Letting go of someone you love
Summary
TLDRIn this heartfelt video, the speaker shares personal experiences and insights on love, relationships, and emotional growth. Having grown up feeling unloved and developing a belief system based on that perception, they discuss the importance of self-love and emotional vulnerability. They recount their journey through a toxic first relationship, the lessons learned from it, and the realization that true love involves letting go and not being attached to outcomes. The speaker emphasizes the need to accept emotions, detach healthily, and understand that all relationships are temporary teachers, ultimately advocating for self-growth and emotional honesty.
Takeaways
- 👨👧 The speaker grew up feeling unloved due to a lack of emotional expression from their mother, despite having their basic needs met.
- 💔 They developed a belief system that they were unlovable because they didn't receive the verbal and physical affirmations of love they craved.
- 😔 The speaker struggled with emotional sensitivity and suppression, which was viewed as a weakness in their household.
- 💥 As an adult, the speaker experienced intense emotional outbursts due to years of suppressed emotions.
- 🔄 The first romantic relationship was significant because it filled a void the speaker felt, but also highlighted the danger of relying on others for emotional fulfillment.
- 💔 The end of the first relationship was particularly painful because it left the speaker feeling empty and exposed.
- 🕊️ The speaker emphasizes the importance of self-love and being emotionally whole before entering a relationship.
- 🤔 They discuss the concept of letting go and detachment, suggesting that it's a necessary part of personal growth and healing.
- 😡 The speaker shares their struggle with anger and pain, and how these emotions can be transmuted into positive change if properly addressed.
- 📚 They view relationships as teachers, where partners often trigger and reveal areas of personal growth and healing.
- 🌱 The speaker encourages self-forgiveness and learning from past mistakes and relationships, rather than self-blame.
- 🌈 They promote the idea that love is not a transaction and should be unconditional, including the freedom for others to leave if they choose.
- 🧘 The importance of recognizing that life and relationships are temporary and that everything, including emotions, is part of the human experience.
- 📝 The speaker suggests writing down feelings as a therapeutic method to cope with post-relationship emotions.
- 💌 They emphasize the beauty of love in all its forms, not just the romantic or idealized versions.
Q & A
Why did the speaker decide to make a video about letting go and accepting love?
-The speaker decided to make a video about letting go and accepting love after receiving messages and DMs from people sharing their love stories and asking for advice on their relationships, particularly from a girl who found it hard to let people go and accept love from others.
What was the speaker's childhood experience regarding the feeling of being loved?
-The speaker felt unloved as a child because their mother, despite providing for their basic needs, did not express love verbally or physically. This led the speaker to develop a belief system that if their parents didn't love them, nobody would.
How did the speaker's upbringing influence their perception of vulnerability and strength?
-The speaker was raised in an environment where being sensitive and showing emotions was seen as a weakness. Their family and community valued strength as the ability to suppress emotions and not talk about feelings, which the speaker later realized was not a healthy approach.
What was the impact of suppressing emotions during the speaker's formative years?
-Suppressing emotions led to the speaker storing up negative feelings, which eventually resulted in explosive reactions to minor triggers as an adult. This was a sign that their body was trying to release the pent-up emotions.
Why was the speaker's first relationship described as toxic?
-The speaker's first relationship was toxic because they were not in love with the person but with the validation and feeling of being loved that the person provided. This created a dependency that was unhealthy and led to the speaker being unable to let go.
What lesson did the speaker learn about self-love and relationships from their first relationship?
-The speaker learned the importance of being whole as a person before entering a relationship. Relying on another person to fill a void can lead to heartbreak and a sense of emptiness when the relationship ends.
What is the speaker's perspective on the concept of 'forever' in relationships?
-The speaker believes that the concept of 'forever' has been romanticized and that nothing lasts forever, including relationships. They emphasize the importance of understanding that all relationships are temporary and that people should not rely on others to complete them.
