Why successful men use escorts: what the rich and the beautiful have in common

Summary

Dr. Orion Taban explores why successful men might choose to use escorts in the first part of a three-part series. He challenges the assumption that these men are merely 'losers' and explains how the economics of dating change with success. Taban argues that as men's value in the 'sexual marketplace' increases, traditional dating becomes more expensive and time-consuming, leading some to seek alternatives like escorts to avoid the emotional labor and financial costs of conventional dating.

Takeaways

• 📚 The speaker, Dr. Orion Taban, clarifies that the talk is not an endorsement of prostitution and shares a personal shift in perspective regarding men who use escorts.
• 🤔 A common misconception is challenged: successful men who use escorts are not necessarily 'losers' but may have legitimate reasons tied to their unique challenges in the dating market.
• 💼 The talk is aimed at women to help them understand the problems faced by highly successful men, which could be useful for those seeking long-term relationships with this demographic.
• 💸 As one's success in the 'sexual marketplace' increases, traditional dating becomes more expensive in terms of time, energy, and money.
• 👠 The 'sweet spot' for attractiveness and success can avoid the downsides of being exceptionally beautiful or wealthy, which come with their own set of problems.
• 💰 High earning men, such as those making high six to low seven figures, can face a unique set of problems that are often misunderstood or dismissed by less successful individuals.
• 🕰 The time cost for a successful man dating can be prohibitive, especially when considering the hourly rate of their profession.
• 💡 The use of escorts by some successful men may be due to the high cost and effort of traditional dating, rather than a lack of attractiveness or options.
• 📈 The script suggests that the economics of dating change with success, impacting both men and women differently and creating a complex dynamic in the dating market.
• 📝 The speaker emphasizes the importance of understanding these dynamics to better position oneself in the dating market, especially for those seeking relationships with successful men.
• 📑 The transcript also mentions the speaker's book and newsletter, indicating a broader context of discussing value and relationships beyond the scope of this specific talk.

Q & A

What is the main topic of Dr. Orion Taban's talk?

The main topic of Dr. Orion Taban's talk is why successful men use escorts, and it is the first part in a three-part series on this subject.

What is Dr. Taban's initial stance on the use of escorts by men?

Dr. Taban initially held a judgmental view, thinking that men who used escorts were losers who couldn't get access to women without paying for it.

How has Dr. Taban's opinion on men using escorts changed?

Dr. Taban's opinion has changed due to numerous conversations with men who have used escorts and his own experiences in the sexual marketplace.

Who is the target audience for Dr. Taban's talk?

The talk is specifically addressed to women to help them understand the unique problems of highly successful men who might be the type of men they would like to target for a long-term relationship.

What is the 'sweet spot' for a man's income according to the talk?

The 'sweet spot' for a man's income is high six low seven figures a year, which provides a comfortable and enjoyable lifestyle without the additional problems that come with higher wealth.

Why does Dr. Taban believe that traditional dating becomes increasingly expensive for highly successful men?

Traditional dating becomes expensive for highly successful men because their time is extremely valuable, and the process of dating, including dealing with rejection and planning dates, can be time-consuming and costly.

What is the example given to illustrate the cost of dating in terms of time for a successful man?

The example given is a corporate lawyer who bills his time at $1,300 an hour. A 3-hour date with an hour of commuting would cost him $5,200 in terms of the value of his time.

What does Dr. Taban suggest is the emotional labor performed by men in dating?

Dr. Taban suggests that men perform emotional labor in dating by being charming, funny, or cool, stimulating women's emotions, arousing attraction, and showing genuine interest without giving the impression that it's work for them.

What is the 'invisible 90%' mentioned in the script?

The 'invisible 90%' refers to the majority of men on dating apps who are functionally ignored by all women, not receiving matches or engagement.

Why might a highly successful man choose to use escorts despite having good optionality with women?

A highly successful man might choose to use escorts because traditional dating becomes prohibitively expensive in terms of time, effort, and emotional labor, and there is no guarantee of attraction or a sexual encounter.

What is the purpose of the book 'The Value of Others' mentioned by Dr. Taban?

The purpose of the book 'The Value of Others' is not explicitly stated in the script, but it is available for pre-sale on Amazon and likely relates to the themes discussed in Dr. Taban's talks.

