Why Do I Masturbate? | Reasons Why People Masturbate and Its Effects on the Brain | Dr. Doug Weiss

Summary

Dr. Doug Weiss explores the reasons behind masturbation in his video, discussing its impact on present and future relationships. He explains the neuroscience behind the act, including the release of endogenous opiates and the creation of neurological attachments to stimuli. Weiss also addresses psychological dependencies, the potential for addiction, and the use of masturbation as a coping mechanism for stress or emotional pain. He encourages viewers to reflect on their motivations and offers resources for those struggling with sexual addiction or seeking healthier sexual practices.

Takeaways

• 🧠 Masturbation is a common but often unexamined behavior; Dr. Doug Weiss encourages self-reflection on why one engages in it and its impact on one's present and future.
• 🧬 The act of masturbation leads to the release of endogenous opiates, creating a powerful chemical experience in the brain that can be addictive.
• 🔗 Masturbation can create a neurological attachment to the stimuli used during the act, such as specific fantasies or images, which can influence sexual preferences and desires.
• 👢 The script shares a story of a man who developed a boot fetish due to his masturbation habits, illustrating how strong psychological and neurological attachments can form.
• 💞 Masturbation can serve as a means to fulfill psychological needs for feeling wanted, powerful, or in control, which can lead to a dependency on these feelings.
• 🛌 The physical release from masturbation can be a source of relaxation and sleep, with some individuals using it as a method to achieve rest.
• 💊 Some individuals may use masturbation as a form of self-medication to cope with stress, grief, or other emotional challenges.
• 🚫 Masturbation can be a means of avoiding real intimacy and emotional connection, as it allows for disconnection from the complexities of interpersonal relationships.
• 🔄 The concept of 'intimacy anorexia' is introduced, where individuals may withhold emotional and sexual intimacy from their partners, leading to feelings of isolation within a marriage.
• 💔 Addiction to masturbation can occur, with individuals experiencing difficulty in stopping despite negative consequences, indicating a need for recovery support.
• 📚 Dr. Weiss suggests resources such as the book 'The Final Freedom' and the website sexaddict.com for those struggling with sexual addiction, emphasizing the importance of seeking help.

Q & A

What is the main topic of Dr. Doug Weiss's discussion in the video?

The main topic is understanding why people masturbate, its impact on their present and future, and the underlying reasons and effects of this behavior.

How does Dr. Weiss describe the neurological response to masturbation and orgasm?

Dr. Weiss explains that during orgasm, the brain experiences the highest level of endogenous opiates like endorphins, which create an intense, pleasurable rush that is more powerful than any drug.

What is the concept of 'neurological attachment' as discussed by Dr. Weiss?

Neurological attachment refers to the process where individuals associate the pleasurable feelings of orgasm with specific stimuli, such as certain fantasies, images, or scenarios, creating a strong desire to repeat those experiences.

Can the act of masturbation lead to the development of a fetish, according to Dr. Weiss?

Yes, Dr. Weiss provides an example of a man who developed a boot fetish due to his unique masturbation experiences, illustrating how such attachments can form.

What is the 'gift of sex' as mentioned by Dr. Weiss, and how does it relate to bonding in a relationship?

The 'gift of sex' is the powerful chemical, psychological, and spiritual bond that forms between partners as they engage in sexual activity, which can strengthen their relationship and attachment to each other.

How does Dr. Weiss suggest that masturbation can impact future relationships or marriages?

He suggests that if individuals masturbate to unrealistic scenarios or fantasies, they may develop expectations that are difficult to fulfill in real relationships, potentially leading to dissatisfaction or failure in their marriages or future relationships.

What is the psychological aspect of masturbation that Dr. Weiss discusses in the video?

Dr. Weiss talks about the psychological attachment that can occur during masturbation, where individuals may seek out certain feelings of being wanted, powerful, in control, or experiencing excitement and risk, which can lead to dependency on these feelings.

What does Dr. Weiss mean by 'sexual templates', and how are they formed?

Sexual templates are the mental and emotional constructs that individuals develop based on their sexual experiences, including the type of fantasies or pornography they engage with, which can shape their sexual preferences and desires.

How does Dr. Weiss address the issue of masturbation being used as a form of self-medication?

He explains that some people may use masturbation to avoid dealing with negative emotions or stress, which can provide temporary relief but does not address the underlying emotional or psychological issues.

What is 'intimacy anorexia', and how does it relate to masturbation according to Dr. Weiss?

