The Line Between Play and Malevolence
Summary
TLDRIn this engaging lecture, the speaker explores the concept of treating oneself with the same care as one would treat others, a principle that extends to understanding the nature of evil and good. The speaker delves into the importance of play in childhood development and its decline with age, suggesting that playfulness is the antithesis of malevolence. He emphasizes the value of maintaining a playful spirit in adulthood for personal growth and better social interactions, while also discussing the challenges of integrating sexuality into play during adolescence.
Takeaways
- 😄 Dublin is a fun and exciting place to visit, and the speaker appreciates the audience's effort to attend the event.
- 🤔 The speaker will discuss '12 Rules' from his book, starting with the importance of treating oneself with the same respect and care as one would treat others.
- 😈 Evil is a real concept that can be more easily identified than good, and understanding it helps to define what good is by contrast.
- 👶 Children embody the concept of play, which the speaker believes is the opposite of evil and is essential for maintaining a sense of wonder and openness to the world.
- 🧒 Play is crucial for children's development, helping them understand their physical limits, emotions, and social interactions.
- 🏰 Pretend play is not just fun; it's a way for children to practice and understand roles they will take on as adults.
- 🚫 The speaker warns against stopping children from exploring different roles through play, as it's an important part of learning empathy and understanding others.
- 🤝 Good relationships, including marriages, benefit from elevating interactions to the level of play, making them more enjoyable and meaningful.
- 🤔 The precondition for play is mutual consent and desire to engage, which is fundamental to healthy social interactions.
- 🤯 The speaker suggests that an explosion of unhappiness and mental health issues, especially among women, may be linked to interference with children's natural play.
- 🌐 The script touches on the importance of play in integrating sexuality during puberty and the challenges faced in maintaining play as one matures.
Q & A
What is the main topic of the speaker's discussion in the script?
-The speaker discusses the concept of evil, the nature of malevolence, and the importance of play as a counterbalance to these negative aspects of human behavior.
Why does the speaker believe that it is easier to become convinced of the reality of evil than good?
-The speaker suggests that it is easier to define and recognize evil through observable acts of atrocity, whereas good is more abstract and harder to pinpoint.
What does the speaker suggest as the opposite of evil?
-The speaker proposes play as the opposite of evil, suggesting that playfulness and the ability to see the world with fresh, unjaded eyes are indicators of a positive spirit.
How does the speaker relate the concept of play to children?
-The speaker relates play to children by stating that children's natural playfulness and ability to perceive the world without cynicism are examples of the positive spirit that can counteract evil.
What does the speaker imply about the importance of retaining a sense of play as one grows older?
-The speaker implies that retaining a sense of play is crucial for maintaining a positive outlook on life and for understanding the world in a less cynical way, which is essential for mental health and happiness.
Why does the speaker think that the ability to play is important for children's development?
-The speaker believes that play is important for children's development because it teaches them about their bodies, emotions, and social interactions, and it helps them to understand and prepare for the roles they will take on as adults.
What is the speaker's view on the decline in certain types of play among children?
-The speaker views the decline in certain types of play, such as rough-and-tumble play for boys and traditional games for girls, as a negative development that may contribute to increased unhappiness and mental health issues.
How does the speaker connect the concept of play to the idea of reciprocity?
-The speaker connects play to reciprocity by explaining that play involves a voluntary and mutually enjoyable interaction, which is a fundamental aspect of healthy social relationships.
What does the speaker suggest is a precondition for play among children?
-The speaker suggests that a precondition for play is the voluntary participation of all parties involved, indicating a mutual desire to engage in the activity.
How does the speaker describe the neurological basis for play?
-The speaker describes a specialized neurological apparatus in mammals for play, indicating that play is a deep and fundamental part of the human psyche and is essential for reciprocal social interaction.
What is the speaker's opinion on the relationship between play and the spirit of friendship?
-The speaker believes that a proper friendship is predicated on the spirit of play, suggesting that the voluntary, enjoyable, and reciprocal nature of play is foundational to strong and healthy friendships.
