The Joy of Self Denial (A Guide to Asceticism)
Summary
TLDRThe speaker shares a life of simplicity and self-denial, contrasting the modern pursuit of materialism and instant gratification. They argue that true happiness and fulfillment come from embracing discomfort, self-discipline, and a life centered on spiritual growth. By practicing prayer, meditation, fasting, and service, one can find deeper meaning and joy, moving away from the superficial pleasures of the world towards a life dedicated to the will of God.
Takeaways
- 🌱 The speaker embraces a life of simplicity and self-denial, which they believe leads to true happiness and fulfillment.
- 💰 They live without a bank account, spending only a limited amount of money each month, highlighting the idea that material wealth isn't necessary for happiness.
- 👕 The speaker wears the same clothes regardless of weather conditions, showing a disregard for societal norms and comfort in favor of a more disciplined lifestyle.
- 🚿 They take cold showers and fast twice a week, practicing self-discipline and embracing discomfort as a means to control desires and impulses.
- 🙏 The speaker spends time in prayer and silent meditation, emphasizing the importance of spiritual connection and grounding oneself in the presence of God.
- 🧘♂️ The practice of self-denial and discipline is presented as a way to achieve freedom from worldly temptations and to live a life more aligned with spiritual values.
- 🤝 By letting go of the need for control and comfort, the speaker is able to form genuine relationships and serve others without the distraction of self-interest.
- 🌱 The speaker suggests that the key to a meaningful life is not found in material possessions or societal status but in humility, self-mastery, and service to others.
- 🛑 Fasting and limiting luxuries are part of the speaker's routine, serving as physical manifestations of their commitment to discipline and self-denial.
- 💡 The speaker acknowledges that they are not perfect and still face temptations, but the practices they follow are part of their ongoing journey towards spiritual growth.
- 🌟 The ultimate goal is to live a life dedicated to the will of God, finding joy in service and sacrifice, and experiencing a profound sense of purpose and fulfillment.
Q & A
What is the speaker's lifestyle like, according to the transcript?
-The speaker lives a simple and ascetic life, abstaining from sex and pornography, not owning a bank account, wearing tattered clothes, taking cold showers, fasting, working with the homeless, and spending time in silence.
How does the speaker describe their happiness and fulfillment?
-The speaker describes themselves as being very happy and fulfilled, not in spite of their lifestyle choices, but because of them.
What is the speaker's critique of the modern world's pursuit of happiness?
-The speaker criticizes the modern world's pursuit of happiness through material possessions, financial wealth, and instant gratification, suggesting that these do not bring true happiness or meaning.
What misconception does the speaker believe people have about their lifestyle?
-The speaker believes that people might think they enjoy pain or hate joy, but in reality, their lifestyle choices are about curtailing desires, controlling impulses, and living a life like Jesus did.
How does the speaker describe the purpose of their lifestyle choices?
-The purpose of the speaker's lifestyle choices is to gain freedom from the control of their passions, to discipline their mind, heart, body, and attention, and to live a life directed towards Jesus Christ.
What role does prayer play in the speaker's life?
-Prayer plays a significant role in the speaker's life, as they pray five times a day, grounding themselves in the presence of God and reminding themselves of their connection to Jesus.
What is the significance of silent meditation for the speaker?
-Silent meditation is crucial for the speaker as it allows them to disconnect from distractions, be present, and have a conversation with God, which provides comfort and guidance.
How does the speaker approach fasting?
-The speaker fasts twice a week by going meatless and eating sparse meals, with no snacks or desserts, and also limits screen time and media consumption on those days.
What is the speaker's view on material possessions and money?
-The speaker believes that material possessions and money are not necessary for happiness, and that contentment with what one has brings freedom.
How does the speaker's lifestyle affect their relationships and service to others?
-The speaker's lifestyle, free from the need for control and material possessions, allows them to enter relationships without sexual tension, serve others selflessly, and spend time with those in need without feeling their day has been wasted.