Intimacy anorexia is the active withholding of emotional, spiritual, and sexual intimacy from a partner. Dr. Weiss suggests that some individuals may prefer masturbation over real sexual intimacy due to the emotional cost and complexity involved in the latter.

How does Dr. Weiss define sexual addiction, and what are the signs that someone might have this issue?

Sexual addiction is characterized by an inability to stop or control the urge to masturbate despite negative consequences. Signs include repeated attempts and failures to stop, lying about the behavior, and a reduction in other social or physical activities due to the focus on masturbation.

What resources does Dr. Weiss recommend for individuals struggling with sexual addiction?

Dr. Weiss recommends the book 'The Final Freedom' and suggests visiting sexaddict.com for resources, telephone groups, and counseling to help individuals in their recovery from sexual addiction.

Outlines

00:00

🤔 Understanding Masturbation and its Impacts

Dr. Doug Weiss introduces the topic of masturbation and its impacts on present and future lives. He shares his extensive experience in taking masturbation histories, emphasizing the importance of understanding why one masturbates. He explains the powerful neurochemical experience of orgasm and how it creates neurological attachments to whatever is being viewed during masturbation. Weiss provides an example of a man developing a boot fetish due to his masturbation habits and discusses the importance of understanding the neurological and psychological aspects of masturbation.

05:02

🧠 Psychological Attachments in Masturbation

Dr. Weiss delves into the psychological attachments formed during masturbation. He explains that beyond physical release, individuals often seek specific fantasies or pornography to fulfill psychological needs such as feeling wanted, powerful, or in control. Weiss notes that many start masturbating as teenagers, seeking solace and comfort in fantasies. He emphasizes the importance of understanding these psychological dependencies and their impact on one's sexual template and real-world attractions.

10:02

🌐 Avoiding Real Intimacy through Masturbation

Weiss discusses how some individuals use masturbation to avoid real intimacy. By escaping to a fantasy world, they bypass the emotional complexities of real relationships. He highlights the phenomenon of intimacy anorexia, where individuals actively withhold emotional, spiritual, and sexual intimacy from their partners. Weiss lists characteristics of intimacy anorexia and encourages those who resonate with these traits to seek more information and resources.

15:03

⚠️ Addiction and Masturbation

In the final segment, Weiss addresses the possibility of addiction to masturbation. He explains the signs of addiction, such as repeated failed attempts to stop, experiencing negative consequences, and reduced engagement in other activities. Weiss shares his personal experience of overcoming sex addiction and emphasizes the importance of recovery. He encourages those struggling with addiction to seek help and resources to achieve a healthy and fulfilling sex life. Weiss concludes by offering support and resources for individuals seeking assistance.

Keywords

💡Masturbation

Masturbation is the act of self-stimulation of one's own genitals for sexual pleasure. In the video, it is the central topic discussed to understand its psychological and physiological impacts. The script mentions that many people engage in masturbation but rarely consider the reasons behind their behavior or its effects on their lives.

💡Neurological Attachment

Neurological attachment refers to the brain's process of associating a particular stimulus with a response, such as associating the act of masturbation with certain fantasies or images. The script discusses how during masturbation, especially with the use of pornography, a person can develop a strong neurological attachment that influences their sexual desires and behaviors.

💡Endogenous Opiates

Endogenous opiates are naturally occurring chemicals in the body that bind to the same receptors as drugs like morphine and heroin, providing pain relief and feelings of pleasure. The script explains that orgasms, including those from masturbation, release these chemicals, creating a powerful and pleasurable experience that can be addictive.

💡Prefrontal Cortex

The prefrontal cortex is the part of the brain involved in decision-making, planning, and the regulation of emotions and social behavior. In the context of the video, it is highlighted as the area of the brain that gets activated during orgasm, contributing to the intense feelings associated with sexual climax.

💡Sexual Template

A sexual template is a set of preferences and desires that are formed over time, often through repeated sexual experiences or fantasies. The script mentions that masturbation can create or reinforce these templates, which can then influence a person's sexual attraction and behaviors in real-life relationships.

💡Psychological Dependency

Psychological dependency refers to the emotional attachment or reliance on certain thoughts, feelings, or behaviors for comfort or satisfaction. The video discusses how masturbation, especially with specific fantasies or pornography, can lead to a psychological dependency that fulfills certain emotional needs in an individual's life.

💡Afterglow

Afterglow is the feeling of physical and emotional well-being that follows sexual activity, including masturbation. The script describes it as a state of relaxation and satisfaction that some people may seek through masturbation as a form of self-medication or stress relief.

