It's not just physical assault | What should and should not boys do
Summary
TLDRIn this video, the speaker addresses the issue of women's safety in public spaces, particularly in the aftermath of a horrific incident at a Kolkata hospital. He emphasizes that while not all men are perpetrators, it is crucial for men and boys to recognize their role in creating safe environments. The speaker, a professor, discusses the impact of language, jokes, the male gaze, and physical interactions in shared spaces. He calls for self-awareness, respect, and gentlemanly behavior to foster a safer and more respectful society.
Takeaways
- 😔 The script discusses the aftermath of a horrific incident at a medical college in Kolkata and the resulting fear and pain expressed by women on social media.
- 🔊 In response to women's concerns, some men on social media claim that not all men are perpetrators, highlighting the need for understanding the broader context of women's experiences.
- 👨🏫 The speaker, a professor of mechanical engineering, feels a responsibility beyond academics to contribute to societal discussions, despite not being an expert in the field.
- 👦 The discussion is aimed at boys, emphasizing that all men and boys have a role to play in creating safe spaces for women, starting with small actions.
- 🚫 The speaker points out that using coarse language, even if unintentionally harmful, is disrespectful and can contribute to a hostile environment for women.
- 🤐 Being a silent bystander to disrespectful behavior is also a form of complicity; the speaker encourages taking responsibility to make spaces safe for everyone.
- 😂 Jokes and banter are part of everyday interaction, but there's a fine line between playful teasing and making someone uncomfortable; recognizing this is a sign of maturity.
- 👀 The 'male gaze' is a common issue where women are objectified by being stared at in a lewd manner, which is normalized but not acceptable.
- 👶 The speaker reflects on the need for self-awareness and change, starting from a young age, to ensure a better future society.
- 🤝 In shared spaces like labs, the speaker requests that boys behave in a gentlemanly fashion to avoid any inappropriate physical interactions.
- 🔄 The speaker acknowledges that both boys and girls may use coarse language, but emphasizes the need for self-reflection and impartial assessment to understand the extent of the issue.
- 🌟 The hope is that discussions like these will lead to increased self-awareness and improved behavior among boys and girls, shaping a better future for society.
Q & A
What is the main focus of the video discussion?
-The main focus of the video discussion is to address the issue of how men's behavior, particularly in public spaces, can make women feel unsafe, and to discuss ways in which men can change their behavior to create a safer environment.
Why does the speaker feel compelled to discuss this topic despite being a professor of engineering?
-The speaker feels compelled to discuss this topic because as an educator, he believes his responsibility extends beyond academic instruction to shaping the future of society by teaching young minds about respect and safety for all, including women.
What is the significance of the speaker having a 5-year-old son in the context of this discussion?
-The speaker mentions his 5-year-old son to emphasize that the points he discusses are not just theoretical but have personal relevance and importance for him as a parent, hoping to raise his son to be respectful and considerate of others.
What is the 'male gaze' as mentioned in the script?
-The 'male gaze' refers to the act of men looking at women in a way that objectifies them, often in a lewd or disrespectful manner, which is a common and normalized behavior that many women and girls experience from a young age.
Why does the speaker emphasize the importance of language and tone in interactions between men and women?
-The speaker emphasizes the importance of language and tone because the use of coarse language, sexual expletives, and disrespectful communication can make women feel uncomfortable and unsafe in shared spaces.
What does the speaker suggest about the role of bystanders when witnessing disrespectful behavior?
-The speaker suggests that bystanders should not remain silent when witnessing disrespectful behavior. Instead, they should speak up and take responsibility to help create a safe and respectful environment for everyone.
How does the speaker define 'playful banter' and why is it important to recognize its boundaries?
-The speaker defines 'playful banter' as a form of light-hearted teasing that is a part of everyday interaction. It is important to recognize its boundaries to ensure that it does not cross over into making someone uncomfortable or disrespectful.
What is the speaker's stance on the use of 'course language' and why is it a concern?
-The speaker is against the use of 'course language' because it is disrespectful, particularly in shared spaces like classrooms, and can contribute to an unsafe environment for women.
Why does the speaker believe it's important for men to be aware of their physical presence in shared spaces?
-The speaker believes it's important for men to be aware of their physical presence in shared spaces to prevent inadvertent inappropriate touching and to ensure that women do not feel crowded out or uncomfortable.
What is the speaker's hope for the future after discussing these points?
