How some friendships last — and others don’t - Iseult Gillespie

Summary

Friendships play a crucial role in shaping our academic, emotional, and physical well-being. From boosting self-esteem to helping us navigate challenges, friendships can significantly influence our lives. However, making and maintaining friends can be difficult. Psychologists suggest strategies such as embracing the 'liking gap,' assuming others like us more than we think, and practicing the 'acceptance prophecy.' Strong relationships are built on companionship and closeness, but even the best friendships face challenges. Open communication, mutual support, and consistency can help strengthen bonds and repair rifts. It's never too late to build meaningful connections.

Takeaways

• 😀 Friendships can make challenges feel easier, such as judging the steepness of a hill, especially when supported by a good friend.
• 😀 Friendships can boost academic performance, help with setbacks, and even improve overall health.
• 😀 Early friendships, particularly during childhood and adolescence, can significantly shape our beliefs, values, and emotional development.
• 😀 If you struggle with meeting new people, you're not alone—many people underestimate how much others like them, known as the 'liking gap'.
• 😀 A positive mindset before meeting new people can help, such as assuming they will like you (the 'acceptance prophecy').
• 😀 Regularly meeting new people can build confidence, decrease fear of rejection, and improve conversational skills.
• 😀 Two key features of intimate friendships are companionship (shared interests and hobbies) and closeness (emotional support and trust).
• 😀 Consistency is important in developing strong friendships, such as sticking to plans and staying in regular contact, even in long-distance relationships.
• 😀 Difficult conversations, like addressing conflicts, can strengthen friendships if approached without judgment or defensiveness.
• 😀 Friendships may face challenges, such as competition, betrayals, or personal hardships, but talking through rifts can help mend them.
• 😀 It's never too late to make new friends, and every friendship can benefit from building healthy habits and maintaining trust.

Q & A

How can friendships impact the way we perceive the world around us?

Friendships can influence our perceptions in various ways. For example, a 2008 study found that people who were accompanied by a good friend rated a hill as less steep compared to those who were alone. This suggests that having a supportive friend can change our perceptions of challenges, making them seem less intimidating.

What is the 'liking gap' and how does it affect our interactions with others?

The 'liking gap' refers to the tendency for people to underestimate how much others like them. Studies show that people often rate themselves as less likable than others do, which can lead to unnecessary self-doubt and anxiety in social situations.

What is the 'acceptance prophecy' and how can it help with making new friends?

The 'acceptance prophecy' is the idea that when people expect to be well-liked, they often behave in ways that make them appear warmer and friendlier to others. By assuming that others will like you, you can enhance your social interactions and build stronger connections.

What impact does meeting new people regularly have on your confidence?

Meeting new people regularly can boost your confidence. Research shows that individuals who engage in conversations with a new person each day for a week reported feeling more secure in their social skills and less afraid of rejection.

What are the two key features that differentiate intimate friendships from casual ones?

Intimate friendships are characterized by companionship and closeness. Companionship is the rapport built through shared hobbies or values, while closeness involves emotional support, trust, and a deeper connection between friends.

How does consistency contribute to the strength of friendships?

Consistency in friendships—such as sticking to plans, maintaining regular communication, and remembering important details—helps to build trust and strengthen the bond over time. This is true even in long-distance friendships.

What role does communication play in resolving conflicts in friendships?

Effective communication is key to resolving conflicts. When issues arise, it's important to approach conversations without judgment, avoid getting defensive, and focus on expressing your feelings while inviting the other person to do the same.

What types of challenges can cause friction in teenage friendships?

Teenage friendships may face challenges such as competition (e.g., applying to the same college), betrayal of trust, or a lack of emotional support during difficult times like breakups or personal tragedies.

Can friendships naturally end or change, and if so, what factors contribute to this?

Yes, friendships can naturally come to an end or evolve over time. Changes in life circumstances, personal growth, or differing priorities can all contribute to the transformation or dissolution of friendships.

Is it ever too late to make new friends, and why is this important?

It's never too late to make new friends. Building new friendships can enhance your social support network, boost your emotional well-being, and provide opportunities for growth and learning, no matter your age.