The Psychological Power of Self-Admiration: Why Science Agrees with Socrates
Summary
TLDRThe video script explores universal human ideals, such as the sage or Buddha, and the concept of self-actualization, suggesting that there are consistent virtues across cultures and eras. It emphasizes the importance of personal values and the lifelong process of earning self-admiration, which is linked to well-being. The speaker encourages studying admired figures to understand and embody virtues, and discusses how self-esteem and social standing influence behavior. The core message is that happiness is tied to the virtues we exhibit and admire in ourselves, advocating for a life of continuous personal growth and self-improvement.
Takeaways
- 🌟 The concept of the 'sage' or 'ideal person' has been present across different cultures and eras, suggesting universal human values and ideals.
- 🔍 Research by Martin Seligman and Christopher Peterson identified 24 virtues that are consistent across cultures and eras, indicating a shared human moral framework.
- 👁️🗨️ Each individual has unique values, akin to fingerprints, which require personal inquiry to understand and embody.
- 📚 The speaker encourages studying individuals one admires from philosophy, history, and fiction to gain insight into one's own path of personal growth.
- 💡 The speaker's new book 'Become Who You Are' emphasizes the importance of identifying and emulating the traits one admires in others to achieve personal development.
- 🌱 The speaker's personal experience with summer breaks illustrates the importance of setting goals and structure to prevent feelings of aimlessness and promote growth.
- 🧘♂️ Contrary to the belief that doing nothing leads to happiness, engaging in meaningful activities that one is proud of is more fulfilling and builds self-esteem.
- 🤔 Self-esteem is not solely dependent on social approval but is an internal mechanism that evaluates one's own behaviors and actions.
- 🌡️ Moods are on a spectrum, with eudaimonia (a state of fulfillment) at one end and depression at the other, influenced by our perception of our own virtue.
- 🏆 High self-esteem can lead to socially active behaviors, capitalizing on opportunities and displaying one's virtues, while low self-esteem may lead to withdrawal and risk-aversion.
- 💪 Personal well-being is closely tied to self-approval and the admiration of one's own actions, independent of social feedback or status.
Q & A
What is the concept of the 'sage' or 'Buddha' in different cultures and how does it relate to universal human ideals?
-The 'sage' or 'Buddha' represents an ideal figure in various cultures, embodying wisdom and enlightenment. The script suggests that these figures, along with others like Nietzsche's 'Overman' and Maslow's 'self-actualizing individual', share similarities across different eras and cultures, indicating a set of universal human ideals that people strive to achieve.
How have researchers like Martin Seligman and Christopher Peterson contributed to our understanding of universal human virtues?
-Martin Seligman and Christopher Peterson have conducted research that identified 24 different virtues that are consistent across cultures and eras. Their work supports the idea that there are universal values that humans share, even among the most indigenous tribes.
What is the significance of individual values in personal growth and how do they compare to universal values?
-Individual values are unique to each person and can be considered as personal 'fingerprints'. While they are largely similar to universal values, they have slight differences that are crucial for personal development. The script encourages individuals to explore their own unique ideals and values to foster personal growth.
Why is it important to study people we admire according to the speaker's perspective?
-Studying people we admire provides clues about the kind of person we need to become. It helps us identify the virtues and behaviors we admire in others and learn how to embody them in our own lives, which is a central message of the speaker's new book, 'Become Who You Are'.
How did the speaker's approach to summer breaks during high school influence their personal growth?
-The speaker realized that setting big goals and structuring their days during summer breaks led to periods of significant personal growth. This approach prevented the feelings of aimlessness and dissatisfaction that came from doing nothing, thus turning summer breaks into times of productive activity.
What is the relationship between self-esteem and our behaviors according to the speaker?
-Self-esteem is built on our behaviors and the degree of virtue we perceive in them. When we engage in behaviors that we admire, our self-esteem increases, which in turn motivates us to take socially active and exploitative behaviors.
How does the speaker describe the effect of social feedback on self-esteem?
-Social feedback can significantly impact self-esteem. Positive feedback from respected individuals can boost self-esteem, while negative feedback can be devastating. However, self-esteem is also an independent mechanism that is influenced by our self-approval and the virtues we observe in our own behaviors.
What role does self-approval play in our well-being according to the script?
-Self-approval is a crucial determinant of our well-being. It is not solely dependent on social status or external validation but is also influenced by our internal evaluation of our own behaviors and the virtues they exhibit.
