Spilling the tea: why men will walk away

Summary

Dr. Orion Taban critiques the Tea app, which claims to make dating safer for women by allowing anonymous reviews of men and conducting background checks. He argues that the app's approach of shaming men and leaking personal information is ineffective, potentially harmful, and could discourage men from dating altogether. Taban warns that such platforms might exacerbate the issues of fear and distrust in dating dynamics, ultimately limiting women's choices in the dating pool. He concludes that while the app may seem like a solution, it may only worsen the very problems it intends to solve.

Takeaways

• 😀 The Tea app, which has become extremely popular, is marketed as a tool to make dating safer for women by allowing them to anonymously review men they date.
• 😀 The app excludes men from participation and allows only women to leave one-sided, unverified reviews about men, which could be damaging to their reputations.
• 😀 Tea’s system includes a reverse image search that allows women to find personal identifying information about men, which can be used to ‘screen’ them before dating.
• 😀 The app's concept of safety is questioned, as public shaming and doxxing of men could potentially provoke violence rather than protect women.
• 😀 While the app claims to help women avoid dangerous men, it could instead create unnecessary fear and mistrust between men and women, as well as discourage men from dating altogether.
• 😀 A single negative review on Tea could have a more lasting impact on a man than dozens of positive reviews, as negative feedback tends to be more attention-grabbing.
• 😀 The anonymity of the reviews could be easily compromised, and the app has already faced significant security breaches, putting users' private information at risk.
• 😀 The app's model of anonymous gossip could foster relational aggression, something it purports to fight against, highlighting a fundamental contradiction in its design.
• 😀 The app could lead to men becoming more hesitant to engage in dating, potentially resulting in a dating culture where men are increasingly afraid to approach women for fear of being labeled inappropriate.
• 😀 The app's focus on eliminating men who date multiple women could create a scenario where women are left with fewer options to date, especially since only the top 20% of men typically attract attention from most women.
• 😀 Tea has the potential to cause long-term harm to the dating market by promoting a system where men are discouraged from engaging, potentially leading to dating becoming even more difficult for women to navigate.

Q & A

What is the main purpose of the Tea app?

The main purpose of the Tea app is to provide women with a platform to anonymously review men they have dated and to screen potential dates through reverse image searches, supposedly to make dating safer for women.

Why does Dr. Orion Taban believe the Tea app will fail to achieve its intended goal?

Dr. Taban believes the Tea app will fail because it relies on uncorroborated, anonymous reviews, which could lead to public shaming, inaccuracies, and potential harm, rather than enhancing safety for women. Additionally, he argues it could damage the dating market and deter men from dating.

How does the Tea app allow women to screen men?

The Tea app allows women to screen men by letting them leave anonymous, unverified reviews and use reverse image searches on dating app photos to find personally identifying information, including phone numbers and home addresses.

What are some risks associated with the Tea app according to Dr. Taban?

Some risks include public shaming of men without evidence, the potential for personal information to be leaked, and the app being hacked. These factors could cause real harm, including retaliation from the men being reviewed and negative consequences for users whose data is exposed.

How might the Tea app affect men’s willingness to date?

Dr. Taban argues that the Tea app could make men more wary of dating, as even a single negative review could have lasting consequences. This could result in men avoiding dating altogether to protect their reputation.

Why does Dr. Taban argue that negative reviews on the Tea app could be damaging even if they are inaccurate?

Dr. Taban explains that a single negative review can be more influential than dozens of positive ones. Since the app allows only one-sided reviews, men have no opportunity to defend themselves, and any inaccuracies in the review may persist indefinitely.

What is the paradox Dr. Taban identifies regarding men and reviews on the Tea app?

The paradox is that men who are highly desirable and sought after by women will likely have multiple negative reviews, as women may not admit to losing a good man or might feel the need to justify their actions, thus painting men in a negative light even when they are not at fault.

What is Dr. Taban’s concern about the effect of the Tea app on the dating pool?

Dr. Taban is concerned that if women exclude men who date multiple women, the pool of potential dates for women will shrink dramatically, as the most desirable men are often already dating more than one woman. This could leave women with fewer options and exacerbate the already competitive dating market.

How does Dr. Taban connect the Tea app to the broader trend of men being less likely to approach women?

Dr. Taban links the Tea app to the broader trend of men being afraid to approach women due to the fear of being labeled inappropriate, creepy, or harassing. He suggests that the app could exacerbate this fear by allowing women to publicly shame men for minor issues, causing men to retreat from dating.

What is Dr. Taban's final opinion on the Tea app's potential impact on dating safety?

Dr. Taban believes that the Tea app will not make dating safer for women. Instead, it could create a more toxic and fearful dating environment, making men hesitant to date and causing irreparable damage to the dating market.