Meet as Strangers Leave as Friends | John DiJulius | TEDxAkron
Summary
TLDRThe video script emphasizes the vital skill of building instant rapport with others, which significantly impacts personal and professional life. It highlights the importance of meaningful relationships and the art of listening with the intent to understand, rather than reply. The speaker advocates for focusing on others' 'FORD'—Family, Occupation, Recreation, and Dreams—to create deep connections. By genuinely being interested in others and giving more than expected, one can build long-term, sustainable relationships that enrich both parties.
Takeaways
- 🤝 Building instant rapport is a crucial skill in both personal and professional life.
- 🏆 People with the most meaningful relationships are often the happiest.
- 📚 Developing relationships and building rapport is not commonly taught, yet it's essential.
- 👥 In the touchscreen era, face-to-face interactions are decreasing, leading to eroding people skills.
- 👂 People often listen with the intent to reply rather than to understand, which hinders meaningful connections.
- ⏱️ The human brain needs at least 0.6 seconds to formulate a response, but conversations often have gaps of only 0.2 seconds.
- 🌟 The goal of interaction should be to make the other person feel better after the interaction by focusing on them.
- 🎁 The greatest gift you can give anyone is your attention, as emphasized by Jim Rohn.
- 🔍 To prove rapport, knowing personal details about someone's family, occupation, hobbies, and dreams is key.
- 📋 Creating a system for collecting and retrieving personal information (FORD) can help in building rapport.
- 🚗 Using techniques to notice and remember personal details can help in making connections and showing genuine interest in others.
Q & A
What is the key skill discussed in the transcript that can significantly impact both personal and professional life?
-The key skill discussed is the ability to build instant rapport with others, which includes acquaintances, customers, co-workers, or strangers.
What does the transcript suggest is the invisible sign above everyone's head that can guide our interactions?
-The invisible sign suggests that everyone wants to feel important and valued in their interactions.
According to the transcript, what are the two main areas in which people often fail to build meaningful relationships?
-People often fail to build meaningful relationships by treating others as transactions or as a private audience for their own stories, thus missing opportunities to connect.
What is the average gap between people talking found in the studies mentioned in the transcript?
-The studies found that the average gap between people talking is 0.2 seconds, which is less than the minimum time the human brain needs to formulate a response.
What is the minimum time it takes for the human brain to formulate a response, as stated in the transcript?
-The minimum time it takes for the human brain to formulate a response is at least 0.6 seconds.
What is the main goal when making a connection with someone, according to the transcript?
-The main goal is to have the other person leave the interaction feeling better and to put the majority of the focus on them, rather than being anxious to tell one's own story.
What did Jim Rohn say is the greatest gift you can give anyone, as cited in the transcript?
-Jim Rohn said that the greatest gift you can give anyone is the gift of your attention.
What are the five key areas of information that indicate rapport has been built with someone, as per the transcript?
-The five key areas are: Family (F), Occupation (O), Recreation (R), Dreams (D), and whether they are married or have kids.
What is the 'Ford' technique mentioned in the transcript, and how does it help in building relationships?
-The 'Ford' technique is a method of remembering and focusing on someone's Family, Occupation, Recreation, and Dreams. It helps in building relationships by keeping the conversation on the other person and showing genuine interest in their life.
What is the advice given in the transcript for creating a daily habit to collect and retrieve 'Ford' information?
-The advice is to create a system such as a notepad, updating iPhone contacts, using an app, or maintaining a database on a computer to collect and retrieve 'Ford' information.
What is the main principle the speaker suggests for building long-term sustainable relationships, as mentioned in the transcript?
-The main principle is to give more than what is expected or agreed upon in a deal, by doing more than what is required and exceeding the other person's expectations.
