Stop Giving Advice in Conversations, Do This Instead

Summary

This video script explores the power of the subconscious mind in decision-making and how to influence others effectively. It highlights the importance of addressing the subconscious with 'magic words,' overcoming indecision, and fostering decisive actions. The speaker emphasizes the role of curiosity, empathy, and courage in persuasive conversations and warns against offering advice before understanding the other person's context. Key strategies include focusing on long-term relationships, removing ineffective phrases from communication, and shifting from transactional to professional-level interactions. Ultimately, the script underscores the importance of being strategic, relatable, and purposeful in conversations.

Takeaways

• 😀 Magic words speak directly to the subconscious brain, which plays a crucial role in decision-making, as it processes answers as 'yes' or 'no,' not 'maybe.'
• 😀 Indecision, rather than 'no,' is the real enemy in business, as it prevents people from making clear decisions and taking action.
• 😀 The subconscious brain can guide actions without us consciously thinking about them, as demonstrated by how we sometimes drive somewhere and forget how we got there.
• 😀 Speaking to the subconscious brain and increasing the rate of decision-making leads to faster actions and more transactions in business.
• 😀 To be more influential in any conversation, the key ingredients are curiosity, empathy, and courage.
• 😀 High levels of certainty in others can lead to uncertainty in the listener. To create certainty in others, avoid an 'I know best' approach.
• 😀 In conversations, focus on being curious about others' contexts rather than jumping in with advice or content about your own expertise.
• 😀 Empathy means caring about what others care about, and it's about being relatable, not about sympathy. This helps build trust and connection.
• 😀 The word 'I' is one of the least influential words. Replacing 'I' with 'you' in conversations makes you much more valuable and relatable.
• 😀 Words like 'following up' and 'touching base' are overused and ineffective. To communicate at a professional level, stop using these phrases and show up with purpose.
• 😀 People don't want to buy or sell a house—they are motivated by reasons beyond just the transaction. Understand their deeper motivations to be relevant and valuable.

Q & A

What are 'magic words' and how do they impact decision-making?

Magic words are words that directly influence the subconscious brain, which plays a critical role in decision-making. The subconscious brain can only process 'yes' or 'no' answers, meaning indecision (or 'maybe') is the real enemy when it comes to driving action.

Why is indecision considered more harmful than a 'no'?

Indecision, or 'maybe', is the real enemy because it prevents people from making a clear decision. A 'no' is still a decision, but indecision leads to stagnation, which can severely hinder business progress.

How can increasing the rate of decision lead to business growth?

If you can accelerate decision-making, you also accelerate the rate of action. This, in turn, leads to more transactions and business growth. The key is to tap into the subconscious decision-making process, which drives faster choices.

What is the role of the subconscious brain in everyday tasks?

The subconscious brain controls many habitual actions, like driving, where a person can arrive at their destination without consciously recalling every step of the journey. It operates on autopilot unless something out of the ordinary occurs.

What is empathy, and how is it different from sympathy?

Empathy is the ability to care about what the people you care about care about. It’s not about feeling sorry for someone (sympathy); instead, it’s about understanding their perspective and making connections based on shared interests and concerns.

How does curiosity play a role in building influence?

Curiosity allows you to genuinely understand others, which helps you connect and build trust. Instead of assuming you have all the answers, being curious makes you more relatable and open to others' viewpoints, making them more likely to listen to you.

What’s the danger of presenting your own content before understanding someone else’s context?

Presenting your content before understanding the other person's context can make the conversation feel noisy and irrelevant. It’s important to first gain insight into their needs or concerns before offering solutions or advice.

Why should professionals avoid using the word 'I' in their communication?

Using 'I' in communication often shifts the focus to your own interests, which makes you less relatable. By focusing on 'you' (the other person), you show greater value and align better with their needs, making the conversation more effective.

What are some phrases that should be avoided in professional communication?

Phrases like 'just following up' and 'touching base' are overused and sound unprofessional. Instead, professionals should use clear, purposeful language that shows they are providing value and not merely checking off a task.

Why is it important to think in terms of long-term pipelines instead of short-term ones?

Shifting focus to long-term pipelines (30, 60, 90 months) allows you to build deeper, more meaningful relationships with clients. This approach helps you anticipate their needs before they even reach the decision-making stage, leading to stronger, more successful business outcomes.