How Men Fall In Love - Psychology of the Male Brain in Love
Summary
TLDRThis video explores the stages of falling in love from a male perspective, highlighting the biological and emotional processes involved. It discusses the initial 'lust' driven by hormones, followed by 'attraction' likened to addiction due to brain chemicals, and finally 'attachment' marked by oxytocin and vasopressin. The script challenges the misconception that men fall in love through physical intimacy alone and emphasizes the importance of emotional connection for genuine love to develop.
Takeaways
- 🧠 Falling in love is a universal process with distinct stages, but there are key differences in how men and women experience these stages.
- 💓 The first stage of love is 'lust', driven by hormones like testosterone and estrogen, which is a temporary desire for sexual gratification.
- 💘 The second stage is 'attraction' or 'romantic love', characterized by a strong focus on one person and driven by chemicals like norepinephrine, dopamine, and serotonin.
- 🔬 The attraction stage is compared to addiction due to its impact on the brain's reward center, and it typically lasts between six months to two years.
- 💞 The third stage is 'attachment', which is crucial for men seeking long-term relationships and is driven by hormones oxytocin and vasopressin.
- 👫 Attachment is about building a life together and finding contentment in each other's presence, rather than just physical attraction.
- 🛑 Love doesn't always follow a strict progression; some men may skip stages or experience them differently, such as in arranged marriages.
- 🏃♂️ A secure man will not chase but will express interest; playing hard to get may cause him to redirect his attention elsewhere.
- 🧬 Testosterone levels in men can block the bonding effects of oxytocin early in dating, but as the relationship progresses, oxytocin becomes more prominent.
- 🚫 The notion that men fall in love solely through physical intimacy is a misconception; some may lose interest if intimacy happens too quickly due to the Coolidge effect.
- 🤔 Men may not be conscious enough to seek long-term love due to the influence of hormones and the struggle against instant gratification.
- 💡 The speaker encourages waiting to get to know each other better before engaging in physical intimacy to allow for genuine love to develop.
Q & A
What are the three main stages of love according to Dr. Helen Fisher's research?
-The three main stages of love according to Dr. Helen Fisher's research are lust, attraction, and attachment.
What drives the initial stage of love, known as lust?
-Lust is driven by hormones like testosterone and estrogen, and it is a temporary feeling of desire for sexual gratification.
How is the second stage of love, attraction, different from lust?
-Attraction, also known as romantic love, is characterized by a focus of energy and thoughts on one person, with a strong desire for their company. It is driven by chemicals in the brain such as norepinephrine, dopamine, and serotonin.
What is the duration of the attraction stage in a relationship?
-The attraction stage typically lasts from six months to two years.
What are the key hormones involved in the attachment stage of love?
-The key hormones involved in the attachment stage are oxytocin and vasopressin, which create a sense of attachment and nurture the bond with a partner.
Why might a man's initial interest in a woman decrease after early sexual intimacy?
-The Coolidge effect, observed in animals and sometimes in humans, suggests that males may lose interest in mating with the same female after early sexual encounters but show increased interest in new females.
What is the role of oxytocin in the early stages of a man's dating life?
-In the early stages of dating, higher testosterone levels in men can block the bonding effects of oxytocin, which gradually plays a more prominent role as the relationship progresses.
Why is it advised to wait before engaging in sexual intimacy with a new partner?
-Waiting allows the initial lust to fade and helps build a strong emotional connection, which is essential for genuine love to develop over time.
What is the Coolidge effect and how might it impact human relationships?
-The Coolidge effect is a phenomenon where males lose interest in mating with the same female but show increased interest in new females. In human relationships, it might lead to a loss of interest if intercourse happens too quickly.
What misconception does the script address regarding how men fall in love?
-The script addresses the misconception that men fall in love solely through physical intimacy, clarifying that genuine love takes time to develop and is not solely based on physical attraction.
What advice does the speaker give regarding building a relationship with a man?
-The speaker advises to abstain from early sexual encounters and to focus on building a strong emotional connection over time to allow genuine love to develop.
