How to Build Confidence in Your Kids | Dr. Becky Kennedy & Dr. Andrew Huberman

Summary

In this insightful conversation, the speakers explore the delicate balance of parenting, emphasizing the importance of validating children's feelings without letting them dictate decisions. They discuss the concept of 'family jobs' and the role of parents in setting boundaries while fostering self-trust and confidence in their children. The dialogue highlights the significance of teaching kids to navigate through uncomfortable situations and the power of the phrase 'I believe you' in building a child's sense of self-worth and resilience.

Takeaways

• 😀 Encouraging children to engage with others they may not like teaches them to do things they may not want to do, which is a valuable life skill.
• 👪 It's important to ensure that the environment is safe for children before insisting they participate in activities they may not enjoy.
• 📢 Parents should validate their children's feelings without letting those feelings dictate decisions or boundaries.
• 🔑 The concept of 'family jobs' is introduced as a framework for understanding roles and responsibilities within the family.
• 💡 Parents should set boundaries and make key decisions, while also acknowledging that children should have a say in certain matters as they grow older.
• 🤔 The script suggests that children's desires may not always align with what's best for them, and parents must balance validating feelings with guiding actions.
• 🌟 The phrase 'I believe you' is highlighted as a powerful way to instill confidence and self-trust in children.
• 🛠️ Parents should teach children that sometimes they must do things they don't enjoy for the sake of family unity or personal growth.
• 👀 The script emphasizes the importance of parents holding hope for their children's ability to cope with difficult situations.
• 🏆 The intrinsic reward of overcoming challenges and realizing one's capabilities is more valuable than extrinsic rewards like extra screen time.
• 🚫 Avoid using 'but' after validating a child's feelings, as it can negate the affirmation and potentially reduce their confidence.

Q & A

What is the main issue discussed in the script regarding children's social interactions?

The script discusses the challenge of children not wanting to socialize with certain peers, and the importance of teaching them to do things they may not want to do for the sake of family unity and personal growth.

How does the speaker suggest parents should approach a situation where their child does not want to visit someone's house due to disliking their kids?

The speaker suggests that parents should ensure there is no dangerous situation involved, validate their child's feelings, but also teach them that sometimes they have to do things they don't want to for the sake of family or personal development.

What is the concept of 'family jobs' as mentioned in the script?

'Family jobs' is a concept where parents define their roles within the family, such as setting boundaries and making key decisions, while also validating their children's experiences without letting their children's feelings dictate the boundaries.

Why is it important for parents to validate their children's feelings according to the script?

Validating children's feelings is important because it acknowledges their experiences and emotions as real, which is crucial for building their confidence and self-trust.

How does the speaker differentiate between 'I believe you' and 'I hear you'?

The speaker suggests that 'I believe you' carries more weight and conveys a deeper level of validation and trust in the child's experience, whereas 'I hear you' is more about acknowledgment without necessarily affirming the child's feelings.

What is the role of a parent in shaping a child's understanding of their own feelings according to the script?

The role of a parent is to help the child understand that their feelings are valid and real, and to ensure that the child knows they are capable of coping with difficult emotions and situations.

Why is it not helpful for a child's development if their feelings dictate the family's decisions?

Allowing a child's feelings to dictate decisions can be unhelpful because it does not teach them resilience or the ability to navigate through uncomfortable situations, which are important life skills.

What is the significance of the phrase 'I believe you' in building a child's confidence?

The phrase 'I believe you' is significant because it instills a sense of self-trust and confidence in the child, making them feel that their experiences and feelings are acknowledged and valued.

How can parents use the concept of 'family jobs' to navigate through situations where a child does not want to participate in a family activity?

Parents can use 'family jobs' to explain the importance of participating in family activities, even if the child does not want to, by emphasizing the value of family unity and the opportunity for personal growth.

What is the speaker's view on using external rewards to motivate children in difficult situations?

The speaker suggests that while external rewards might be tempting, the best reward for a child is the sense of accomplishment and pride that comes from overcoming a challenge on their own.

How does the speaker define confidence in the context of the script?

The speaker defines confidence as self-trust, which is the belief in one's own feelings and experiences, rather than just feeling good about oneself.