💡Intimacy Anorexia

Intimacy anorexia is a term used to describe the avoidance of emotional and sexual intimacy in a relationship. The video suggests that some individuals may prefer masturbation over real sexual encounters due to the emotional costs associated with intimacy, leading to a form of avoidance known as intimacy anorexia.

💡Sexual Addiction

Sexual addiction is a condition where an individual has an obsessive and compulsive engagement in sexual behavior, often to the point where it interferes with their daily life and relationships. The script mentions that the pleasurable effects of masturbation can lead to an addiction, which requires recovery and treatment.

💡Neuroplasticity

Neuroplasticity, or brain plasticity, is the brain's ability to change and adapt as a result of experience. The video suggests that individuals can change their sexual preferences and behaviors through conscious effort and experiences, demonstrating the brain's neuroplastic nature.

💡Emotional Fitness

Emotional fitness refers to the capacity to understand, use, and manage one's own emotions in positive ways to enhance mental health and well-being. The script recommends a book called 'Emotional Fitness' for those who may be using masturbation as a way to avoid dealing with their emotions, suggesting the importance of emotional health in sexual behaviors.

Highlights

Dr. Doug Weiss discusses the importance of understanding why individuals masturbate and its potential impact on their present and future.

Weiss has conducted more masturbation histories than any other man, providing unique insights into the behaviors and patterns of masturbation.

Masturbation can lead to the release of endogenous opiates, creating a powerful chemical experience in the brain.

Neurological attachment can form during masturbation, associating the act with specific stimuli or scenarios.

Anecdotal evidence illustrates how unusual scenarios during masturbation can lead to unexpected fetishes.

The chemical bond created during sexual release can strengthen relationships and contribute to marital stability.

Masturbation to unrealistic scenarios can set individuals up for failure in real relationships.

Masturbation can serve as a means of achieving physical release and relaxation.

Psychological attachment during masturbation can fulfill certain needs, such as feeling wanted or powerful.

The development of sexual templates through masturbation can shape an individual's sexual preferences and desires.

Neuroplasticity allows for the adaptation and change of sexual preferences formed through masturbation.

Masturbation can be used as a form of self-medication to avoid dealing with emotions or stress.

Individuals with certain mental health conditions may use masturbation to regulate their brain chemistry.

Avoiding real intimacy through masturbation can indicate a lack of emotional and sexual skills in real-life relationships.

Intimacy anorexia is identified as a potential consequence of avoiding emotional and sexual intimacy.

Chemical addiction to masturbation can develop due to the release of endogenous opiates in the brain.

Weiss shares his experience as a recovering sex addict and offers resources for those struggling with sexual addiction.

The importance of connection during sex is emphasized as a key to a satisfying and healthy sexual life.

HeartTark Counseling Center offers support and resources for individuals seeking help with their sexual health.

Transcripts

[Music]

hi i'm dr doug weiss and today's topic

is

why do i masturbate so many people

masturbate but they're very rarely do

they sit down and actually think why am

i doing this

how does this impact my present or my

future

we're going to address some of these

issues because there's several things

about masturbation that you can learn

about today

now

i've done more

masturbation histories which mean

asking men and women when they start to

masturbate what kind of frequency use of

pornography etc than any man in the

world

you're gonna learn a lot but you have to

stay tuned

[Music]