Outlines

00:00

😀 Understanding Successful Men's Use of Escorts

Dr. Orion Taban introduces a three-part series discussing why successful men might use escorts, clarifying that he does not endorse prostitution. He shares his personal evolution from judgment to understanding, influenced by conversations with men who've used escorts and his own experiences. The talk aims to help women comprehend the unique challenges faced by highly successful men in the dating market, suggesting that understanding these dynamics could help them better position themselves for relationships with such men. Dr. Taban emphasizes the economic aspects of dating for those with high sexual marketplace value, noting that both very attractive women and successful men can find traditional dating costly and challenging.

05:00

💼 The High Cost of Traditional Dating for Successful Men

In this segment, Dr. Taban explores the financial and temporal implications of dating for high-earning individuals, using the example of a corporate lawyer who bills at $1,300 an hour. He outlines the various stages of traditional dating, from initial attraction to securing a date, and the associated costs in terms of time and money. Dr. Taban calculates the opportunity cost of a single date for such a man, highlighting the significant investment of time and emotional labor involved. He suggests that the complexity of dating, coupled with the high stakes and potential for rejection, can make traditional dating feel like an additional job for busy, successful men.

10:01

🤔 The Perspective of Successful Men on Dating

Dr. Taban concludes the first part of the series by emphasizing the perspective of successful men on dating, acknowledging the time, energy, money, and emotional resilience required in the dating process. He notes that for men working long hours, dating can feel burdensome and likens it to an unpaid job. The summary invites listeners to reflect on their own experiences and share their thoughts in the comments. Dr. Taban also mentions his book 'The Value of Others' and encourages listeners to engage with his content through various channels, including his newsletter and consultation services.

Keywords

💡Prostitution

Prostitution refers to the exchange of sexual services for money. In the video, it is discussed as a controversial topic, with the speaker clarifying that the talk is not an endorsement of this practice. The speaker's previous judgmental views on men who use prostitutes are contrasted with his evolved understanding after conversations with men who have used escorts.

💡Sexual Marketplace

The term 'Sexual Marketplace' is used metaphorically in the video to describe the dynamics of dating and relationships, where individuals are seen as having a certain 'value' or attractiveness. The speaker discusses how the economics of dating change as a function of success, particularly for highly successful men, making traditional dating potentially expensive and challenging.

💡Judgment

Judgment in this context refers to forming an opinion or conclusion about something or someone. The speaker mentions his own past judgment of men who use escorts and encourages women to move past their reflexive judgment to understand the unique problems faced by successful men in the dating world.

💡Success

Success, as discussed in the video, is associated with high income and status. It is highlighted that as men become more successful, they may face a unique set of problems in the dating world that are not experienced by less successful individuals. The speaker uses success as a parameter to discuss the changing dynamics of dating and the potential reasons why successful men might use escorts.

💡Attraction

Attraction is a fundamental aspect of dating and relationships. The speaker mentions that successful men often have to perform emotional labor to stimulate attraction in women. This includes being charming, funny, or cool, and showing genuine interest in women without giving the impression that it is work for them.

💡Emotional Labor

Emotional labor refers to the effort required to manage one's own emotions and expressions to meet the emotional demands of a situation. In the video, it is mentioned that men perform emotional labor in dating to attract and maintain relationships with women, often without appearing as if it is work.

💡Traditional Dating

Traditional dating is the conventional method of meeting and courting potential partners, which may involve going out to social venues or using dating apps. The speaker argues that for successful men, traditional dating becomes increasingly expensive in terms of time and money, leading some to consider alternatives like using escorts.

💡Optionality

Optionality in the context of the video refers to the range of choices or opportunities available to an individual. The speaker notes that successful men typically have good optionality with women due to their wealth, status, and fame, yet some still choose to use escorts, suggesting there may be other underlying reasons for this behavior.

💡Economics of Dating

The economics of dating pertains to the costs and benefits associated with the process of finding a romantic partner. The speaker explains that as one's success increases, so does the cost of traditional dating, making it a less viable option for some successful men.

💡Champagne Problems

Champagne problems are metaphorically used to describe the issues faced by wealthy or successful individuals that may seem trivial or enviable to others. The speaker mentions that the problems faced by highly successful men in the dating world are real and significant, even if they are not widely understood or sympathized with.

💡Time Investment

Time investment refers to the amount of time one spends on a particular activity. In the video, the speaker calculates the cost of a date for a successful man in terms of the time spent on various activities related to dating, emphasizing that this can be a significant investment with no guarantee of success.

Highlights

Dr. Orion Taban discusses the reasons successful men might use escorts, emphasizing it's not an endorsement for prostitution.

The speaker used to be judgmental about men who hired escorts, but his opinion has changed after conversations with such men.

