Therapist explains: THIS means AVOIDANT doesn't LOVE you

Summary

In this video, a therapist discusses the signs that someone with an avoidant attachment style, particularly dismissive avoidants, may not love you, even though you may believe they do. Key signs include them only reaching out when they need something, not respecting the relationship, a lack of effort, and no real change after conflicts. The therapist explains how avoidants struggle with vulnerability, commitment, and emotional connection, highlighting how this behavior can manifest in relationships. The video aims to help individuals better understand avoidant attachment and whether their partner truly cares about them.

Takeaways

• 😀 Avoidant partners may reach out primarily when they need something from you, but they are unavailable when you need something from them.
• 😀 Large gestures like buying gifts or flowers without addressing the issue at hand may indicate that your avoidant partner isn't genuinely working on changing their behavior.
• 😀 Avoidant partners are often very sensitive to their partner’s moods. If they don’t notice or pretend not to notice when they hurt you, it could signal a lack of deep emotional connection.
• 😀 Flirting or cheating may be signs that an avoidant partner doesn't respect the relationship and could be subconsciously pushing you away.
• 😀 A complete lack of effort in the relationship, especially after some time, suggests that the avoidant partner may not care enough about you or the relationship.
• 😀 If a relationship progresses rapidly in the beginning (intimacy, promises, commitments) but fizzles out without long-term commitment, it may be a sign that the avoidant partner doesn't love you.
• 😀 Reflecting on the relationship and feeling emotionally distant from your partner, even after years together, can indicate that they don't love you.
• 😀 When you're the only one attempting to communicate or resolve conflicts, it usually means your avoidant partner isn’t invested in fighting for the relationship.
• 😀 Avoidants may appear emotionally distant or detached, but they can still love their partner. However, their attachment style may make it difficult for them to express affection in the typical ways.
• 😀 Avoidant individuals often struggle with vulnerability and commitment, which can lead to emotional distancing, despite having feelings for their partner.
• 😀 It's important to understand the difference between avoidance behaviors driven by emotional self-protection and genuine disinterest, as both can manifest similarly in relationships.

Q & A

What is the focus of the video?

The video focuses on understanding the signs that an avoidant person, particularly those with a dismissive attachment style, may not love you, even though it may seem like they do.

What is an avoidant attachment style?

An avoidant attachment style refers to individuals who struggle with commitment, vulnerability, and giving up their independence. They also have difficulties with emotional closeness in relationships.

How does a fearful avoidant differ from a dismissive avoidant?

A fearful avoidant experiences high levels of anxiety and may exhibit a 'hot and cold' behavior, fluctuating between detachment and closeness. A dismissive avoidant tends to stay emotionally detached but may gradually become closer over time.

What does it mean when an avoidant only reaches out when they need something?

If an avoidant person only contacts you when they need a favor but is unavailable when you need something from them, it may indicate a lack of emotional investment in the relationship, suggesting they may not love you.

How does an avoidant apologize?

Avoidants may apologize through large gestures, such as buying gifts, without addressing the root cause of the issue or showing genuine emotional change. A more sincere apology would involve acknowledging the hurt and making efforts to change.

What does it indicate if an avoidant doesn't notice or pretends not to notice that they hurt you?

If an avoidant doesn't recognize or pretends not to see that they've hurt you, it could signal that they don't value you deeply enough, as avoidants are typically sensitive to others' emotions due to their childhood experiences.

Can an avoidant person be disrespectful in a relationship?

Yes, an avoidant person may flirt with others or engage in other disrespectful behaviors, possibly as a way to push you away. This can indicate that they don't love you, although it may not always be the case.

What does it mean if there is no effort in the relationship from an avoidant?

A lack of effort, especially over a long period, could be a sign that the avoidant individual doesn't care enough about the relationship to make changes or invest emotionally.

What does it mean if a relationship with an avoidant progresses quickly at first but then fades?

If the relationship starts with rapid intimacy and commitment but later deteriorates, it might indicate that the avoidant individual was initially charming but never truly committed, signaling a lack of genuine love.

What does it signify if you feel further away from your partner after reflecting on the relationship?

If, after reflecting on the relationship, you feel more distant from your partner than when you first started, it could suggest that the avoidant person doesn't truly love you, as they haven't allowed the relationship to deepen.

What does it mean if only one partner fights for the relationship in an avoidant partnership?

If only one partner is attempting to communicate or fight for the relationship, it is likely a sign that the avoidant partner doesn't love you. Even though avoidants might struggle with communication, they typically make some effort if they care.