Jordan B Peterson: How to Salvage a Relationship, and When to End It
Summary
TLDRThe speaker discusses the limited opportunities for high-quality intimate relationships in life, emphasizing the importance of making wise choices to avoid costly mistakes. They highlight the complexities and potential damage of divorce, especially in custody battles, and stress the need for honesty and communication in relationships to prevent irreparable harm.
Takeaways
- ⏳ People have limited chances for a serious high-quality intimate relationship in their lifetime.
- 📉 By the time you are 45, it becomes harder to start a family, often requiring interventions like in vitro fertilization.
- 💔 A divorce is very complicated and can be especially difficult if one or both parties are unreasonable.
- 👶 Custody battles can be very costly, both financially and emotionally, affecting relationships with children.
- 🛑 To avoid bad relationships, it's important to be truthful, stand up for yourself, and aim towards the good.
- 🚫 A few acts of infidelity can irreparably damage the fundamental trust in a relationship.
- 👥 Effective communication is crucial; without it, it's difficult to deal with reality and fix issues.
- ❌ Avoid getting into problematic relationships by being honest and vigilant from the beginning.
- 🛠 If a relationship is troubled, try to fix it by straightening yourself out and addressing the issues honestly.
- 🔄 It is very hard to fix someone who does not want to be fixed, and some people are devoted to causing trouble.
Q & A
How many chances does one typically have for a serious, high-quality intimate relationship according to the speaker?
-The speaker suggests that the chances for a serious, high-quality intimate relationship are limited and that by the age of 45, the opportunities may be significantly reduced.
What does the speaker believe is the cost of getting a relationship wrong?
-The speaker implies that getting a relationship wrong could cost someone about five years of their life, which is a significant amount of time that cannot be replaced.
Why does the speaker say that divorce is very complicated?
-The speaker believes that divorce is complicated because it often involves dealing with unreasonable people who may have the goal of ensuring the other party's failure in the next 20 years.
What are some of the tactics people might use to make sure their ex-spouse doesn't have a successful future after a divorce?
-People might use tactics such as holding their children hostage, which can be emotionally and financially draining for the other party.
How does the speaker describe the impact of a bad divorce on the relationship with children?
-The speaker indicates that a bad divorce can be hard on the relationship with children, potentially leading to a 15-year cost and a significant financial burden.
What advice does the speaker give to avoid getting into a complicated relationship?
-The speaker advises not to make the mistakes that lead to such relationships, such as not deluding oneself and being truthful in the relationship.
What does the speaker suggest as a key to a successful relationship?
-The speaker suggests that telling the truth, standing up for oneself, and aiming towards the good are key elements for a successful relationship.
How does the speaker view the role of trust in a relationship?
-The speaker views trust as a fundamental element in a relationship, stating that acts of infidelity can remove this trust and make the relationship unsalvageable.
What does the speaker say about the difficulty of fixing a relationship once it's broken?
-The speaker believes that it's very hard to fix a relationship, especially when one party does not want to be fixed, and that it's better to avoid trouble from the beginning.
What should one do if they are in a relationship where the other person is lying and not truthful?
-The speaker advises that if someone is lying and not truthful in a relationship, it's better to leave them, as it's unlikely that the situation will improve without becoming resentful or worse.
What does the speaker suggest as a possible outcome if someone is in a relationship with a person who has an alcohol problem and is resentful?
-The speaker suggests that if someone is in such a relationship, they should try to fix the issues, but if the other party is not willing to change, it might be best to leave the relationship.
Outlines
🕊️ The Rarity and Cost of High-Quality Relationships
This paragraph discusses the limited opportunities one has to engage in a serious, high-quality intimate relationship throughout life. It emphasizes the scarcity of such chances and the high cost of getting it wrong, which can include wasted years and the emotional toll of potential divorce battles. The speaker also touches on the complexities of divorce, especially when children are involved, and the psychological impact it can have on all parties. The advice given is to avoid making mistakes that lead to such situations by being truthful, standing up for oneself, and striving for a good relationship from the start.
🔒 Trust and the Difficulty of Repairing Relationships
The second paragraph focuses on the importance of trust in relationships and the consequences of actions such as infidelity, which can irreparably damage the trust between partners. It highlights the difficulty of communicating and resolving issues when trust is broken, comparing it to working on a 'ghost car' that will never function properly. The speaker advises against getting into such trouble in the first place and, if one finds themselves in such a situation, to try to rectify it if possible. However, they acknowledge that fixing a relationship can be extremely challenging, especially if one partner is unwilling to change or be fixed, and in some cases, the best option may be to leave.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Intimate Relationship
💡Chances
💡Divorce
💡Custody Battle
💡Truth
💡Delusion
💡Trust
💡Infidelity
💡Communication
💡Psyche
💡Resentment
Highlights
Life offers limited chances for serious, high-quality intimate relationships.
By age 45, forming a family may require medical assistance like in vitro fertilization.
Mistakes in relationships can cost you five years or more of your life.
Divorce is complicated and often involves unreasonable behavior from one or both parties.
People may use children as leverage in divorce to sabotage the other's future success.
Relationships with children are some of the most important and impactful in life.
Custody battles can last 15 years and cost a quarter of a million dollars.
Avoid entering relationships that are likely to become problematic.