How does the speaker view the act of letting go in the context of love?
-The speaker views letting go as the final act of true love, especially when it involves releasing someone you love who wishes to leave. This act is seen as selfless and a demonstration of genuine love.
What advice does the speaker give for dealing with the end of a relationship?
-The speaker advises to express feelings openly, whether through writing or communicating with the other person, even if they ignore you. They also suggest taking time to heal, accepting the temporary nature of life, and learning from the relationship.
What is the speaker's view on the importance of accepting love in different forms?
-The speaker emphasizes that love comes in many forms and should be accepted and appreciated as it comes. They argue against dismissing love because it's not in the form one desires, stating that any act of care or consideration is a form of love.
How does the speaker suggest one should approach their healing process after a breakup?
-The speaker suggests that there is no set timeline for healing and that each person should find what works for them. They encourage listening to one's intuition and feelings, and not rushing the process or trying to prove something to the other person.
Outlines
👶 Childhood and the Perception of Love
The speaker discusses their childhood experiences and the development of their perception of love. Growing up with a busy mother who provided for their basic needs but lacked emotional expression, the speaker felt unloved. This led to a belief system where they thought they were unworthy of love, which affected their ability to accept love from others. The environment in which they were raised also discouraged emotional expression, labeling it as a weakness, which contributed to their struggle with emotional vulnerability and sensitivity.
💥 Emotional Suppression and Its Consequences
The speaker describes the impact of suppressing emotions due to their upbringing, which considered vulnerability as a weakness. They explain how bottling up emotions led to explosive reactions as an adult, triggered by minor annoyances. This emotional turmoil was a result of years of pent-up feelings. The speaker also shares their first romantic relationship, which filled a void within them but also highlighted the danger of relying on others for emotional fulfillment, as their departure can leave one feeling empty and lost.
🔒 The Dangers of Emotional Attachment and Suppression
The speaker delves into the concept of emotional attachment and the idea that nothing lasts forever. They emphasize the importance of self-love and being emotionally whole before entering a relationship. The speaker reflects on their toxic first relationship, discussing the difficulty of detaching due to the validation and love they received. They also touch on the broader implications of suppressing emotions, which can lead to anger and rage, and the importance of recognizing and addressing these feelings for personal growth.
🌱 Lessons from Relationships and Personal Growth
The speaker shares insights from their past relationships, viewing them as learning experiences. They discuss the importance of understanding one's own worth and not allowing a partner to define one's self-worth. The speaker also talks about the process of forgiving oneself for past mistakes and accepting that everything in life is temporary. They emphasize the need to transmute negative emotions like anger and pain into positive change and growth.
💔 Acceptance and Moving On from Relationships
The speaker discusses the process of moving on from relationships and the importance of acceptance. They share their belief that love should not be transactional but rather about giving and wanting happiness for the other person. The speaker encourages expressing feelings openly, regardless of the other person's response, as a form of emotional release and healing. They also stress the importance of not rushing the healing process and finding personal peace with the end of a relationship.
🕊 The High of Love and the Beauty of Acceptance
In the final paragraph, the speaker reflects on the high frequency of love and how it can attract others. They advise listeners to find what works best for them in terms of healing and moving on after a breakup, emphasizing the importance of listening to one's intuition and feelings. The speaker also shares their realization that not everything is as profound as it seems, and that accepting the impermanence and simplicity of life can bring relief and a sense of peace.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Love
💡Self-worth
💡Emotional Suppression
💡Vulnerability
💡Attachment
💡Validation
💡Emotional Intelligence
💡Impermanence
💡Forgiveness
💡Detachment
💡Self-love
Highlights
The speaker discusses the importance of love and relationships, and how they often talk about these topics on their podcast.
They mention receiving many messages and DMs from people seeking advice on love and relationships.
A particular story from a girl who struggles with accepting love and letting people go inspires the speaker to make a video on the topic.
