Jordan B Peterson: How to Salvage a Relationship, and When to End It

Summary

The speaker discusses the limited opportunities for high-quality intimate relationships in life, emphasizing the importance of making wise choices to avoid costly mistakes. They highlight the complexities and potential damage of divorce, especially in custody battles, and stress the need for honesty and communication in relationships to prevent irreparable harm.

Takeaways

• ⏳ People have limited chances for a serious high-quality intimate relationship in their lifetime.
• 📉 By the time you are 45, it becomes harder to start a family, often requiring interventions like in vitro fertilization.
• 💔 A divorce is very complicated and can be especially difficult if one or both parties are unreasonable.
• 👶 Custody battles can be very costly, both financially and emotionally, affecting relationships with children.
• 🛑 To avoid bad relationships, it's important to be truthful, stand up for yourself, and aim towards the good.
• 🚫 A few acts of infidelity can irreparably damage the fundamental trust in a relationship.
• 👥 Effective communication is crucial; without it, it's difficult to deal with reality and fix issues.
• ❌ Avoid getting into problematic relationships by being honest and vigilant from the beginning.
• 🛠 If a relationship is troubled, try to fix it by straightening yourself out and addressing the issues honestly.
• 🔄 It is very hard to fix someone who does not want to be fixed, and some people are devoted to causing trouble.

Q & A

How many chances does one typically have for a serious, high-quality intimate relationship according to the speaker?

The speaker suggests that the chances for a serious, high-quality intimate relationship are limited and that by the age of 45, the opportunities may be significantly reduced.

What does the speaker believe is the cost of getting a relationship wrong?

The speaker implies that getting a relationship wrong could cost someone about five years of their life, which is a significant amount of time that cannot be replaced.

Why does the speaker say that divorce is very complicated?

The speaker believes that divorce is complicated because it often involves dealing with unreasonable people who may have the goal of ensuring the other party's failure in the next 20 years.

What are some of the tactics people might use to make sure their ex-spouse doesn't have a successful future after a divorce?

People might use tactics such as holding their children hostage, which can be emotionally and financially draining for the other party.

How does the speaker describe the impact of a bad divorce on the relationship with children?

The speaker indicates that a bad divorce can be hard on the relationship with children, potentially leading to a 15-year cost and a significant financial burden.

What advice does the speaker give to avoid getting into a complicated relationship?

The speaker advises not to make the mistakes that lead to such relationships, such as not deluding oneself and being truthful in the relationship.

What does the speaker suggest as a key to a successful relationship?

The speaker suggests that telling the truth, standing up for oneself, and aiming towards the good are key elements for a successful relationship.

How does the speaker view the role of trust in a relationship?

The speaker views trust as a fundamental element in a relationship, stating that acts of infidelity can remove this trust and make the relationship unsalvageable.

What does the speaker say about the difficulty of fixing a relationship once it's broken?

The speaker believes that it's very hard to fix a relationship, especially when one party does not want to be fixed, and that it's better to avoid trouble from the beginning.

What should one do if they are in a relationship where the other person is lying and not truthful?

The speaker advises that if someone is lying and not truthful in a relationship, it's better to leave them, as it's unlikely that the situation will improve without becoming resentful or worse.

What does the speaker suggest as a possible outcome if someone is in a relationship with a person who has an alcohol problem and is resentful?

The speaker suggests that if someone is in such a relationship, they should try to fix the issues, but if the other party is not willing to change, it might be best to leave the relationship.