The talk is aimed at women to help them understand the unique problems faced by highly successful men in the dating market.

As one's sexual marketplace value increases, traditional dating becomes more expensive and challenging.

Being '8.5' on attractiveness scale is ideal for women as it balances attention and avoids downsides of extreme beauty.

The speaker argues that the problems faced by very attractive people are real but often not understood or sympathized with by others.

For men, earning a high six to low seven figures is the 'sweet spot' before dating becomes prohibitively expensive.

Wealthy people face unique problems that are often scoffed at but are real and challenging.

Highly successful men have good optionality with women but still may use escorts for reasons beyond objectification.

The cost of traditional dating in terms of time and money can be very high for a man billing at $1,300 an hour.

The dating process requires significant emotional labor from men, often overlooked in discussions about relationships.

The speaker explains the financial implications of a 3-hour date for a high-earning man as an example of dating's costs.

Men perform emotional labor to charm, stimulate, and maintain relationships, often without showing it as work.

For busy successful men, dating can feel like another job, which they pay to perform.

The speaker acknowledges women's frustrations with dating but focuses on the perspective of successful men in this series.

The episode concludes with an invitation for listeners to share their thoughts and experiences in the comments.

Dr. Orion Taban promotes his book 'The Value of Others' available for pre-sale and his free weekly newsletter.