What advice does the speaker give for someone interested in adopting a similar lifestyle?
-The speaker suggests starting small by dedicating time to uninterrupted meditation, denying oneself a usual pleasure once a week, and finding places to volunteer or donate that take one out of their comfort zone.
Outlines
😌 Embracing Austerity for Fulfillment
The speaker describes their unconventional lifestyle, which includes abstaining from sex, pornography, and materialistic pursuits. They live frugally, wearing tattered clothes and taking cold showers, and dedicate time to silence and service to the homeless. Despite the discomfort, they find themselves to be one of the happiest individuals. The speaker challenges the societal norms of seeking pleasure and comfort, pointing out the increasing rates of depression and anxiety as a result. They share their personal journey from indulgence to a life of self-denial and discipline, which they argue has led to true happiness and fulfillment. The paragraph emphasizes the misconception that such a lifestyle is about seeking pain, but rather it is about finding joy in living a life like Jesus, through prayer, meditation, and denying worldly pleasures to gain control over one's passions.
🙏 The Path to Humility and Self-Mastery
In this paragraph, the speaker delves deeper into their practices of self-denial, including fasting, limiting screen time, and embracing discomfort in daily life as a means to strengthen the will and resist temptation. They discuss the freedom that comes from realizing the insignificance of material possessions in achieving happiness. The speaker also touches on the benefits of humility and self-mastery, such as being able to form genuine relationships and serve others without the need for personal gain or recognition. They acknowledge their own imperfections and the ongoing struggle with sin, emphasizing that the practices are not about perfection but about conversion and dedication to God's will. The paragraph concludes with the speaker's aspiration to live a life of service and the transformative joy found in embracing a life of penance, as inspired by St. Francis of Assisi.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Abstinence
💡Minimalism
💡Fasting
💡Simplicity
💡Self-denial
💡Discipline
💡Fulfillment
💡Spirituality
💡Humility
💡Conversion
💡Service
Highlights
The speaker leads a life devoid of sex, pornography, and banking, living on a limited budget and embracing discomfort.
Despite a lifestyle of self-imposed hardship, the speaker claims to be one of the happiest and most fulfilled individuals.
The modern world is criticized for its focus on materialism, comfort, and the pursuit of desires, suggesting it does not lead to true happiness.
The speaker questions the effectiveness of indulgence and material wealth in achieving genuine happiness and life meaning.
A personal narrative is shared, describing a transition from indulgence in worldly pleasures to a life of discipline and simplicity.
The concept of a 'penitential life' is introduced as a means to achieve a grounded, disciplined, and fulfilling existence.
The speaker clarifies misconceptions about their lifestyle, emphasizing the pursuit of freedom from worldly temptations, not the enjoyment of pain.
The importance of daily prayer and its role in grounding oneself in the presence of God is discussed.
Silent meditation is presented as a crucial practice for connecting with the divine and finding inner peace.
The speaker describes the transformative power of self-denial and discipline in curbing worldly passions and desires.
Fasting is highlighted as a method for self-control and spiritual growth, promoting a sense of detachment from material comforts.
The benefits of simplicity in material possessions and financial freedom are explored, emphasizing contentment with less.
Humility and self-mastery are posited as pathways to forming deeper relationships and serving others without ego.
The speaker acknowledges their ongoing struggle with sin and the need for continuous conversion and self-improvement.
A balanced approach to asceticism is suggested, allowing for moderation and celebration while maintaining dedication to spiritual practices.
The ultimate goal is described as aligning one's life with the will of God, seeking to be of service and make sacrifices for the betterment of others.
The speaker encourages the audience to start small with practices like meditation, self-denial, and service to experience the joy of a penitential life.
The transformative potential of discipline and self-denial is emphasized, suggesting that with practice, these practices can lead to profound joy.
