as me think I'm weird or
question my choices or use it as an
excuse to criticize or gossip about me
the next quality is somebody who listens
and asks questions I need to feel seen
heard and accepted for who I am as as my
authentic self they have the desire to
get to know me on a deeper level they're
not just using me as their personal
therapist to vent all of their problems
and then never listen to what I have to
say and in that case you have to
question yourself when I meet up with
this person am I just sat there
listening to their stories the whole
time or giving them advice the whole
time next is vulnerability and I feel
like this is very overlooked in
Friendship you need to be able to open
up and share so you can connect on a
deeper level and understand each other
fully skip the small talk and the gossip
and just having fun experiences together
ask the real questions because once you
fully understand somebody you can care
for them properly you can show up for
them properly next is alignment and this
is easily confused okay because I don't
mean aligned in the way that we are
exactly the same type of people and we
want exactly the same type of things in
life no I mean roughly we want to go to
the same area in life which is up here
we are always trying to work on
ourselves we are always trying to reach
our goals we lead those conversations
with new knowledge and new energy and
motivation and these friendships are
amazing because if you're into your
self-development you and your friend are
going to help each other stay on the
same path as I said before you are the
average of The Five People You spend the
most time with so when you look around
at the five people closest to you think
to yourself do I want to be the average
of these five people if the answer to
that question is no and you would never
want to have any of their lives mindset
or goals then go find another friend
group the last qualities of a healthy
friendship are effort and communication
you want to make sure that you're not
the only person that's always asking
them to meet up with you you need to
know that when you need them they'll be
there and when they need you you'll be
there they're not going to drop you the
second they get into a relationship
they're not going to be super
inconsistent and always leave you
hanging and with communication it's
healthy it doesn't involve lies or
manipulation or gaslighting you guys can
have issues that's normal but they're
always resolved peacefully and in a
mature Manner and all of those qualities
equal a healthy friendship next it's
important to set your standards and of
course I'm going to help you out and
give you a list of questions that you
are now going to ask yourself so that
you can start forming this list of your
standards number one what do I expect
from Friendship number two how do I want
my friend show up for me when I'm going
through it number three how often do I
want to see them for me personally I'm a
very low maintenance friend okay I don't
want to be expected to meet up with my
friends every week so I need to meet
people that also live a similar
lifestyle and are okay with that four
what personality traits do I want them
to have for me it's compassionate
understanding and loyal what shared
values do I want us to have it could be
you need a friend that has the same
Hobbies as you or the same interests as
you or just the same morals as you what
are my non-negotiables for me it's you
have to be ambitious I don't want to
surround myself with any other energy
because truthfully I'm okay on my own I
want to surround myself with people who
are as ambitious as me and I won't make
friends with anybody who doesn't have
that quality next what experiences do I
want us to have together AKA what do I
want our friendship to actually look
like is it traveling together is it
always just casually chilling at each
other's houses having sleepovers is it
doing activities is it going on double
dates is it going on nights out every
weekend and doing the clubbing lifestyle
now I know first and foremost friendship
is about genuine interest and connection
and love and care for that person of
course but in order to keep your
standards High then you have to ask
yourself this question so for me what I
want to get out of my friendships is to
feel uplifted and inspired when we talk
and we meet up about our goals our lives
and everything for you you might want to
get out a good laugh and to feel relaxed
and not have to think about all of the
other stresses in your life or maybe you
want to make friends with people that
are older than you so you can have
deeper conversations and kind of learn
that wisdom from them and listen that's
not bad and that's not superficial or a
fake way to approach friendship because
if you were dating you would have these
exact same standards so why are you not
holding that for all of the other people
in your life chapter two how to heal the
Friendship wound this is so overlooked
but it truly does affect whether we make
friends how we make friends and what
kind of friends we have in our lives I
always questioned why haven't I found my
dream friendship group yet why am I
always alone and then I found out I was
self-sabotaging the whole time and I