Outlines
😀 Embracing the Importance of Play and Responsibility
The speaker begins by expressing his excitement about being in Dublin and addresses the audience's dedication to attending his talk. He introduces the topic of the '12 Rules' with a focus on 'Treat Yourself' as a key principle. The speaker emphasizes the importance of self-care and responsibility, contrasting it with the common misinterpretation of the Golden Rule. He delves into the nature of evil, sharing his insights from studying various atrocities and how recognizing the existence of evil can help one understand the concept of good. The speaker also discusses the role of play in children's lives, suggesting that the ability to play is crucial for developing a sense of wonder and openness to the world's miracles.
😔 The Decline of Play and its Impact on Mental Health
In the second paragraph, the speaker discusses the decline of play in adulthood and its negative effects on mental health. He suggests that societal changes have interfered with children's natural play, leading to an increase in unhappiness and mental illness, particularly among women. The speaker highlights the importance of rough-and-tumble play for boys and the embodied forms of play for girls, such as pat-a-cake and skipping. He argues that these activities are essential for children to learn about their bodies, emotions, and social interactions. The speaker also touches on the role of play in developing empathy and understanding of different roles, using the example of his son engaging in pretend play with girls.
🧠 The Neurological Basis of Play and Social Interaction
The final paragraph delves into the neurological aspects of play, explaining that there is a specialized apparatus in mammals for this purpose. The speaker posits that play is fundamental to the human psyche and is essential for establishing proper social interactions. He suggests that play serves as a marker for positive social engagement, which can be delightful and entertaining. The speaker also connects the spirit of play to the concept of friendship, implying that friendships are built on a playful foundation. He contrasts this with the spirit of evil, which he describes as a combination of power, compulsion, pride, narcissism, hatred, and resentment, suggesting that these negative traits are the antithesis of the playful spirit.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Excitability
💡Golden Rule
💡Malevolence
💡Atrocities
💡Evil
💡Play
💡Cynicism
💡Puberty
💡Rough and Tumble Play
💡Pretend Play
💡Neurological Circuitry
Highlights
The speaker enjoys visiting Dublin and appreciates the audience's effort to attend the event.
Introduction to the topic of discussing '12 Rules' with an intention to address some of them.
Rule number two emphasizes treating oneself with the same care and responsibility as one would treat others.
Discussion on the misinterpretation of the Golden Rule, often leading to self-sacrifice rather than reciprocity.
The speaker's interest in the nature of malevolence, evil, and atrocity, stemming from clinical, political, and sociological studies.
Belief in the existence of evil as being more apparent than good, with evil being easier to define.
The concept that understanding the nature of evil can help infer the existence of good as its opposite.
The speaker's approach to teaching dark topics with humor, challenging the conventional serious tone.
The idea that play is the opposite of evil, with children's play representing a pure and uncorrupted perspective.
The importance of maintaining a childlike sense of wonder and the ability to perceive miracles in everyday life.
The decline of play in children's lives due to societal changes and its impact on mental health.
The necessity of play for children's development, including the integration of sexuality and the challenges it presents.
The role of play in teaching children about their physical limits, fear, and social interaction.
The significance of pretend play in children's understanding of roles and behaviors in adulthood.
The speaker's personal anecdote about his son engaging in play that challenges gender norms.
The importance of voluntary participation and the neurological basis for play in social interaction.
The concept that a proper friendship is predicated on the spirit of play and its role in social bonding.
The connection between play and the ability to recognize and engage in proper social interactions.
The contrast between the spirit of play and the elements that constitute malevolent behavior, such as power, compulsion, and resentment.