How does the speaker explain the connection between virtue and happiness?
-The speaker concludes that what truly drives our happiness is the admirability we observe in our own behaviors, which is closely related to the concept of virtue. Engaging in behaviors that allow us to exercise our strengths and virtues contributes to our happiness.
What advice does the speaker give for identifying and developing personal strengths?
-The speaker suggests reflecting on what one has always thrived at and is naturally good at. By focusing on and enhancing these strengths, one can build a 'virtue portfolio' that contributes to personal satisfaction and happiness.
How does the speaker view the concept of virtue in the context of personal development?
-The speaker views virtue as a spectrum with infinite shades, rather than a set of rigid moral mandates. It is about identifying and nurturing personal strengths and unique traits that one can bring out in their life.
Outlines
🌟 Universal Ideals and Personal Values
The paragraph delves into the concept of universal human ideals, such as the sage or Buddha, and how these have been consistent across different cultures and eras. It highlights the work of Martin Seligman and Christopher Peterson, who identified 24 virtues found universally. The speaker emphasizes the importance of individual values, suggesting they are akin to unique fingerprints, and encourages self-inquiry to understand one's own ideals. The speaker also advocates for studying individuals one admires to identify personal growth paths, as outlined in their new book 'Become Who You Are'. The paragraph concludes with personal anecdotes about the importance of setting goals during free time to foster self-esteem and personal growth.
🔍 Self-Esteem and Social Behavior
This paragraph explores the relationship between self-esteem and social behavior, suggesting that self-esteem is a reflection of our perceived social approval. It discusses how our brains use self-esteem as a motivator for social strategies, driving us towards actions that capitalize on our social standing when our self-esteem is high. Conversely, low self-esteem triggers risk-averse behaviors to protect social standing. The speaker also touches on the idea that self-esteem is not solely dependent on social feedback but is an internal mechanism that can be influenced by our own self-approval, independent of others' opinions.
🏔 Climbing the Mountains of Life with Virtue
The final paragraph focuses on the concept of virtue as a driving force for happiness and personal growth. It discusses how virtues, or personal strengths, are the key to climbing life's metaphorical mountains, regardless of external circumstances. The speaker argues that virtues are not just moral mandates but are diverse and colorful traits that can be unique to each individual. The importance of identifying and nurturing one's own virtues is emphasized, as well as the need to avoid situations that might suppress these strengths. The paragraph concludes with the idea that our happiness is closely tied to the virtues we exercise in our lives.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Sage
💡Stoics
💡Socrates
💡Nietzsche's Übermensch
💡Maslow's Self-Actualizing Individual
💡Virtues
💡Self-Esteem
💡Personal Ideals
💡Admiration
💡Virtue Ethics
💡Genes and Fingerprint Metaphor
💡Mastery and Pleasure
Highlights
The concept of the sage or the Bodhisattva has been present across different cultures and eras, suggesting universal human ideals.
Martin Seligman and Christopher Peterson identified 24 virtues consistent across cultures and eras.
Individuals should inquire into their own unique ideals to get closer to universal human values.
Values are likened to fingerprints, being 99% the same yet slightly different for each individual.
Studying admired figures in history and fiction can provide clues on personal growth and becoming the person one admires.
The author's new book, 'Become Who You Are,' emphasizes the importance of identifying and embodying admired traits.
Summer breaks can serve as 'mini retirements' for personal growth and setting ambitious goals.
The idea that stopping work leads to happiness often has the opposite effect, emphasizing the need for self-admiration.
Self-esteem is a byproduct of our brain's optimization for social outcomes and is linked to our mood.
High self-esteem can lead to socially active behaviors, while low self-esteem triggers risk-averse behaviors.
Self-approval is a key determinant of well-being, independent of social status or external validation.
Our brains evaluate our behaviors in a similar way to how we would evaluate others, focusing on the virtues displayed.
Engaging in activities that trigger mastery and pleasure can lead to higher well-being, even in social isolation.
Happiness corresponds to the ancient Greek concept of virtue and the unique strengths one can bring out regularly.
Virtue is a spectrum with infinite shades, and individuals have unique virtues that they can enhance.
The author concludes that admirability observed in one's own behaviors is the key to happiness, drawing from ancient philosophy and modern psychology.
Bad events can provide opportunities to exercise new strengths, while good events can sometimes limit the expression of virtues.
The importance of making decisions and trade-offs to focus on personal strengths and virtues.