why do i masturbate that is very

important question for you to kind of

assess now i'm not in any way having a

judgment about this for you i want you

to relax

i just want to have an open conversation

with you about this

i've worked with thousands of men and

women who have had masturbation issues

and they had to discover the reason why

and what i found out is most people

never ask themselves why do i masturbate

well that's what we want to talk about

now before we get into that let's talk

about what happens when you masturbate

because this is exciting neuroscience

has really developed a lot over the last

15 20 years and now we know a lot about

what happens when you masturbate now

when you masturbate you have an orgasm

when you have an orgasm you get the

highest level of endogenous opiates um

keflan's endorphins etc hits the

excitement center of your brain the

prefrontal cortex and boom you get this

incredible orgasmic rush this thing is

better than any drug you can do orgasm

is the most powerful

uh chemical experience you will have

neurologically bar none okay

so

but what happens when you have that

chemical release whatever you're

physically looking at at the point of

that release you literally glue to

hunger for crave and want to repeat

so let's go back to pavlov's dog ring

the bell

feed the dog ring the bell feed the dog

and you actually set up a neurological

attachment

to whatever you are masturbating to

so imagine this now remember i've done

thousands of masturbation histories

men and women have masturbated to all

kinds of fantasies and fetishes and

objects and animals and crazy stuff

right so one guy

when he was masturbating

he was made fun of he lives on a farm

and the bed would make noise you'd go

bang bang bang bang bang everyone heard

it they'd laugh at him so he figured

another plan so he'd go outside past the

barn and he would masturbate we could

look up or look down well he was looking

down so he's looking down because

remember this is a young guy there's no

beer belly right in the way so he was

actually seeing his boots

well he created an entire boot fetish he

had a boot

collection so to speak from here to the

end of the stage probably six feet high

okay he never had sex without his boots

on he literally attached to the boots

during sexual encounters

now this story might sound funny to you

but i can tell you hundreds of other

stories of attaching to certain things

especially if you're getting into

pornography or fantasy and you can

create scenarios that are almost

impossible to recreate but you glue to

them you hunger for them you crave and

you want to repeat them

this is the gift of sex you know if

you're in a marriage you have sex with

your spouse and the more you have sex

with them the more you want to have sex

with them the more you attach to them

you connect to them you glue to them

it's that bond uh that chemical bond and

psychological bond spiritual bond that

can hold a help hold the marriage

together okay so this is the most

powerful thing you possess so you should

know why

you're using it and how to use it

because if you are starting to

masturbate to scenarios that you can

never fulfill well that's going to set

you up for failure in your marriage or

future relationships because you're

going to seek something that some person

made up in a studio that's not real it's

by actors and actresses so you want to

be really really careful but that's what

happens in your brain

now

the gift of

a sexual release is wow you get this

physical release oh

the afterglow okay and if you're a man

you get these chemicals sent to your

brain to put you to sleep and you sleep

like a baby that physical release is

real all of us who've ever had an orgasm

know that it's like wow it feels so good

so relaxing

okay and then that's the reason why some

people masturbate to get that chemical

feeling to get that after go feeling now

if you have a spouse and you're

masturbating

okay maybe you're using masturbation in

a different way and we'll get to that

now

the other thing that happens during

masturbation

is a psychological attachment now this

took me a while to figure out when i was

working with men and women that it

wasn't just the physical release

it was the messaging it was the voice of

the fantasy or the pornography of being

wanted

being powerful

being in control

being controlled

having excitement or risk connected to

sex they had all these kind of scenarios

psychological scenarios that that was

the only place they could get that need

met

and so they were getting a real need met

in a false way but they were literally

attaching to that scenario to that voice

of being wanted now remember most people

start masturbating as teenagers you got

pimples you're not that maybe popular

and so you go to the fantasy world for

solace for for hope for love for

encouragement to say that you're okay to

feel good maybe just even feel touched

if you're in a family where there's not

a lot of touch

you might just masturbate just to be

touched

okay so the psychological dependency can

really occur and you know that if it's

you it's already happening because

you're looking for a certain voice

you're looking for a certain scenario

again and again and again and again and

again and again

and

that would tell me that okay there's

some psychological interplay as to why

you're motivated to masturbate as often

as you do are to what you do because

when i do a masturbation history i not

only ask about the frequency okay which

is one factor i ask about what kind of

pornography or fantasy they have because

that tells me what they're

neurologically attached to and what

they'll be triggered to in the real

world so if you masturbate to a certain

physical type of person then you're

going to

want that type of person whether that

type of person in reality happens to be

a nice person or a good person or not it

won't matter because the features will

attract you to them because those are

the features that you masturbate to so

when you masturbate you are setting up a

sexual template and we actually have a

video on that

called sexual templates it's uh it's

quite long but it'll help you understand

how you create sexual templates and the

impact it can have on your life i would

strongly recommend that you get that if

if you want to further understand how

you create your own sexual preferences

how you create your own sexual desires

and i've had people who have spent

thousands

of masturbation times with one thing and

then they stop that and they move to

another type of sexual reinforcement

with a real person and we're able to

create a sexual happy satisfying life

with them so we're neuroplastic

sexually okay which means that you can