The speaker shares their own childhood experiences, feeling unloved due to a lack of emotional expression from their mother.
They describe developing a belief system as a child that no one loves them because their parents didn't express it.
The speaker talks about being sensitive and the environment's perception of vulnerability as a weakness.
They explain how suppressing emotions can lead to emotional explosions and bottled-up feelings.
The speaker shares their first adult relationship experience, where they felt truly loved for the first time.
They discuss the danger of relying on others to fill emotional voids and the importance of self-love.
The speaker emphasizes the impermanence of life and relationships, and the romanticized idea of 'forever'.
They argue that emotions and feelings are a part of humanity and suppressing them denies one's humanity.
The speaker describes the toxic nature of their first relationship and the difficulty of letting go.
They explain how not understanding oneself can lead to being defined by a partner in a relationship.
The speaker talks about the importance of forgiving oneself for past mistakes and accepting lessons from negative experiences.
They discuss the struggle with detachment and how pain can be a catalyst for positive change.
The speaker encourages expressing emotions and not suppressing feelings, as they are part of being human.
They share the idea that love is not about possession or validation but about giving and wanting happiness for the other person.
The speaker reflects on the temporary nature of life and relationships, and the importance of accepting this reality.
They suggest that being in love raises one's vibration, attracting others, and emphasizes the importance of self-love and acceptance.
The speaker concludes by encouraging viewers to take their time to heal after a relationship ends and to listen to their intuition.
Transcripts
hi guys you're not used to me being
alone on screen normally my sister's
always next to me but today I wanted to
do something different ever since the
podcast a lot of people have seen that I
talk a lot about love and relationships
and all these things and I've been
getting a lot of messages and DMS from
people who actually share their love
stories and ask me for advice about
their relationships or what they should
do and I really love reading these
things you know and this one girl she
messaged me and was telling me about the
fact that she finds it hard to let
people go that she has a hard time
accepting love from other people I was
like you know what let me let me make a
video about that I'm just going to do a
quick backstory on my life so when I was
growing up my mom she had um a lot on
her plate she had five children she had
to take take care of she was working she
had to provide financially she had to do
a lot of things
so the food was there you know the roof
was over my head uh I had clothes I was
going to
school but ever since I was young I
didn't feel loved saying it I feel like
ungrateful towards my mom cuz she has
done so much and uh I feel ashamed even
saying this but I did didn't feel loved
cuz for me love is when I'm being held
and someone tells me hey I love you and
I care about you that that's love to me
so I was like oh my mom doesn't love me
growing up I was like she doesn't love
me uh my parents don't love me and
actually if they don't love me then
nobody loves me so then as a child I
developed this belief system that oh
nobody loves me you know cuz my parents
don't love me and then growing up every
person that would try to show me love I
would be like oh they probably have like
reasons behind it or malicious uh intent
behind it or they just want something
from me I could never accept
love just because I was like I'm not
lovable you know cuz my parents don't
love me so why would you love me I
didn't say it like that but
subconsciously that's what I was
thinking as a child I was also very very
sensitive like very small things would
upset me I would try to fight that
sensitivity cuz in my household it's not
seen as a good thing being vulnerable
it's seen as a weakness you talk about
your emotions you're a weak person you
talk about your feelings you're a weak
person that's how it's seen as and the
reason that they saw it as a weakness is
because they have been taught my
environment was thought to be strong you
know and their definition definition of
being strong is you don't talk about
your
feelings uh you suppress all your
emotions if there's a problem you fix it
and you move
on but that doesn't
work that I know now that that just
doesn't work at that time that's how
I've been raised like depression
everything that doesn't exist you can't
be depressed you know you can't feel bad
uh you should be grateful for everything
you should you should never feel any
sadness cuz that's weakness you're weak
being very sensitive and then also
suppressing my emotions the whole the
whole time cuz I didn't have anyone to
go to or share my emotions with or share
my feelings with I mean a recipe for
disaster is when you're sensitive and
you're suppressing your emotions that's
like a recipe for disaster I was just