Transcripts
[Music]
you know as early as you know the Buddha
and the stoics and you know Socrates
we've had this ideal of the sage or the
Buddha the Bodhi satva and then we've
got things like n's Overman and and
maso's self-actualizing individual we've
got a lot of ideals that have been
presented that look eerily similar when
you really study them and so that
suggests that there are these Universal
values that humans have and have had
across eras and cultures and then
there's also a lot of research that
suggests that's very much true you know
Martin Seligman and Christopher Peterson
have found what they've sort of broken
up into 24 different virtues that are
consistent across cultures and eras we
observe it in in even the most sort of
indigenous tribes like our our ancestors
lived um and so that tells us that there
are these sort of universal human ideals
that we can strive to study and and
learn to embody I also think that in
some ways you know our values are kind
of like our genes or our fingerprints or
something they're pretty much the same
they're maybe 99% the same they all
pretty much look look like fingerprints
and not like volcanoes or something but
um but they're all slightly different
and so I think we all need to inquire
into our own individual you know
idiosyncratic ideals to really get close
I think those those differences do
matter on an individual level and we
have to figure out what we value
uniquely and and how we can learn to
embody them I encourage people to study
the people that they admire most in
their lives you know in philosoph iCal
history and and fictional material
potentially anything that you can
identify an Impulse of admiration in
your own mind that gives you a huge Clue
Into who you need to become and this is
essentially the message of my new book
become who you are it's finding out who
you are in the sense of what you most
admire in other people and learning you
know how can I gradually become more
like this how can I build these
psychological habits so I become the
person I most admire
I talk about my time in high school and
how like summer breaks were kind of like
mini retirements in a way you know I
would get to the end of the school year
and be like Oh I'm so excited I'm G to
do nothing I'm G to sleep in play video
games all day and uh you know inevitably
I would end up feeling kind of terrible
after like three weeks and and almost be
ready to go back to school by the end of
the summer and at one point I kind of
realized okay I can prevent this from
happening next summer you know I'm going
to set big goals and Ambitions I'm going
to structure my days so I'm actually
doing things that I'm proud of and I I
ended up turning those later Summers
into like some of the best periods of
growth in my life and I you know really
satisfying but ultimately that idea that
you know when we finally are able to
just stop doing the things that our
self-esteem really is built on uh that
we're going to somehow be thrilled it it
often has the opposite effect so we need
to give ourselves reason to admire
ourselves and we don't ever really get
to stop we don't ever get to ride off
into the sunset and stop doing this it's
a lifelong process of earning your own
admiration self-esteem is just kind of a
byproduct that matters to us and our
well-being uh because it's important for
our brains to optimize these social
outcomes this part of our brain whatever
it is that's monitoring us it also
evolved to move us along a scale of mood
right essentially uh with this udonia at
the top and and depression at the bottom
and what this does I is it's built to
incentivize certain behaviors to
motivate us to take certain types of
actions or social strategies you could
say so when we perceive a high degree of
virtue uh in our own behaviors and so we
have a high sense of self-esteem right
this means that that we have an
opportunity in our social World from a
genetic standpoint right this is a time
for exploiting that high self-esteem and
high social standing that it corresponds
to right so so we when we are in a good
mood we have a positive view of
ourselves we take certain socially uh
you could say active exploitative
behaviors where we're capitalizing on
social opportunities we're putting
ourselves out there we're making
ourselves seen and our virtues and our
behaviors seen on the other hand uh if
you have low self-esteem meaning your
internal simulator decided you weren't
highly approvable by your tribe right
it's best to uh trigger socially risk
averse behaviors right so instead of
putting yourself out there you're going
to withdraw you're going to stick to
yourself socially you're going to be
really Vigilant about disapproval and
particularly sensitive to other people's
expressions of disapproval and actions
you're going to generally uh be kind of
withdrawn and lethargic because this
will
make you less susceptible to damage to
your social standing right and this is
what your genes want is for you not to
experience a lot of social disapproval
and be ostracized by your tribe and
potential mates wouldn't necessarily be
how high you perceive your social esteem
to be um because we can examine this you
know you imagine um that that you're in
a group of people and you over hear
someone uh saying really negative things
about you and these are people you have
a a ton of respect for right they're
just trashing you um right that that
would be absolutely just devastating for
your self-esteem you're going to feel
terrible after overhearing that kind of
thing on the other hand imagine some
people that you really don't care about
that you're not invested in uh they're
not good at the kind of things you
admire uh they're talking negatively