Outlines
🤝 Building Rapport and Its Impact
The first paragraph emphasizes the importance of building instant rapport with others in both personal and professional spheres. It discusses the invisible desire in everyone to feel important and how meaningful relationships contribute to happiness. The speaker points out that people often miss opportunities to connect due to preoccupation with their own lives and the fast-paced nature of conversation. The speaker also highlights the importance of active listening and being genuinely interested in others to build rapport effectively. The goal is to make the other person feel better after the interaction by focusing on them. Jim Rohn's quote about the gift of attention is used to stress the value of being present and attentive. The paragraph concludes with a call to action to prove rapport by knowing personal details about others, such as family, occupation, hobbies, and dreams, which are considered the 'hot buttons' that excite and interest individuals.
📓 Techniques for Collecting Personal Information and Building Relationships
The second paragraph delves into practical techniques for collecting and remembering personal information, or 'Ford', which is crucial for building and maintaining relationships. It mentions the use of notepads, contact lists, apps, and databases as tools for this purpose. The speaker contrasts the approach in call centers, where customer service representatives should not ask for personal information directly but can capture it when shared by the customers. The paragraph also shares anecdotes about how being genuinely interested in others can lead to meaningful connections, as illustrated by the speaker's son using 'Ford' to meet new people and the family's 'Ford game' during travels. The speaker encourages giving more than what is expected in relationships, as a way to build trust and long-term connections. The message concludes with the idea that by focusing on others and giving more, one can create meaningful and sustainable relationships.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Rapport
💡Make me feel important
💡Meaningful relationships
💡Face-to-face interactions
💡Listening with intent
💡Preoccupied
💡Presence
💡Ford (F-O-R-D)
💡Overshare
💡Techniques
💡Giving more
Highlights
The ability to build instant rapport is crucial for personal and professional success.
Happiest people have the most meaningful relationships, yet building rapport is often overlooked.
Face-to-face interactions are decreasing due to the touchscreen era, impacting people skills.
Meaningful connections are irreplaceable and can be made by looking into someone's eyes.
People often listen with the intent to reply rather than to understand.
The human brain takes at least 0.6 seconds to formulate a response, yet conversations have an average gap of 0.2 seconds.
The goal of interaction should be to make the other person feel better after the conversation.
Jim Rohn's quote emphasizes the value of giving someone your full attention.
Knowing someone's name or face doesn't equate to building rapport.
Proving rapport involves knowing personal details like family, occupation, and hobbies.
Creating a system for collecting and retrieving personal information can enhance rapport building.
In call centers, reps should focus on capturing personal information rather than just task completion.
The 'Ford' game is a fun way to teach children to focus on others and build relationships.
Being genuinely interested in others and building relationships can lead to long-term friendships.
The best way to build sustainable relationships is by giving more than expected.
In a cynical society, the approach of doing more than the agreement states can foster trust and stronger relationships.
Returning borrowed items in better condition exemplifies the principle of giving more than expected.
Encouraging a focus on others' personal details and giving more can lead to meaningful relationships.