bottling everything up inside of me but
when people bottle things up they think
oh I'm just going to ignore that emotion
I'm just going to pretend that it's not
there but it is and you can't just move
on from these feelings you're feeling
they get stored inside of your body
either way and they're going to come out
one day so what happened with me was I
was storing all these emotions storing
storing and then when I was 18
19 uh when I was adult I had this uh
rage inside of me I
would flip for the smallest things
someone would say something so looking
back at it I'm like doesn't mean
anything but at that time when someone
would say something so small or in a
tone that I didn't like or they would
look at me in a way that I didn't like I
would
explode and the person or the people who
see me they're like why are you why are
you reacting this way like calm down but
they don't know that I've been balling
up all these em emotions for years on
end so every little thing would trigger
me constantly and it was almost as if my
body was telling me like let it out let
it go let it out you have to share these
things but I wouldn't I would suppress
them suppress them then I would explode
and then again back to suppressing then
I got into to a relationship with
someone who for the first time in my
life somebody shows me love you know
somebody actually cares for me and he
really loved me in the way that I wanted
to be loved cuz that was very important
for me at that time I want you to love
me in the way that I want to be loved
and all the other love that is not the
way that I want it is not love like oh
he loves me he loves me because he loves
me the way that I want to be loved and
that love I can accept which is a very
selfish way of thinking that that's not
really love you know that's that's ego
love that selfish love so when I went
into my first
relationship I had this big void in me
you know I had this hole in me and my
first partner actually filled that hole
you know he made me feel
loved but that's where the danger comes
in cuz because when another person comes
into your
life and fills a hole that you have when
they leave hole is empty again cuz they
take that with them so you're back to
being empty and that's the danger that's
why loving yourself and being whole as a
person before someone else comes in is a
really important thing as human beings
we're not here forever you know we this
uh time on this Earth is so limited we
have such a short time on this Earth
nothing is
forever uh and
we have really romanticized this idea of
forever being with someone forever I
want to be with you for eternity I want
to you know nothing is forever you know
we are not even forever when you
suppress these emotions you're almost
denying yourself of your Humanity cuz as
humans emotions and feelings is just a
part of us that's what makes us human
all these emotions these feelings
fighting against
yourself in a
way and that's dangerous cuz we think
that oh let me just forget about it let
me just forget about it this didn't
happen or let me just move on but that
emotion gets stored in your body and
it's going to come out either way it's
going to come out and if you wait for
too long it's going to come out in a bad
way and that's where the danger comes in
cuz you see these people who store all
these emotions they suppress
everything and then you see that rage
inside of them you can just see it in
their eyes you know when I look at
certain men in my life constantly
suppressing their emotions constantly
denying their feelings there so much
rage in them there's so much anger
showing your emotion is being seen as
something weak which is it which it is
not at all I think being strong is all
about being vulnerable being strong is
all about showing your emotions when you
do share your feelings and your emotions
you're um easy to be judged you know
people triggered when other people talk
about their emotions or talk about their
feelings it triggers people I see a lot
of people get really triggered by that
but if you get triggered by that that
means that there's something in you that
needs healing we get attached to
people
but these people are not going to be
with us
forever these people are going to leave
these people are going to go their own
ways you know relationships happen we
break up marriages happen people get
divorced you
know if you are not a whole person when
somebody comes in then
the void that they're feeling when they
leave they're taking that part of you
with them so when my first relationship
was very toxic it was very toxic cuz I
was not in love with the person I was in
love with the validating I was in love
with the feeling he gave me of no you're
worthy of being loved he made me feel
loved and that was the thing I was
obsessed with that's why I couldn't let
that go and my environment didn't
understand that everyone was like you
should leave him you know why do you
keep going back you know in toxic
relationships people constantly go back
and it's almost never about the person
it's almost never about that person it's
almost always about a void that that
person is feeling there's something that