about you uh you know you can imagine
what they're saying uh things you don't
care about basically uh that's not going
to sting that much that's not going to
have that much effect on your
self-esteem and so while self-esteem
does exist to simulate social approval
it's not it it is an independent
mechanism in itself and so it really is
our self-approval that is determining
our well-being uh it's not just purely
manipulated by our our social status or
how we perceive ourselves um so you
could imagine someone who uh is in a
temporary position where they're not
well-liked in their tribe but they still
have a strong sense of who they are they
are still approving of their own actions
uh and and this would likely be someone
who has a a high degree of well-being
even though at that time their social
status isn't great uh we're not always
getting social feedback we're not
constantly having people demonstrate
approval or disapproval uh so we have to
be able to simulate these things to some
extent on our own we have to be able to
say well how would I evaluate someone
else okay that's how I'm going to
evaluate myself right and so our brains
much of the evidence that our brains
take in on this front is by looking at
our own behaviors independently of
anyone else's response to them and
saying how much do I admire uh the
traits I'm seeing in these behaviors and
that's why even if you take someone who
is socially isolated right and they are
currently just laying around in bed and
they're streaming and they're scrolling
and they're not really doing a lot of
what we would call virtuous Behavior
they're going to be a lot more depressed
than someone
who is also socially isolated but who is
engaging in a lot of activities that
trigger Mastery and pleasure they're you
know they're reading and they're
exercising and they're going on walks
and they're doing these things and so
what this suggests is that our brains
are evaluating yes multiple factors but
they're particularly looking at our
behaviors the same way someone else
would look at our behaviors and decide
how much we admire the virtues that are
being exercised through those behaviors
self- admiration it's the idea that the
more reason we give ourselves to admire
ourselves the more satisfied we're going
to feel at that point in our lives and
so you know there are times when you
know taking that job with the higher
salary and the you know the beautiful
location really is the thing that's
going to make us happier because that
job is going to bring out more of our
greatest strengths and give us more
reason to admire ourselves there are
other times when that thing that seems
best on paper is actually going to
suppress our our greatest strengths you
know some people will retire and think
this is what they've been working for
their whole lives this is going to be
amazing and then they find they don't
have an outlet for what was essentially
earning their self-esteem before and now
they they lose that positive view of
themselves that they held before and so
this is this is what I argue from a lot
of different angles throughout this book
is that our happiness actually
corresponds to what the ancient Greeks
called virtue or rete um and and the
unique signature virtues that each of us
are able to bring out on a regular basis
in our
lives what is actually pulling the
strings of our happiness well I have
come to the conclusion both from
studying uh ancient philosophy like like
stoicism and AR Aristotle's work to
Modern psychology evolutionary and and
neurobiology and basically conclud that
what's really pulling the strings of our
happiness is the admirability that we
observe in our own behaviors you might
use the word Virtue uh but this kind of
sounds outdated to us today um but
really virtue historically has been a
much more interesting colorful thing
than just sort of mandates of moral
Purity uh that we think of today and so
what this means is that if something
happens in your life that enables you to
bring out more of your personal
strengths more of your uh unique traits
that that you have thrived at throughout
your life uh then that's going to move
you up in this Z axis it's going to help
you climb these mountains whether or not
it's a good thing to happen to you on
paper right sometimes very bad things
can happen to you that we all label as
bad instinctively but they actually give
us an opportunity to exercise new
strengths that we didn't have in our old
life and vice versa sometimes something
great will happen to you and you end up
doing something with that that limits
your ability to bring out those
strengths there could be thousands of
possibilities uh traits that we tend to
admire in other people so when you see
someone and you say oh that person's
really creative oh that gu's really
funny right uh that person is really
compassionate or courageous right these
are all examples of Virtues and I think
there are you know infinite Shades
essentially of these virtues you may
have virtues that are yours and yours
alone that that no one else really
shares with you um but essentially this
is the I would say the right way to
think about virtue it's a spectrum and
and there are a lot of different virtues
that a person can have and you really
can't have them all realistically you're
you're going to have to make decisions
and trade-offs and so often the best
thing to ask is what have I always
thrived at what am I naturally good at
and how can I really double down on
those strengths and kind of enhance that
virtue
portfolio uh lifted up through my life
life um and and most important
protecting them from situations in your
life that might limit them or block them
off
[Music]
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