Being truthful and avoiding self-delusion are key to a successful relationship.
Stand up for yourself and don't tolerate nonsense in a relationship.
Aim towards the good in a relationship from the very beginning.
Infidelity can irreparably damage trust and communication in a relationship.
Attempting to fix a relationship requires both parties to be willing and committed.
People who are devoted to causing trouble are difficult to help or fix.
It's important to address and correct mistakes early in a relationship.
Leaving a troubled relationship may be the best option if it's causing resentment and harm.
If someone is struggling with issues like alcoholism, they need to be willing to fix it for the relationship to work.
Fixing a person who does not want to be fixed is very difficult and often not successful.
Transcripts
[Music]
we'll go back to the Simone's
how many chances do you think you'll
have in your life for him for like a
serious high quality intimate
relationship what do you guys think how
many chances okay that's not that many
chances plus you get a hold quick you
know by the time you're 45 you're not
gonna have the family and the well you
can do that sometimes if you're
available if you're female maybe but it
gets pretty rough and you're looking
probably at that point at a fair bit of
in vitro and that sort of interactions
top it's hard on people so you know
normally you don't have that many
chances you don't have that much time so
you're going to get it right so if you
get it wrong it costs you like maybe
it'll cost you five years five years is
a long time so and three five-year costs
it's like you've lost things there that
you can't replace okay so that's one
part of it is you don't have that many
chances and it's costly due to burn up
the time okay the second thing is
a divorce is very complicated like it's
not so bad if you get divorced - someone
who's reasonable but often the reason
that you're getting divorced is that one
or the other or both of you aren't that
reasonable and what that might be is
that you might be negotiated with
someone whose basic goal is to make sure
that you don't have another day of
success in the next 20 years and if
that's their goal they will attain it so
and there's lots of ways people do that
and they usually do it by holding their
children hostage and people will
definitely do that they do it all the
time you know so you want to avoid them
and then you know then of course it's
harder on the relationship you have with
your children and like that's those are
probably the most relationship important
relationships you have in your life you
know it's like might be parents might be
siblings might be your your partner
might be your kids but I think when it
comes right down to it your parents are
old and so are you your kids aren't and
they're just as close plus they need you
and so you start twisting and messing
that about boy it's hard on your psyche
it's hard on the kids too so you know
there might be a 15-year cost if you're
in a custody battle and it'll cost you a
quarter of a million dollars is it then
would you say like being a psychologist
that it's better
for people to like pursue a complicated
question what I would say is don't make
the kind of mistakes that getting you
into such a stupid relationship to begin
with okay because that's the answer to
that question and the way you do that is
by trying not to delude yourself any
more than is absolutely necessary
and that means when you're in the damn
relationship tell the person the truth
and try to figure out what the truth is
for you and don't put up with any
nonsense and stand up for yourself and
also aim towards the good you know if
you do all those things then your
relationship is probably going to work
if you're trying to do all those things
really and you have a partner that will
not do that then we but it's a rare
person who won't do that if there step
along the way properly and they learn
how to do it now I know what everyone's
like that because you do run into some
people who are basically devoted towards
mayhem and trouble you know but usually
you know a person is a balance of
striving for the good and you know
messing about in the health and you know
you're both like that when you start a
relationship and you try to tilt it
towards the good and then you won't run
into that problem so but you have to do
that right from the beginning of the
relationship you know it doesn't take
that much to corrupt a relationship so
that it's not really salvageable enough
mistakes three or four acts of
infidelity you're done you don't get to
come back from that because the
fundamental element of trust is being
removed and then you can't communicate
with the person because you don't know
if they're telling you the truth and
then they don't know if you're dealing
with reality and if you don't need it
with reality with your partner it's like
good luck fixing that it's like you're
working on a ghost car well the real one
is sitting in the shop with the motor up
you know it's not gonna get you anywhere
so a lot of the issue is don't get in
the
trouble to begin with if you are in the
trouble well then you try to straighten
yourself out and see if you can fix it
well if you can't your options aren't
great and it depends on the particular
areas of the situation no no I have
people to make councilís like leave that
person and the rule is they're lying to
you they aren't anything and you won't
be able to tolerate being with them for
10 years without becoming resentful
alcoholic and homicidal so that's a bad
outcome there's nothing you can do to
avoid it so you might as well leave but
you know you have to have that sort of
no it has to be the truth because it's
no fun it's no good to leave someone
who's struggling in the look in the
lurch you know what do you think well
I'm with this person they're not going
anywhere
you know maybe they have an alcohol
problem and they're resentful it's like
but I'm always gone well they bloody
well better want to have to fix that
because you're not now if they really
want to fix it more than anything and
they're willing to tell the truth about
it and willing to interact with you then
there's a ghost of the chance you might
pull through it but it's very hard to
fix someone and it's really hard to fix
someone who does not want to be fixed
and there's lots of people like that
浏览更多相关视频
COMO ENRIQUECER EM CASAL? Casais inteligentes enriquecem juntos - Gustavo Cerbasi
How To Deal With Loneliness
Kevin Hale - How to Work Together
3 ways to build a happy marriage and avoid divorce | George Blair-West
How to Behave Around a Girl You LIKE (part 2)
The TRAP of the HIGH-VALUE woman: every restaurant serves water
5.0 / 5 (0 votes)