Transcripts
My life is a bit different from the rest of the world. I do not have sex and I don’t
look at pornography. I don’t have a bank account and I get $200 to spend each month,
but I rarely use it all. I wear the same tattered clothes every day, whether it’s raining, snowing,
or sweltering. I take cold showers, fast twice a week, work with the homeless,
and spend hours at a time in complete silence. In general, I go out of my way to make my life
uncomfortable… and I am probably the happiest, most fulfilled person you will ever meet.
Not despite these things. Because of them.
Our world is all about getting more. It’s about chasing and owning
and indulging whatever our desires dictate. The best life, we’re told,
is one with unlimited hookups with beautiful people, cash to spend, popping bottles.
Even if we’re not trying to live like a rockstar,
what I think drives nearly everyone in our world is a need for safety, and comfort,
and predictability—just being able to go on nice vacations with friends and
provide for our kids without worry. We want to be control to do what we want.
My question to you is… how’s that working out?
For the person indulging in every impulse, has that brought you happiness, like real happiness?
For the person living a comfortable suburban life, has owning the latest gadget, living in a
nice house, making decent money—brought your life meaning, like true meaning?
By the looks of our world, my guess is no. Never before have people been so unhappy. Year after
year depression numbers skyrocket, anxiety is on the rise. So many live in a malaise of boredom and
dissatisfaction, wondering how they got there and what they can do to feel something again.
I can say that I lived “in the world” for quite a while. I enjoyed what it had to offer. I sought
the thrills, I indulged in the immediate gratifications. I didn’t try everything
there was to try, but I had my fair share of pleasure and excess, of comfort and control…
And it was always great while I was experiencing it, don’t get me wrong. There are some fun things
in this world. If you want to feel good, there is something for everyone out there.
But for how long? What I found is that the more I indulged, the more I needed… and the less I felt.
Until I left that life behind. Until I stopped trying to get more. Until I
decided to live a penitential life—letting go, giving up, denying myself earthly pleasures,
to live a life that is grounded, disciplined, hopeful, and most of all fulfilling.
I think one of the misconceptions of a life like this is that we’re people who like pain,
that we do these difficult tasks as ends in themselves because we hate joy, or something
like that. The reality is that everything we do is a means to an end, a means of curtailing our
desires, of controlling our impulses, of becoming people who live like Jesus did and enjoy it.
The irony of our lives is that we deny so many of earth’s pleasures
because what we really want is freedom—freedom to be in control of our own passions rather
than always falling into temptation. It’s about disciplining our minds, our hearts, our bodies,
and our attention spans so that we live the way we want rather than at the whims of the world.
At the heart of it all is the recognition that left to our own devices, we are prone to sin,
prone to deny God, and we don’t want that. We want to direct every aspect
of our lives to the source of life, Jesus Christ.
Which means that we pray. And not just a quick prayer before bed or
the occasional plea in times of need. Five times a day, no matter the circumstances,
we take a brief moment to stop whatever we’re doing and pray a section of the
psalms. Either together or in private, we ground ourselves in the presence of God,
reminding us, even for just a moment, that we can put the world on hold to be with Jesus.
In addition to this, silent meditation is a must. Some pray for blocks of 15 minutes,
others for a half hour… I prefer the holy hour—an entire hour of silence. Turn off
the phone, cut off the distractions, let everything else go.. and just be.
Sometimes I read spiritual books and meditate on my life. Sometimes I have a conversation
with God. Sometimes I sit in silence and let God embrace me, telling me it’s going to be okay.
Much of the time it is a beautiful break in the day, a time to relax and unwind, but sometimes
it’s work. Sometimes I have a billion other things to do and the last thing I want to do is “do
nothing.” But of course, it’s not nothing. It’s the most something thing I could do,
a connection with the source of life himself, the one who tells me who I am and where I should go.
Without this time, dedicated as a priority, everything else falls apart. How quickly my
life becomes about me, when what I really want is to be about him.