Transcripts
you Irishmen are such an excitable
Bunch it's always fun to come to
Dublin I think it's probably too much
fun to come to Dublin actually yeah so
uh it's it's really remarkable to see
you all here and uh appreciate as I
always do appreciate the fact that
you've all taken the time and expended
the effort to to come and see this uh I
thought I would wander through the 24
rules and I don't know how many I'll
address but we'll see how it goes so
maybe we'll start with a rule from the
first book 12 rules treat yourself this
is rule number two treat yourself like
you are someone you are responsible for
helping that's a hard
one you know there's an injunction a
moral injunction that you should treat
other people like you would like to be
treated yourself the Golden Rule let's
say and uh rather than he who has the
gold makes the rules right um that's
that's not an injunction to sacrifice
yourself in some unending way for the
benefit of other people which is often
how it's interpreted and it's not that
it's uh it's advice in relationship to
reciprocity and this is something really
worth knowing I've been thinking about
this for a long time you know because I
got interested in the nature of
malevolence and motivation for atrocity
I got interested in the in the nature of
evil and certainly as a consequence of
studying atrocious Behavior at the
clinical level and then also at the
political and economic and sociological
level I definitely became convinced that
it's a very naive person indeed who
doubts the existence of evil I think
it's easier to become convinced of the
reality of evil than it is to become
convinced of the reality of good it's
easier to Define evil than it is to
Define good but if you can specify the
nature of evil you help yourself infer
the existence of good because you can
say to yourself You can conclude that
whatever good is difficult though it may
be to put your finger on it it's the
opposite of
evil I did have this inkling you know
way years ago when I when I taught at
har
I was teaching about very dark things
about individual motivation for the sort
of Acts that characterized say the worst
atrocities of the Holocaust and the and
catastrophic situation with regards to
stalinist Russia those were the two
places I focused on the most and I had
this voice in the back of my head always
when I was lecturing very serious
lectures that if I could really manage
those lectures properly I would do it
with a sense of humor and I thought that
just cannot be right how in the world
can you deal with a topic that dark in a
manner
that's
playful I thought that's but the voice
wouldn't go away and I knew there was
something to it I knew there was
something to it and
so I've been trying to think about how
do you
concisely conceptualize the opposite of
evil how can you tell when things are
going
the opposite direction what if there's a
malevolent spirit that might inhabit you
if you walk down the darkest possible
road what would be the opposite of that
Spirit if it is inhabiting you so to
speak if you were walking down the most
positive of roads and I would say I I do
believe this to be the case that that's
play so you know children play and it
says that there's a gospel statement
that unless you become as little
children you'll never enter the Kingdom
of Heaven that's a very complicated
statement it it means in part to regain
the pristine perceptions of wonder that
you you had as a gift in some sense when
you were a child if you have children
young children you you get to partake in
that if your eyes are the least bit open
because one of the things that's
absolutely wonderful about young
children and having them around and the
way in some sense they pay you for the
painstaking care that you need to
exercise when you're when you're caring
for them is that they enable you to see
the world through fresh eyes and to see
things in their in their untrammeled by
cynicism glory and it's hard to open
yourself up to that you know especially
if you're an adult who's built layers of
shells around yourself for any number of
reasons but children offer you that
opportunity and so one of the reasons
that you should become as little child
is so that you can see Miracles when
they unfold in front of you instead of
being blinded by your own defense of
cynicism and children can definitely
help with that but also children play
and you know we sort of stop playing as
we grow older and we think we mature out
of it but that's not right what happens
is that we can no longer do it and a lot
of that I think is associated with the
shock of puberty you know because you
have to integrate sexuality into play
and that's really hard it's really
challenging for people partly because
you're more likely be rejected on the
sexual front for example and that's very
hard on people and then also it's a more
dangerous game that's for sure and so
it's a big Challenge and a lot of people
stop playing when when they're when
they're
teenagers one of the reasons I think
that we've had somewhat of an explosion
of unhappiness and mental illness um
particularly among women by the way over
the last 30 years is because a lot of
what we've done inadvertently has
interfered feed with children's ability
to play and so for example it's very
hard for boys to play in school because
almost everything they're required to do
is antithetical to the Rough and Tumble
ethos of masculine play that's really
hard on young boys and with young girls
oh I was talking I believe it was to
Jonathan hey recently a famous
psychologist in the United States and he