Transcripts
there is no greater skill that can be
acquired or constantly worked at that
has a bigger impact in our personal and
professional life than the ability to
build instant rapport with others
whether they be an acquaintance customer
co-worker or total stranger everyone you
come in contact with has an invisible
sign above their head that reads make me
feel important studies constantly show
that the happiest people are the ones
with the most meaningful relationships
yet developing relationships and
building rapport is not taught anywhere
and too often we can be guilty of
treating others we come in contact with
as a transaction or as a private
audience to up them update them about
our day and what's happening totally
missing an opportunity to make a
connection that could potentially enrich
both lives as a result of being in the
midst of the touchscreen era we have
significantly less face-to-face
interactions and our people skills are
eroding however nothing will ever
replace looking directly in someone
else's eyes and making a meaningful
connection how many of you agree with
the following statement people don't
listen with the intent of understanding
they listen with the intent of replying
yeah scientists studied the human brain
and found that it took at a minimum of
zero
point six seconds to formulate a
response to something said to it then
they studied hundreds of conversations
and found the average gap between people
talking with 0.2 seconds
how can people be responding in 1/3 the
time the human brain will allow
obviously people have their responses
ready long before the other person is
done talking and it's human nature for
us to be preoccupied and consume what's
happening in our world however if we
want to make a connection our goal must
be on having the other person leave
feeling better for having interacted
with us by putting the majority of the
focus on them when we're not anxious to
tell our story and we could be present
with someone that's when the magic
happens Jim Rohn once said the greatest
gift you can give anyone is the gift of
your attention so by a show of hands how
many people in here feel that you're
pretty good at building rapport with
others alright now here's the thing just
because you know someone's name or you
recognize their face doesn't mean you've
built a rapport here's how you prove
you've built a rapport after having a
conversation with someone you have to
know two or more things of their Ford F
oh our D family are they married do they
have kids how old are their kids
occupation what do they do for a living
recreation what's their hobbies what do
they do for fun well they do with their
downtime and dreams what's their
long-term goals what's on their bucket
list if you note or more facts of
someone's Ford you know
we have a relationship you own the
relationship because to each of us our
Ford is the most important thing it's
what it's our hot buttons it's what we
get excited about when we are asked
about it's what we're passionate about
and when you can use four techniques to
keep the conversation on someone else
that's when the power really happens so
the best thing to do is is create a
daily habit a system of collecting and
retrieving Ford that could be a notepad
that you carry your iPhone contacts that
you update an app or a database on your
computer now many of our clients that
have call centers use a four desk pad
now however in that environment we don't
want the customer service reps to be
asking callers their Ford that would be
like a stalker checklist but you don't
have to because so often people over
share someone calls in and says I need
to reschedule my three o'clock on
Wednesday because my daughter's soccer
team made it to districts too often
customer the customer service rep
responds with how about Thursday at 4:00
ducking and bobbing and weaving from
great Ford being thrown at us because
she's too task-focused
versus capturing that forward when the
client comes in at four o'clock on
Thursday saying how did your daughter's
soccer team do and the client responding
surprisingly how did you know forgetting
that she ever even told us have you ever
bought a new car so excited because
you've never seen that model in that
color until an hour later
you see a bunch now that all these other
people have the same ideas you today and
buy that car and that color no the
difference is your mind is now primed to
see what's always been there and that's
what good for techniques do they help us
here and notice things we otherwise
wouldn't have when my oldest son Johnny
went off to college he called me he said
dad Ford is the greatest thing ever I
was shocked
he's never listened to anything I've
ever told him and then he goes on to say
it is amazing way to meet girls glad I
could help when my boys and I travel we
play the Ford game who could find out
the most personal information of
strangers because it's important I want
to make sure that I am teaching them to
focus on other people and not be talking
about this themselves but it's hilarious
my three boys are drilling the port uber
driver all right or the waitress or the
bellman but it's also amazing what we
can find out in such a short amount of
time and best of all how they light up
because someone is showing interest in
them everyone has a story to tell if we
just take the time and ask when you're
able to be genuinely interested in
others with the goal of building a
relationship and not trying to get
anything else out of them the friendship
always becomes the greatest reward and I
have found the best way to build
long-term sustainable relationships is
to give more I've tried to build my
life's purpose around these two words
see we live in a very cynical society
today and the deal is our agreement says
that you're gonna do a B and C and I'm
supposed to do XY and Z but too often we
wait we don't trust we make sure the
other person says does what they say and
then we do what we are supposed to do
what I try to teach myself remind myself
teach my staff and teach my three boys
is do XY and Z first and throw in W even
though W wasn't part of the deal
give them more than a deal said give
them more than the other person expect
that means if you borrow your neighbors
pickup truck to move furniture give them
that truck back cleaner and with more
gas than how they gave it to you I
invite you to build more meaningful
relationships by focusing on other
people's Ford in finding ways to give
more in all your relationships thank you
you
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