Outlines
💭 Understanding Male Love Stages
This paragraph delves into the process of how men fall in love, highlighting the universality of the experience despite gender differences. It introduces the three stages of love as identified by Dr. Helen Fisher: lust, attraction, and attachment. Lust is driven by hormones and is a temporary desire for sexual gratification. Attraction, likened to addiction, is a powerful rush of energy and excitement driven by norepinephrine, dopamine, and serotonin, lasting typically from six months to two years. Attachment is a more stable and lasting form of love, crucial for men seeking long-term relationships, and is facilitated by oxytocin and vasopressin. The paragraph emphasizes that love's progression is not strict and can vary, with some men skipping stages or experiencing them differently.
💬 Debunking Misconceptions About Male Love
The second paragraph addresses common misconceptions about how men fall in love, particularly the idea that physical intimacy is the sole pathway to love for men. It references biologist Don Masler's work, which challenges the notion of men falling in love through sex, suggesting that some may lose interest if intimacy occurs too quickly due to the Coolidge effect. The speaker shares personal experiences to illustrate the difference between lust and genuine love, advocating for taking time to build a strong emotional connection before pursuing physical intimacy. The paragraph concludes with advice to abstain from casual sex and to focus on developing profound intimacy within a committed relationship, encouraging viewers to subscribe and reflect on the importance of personal change for relationship growth.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Falling in Love
💡Lust
💡Attraction
💡Attachment
💡Helen Fisher
💡Norepinephrine
💡Dopamine
💡Serotonin
💡Oxytocin
💡Vasopressin
💡Coolidge Effect
💡Emotional Connection
Highlights
Falling in love is a universal process with key differences in behavior between men and women.
Love can be divided into three main stages according to Dr. Helen Fisher's research.
The first stage of love is 'lust', driven by hormones and not the same as love.
Lust is a natural instinct for finding potential partners for reproduction.
The second stage is 'attraction', also known as romantic love, driven by norepinephrine, dopamine, and serotonin.
The attraction stage is compared to addiction due to its impact on the brain's reward center.
The attraction stage typically lasts from six months to two years.
The third stage is 'attachment', a stable and lasting form of love crucial for men seeking long-term relationships.
Oxytocin and vasopressin play a role in creating a sense of attachment in the attachment stage.
Love doesn't always follow a strict progression; some men may skip stages or feel only lust.
Arranged marriages can develop love and connection over time, skipping initial lust and attraction stages.
A secure man will express interest but won't chase if faced with manipulative games.
Men's testosterone levels being higher in early dating can block the bonding effects of oxytocin.
Genuine love takes time to develop in a man's brain and is not solely based on physical attraction.
The notion that men fall in love through physical intimacy is a common misconception.
The Coolidge effect can lead to a loss of interest if intercourse happens too quickly.
It's advised to wait and get to know each other better before physical intimacy to allow for genuine connection.
The speaker shares personal experiences and the importance of profound intimacy and genuine love.
The speaker encourages abstaining from casual sex and building strong emotional connections.
Transcripts
have you ever wondered how men fall in love what goes inside their minds and hearts when they start
to develop an infatuation throughout my years of personal experience and research I tried to
gain a deeper understanding of Human Relationships right and one of the things that I noticed is that
all the falling in love is a universal process there's some key differences between the way
that men and women behave during the love stages so in this video I want to share my insights with
you and by the end of it I hope that you have a greater understanding of the male perspective
on love which can help you to navigate your own relationships so grab a seat and let's Dive In
now let's take a closer look at the stages that we go through when falling in love understanding
these stages can give us you know valuable insights into the emotional Journey that men
experience and according to the research of Dr Helen Fisher she's like a renowned biological
Anthropologist love can be divided into three main stages okay so pay attention to this the first
stage is called lust and it's important to know that lust is not the same as love it's driven by
hormones like testosterone and men and estrogen and women and lust it's just like a temporary
feeling on the desire for sexual gratification it's a natural instinct right that helps us find
potential partners for reproduction it's when you see somebody and you really check them out
and you're like damn I I really want to be with that person you know physically so then there's
stage two where we have attraction also known as romantic love during this stage your focus
in energy are directed towards that one person you think about them constantly right and you
crave their company this stage is driven by three chemicals in our brain norepinephrine dopamine and
serotonin it's like a powerful Rush of energy and excitement scientists even compare this stage to
addiction because it activates the brain's Reward Center almost like the same as when people have
cocaine that's like that's how impactful this is and has a strong impact and your emotions
and behavior right so typically the attraction stage lasts from like six months to two years