-The speaker hopes that by discussing these points, there will be increased self-awareness among both boys and girls, leading to improved behavior and a more respectful society in the future.
Outlines
😔 Addressing Gender Safety Concerns
The speaker begins by addressing a recent incident at a medical college in Kolkata, which has prompted many women to express their fear and anguish on social media. Men have countered by stating they are not all like the perpetrators. The speaker, a professor of mechanical engineering, acknowledges his lack of formal expertise but feels compelled to discuss these issues due to his societal role and responsibility as an educator. He wants to reflect on and discuss certain behaviors that, while seemingly small, cumulatively make women feel unsafe in public spaces, such as workplaces and educational institutions.
😠 The Impact of Disrespectful Language
In this paragraph, the speaker discusses the negative impact of using coarse language and sexual expletives, especially in educational settings. He emphasizes that such language is not only disrespectful but also does not make individuals appear 'cool.' The speaker also addresses the issue of being a silent bystander to such behavior, urging individuals to take responsibility for making shared spaces safe for everyone. He further touches on the topic of jokes and banter, noting the fine line between playful interaction and causing discomfort, and the importance of recognizing and respecting this boundary.
👀 The Male Gaze and Its Consequences
The speaker delves into the concept of the 'male gaze,' describing it as a form of objectification that is both widespread and normalized, affecting women and girls from a young age. He admits that most men, including himself, have been guilty of this behavior. The speaker challenges the notion that this is a base instinct that cannot be overcome, arguing that in a civilized society, such behavior should be curbed. He also discusses the issue of physical space in shared areas like labs, where accidental or inappropriate touching can occur, and calls for men to behave in a gentlemanly fashion to ensure a safe environment for all.
🙏 Encouraging Self-Awareness and Better Behavior
In the final paragraph, the speaker acknowledges that some boys may feel called out by the discussion but emphasizes the importance of impartial self-reflection. He points out that while girls may also engage in disrespectful language, there is a significant skewness in the statistics, indicating a larger number of boys partaking in such behavior. The speaker hopes that the discussion will lead to increased self-awareness among both boys and girls, resulting in improved conduct and a better society for the future.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Anxiety
💡Lived Experience
💡Disrespect
💡Bystanders
💡Playful Banter
💡Male Gaze
💡Self-Awareness
💡Shared Spaces
💡Cultural Context
💡Gender Ratio
💡Accountability
Highlights
The video discusses the aftermath of a horrific incident at a Medical College and Hospital in Kolkata, which has prompted many women to express their fears and experiences on social media.
Men have also spoken out on social media, emphasizing that not all men are like the perpetrator of the incident.
The speaker, a professor of mechanical engineering, explains his motivation to discuss these issues despite not having specific expertise, highlighting the importance of societal responsibility and education.
The video aims to address certain undeniable truths about men's behavior that contribute to women's feelings of fear and discomfort.
The speaker emphasizes the impact of small, seemingly insignificant actions that, when accumulated, can make women feel unsafe in public spaces.
The importance of the language used by men and boys is highlighted, as coarse language and sexual expletives can be disrespectful and contribute to a hostile environment.
The speaker calls for men and boys to be aware of their language, especially in shared spaces like classrooms and labs, to ensure a respectful environment.
Being a silent bystander to disrespectful language or behavior is discouraged; the speaker encourages taking responsibility for making spaces safe for everyone.
Jokes and banter are common in social interactions, but the speaker stresses the importance of recognizing the fine line between playful teasing and making someone uncomfortable.
The concept of the 'male gaze' is discussed, highlighting how women and girls often experience objectification and unwanted attention from men.
The speaker challenges the notion that the male gaze is a natural instinct, arguing that it can and should be overcome in a civilized society.
Physical interactions in shared spaces, such as labs, are addressed, with a call for men to behave in a gentlemanly fashion to avoid inappropriate touches.
The speaker acknowledges that both boys and girls may use coarse language, but emphasizes the need for self-reflection and impartial assessment of behavior.
The video concludes with a hope for increased self-awareness among men and boys, leading to improved conduct and a better society for future generations.
The speaker expresses his dream for a future India where men and women can coexist in a safer and more respectful environment.