adapt and change and grow i see it

happen in every direction over 35 years

now

the

other reason that some people masturbate

is to medicate

when you masturbate to medicate you are

oftentimes

uh unable to feel feelings and so they

get all jacked up but if you masturbate

the feelings go away and you feel better

but you don't learn how to develop

emotionally there's a great book out

there called emotional fitness strongly

recommend that if you're using

masturbation to medicate

if you've been sexually abused abandoned

neglected have some kind of injury that

you are using

masturbation to medicate then that's

also another reason you might be uh

masturbating um if you are in a lot of

stress or in a situation where you're

feeling overwhelmed and don't know how

to deal with it or

sad or grief or

some kind of pain

and you're using masturbation to get out

of it that's possible another reality is

some people have bipolar manic

depression or psychothemic disorder and

they're chemically trying to

modulate their brain

it's not the emotions they're trying to

switch they're trying to switch their

brain and they found out in their teen

years if they masturbate they can either

go to sleep or they feel energized and

they're neurologically trying to

re-stabilize so if that's you you want

to see a psychiatrist and get on

something that can help you stabilize

without masturbation i remember i had a

client who was

trying to stop from masturbating

and he just wasn't successful and he

went to see a psychiatrist found he was

bipolar well as soon as he got on his

bipolar medicine he was able to resist

masturbating and actually maintain a

better relationship with his wife so

that's a reality for some people and you

might not have thought about that

now

another reason you might be masturbating

and this might be a little challenge for

some of you

is avoiding real intimacy because see

when you masturbate to fantasy and

pornography you don't need to have

emotional skills you don't need to be

emotionally present you need to look in

someone's eyes you don't need to manage

the interpersonal complexity of giving

them pleasure satisfying them finding

out what they need being able to do that

and receive pleasure at the same time

you just disconnect go to another world

it's all about you in the other world

you're worshipped it's all what you want

they say what you want they do what you

want in the real world you have to

negotiate

and your lack of skill in

intimate sexuality versus object

sexuality can make you want to avoid

real sex and actually prefer

masturbation i've worked with many men

and women who would rather masturbate

than have sex with their spouse because

sex with their spouse costs them

emotionally so if you're avoiding

emotional cost and intimacy then you

also might be struggling with intimacy

anorexia google that term

intimacy anorexia is the active

withholding of spiritual emotional and

sexual intimacy from your spouse you

might have sex but you're not making

love they're not feeling connected they

feel married and alone

and let me give you quickly those

characteristics you're too busy for your

spouse you blame your spouse you

withhold love you withhold spiritually

withhold

feelings you withhold sexuality or

disconnected during sexuality um

uh you will use anger or silence's way

to control you'll be critical towards

your spouse

sometimes you control our money but your

spouse will always feel like a roommate

i feel alone i feel like we're not

really married if you're having those

conversations google intimacy anorexia

there's lots of materials and books and

even other

youtube videos on that topic just check

into that if that is you

now lastly

you may have an addiction

because of the endogenous opiates that

hit your brain you could have a chemical

addiction to masturbation and if that's

combined with a psychological dependency

on that voice it's really really

something you want to address now do you

have an addiction let me ask you have

you tried to stop

have you tried to stop and failed

have you promised yourself to stop and

failed

have you had consequences your husband

or wife are angry or frustrated or they

feel disappointed when they find out

that you're lying about this again

okay but then you go back and use anyway

have you limited other activities like

you're not the person used to be you're

not as social or physically active or

other things because you're spending so

much time trying to get to the porn or

the masturbation

okay if you have an addiction

you know you do

okay i'm a recovering sex act i've been

sober for over 36 years i have not

masturbated in 36 years and i've helped

literally tens of thousands of people

get into recovery from sexual addiction

if you have a sex addiction not everyone

who masturbates does but you do know if

you do

you're going to need some help i

strongly recommend

start with this book the final freedom

go to sex addict scxaddict.com

there's lots of resources there's

telephone groups there's counseling

for you on this issue you don't have to

be stuck if you're using masturbation as

an addiction you really want to

get

that addiction in remission because it's

going to ruin your life it's going to

hurt you like any addiction alcohol

drugs sex food sex is something you can

be addicted to and and when you are

you'll need some path of recovery so

that you can really have the best sex of

your life so you can really be connected

emotionally and spiritually to the

person you're making love to you can be

present

now i can tell you i've worked with over

5 000 people

a lot of men

who when they

learn how to have sex correctly

and they're connecting to their spouse

they all come back to me about six or

eight weeks later and say dr weiss i'm

having the best sex of my life

i thought it was about positions and

places but really it's about connection

and when i bring my heart into the

sexual act with my spouse i feel more

satisfied after than ever before with

pornography or with prostitutes or with

other things that you could be addicted

to in sex addiction

so

i hope that our conversation today has

been helpful because masturbation is one

of those kind of taboo topics

so many people do it but no one talks

about it intelligently

and asks the question why are you doing

this

okay i hope you've discovered maybe some

ideas that can help you

to think through this if you need help

hearttark counseling center is here for

you

the phone number 719-278-3708

there's lots of resources if you just

want to talk to someone about your

process that could be really helpful

short term and long term now if you've

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until we see you again

take care

[Music]

you