Transcripts

I'm Dr Orion taban and this is psych

Better Living Through psychology and the

topic of today's short talk is why

successful men use escorts this is the

first part in a three-part series on

this subject so you'll need to be

patient to hear the whole story I'm

going to begin this talk by explicitly

stating this is not an endorsement for

prostitution personally I have never

hired an escort or a prostitute in my

life and to be honest when I was younger

I used to be very judgmental with

respect to the men who did in so many

words I thought such men must be losers

who for whatever reason couldn't

otherwise get access to women unless

they paid for it and while I'm sure

there are some unattractive or even some

revolting men who use prostitutes for

this reason I actually don't believe

they constitute the majority of an

escort's

clients in fact I've since radically

changed my opinion of these men

in part due to numerous conversations

I've had with men who have used escorts

and in part due to my own experiences in

the sexual Marketplace as I've become

more

successful though I can't say that I

endorse the use of escorts I can

certainly understand it and this talk is

specifically addressed to women to help

them comprehend the types of problems

unique to highly successful men who are

presumably the kind of men they would

most like to Target for a long-term

relationship by understanding how the

economics of dating change as a function

of success women can better position

themselves to secure the type of men

with whom they most want to meet and

date provided they like me can move past

the reflexive judgment they may carry

with respect to the topic under

consideration let's get to

it the fact of the matter is regardless

of whether you're a man or a woman the

higher your normalized sexual

Marketplace value the more traditional

dating becomes increasingly

expensive in fact the most attractive

women and the most successful men often

end up pricing themselves out of the

dating Market this is why for example

it's probably best for a woman to be

like an 8.5 if you're an 8.5 you're

definitely attractive enough to get

plenty of attention and prefer

treatment however because you're not

like a world class Beauty you actually

avoid a lot of the downsides and

liabilities associated with being

fabulously attractive these are problems

that less attractive women don't even

know exist and never have to deal with

they might roll their eyes at this Suite

of problems and say oh poor baby can't

handle being beautiful I wish I had her

problems but frankly that's really an

Envy reaction the problems of really

beautiful women are real problems

they're not problems of survival but if

we're honest neither are the problems

that their haters are contending with

beautiful women receive little to no

sympathy for their difficulties not

because their difficulties aren't real

but because there are so few other

people who have experienced them the

same thing holds true for men The Sweet

Spot for being a man is probably earning

High six low seven figures a year that

is more than enough to provide a comfort

a and enjoyable lifestyle for yourself

and your family anything more than that

and Men start to deal with a suite of

problems that less successful men don't

even know exist and never have to deal

with and if anyone Garners more unearned

hatred than the beautiful it's the

wealthy people scoff at the champagne

problems of the rich but the problems of

really successful men are real problems

and these men experience even less

sympathy for their difficulties than

women do not because their difficulties

aren't real but because there are so few

other people who have experienced

them now you might think that being a

highly successful man would be a

wonderful liability in the sexual

Marketplace and you would be correct

after all if a man has wealth and status

and fame he typically enjoys very good

optionality with women so why would a

man like this use escorts it isn't as

though there are a there is a dir of

women who would be interested in dating

him is it really true that all these men

are just immature narcissists who

Delight in the objectification of women

or might there be another explanation

for this not uncommon Behavior among

this particular

demographic but before I answer these

questions if you're liking what you're

hearing please consider sending this

episode to someone who might benefit

from its message because its Word of

Mouth referrals like this that really

helped to make the channel grow

you can also hit the thanks button and

tip me in proportion to the value you

feel you've derived from this episode

I'm proud to announce that my book the

value of others is now available for

pre-sale on Amazon it'll be released in

just a few days so take action now to

get your hands on it I'm also writing

original content for my free Weekly

Newsletter if you'd like to sign up you

can do so on my website finally please

fill out an inquiry form on my website

if you're interested in booking a paid

consultation the links to everything I

just talked about are in the description

below so check them out all right let's

get back to

it the reason why so many of these top

tier men use prostitutes is because it

becomes prohibitively expensive to date

traditionally once you cross a certain

point let's examine why this might be

the case one of my good friends is a

corporate lawyer and he bills his time

at $1,300 an hour now that may sound

like a lot but it's kind of the going

rate for a partner at a top tier Law

Firm by the same token there are folks

in Myspace online who charge $2 to

$3,000 an hour for a consultation and

then you get into the rarified realm of

Bank presidents celebrities tycoons and

professional athletes who can easily

command tens of thousands of dollars or

more for an hour of their time however

to make this talk more accessible let's

just use the lawyer rate as the standard

of measurement so let's assume a man is

making 1,300 bucks an hour like my

friend in the traditional dating

pipeline what would be expected of him

well first he'd have to spend some time

making something happen maybe he has to

go out to a bar on a Saturday night and

RIS up a girl and this is hardly a sure

thing even at the local meat market so

he'll have to have the energy and the

emotional resilience to deal with the

rejection that inevitably stands between

him and an actual Prospect or or he'll

have to spend time creating a dating

profile on an app that won't land him in

the invisible 90% functionally ignored

by all women and swiping on hundreds of

accounts in order to get some matches

either way once he succeeds in getting a

number he'll need to spend more time

playing the text game in order to help

the woman feel sufficiently safe and

sufficiently attracted which is not an

easy balance to strike to meet up for an

actual date of course he'll be expected

to plan the date which will almost

certainly occur at some neutral location

as opposed to his house several days or

even weeks out on the date he'll be

expected to cover all the expenses but

as we'll see this is the most

inexpensive part of dating for him the

meeting itself will probably last two

maybe three hours with potentially an

hour of commuting to and from the

location so he likely has to block off

an entire evening and busy successful

men may only get one evening off a week

if that and given all this time and

effort and expense there is of course

absolutely no guarantee that the man

will even be attracted to the woman in

question let alone succeed in securing a

sexual encounter and irrespective of the

moral or ethics involved this is

frustrating because since men attempt to

exchange resources for sexual

opportunity in the sexual Marketplace

this is why he's

there so even if we ignore all the

monetary expenses associated with the

date itself which are potentially not

insignificant a 3-hour date bookended by

an hour of travel at $1,300 an hour is

$5,200 this means this guy is paying

five grand in terms of the cost to his

time to go on a date with you and this

does not include any of the time and

effort that went into securing the date

this may come as a shock but most women

do not just show up into a man's life

with an intention to make his life

easier for most men it's a lot of

[ __ ] work to get sex and

relationships from women you hear a lot

about the emotional labor that women

perform for men but it's absolutely true

that men perform a great deal of

emotional labor for women it's just that

the man's labor typically has to do with

getting laid and securing and

maintaining the relationship to do this

men often have to be Charming or funny

or cool they have to stimulate your

emotions and arouse your attraction they

have to listen to you talk about your

day and care about the woman inside your

body and they have to do all this

without giving the slightest impression

that this isn't anyway work for them or

that they could possibly want to do

literally anything else with their time

and attention because if you get the

impression that they're just doing this

because it works and not because they

authentically want to do it you won't

[ __ ]

them this is not easy to do even the

most successful casanovas strike out

more often than they get on Bas women

are extremely complex and most men do

not even begin to approach an

understanding of how you operate in any

case dating you requires a lot of time

energy money and emotional resilience

and if you're working 80 hours a week

you just might not have the bandwidth

for that dating just feels like another

job but a job that you pay to

work I understand that women have their

own frustrations with the dating process

but that's not why we're here today

we're looking at dating from the

perspective of successful men in these

episodes we'll get back to you later so

that's the end of part one what do you

think does this fit with your own

experience let me know in the comments

below as always I appreciate your

support and thank you for listening