Transcripts
hello everyone in this video I'm going
to discuss something completely
different from academics by now we have
all heard of the costly and horrific
incident which took place at Medical
College and Hospital in Kolkata in the
aftermath of this horrific incident many
women have come out in social media uh
expressing their pain and anguish and
the constant fear that they have to live
with especially when surrounded by men
in public places
now in uh as a counter as a reaction to
this kind of statements many men have
also come out in social media saying
that not all men are like this now if
you take the literal meaning of the
words then yes certainly not all men are
like that but if we just take a step
back and try to understand the sense and
appreciate the sense in which the these
women have expressed their pain and
anguish in their lived experience their
actual lived experience then will
perhaps appreciate uh that there are
certain undeniable truths which apply to
all men and boys so in this video I wish
to speak and discuss about some of these
facts some of these points especially
targeted at boys now you may ask what
expertise do I have uh as a simple uh
professor of an engineering Institute uh
those of you don't who don't know me I
am a faculty member uh in the mechanical
engineering department of I kakur so
what expertise does that give me to
speak about such things well to be
honest it does not give me any expertise
but I am a part of the society and my
feeling is that although I am a
professor of just an engineering
Institute but this engineering Institute
is first of all an educational institute
and someone and as someone who is
interested with the responsibility of
teaching young minds uh my
responsibility it goes a little bit
beyond just giving inuring instruction
because what we teach and what we learn
help our students to learn uh now is
what is going to shape our country our
society tomorrow so it is with this
belief that I wish to discuss certain
points it is also with the belief that
it'll help me to uh reflect myself on
certain points uh and uh I have a
5-year-old son one day he's going to be
a teenager become a man perhaps um what
I discuss today is going to help him um
in that distant future also so let us
start our discussion uh
so the basic premise the basic
motivation of having this discussion is
that although uh violence abuse assault
these are unspeakable things which
necessarily endanger uh the lived
experience of women and girls
uh but beyond these also there are
certain Small Things quite a few small
things which actually makes them feel
unsafe in various kinds of public places
and these public places are apparently
some kind of safe spaces like work
spaces uh like the works and the the
offices the classrooms the labs so uh
why is that this is my question why do
they have to feel like this uh it is
I mean is it not the hus on us the men
and boys to truly make these spaces uh
feel safe for the women because we have
to understand that although taken
individually these things are small in
themselves apparently small in
themselves but taken together as they
stack up one after another it's a big
pile and that cumulative effect can
actually make them feel really really
unsafe the women and the girls really
unsafe so I wish to have a disc
discussion on some of these apparently
small small things so first of all uh
regarding the words
so the the words we choose to speak the
tone that we take up and certainly the
content with which we choose to discuss
uh that can sometimes have a very bad
effect because
uh it is common knowledge that uh within
the context of many injuring and medical
colleges as many boys spend a lot of
time in their hostels um they use a lot
of course language filled with um sexual
expletives and whatnot many unspeakable
things uh
now as they get in the habit of speaking
these kinds of things day after day uh
it sometimes spills over during their
interactions uh in a more formal space
like a classroom
and uh they forget that this is a shared
space and they continue to speak like
this uh using expletives um very coarse
language now some of them may say that
uh they really don't mean uh anything
harmful by this it's just their way of
speaking uh but it is actually
disrespectful uh furthermore some of
them may say that okay I don't actually
speak like this I only speak like that
in the uh in the hostal but you have to
remember something that first of all I
just want to make something clear people
may not realize this young students may
not realize this uh
that no matter where they speak like
this it does not make them appear cool
in any way if they continue to do this
it is their own wish but it does not
certainly make them look cool the other
thing is that maybe they are not doing
this in the classroom they're only
confining this kind of speaking this
kind of conversation only in their
hosts among close friends but the truth
of the matter is that it is still
disrespectful to the uh to the women and
girls so if you are being disrespectful
behind their backs you are actually
being disrespectful that is the truth
and if you're being disrespectful that
kind of disrespect whether you want it
or not it will spill over in your actual
interactions even if you pretend to be
otherwise so please keep that in mind
another thing is that some of you do not
engage in these kinds of conversations
they do you do not use this language but
you're often a silent bystander to it I
was myself like this uh while I did not
use such kind of language while many of
my friends used to speak like this I was
a silent bander some of them used to
speak in this kind of fashion in front
of girls which was extremely
disrespectful and and I barely said
anything maybe once or twice I said
something but I never actually um put my
foot down so to speak so don't be a