didn't even realize because
subconsciously my friendship trauma was
controlling the choice as I made in my
social life I was literally isolating
myself to protect myself from going
through bad friendship experiences again
and I wasn't even fully aware that I was
doing that I experienced this by having
a lot of experiences with fake friends
or being betrayed or stabbed in the back
and just losing a lot of trust in people
because I'd been abandoned by friends in
the past a lot of us go through this and
it actually ends up altering our
perception of female friendships to
something that's catty or and
ingenuine but this was so far from the
truth there is so much love power and
support that is built within Sisterhood
and I don't want to miss out on that but
I was because I was trying to fill that
hole that trauma by spending so much
time with myself and I thought I was
protecting myself but really I was
hurting myself by playing it safe
because I was holding myself back from
having those experiences of female
friendship and that's when I realized
something had to change because you have
to be loving open and trusting to allow
the right friendships to come into your
life and you don't need to be perfect
but sometimes a little bit of
self-development can go a long way in
improving your life and the quality of
people in it we already know unhealed
traumas will affect all of the
relationships in your life so how do we
heal our friendship trauma this is how
one forgive yourself because you are
worthy of friendship and you need to
stop looking back at every single little
thing thinking that you were the cause
of it I've experienced this and it's a
very common experience when you go
through like a negative or traumatic
relationship with somebody even if they
did you wrong even if they hurt you and
disrespected you a little part of you is
always going to think but why did it
happen to me and how did I contribute to
this was it really my fault am I a bad
person I'm all for self-reflection and
recognizing where our weaknesses are and
where we go wrong but that wasn't your
fault okay if somebody hurt you you did
not deserve that you didn't deserve that
treatment you didn't deserve to be
abandoned hurt or rejected it was on
fire on you and it has nothing to do
with the person that you are however you
were treated has more to do with that
person than you and if you have
reflected on yourself and you know you
have good intentions then you should
remember that you are worthy of
friendship and that you would make a
really good friend two heal your
attachment style I always talk about
this because it really helps us in all
aspects of life I had to heal my
attachment style because I used to be an
avoidant this meant that I had to make
an active decision to go against my
natural beliefs of trying to isolate
myself and hold on to my Independence
because I thought other people or
relationships might ruin that avoidance
hate commitment and depending on other
people and that's what I was always at
and I knew I was never going to go past
that place unless I had the intention to
ignore it every single day on the other
hand if you have an actor's attachment
then you need to recondition your mind
into thinking I can make friends but
also I can live without them if that
comes to an end I am completely whole
capable and happy on my own I don't need
to cling to other people or depend on
them three figure out your mission
because this is going to be your
motivation don't just go out to make
friends just because you feel like
that's what you're supposed to do
because that's not going to be
sustainable in the long run a lot of
making friends is about putting yourself
out there and approaching people and if
you don't have the right motivation
behind it you're not going to build up
the courage to actually go and do it
think about the reason as to why you
actually want to make friends how is
this going to benefit you and your life
why do friendships mean a lot to you
what can you bring to the table in that
friendship and how would having a best
friend benefit you in your life and the
last step to Healing our friendship
traumas is to take it slow and one step
at a time be gentle with yourself trust
issues and changing the way you act as a
result of past traumas is normal you
need to make a plan of how you're going
to make friends which we're going to go
into at the end of this video and then
take baby steps when it feels
comfortable the important part is that
you're actually making steps you're
making progress you're not just going to
stay stagnant because that's your
comfort zone I had trust issues for so
long I didn't want to let anybody in but
I knew I was acting in my future self's
best interest by actually going out
there and trying to make friends because
my comfort zone isn't concerned with my
future it's just acting off everything
that's happened in my past which is no
longer relevant so when I'm taking these
steps like going out of my way to
message somebody new or talk to a
stranger or make conversational assembly
out for coffee I literally reward myself
I act like I'm talking to my inner child
and I'm like well done like I know that
was difficult and maybe the trust isn't