and finally then we have stage three attachment this is a crucial stage for men seeking long-term
relationships it's a more stable and Lasting form of love right compared to the intense attraction
that you feel on that stage and after around four years in the relationship you know the initial
infatuation starts to fade maybe you experience this right however Something Beautiful happens
when this occurs right two hormones oxytocin and vasopressin come into play and they create
a sense of attachment and nurture your bond with your partner and don't think about you know there
is healthy attachments and don't think about this as codependent see this stage is about building
a life together you know raising a family and finding contentment in each other's presence now
let me point out that love doesn't always follow you know a strict progression this is not like a
complete you know map that everybody follows but what most relationships start with lust and then
move into attachments some guys may skip these two and go straight into attachment and this can
happen in situations like arranged uh marriages right where love and connection develop over
time or some other guys may only feel lust and they never get to feel attraction in even less
uh attachments and that's when they you know stop replying to you they pull away or they ghost you
never make a man chase you I know some of the most popular videos that you ladies watch say
things like how to make him chase you right well here's what you haven't thought about
a secure man will never chase he will Express that he's interested in you but
if you start playing hard to get or any other manipulative game he will direct
his attention somewhere else a man that chases you intensely is a man that likes the feeling
of pursuing what's out of his reach so once he has you a few months or a few years may
pass but eventually in most cases he will have to drive to chase someone else again
now let's dig deeper into how men actually fall in love like I mentioned before you know men and
women have different chemical players right when it comes to falling in love and one of the most
important differences is the role of oxytocin which remember oxytocin as as the chemical that
creates kind of like a sense of attachment with the other person and an interesting fact is that
when men are in the early stages of dating their testosterone levels actually tend to be higher so
this increase in testosterone blocks the bonding effects of oxytocin and as the relationship
progresses actually oxytocin gradually begins to play a more prominent role for men so what
does this mean it means that genuine Love Takes a lot of time to develop in a man's brain and
it's not solely based on physical attraction so if you want a man to experience the depths
of love you need to make sure that you build a strong emotional connection with him over time
now let's address a common misconception in society that men fall in love solely through
physical intimacy right one of the experts I follow online she's a biologist named uh
Don masler and you can check some of her work here on YouTube she's got some TED talks but
basically she points out that the notion that men automatically fall in love in the bedroom
is not entirely accurate in fact some men may even lose interest if intercourse happens too
quickly and this phenomenon is known as the Coolidge effect this is a phenomenon observed
in animals where males lose interest in mating with the same female but show increased interest
in new females and this effect can sometimes come into play when sex happens too quickly
in human relationships potentially leading to a loss of Interest however you know it's
important to note again that the coolish effect doesn't apply in every case right man can still
fall in love with women they have early sex social encounters with but I would say it's
less likely and I have experienced this in my own life where I slept with someone and right
afterwards I realized that I only had lust for them and I I completely lost interest in a week
that's why I always give the advice to wait to get to know each other better especially
if you're a woman trying to get to know a man and let the initial uh the initial lust stage
fade out because it's like if you swallow food right without chewing it first you cannot really
appreciate the taste of it and let me confess to you that I've had a lot of casual sex in the past
and although it may have felt good right at the moment for a couple of hours or sometimes for a
couple of minutes I always craved something more but I couldn't point out what it was because I had
not experienced it like I explained in the last stage our testosterone levels are higher and we
want to satisfy our needs so a lot of men are not conscious enough to play the long game game and
they go for instant gratification because doing the opposite is basically fighting against your
animal instincts and hormones especially when you find a woman quite attractive and
is definitely an inner battle that a lot of men cannot you know really face and it took me almost
a decade to realize that but once I experienced profound intimacy and genuine love for a woman I
understood that you know it took time for that to develop and now since I've been single for 2023 I
actually I try to abstain from sleeping with women that are not in a relationship with me
and I try to encourage other men and women like yourself to do the same okay so that's it for
today I hope that you learned a lot about the male psychology and falling in love and if you
like this video please subscribe to the channel and also give it a thumbs up I hope that you
have a beautiful day and always remember that for your relationships to change you need to change
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