that person is doing for you that you're
obsessed with cuz why would you go back
to someone that's toxic the whole time
know that doesn't make sense I feel like
relationships are like our biggest
biggest teachers you know all the part
partners that I've had in my life are my
biggest teachers I've learned the most
when I was in the relationship cuz my
partners would trigger every part of me
that was not healed every part of me
that I didn't look at when you're in a
relationship and you don't know who you
are the partner that comes in if you
don't know who you are this partner is
going to tell you who you are and if
it's a toxic relationship then that
person is going to Define who you are
and that's dangerous cuz if you don't
have a good person next to you then
you're going to feel worthless this
person is going to make you feel like
you're just not worth
anything like you don't deserve anything
and then especially if you're with an
insecure person who doesn't want you to
leave they will make you feel like [ __ ]
because they don't want you to leave cuz
if you know your wor you're going to
probably leave a toxic relationship what
I did was blame myself you know why did
I go back so many times why did I accept
certain things why didn't I do this
differently that that I was constantly
blaming myself and that's the thing
because everybody always talks about
forgiving other people for what they've
done to you or what they've said to you
but forgiving yourself for accepting the
things that you have accepted is so hard
I've learned that instead of
saying why did I put up with this why
did I accept this you should sit down
and say what did I learn from this what
this what did this person teach me cuz
relationships are our biggest teachers
our partners are our biggest teachers in
life Detachment is something that I have
really struggled with in my life a lot
and I feel like a lot of people really
struggle with detaching know when a
relationship ends and you're in pain we
can look at as a b we can look at it as
a bad thing but to me it's a good thing
cuz I feel like pain makes you change
the most pain really will push you to
change you know these people who get
heartbroken and then they go to the gym
and they become like business owners and
everything that's what pain does
sometimes that's what anger does
sometimes and we demonize it we're like
anger is bad pain is bad no
if you use it in a bad way then yeah
then it's bad but if you can transmute
that energy into something good for
example anger if you can use that as a
motivation to prove somebody like hey
you know I actually can do this the
thing you told me I cannot
do I can do that when you transmute that
energy in something good then anger and
pain can be really good things in life
understand that these feelings that we
feel and the emotions and everything
even if they're anger or hurt or sadness
you have to let them
out you're not going to be like oh suck
them up and just go on with life that's
not going to work it just it just
doesn't work I wish I wish it worked I
wish I could just be like oh you know
let me not feel this emotion let me just
forget about what happened doesn't work
that way cuz your body stores everything
you know we're not just this body we're
a soul you know and I think a lot of
people just see themselves as a body but
we have a soul we are souls and
everything we feel and we do is beyond
comprehension almost like I feel like
our soul knows things that we don't even
know yet when I was younger and
something bad would happen I would be
like this the end of the world you know
I'm never going to recover from this and
then every time you recover from it and
that's the thing you know we see bad
moments and negative moments as
something bad but you know in all these
things are lessons and that's the thing
about life we're constantly learning
we're constantly evolving and blame
yourself
for the things you have accepted in Life
or the things that you have done you
know and every negative thing or bad
thing is a lesson and
you know the more mistakes you make the
more you will learn now that doesn't
mean that you have to go and make
mistakes or do things that are not okay
but we do learn the most when we make
mistakes when you love person so much
you know you want to be with them you
you want to care for them everything in
your life becomes about that
person and it shouldn't be like that you
know
and I'm still learning this by the way
CU when that person leaves you feel
devastated you feel like it's the end of
the world you don't want to live anymore
not only being attached to other people
like just being attached to anything on
this Earth is a bad thing you know this
life is temporary and we get attached to
material stuff we get attached to other
people and everything is just temporary
and you have to come to a point where
you accept that where you accept that
this person is going to come into my
life we're going to have a good time or
we're not going to have a good time and
I'm going to learn something from that
and they're going to leave and you have
to be okay with that and I know that's
hard I think you can only change when