there yet and you're still very nervous
about this friendship but well done you
for taking that first step it's all
about having some self-compassionate
understanding in these situations so it
makes the journey easier don't put so
much pressure on yourself where it's
like oh but we're not friends yet and we
haven't met yet or what if they reject
me no no just focus on the step that's
right in front of you right now chapter
three avoiding common mistakes people
make when they're trying to make friends
the first one is stop expecting your
friends to be perfect and stop expecting
them to be the same as you this is very
common in female friendships you know
when you're trying to find your new girl
bestie and you want to have everything
in common with them that is not
realistic and nor is that going to
guarantee you a healthy friendship it's
important to be aligned with someone but
even if they have completely different
interests to you don't just dismiss them
too but I have no friends and I'm lonely
and I'm really shy and I'm socially
awkward stop making excuses you are
literally self-sabotaging your own life
and your potential sure those excuses
might be very realistic and based on
very hard facts as to everything that's
happened in your past as to why it's
difficult for you to make friends I
understand but you're never going to get
past that until you make the decision to
ignore those excuses you are the only
person that can save yourself and show
up for yourself I was like this for so
long well I used to get scared of
talking to new people I was too shy I
was too introverted it felt too scary
and I was more comfortable being on my
own but I knew in the long run I was
missing out on valuable friendships that
could have benefited my life so I
decided to be my own hero and save
myself and like I said before taking it
one step at a time literally acting as
my own mentor and saying okay first
things first you're gonna approach that
person well done you did that then
you're going to engage in conversation
with them then you're gonna ask them out
for coffee you're gonna make a plan and
you're gonna commit to it you are not
gonna allow excuses of past experiences
to run your life anymore the next rule
is to stay authentic don't try to change
yourself or alter yourself in a way that
you think this other person will like
you try to act like you're interested in
what they're interested in or to just be
a yes man to them no if you say
something and they disagree with it or
if they don't like the way that you
think or what you're interested in then
so be it why would you want that friend
in your life and even if they're funny
and you guys have good experiences with
them long term you're missing out of
meeting people who truly love you for
you and who you are the next rule is to
put yourself out there and put your
pride aside okay very common mistake is
that sometimes our egos get in the way
and we're waiting for other people to
approach us you know okay but that
person should text me first or they
should ask me out for a coffee no when
you're trying to make friends you can't
let your ego or Pride have any place in
this process you need to fake it till
you make it get that confidence and
reach out if you're rejected then so be
it and this links into the next rule
which is all about exposure therapy in
this case exposure therapy means
consistently putting yourself out there
and allowing the possibility of yourself
being constantly rejected from other
people and I know that sounds horrible
why would anyone want to experience that
but the thing is when you keep exposing
yourself to that experience you become
numb to it it no longer text you and it
raises your confidence destroying your
fear of rejection will make this entire
process of making and choosing friends
10 times easier because if you think
about it what's really holding yourself
back from dming that person or shooting
your shot or approaching that stranger
it's the fear that they won't smile back
or they won't talk to you or they won't
like you back but if they don't who
cares then they're just not your people
then we move on we go about our day and
we go to the next person it's it's
really not that deep okay it was never
that serious your mindset needs to get
to the pace of oh you don't like me okay
cool that's fine because I like and love
myself just because you don't want to
meet or you don't want to be friends
doesn't mean that's something inherently
wrong with me or that I'm not desirable
or I wouldn't make a good friend that
probably just means we're not aligned or
you're not interested and you are
completely okay and within your right to
have that opinion and that opinion
doesn't Define me so why should I allow
myself to be affected by that opinion
it's really that simple and the last
rule is to take a leap of faith
sometimes you need to leave the past in
the past and just openly trust no matter
what and is there a chance you're gonna
get hurt maybe but if you try to avoid
every single negative possibility in
life you would never go anywhere you
wouldn't apply to any jobs you would
never find your soulmate and you would
never find that group of friends chapter