silent bystander okay and say something
take a little bit of a responsibility in
making the S uh space safe for
everyone uh next continuing with words
uh something less apparently harmful is
jokes and and banter now I understand
that jokes and banter are very much a
part and parcel of everyday interaction
and it is actually necessary there is
bound to be a certain level of
playfulness a little bit of teasing here
and there harmless teasing uh uh in the
interactions among the boys and the
among the girls and with each other also
I don't see any harm in that in this
kind of playful banter but students have
to realize that there is a fine line
between playful banter uh and actually
making some someone uncomfortable and
maturity true maturity lies in actually
recognizing this line This
boundary now uh there is another point
that sometimes um some students some
boys especially they are accustom to
having this kind of a playful banter
among their close friends but they do
not recognize the fact that
maybe with someone else this playful
banter is no longer playful maybe it is
making actually making them
uncomfortable it is not just with girls
it could be with other boys also so
everyone is not the same so there is a
cultural context also in a large enging
college or Medical College uh people
come from different kinds of backgrounds
from different kinds of uh family
backgrounds from different kinds of
cultural back backgrounds So when you
say something or do something you have
have to appreciate the diversity of
those backgrounds and actually modulate
how you speak and Converse uh and
interact with others on a day-to-day
basis next uh note that sometimes he
doesn't even take words just ask your
mother sister or any close um friend who
is a girl uh and they'll tell you that
it is quite common for women and girls
to be subjected to what is called the
male gaze uh there's world of difference
between looking at someone and gazing at
someone in a way which objectifies them
and uh this latter thing this
objectifying them staring at them in a
leud fashion this is so very common and
widespread that almost all women and
girls have come to accept it uh that
this is something that they have to live
with this has become so very normalized
and uh unfortunately like the real
unfortunate part is that many PE many of
these women and girls have had to
experience this even from their pre-teen
years from such a young age and uh from
the perspective of us men and boys uh
you see almost all of us have been
guilty of this I'm sure all of us
whether inadvertently or otherwise we
have all been guilty of this the
wandering mail
gaze uh now some people may say that uh
this is some something which men and
boys are hardwired to do this is just
Base Animal Instinct but come on we are
living in the third decade of the 21st
century we claim to be living in a
civilized society if we cannot overcome
this kind of an animal Instinct what
good are we is our claim of being in a
civilized society really true then so
even if our instinct is propelling us to
do something like that can we not curle
it or at least have the selfawareness
to not do that in a uh in a deliberate
fashion so uh I think there is something
to ponder and put our efforts
into next something uh very serious is
that
uh in a shared space for example
especially in a lab uh where people have
to work together uh especially in
engineering institutes where still the
gender ratio is extremely skewed uh
where girls are very few in number still
unfortunately uh the lab groups are such
that in a group there are few girls and
quite a uh large number of boys and what
happens is that uh it's always a little
bit crowded and the boys crowd together
and the girls they just get pushed uh
pushed out sometimes it so happens that
uh perhaps inadvertently uh there is
some kind of an inappropriate touch
now if it is in inadvertent accidental
it is understandable and I'm sure u boys
who have been brought up in a proper
fashion uh given good lessons they will
be genuinely sorry but
uh this should not be such that uh it
leads to some kind of an opportunity of
behaving in a wrong fashion so this is
my Earnest request to everyone that
please behave in a gentlemanly fashion
whenever you are in a shared space where
there is actual physical interaction
going on so these are some of the major
points that I wanted to discuss uh I'm
sure some boys uh would feel a little
bit called out
um on hearing these
discussions and they may perhaps counter
argue that it is not just the boys who
in who behave in this kind of fashion or
who speak in this kind of fashion use
some kind of exp expli hidden language
it is the girls also who use this kind
of language true it is there
but you try to be absolutely be
impartial in your assessment whether
there is a a large skewness in uh in the
statistics or not whether it is a large
number of boys who are doing it or a
large number of girls who are doing it
it so I'm sure you'll get the answer
through some kind of
self-reflection and let us not forget
that sometimes some girls do this just
so that they'll be able to fit into a
large group which is predominantly
composed of boys and sometimes boys who
are uh who are not naturally like that
they will also perhaps engage in this
kind of a thing so my hope is that
through this through the discussion that
I've had in this video uh it will lead
to some kind of better discussion uh a
little bit more self-awareness among
everyone both boys and girls especially
boys and uh this self-awareness will
lead to an improvement in how they
conduct themselves how they comport
themselves so tomorrow when they become
the men of the society the society will
be a little bit better than what it is
today so this is my hope uh and dream
for a future India so thank you everyone
and all the very best
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