Which is very easy to say, much harder to do. As our scriptures say,
“The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak,” and I know that my flesh is weak. As much as I
say that I want to do only what is good, my body still calls out for things that do not fulfill.
I’m talking unhealthy foods, yes, but I’m also talking lust, drunkenness, laziness,
self-indulgence of every kind. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been a friar for 13 years,
those passions are alive in us.
And so, I try to curb those passions. I put limits on my body. I whip it
into shape to strengthen my will and to remind me that I can resist temptation.
A big part of this is fasting. Twice a week I go meatless and eat sparse meals—enough to
be sustained but nothing else. No snacks, no desserts, often just a peanut butter sandwich
for lunch and simple dinner. I also try, on those days, to limit screen time to only
essential things and cut out all media—TV, music, movies—enter the silence a bit more.
Cold showers are one of those things that really aren’t that bad, we’re just addicted
to having supreme comfort in every instant. The same with this brown robe, called a habit, and
these sandals. They’re uncomfortable, they take a bit getting used to, but you’re going to be okay.
And the money? You really don’t need that much. The moment I realized that I would never have
the latest phone, the ability to go out whenever I wanted, was the moment I realized how little
those things actually bring happiness. What a freedom it is to be content with what you have.
What do these two things get you? Where does humility and
self-mastery lead? One would hope to a life of goodness in the world.
Free from the grips of lust, I can enter into relationships without
worry of sexual tension or objectification.
Without a need to be in control, I can serve at the will of others and make friends with anyone.
No longer driven by ambition, I can spend my whole day with a homeless person,
a student struggling with self-esteem, an elderly lady who’s just lonely, and not feel that my day
has been wasted. This is what the Lord asked of me today, and so this is what I am able to provide.
Does this mean that I’m perfect now, that I never give into temptation? Of course not.
The reason I do them is precisely because I am still a sinner in need of conversion.
Do I rigorously follow each of these things without any breaks?
Hardly. During Easter and Christmas, times of celebration, I never fast;
once a week I get a day off from work, and I’ll often have a beer or two and have some fun;
the showers don’t have to be ice cold in the winter, just enough to create discomfort,
and I take a vacation each year. Even the ascetic life needs moderation.
Because, again, the purpose is not to cause pain or to master acts of self-denial in themselves,
it is to facilitate conversion to God. What I want more than anything else… is
for my life is to be so dedicated to the will of God that what I WANT is
to be of service. What I WANT is to help others. What I WANT is to make
sacrifices so that the world may be a better place for the people I meet.
As St. Francis of Assisi said in regards to his own conversion and life of penance,
“What was bitter has become sweet.” When he was in the world, there was much that he hated, much that
revolted him. But now, having found the discipline of the Gospel, those very things brought him joy.
This is what I think a penitential life could offer you. At first,
things like prayer, fasting, and service may seem boring,
even dreadful. You turn from them because they provide no joy. Like someone eating broccoli
for the first time after eating nothing candy, there is no appeal to it at all.
But that’s not because these things are bad… it’s because you’ve become so accustomed to
the sugar of the world that you don’t even know what will bring you real goodness. With practice,
with discipline, with a whole lot of self-denial and building new habits, you will ultimately find
that these things bring you joy, and that there is no joy in the world that will ever match them.
So where do you start? Should you sell all your things and become a friar? Maybe. But maybe start
small. Maybe begin by finding one thing in each of these categories and building from there.
Can you dedicate 15 minutes each day to uninterrupted meditation? Maybe choose
one day a week that you deny yourself a pleasure you’re used to. Find a place to
volunteer your time or donate your money that takes you out of your comfort zone.
Do something, anything, that isn’t about getting more, but is about letting go. Of your comfort,
your will, your control, your need to be always be seeking the next pleasure. Do this,
and then add to it, and add to it, and add to it, until you find that your life
is less about you and more about God… and trust me: your life won’t be stuck anymore.
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