four where to meet people now you have
the right mindset so let's meet those
new potential friends the key to this is
Hobbies so that you can find like-minded
people and I think the first step to
this is to build up the confidence and
courage to go out and do things alone
because once you're comfortable doing
that you'll be comfortable going to
places to meet people alone or joining
clubs or activities alone so the places
to meet friends one become a regular
anywhere you want could be a coffee shop
could be a bar when you become a regular
not only do you familiarize yourself
with the staff and that staff could also
be your age live near you have the same
interests in you and you guys could
perfectly get along and be friends but
you'll find other people who are
regulars at that place next is join a
class yoga Pilates tennis whatever
because just like when you were a kid
and you're in school and you were trying
to make friends you do it in clubs you
do it when there's a little community
and circular people around you where you
have no choice but to work together on a
team and talk to each other and get to
know each other and that is way less
intimidating it means that you're not
actually putting yourself out there that
much plus you already have the same
interests that you can Bond over that is
automatic conversation no awkwardness
needed the next place is Bumble BFF I
personally have never used this but I
have heard amazing things anybody I've
heard as ever mentioned this has always
said they found a group of friends from
this app the next place is Tick Tock and
I know this might sound crazy but I say
this because I've actually seen this
work a few times videos have come up on
my for you page where women who have
just moved to big cities like London or
Manchester will literally post a quick
little Tick Tock video like hi I'm a
girly in her 20s and I live in this area
of this city does anybody want to meet
up for coffee comment section hundreds
hundreds of women who are like oh my God
yes I'm also here and I'm living alone
and I would love to meet up easy next is
Facebook groups you can find a Facebook
group on anything on just being a South
Asian woman on being a girl in her 20s
on being a postgraduate best way to make
friends because people bond in there so
quickly while never meeting face to face
and lastly is to slide into the DMS
because social media was made so people
could be social reach out to people that
you follow mutuals people that live in
your area that go to your school your
University if you're a content creator
like myself reach out to other content
creators and be like do you ever want to
do a Content day so from everything I've
said the key factors are to put yourself
out there and have the confidence to be
the person that speaks first and do it
on a platform a location or a club that
links to who you are as a person and
your interests it's as easy as that that
is the magic formula that is what
majority of people do to meet friends
okay so I know why I should meet people
in the mindset I should have and where I
should meet them but what do I talk
about
you know I'm gonna tell you this is what
to talk about for the shy for the
socially awkward for normal people who
just really hate awkward silences I can
relate the key to this to having a good
conversation that flows and also this
person being engaged with you and liking
you and wanting to keep talking with you
is to go into this process of talking to
this person not with the mindset of I'm
trying to make this person like me or I
want this person to want to be my friend
no no no no no because if you think like
that you're going to be so in your head
all of your confidence is going to be
out of the window because you're placing
all of your power in the hands of this
person you're going to come up as
desperate you're going to be in your
lack mindset and you're not gonna have
that magnetic Aura so instead you're
gonna go in with the mindset of how can
I make this person feel and how can I
see and understand this person more
instantly you are now making this all
about the other person and not yourself
when you're constantly being
self-conscious and thinking okay but do
I look okay or how is this person going
to perceive me and what if they don't
like me and what if they reject me all
of that insecurities they're gonna show
through the way that you act and talk
with this person whereas if you are not
making all about how can I make this
person feel you're going to appear more
confident you won't be insecure anymore
and everything you say and do is now
going to be 10 times better because
you're focusing on listening and showing
up for that other person and that is a
99.9 chance that they are gonna love you
for it you are going to make such an
amazing first impression as a result it
is a proven fact that people love
talking about themselves so this entire
conversation strategy is going to be
centered around just asking them loads
of questions loads and the fact that
they're answering your questions and
talking to you for an extended period of
time and then opening up to you as a
result will trick their brain into
thinking that they already like you even
though they probably met you 10 minutes