you accept things and you have to accept
that that person that you're with maybe
tomorrow they won't be there anymore and
you have to be okay with them leaving I
was uh talking to this friend of mine
and he read something on his phone and
it said why does the Final Act of love
always have to be letting go because
letting go of someone you love is real
love when you don't want to let go of
someone that's selfish that's selfish
love and the love we know as human
beings is mostly selfish love because we
want other people to validate us we want
other people to pour into US constantly
but love is all about giving love is not
a
transaction you give and you want that
person to be happy and if they want to
leave tomorrow then they can leave
tomorrow that's real love God told us
not to get attached he he told us don't
get attached to things on this Earth um
he was not only talking about material
things he was also talking about other
people other Souls cuz he says that he's
going to take everything away in the end
you know we as humans we Li so much to
ourselves we almost don't want to deal
with reality and the reality is that
everything's temporary you know and the
reality is that not everyone is going to
love you and the reality is that not
everyone is supposed to love you and
nobody owes you anything you know and
it's all about just accepting that these
things are just the way that they are
you are a whole person on yourself when
you're alone when a partner comes in
they just add to the 100% that you
already are you know when they leave
they don't take a part of you with them
you know that's what a relationship be
like you're whole the person is whole
and you just add to each other after a
relationship everyone is like oh don't
text them you know don't say this don't
no for me that doesn't work if you need
if you have the need to text them them
text them even if you know they're going
to ignore you or they're going to deny
your feelings it's not about them it's
about you getting it off your chest it's
about you sharing what you feel tell
them everything you feel and if they
ignore you it doesn't matter it doesn't
matter that they don't answer it matters
that you let those feelings out and if
you don't want to do that then write
those things down cuz writing helps me a
lot deal with my feelings after a
relationship ends just take your time
moving on from that don't be like oh I
have to move on very fast and I have to
show them um that I look better and this
no it's not about them it's not about
them it's about you don't dismiss love
because it's not the love that you want
you
know love is love you know um someone
asking you how your day went is
love someone buying you dinner is love
someone going out their way to be there
for you in a time in in in a difficult
time in your life is love and humans we
dismiss love in a lot of ways because
it's not the love that we
want it's still love you know love is
something beautiful and we have to
receive it and accept it as it comes
that that's when life becomes beautiful
when you can just accept and receive
everyone everyone jokes always about the
fact that when they're in a relationship
sudden suddenly everyone wants them I
think I was thinking about this lately
and I really think it's because love is
such a high frequency when you're in
love you're vibrating on such a high
frequency that people can feel that you
know and people get attracted to that so
I think that when you're in love that a
lot of people become attracted to you
you know everyone all of a sudden wants
you you just have to know what is good
for you cuz everyone out here is giving
all these different advices you
know you have to realize it's good for
you for some people know they have to be
alone after a break for a long time
other people they find the love of their
life after a month so everyone is just
different that you just have to find
what works for
you what does your intuition say what do
your feelings say you know listen to
them I just recently also realized that
everything is just not that deep and we
make everything so deep and you know
sometimes that's beautiful sometimes
it's beautiful that we make everything
deep but I find more comfort in just
realizing that it's not you know someone
comes into my life they will leave maybe
tomorrow and I have to accept that it's
not that deep you know not everything is
that deep
and the acceptance that come comes with
realizing that not that life is is just
not that deep is beautiful to me and it
gives me a sense of relief a lot of uh
people that I know when the relationship
ends they're like oh I'm going to you
know have a glow up and I'm going to
show them but what are you going to show
them you know the relationship has ended
and you need to move on you just take
your lessons from the relationship and
you move on so take your
time however long you need to get over
this get over this don't be ashamed it
took me two years to get over my first
relationship there's no shame in that
game anyway I hope someone out there saw
this video and felt a little bit better
after
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