said that girls have almost stopped
doing Pat cake and skipping and that
sort of thing you know and these are
deeply embodied forms of play that might
be something like the female equivalent
of rough and tumble play among males and
that Rough and Tumble play is a form of
embodied dance you know because if
you're wrestling and and fathers really
like to do this with their kids and kids
really like it and they really need it
it teaches you the extent of your body
you know it teaches you how to twist
your body and to push it to its limits
and to expose yourself to fear you know
maybe your father throws you up in the
air and catches you CU imagine doing
someone doing that to you as an adult
12T High person just tosses you in the
air and catches you it's no wonder
children sort of scream with Terror and
Delight but but they do and they really
you just can't believe how much they
need that to engage in that play because
they also learn what hurts them and what
doesn't cuz the most fun direct physical
play with kids pushes them right to the
Ragged edge of disaster right it's like
it's right where it almost hurts that
it's most exciting and partly what
you're doing when you're playing is
calibrating it to make sure that it's as
exciting as possible but not too
exciting and the Rough and Tumble play
is deeply embodied it's not just
abstract right it it involves pain and
anxiety and excitement and frustration
and turn taking and detention it's very
sophisticated and that's just on the
Rough and Tumble front and then later
you know as kids develop they uh they
start to engage in pretend play and
there's no difference between pretend
play and thinking they are the same
thing you know and children Invision who
they might be they construct a fictional
character uh a father or mother Playing
House let's say that's very common form
of pretend play and then they act it out
and in doing so they inhabit the roles
that they're going to take on as their
adults and if they don't do that they
don't know how to do it you know one of
the things I was worried about to some
degree when when my son was little
uh he had an older his older sister
about a year and a half older he was
often surrounded by her friends and they
used to dress him up like as a princess
or a fairy and I was always looking kind
of at scance at that so I didn't want it
to go too far you know whatever that
meant but then I realized when I when I
was watching he was having fun and so
were they and I was watching it very
carefully to see what was going on and I
thought oh oh I should I got to leave
this completely alone because what he's
doing is acting out what it's like to be
a girl and how in the world are you
going to understand that if you can't
act it out and then if you forbid it say
you can't do that well what's the
message it's like you can't understand
females well of course you can't but you
shouldn't stop
[Applause]
your you should you shouldn't stop your
son from trying that's for sure and so
and that should be done in a spirit of
play and you know if you're if you have
a good marriage good partnership with
anyone I don't care who it is but let's
say a marriage the more that you can
Elevate what you're doing to play the
better off you are in every possible way
you know there are preconditions for
play among children one precondition is
the person that you would like to play
with has to want to play with you right
it has to 100% be voluntary it it cannot
emerge even we know this even psycho
biologically there's a fair bit known
now about the say the underlying
neurological circuitry that's involved
in play because there's a specialized
neurological apparatus in mammals for
play and it's not merely a decoration on
top of something more fundamental it's
this is a very very deep and fundamental
uh part of the human psyche it any and
the psyche of any animal that has to
engage in reciprocal repeated social
interaction because you might ask
yourself you know how do you know if
you're interacting with another person
properly well you might ask well what
does properly mean well it might mean
they want to interact with you it might
mean they want to interact with you in a
way that could repeat many many times
and maybe improve as it's repeating know
you you want to get along with people
and you want it to work now but you want
to work now in a way that gets better
across time and then you might think if
that's the right way to act whatever
that means and it's a stable right way
to act because it emerges out of
iterated social interactions that you
might have an instinct to Mark when
that's happening and that's what happens
when you play and people find that
absolutely delightful if you're sitting
around with your friends in a bar
generally you're joking around and you
know that can get kind of rough but it
doesn't have to but it it could Edge
towards rough because that's kind of fun
and it's a bit proddy you know to see
where you can find the edge and that can
be riotously entertaining and um and
that's all done in the spirit of play
and so you could say that a proper
friendship is actually predicated has
its basis in the spirit of play and then
with regards to the atrocity and evil
that I was discussing earlier say well
if it's power and compulsion and pride
let's say self-center edness a kind of
narrow self-centeredness and a
narcissism hatred a bitterness all of
that mangled together
resentment vengefulness that all
constitutes the central spirit that
inhabits you if you're acting in a
malevolent manner
[Music]
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