ago I'm gonna give you a rundown of how
this is gonna look hi excuse me oh my
God I just wanted to say I love your
outfit me really oh thank you so much
that's so nice yeah your style is
incredible I love your necklace
especially where did you get it from oh
thank you so much it's actually just
from Zara oh my God I love Zara it's
literally my favorite store I'm
literally here in the shopping center
shopping all of the time are you from
here no I'm actually not from here I
just moved here like six months ago oh
cool well I've actually been living here
my whole life how have you been finding
it because sometimes I feel like there's
not really much to do on the weekends
you know I'm a good guy I've been having
that same problem where I don't know
where to go so I just always come to
this coffee shop trust me I feel your
pain but there's this really good lunch
spot that I love and not a lot of people
in this town know about it honestly I
guarantee you like it every single
person I take there loves it you know
what we should go together oh really
yeah I'd be done that sounds really nice
and that is an especially good example
because this girl over here was such a
dead conversationalist she didn't ask me
any questions and yet I still kept the
conversation going now that wasn't
realistic that's like a worst case
scenario where the other person takes no
interest in you and doesn't ask you any
questions back and yet it's still that
easy to keep a conversation going
realistically if you have a conversation
with a stranger and start off with a
compliment instantly they're gonna like
you and they'll be disarmed they'll be
more open to talking to you and secondly
whatever questions you're asking them
they're gonna start asking you those
questions back and then it's an evil
conversation where you're going back and
forth you're getting to know each other
and after the first 2-3 minutes where
you might feel awkward it becomes
natural and lastly the key to having a
good conversation is to emphasize the
things that you guys have in common
because yes that leads to easier
conversation but if you're emphasizing
all of the reasons as to why you guys
are the same it's gonna kind of trick
the other person into thinking they like
you straight away and this links into
the last chapter which is how to become
more likeable when you're making these
friends this chapter is not about
changing yourself we stay authentic
around here but I thought it would be
useful to end this video with a few
hacks that are known to make people more
likable based on psychology the first
tip is when you're in a conversation
with them repeat back to them what they
just said yeah so when I met with them I
just felt really uncomfortable and it
was just such an awkward experience I
didn't know what to do oh my God they
made you feel that uncomfortable I can
imagine how confusing that must be so
what did you end up doing then when you
repeat back to them what they just said
that shows that you're a good listener
but also if they hear words coming out
of your mouth that they just said in
their mind it will make them think that
you guys have shared interest the next
tip to be more likable is be like wanted
be easy going smile and laugh you want
to radiate positive energy and this
means no more resting face who
would you rather be friends with
me
or me the next step on how to be more
likable is to put your pride aside
because it disarms people okay start
joking about an embarrassing experience
you had or a time that you were a little
bit cringy this shows that you are
confident and secure in yourself and
because you're not trying to force this
perfect image of yourself on other
people it relaxes them and it allows
them to also be their natural authentic
self and open up to you plus when you're
telling funny embarrassing stories about
yourself it keeps people laughing and if
you can make people laugh they're gonna
like you the next hack is to ask for
advice this forms a really strong bond
and emotional connection people will
like you if they feel like they have put
their time and energy in to help you out
and lastly talk positively about other
people this creates an amazing aura for
yourself and it allows the other person
to start trusting you and based on
psychology whatever good things you're
saying about that other person this new
potential friend will start associating
those positive qualities you're talking
about with you and who you are as a
person and that brings us to the end of
this video I hope you guys enjoyed it if
you did make sure you give it a like And
subscribe because I'm putting videos up
every single week make sure you comment
down below and let me know what you
thought or drop down a video request
because I always listen to your requests
this video today and my last one were
also requested by you guys make sure you
follow my Instagram to keep up with my
daily life and follow my Tick Tock for
daily self-love and self-growth advice
they are all Linked In the description
below I really hope you learned
something new and this video helped you
out thank you so much for watching I
appreciate you and I'll see you in the
next one bye
foreign
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