The Principles of accepting of our Imperfections: "Wabi-sabi" ð Interpreting Yourself
Summary
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Takeaways
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Q & A
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Highlights
Imperfection is a significant barrier to happiness, as life often doesn't meet our expectations.
The concept of wabi-sabi, a Japanese philosophy, encourages embracing life's imperfections and finding beauty in them.
Wabi-sabi originated from the Buddhist tradition and is deeply rooted in the tea ceremony.
Wabi-sabi is based on three main principles: impermanence, suffering, and emptiness or the absence of an egoic self.
Imperfections in teacups were once seen as undesirable but later embraced as part of wabi-sabi.
The term 'patina' in Western culture relates to the beauty found in aging surfaces, similar to wabi-sabi.
Dr. Robert Puff emphasizes the power of our thoughts in shaping our perception of beauty and imperfection.
Negative thoughts about others' imperfections can lead to suffering; instead, we should see beauty in them.
Practicing wabi-sabi involves acknowledging the power of thoughts and changing our perspective on imperfection.
By accepting and loving others' imperfections, we can also do the same when looking at our own flaws.
Wabi-sabi encourages us to see beauty in the choices we've made, even if they weren't ideal.
Dr. Puff shares a personal story about the pride one can take in any job, reflecting the wabi-sabi philosophy.
Accepting life's impermanence and imperfections can lead to a more joyful and beautiful life.
Critiquing others and ourselves leads to suffering, whereas embracing imperfection leads to happiness.
Wabi-sabi allows us to love and accept ourselves and others, regardless of our imperfections.
Control over our response to life's challenges is the key to happiness, according to the wabi-sabi philosophy.
Dr. Puff concludes by encouraging gratitude for each day and embracing life's flawed beauty.
Transcripts
welcome to the happiness podcast
i'm dr robert puff there's a lot of
things in life that can keep us from
being happy
but one of the big ones is imperfection
when we're younger our bodies may look
good they may be smooth
and then with time we notice that wow
i'm starting to get wrinkles or
oh no my hair's starting to turn gray
imperfections set in
in other ways they do too we may be
going through life
dreaming of our soul mate meeting that
person
and then it doesn't work out and our
hearts are broken
and sometimes they feel damaged we're
damaged goods now
we're just not the same life can throw
us so many
curves that it makes it hard
to stay happy because life just doesn't
turn out the way
we expected it to we wanted it to and
because of that
we begin to suffer maybe we had plans of
being a doctor
but we end up working at the local
grocery store
maybe we had plans of having a beautiful
home overlooking the ocean
and instead because we couldn't make our
rent have moved back in with our parents
maybe we had plans to come to hollywood
and make it big
in the movies but instead life said no
you're going to get married you're going
to have children and your hollywood
dreams have died
but what i want to ask ourselves really
ask ourselves today
are these imperfections necessarily a
bad thing
or could we see them as something
beautiful part of who we are
and that we can not only not be ashamed
of them
but actually celebrate them many
centuries ago in the country of japan
a philosophy an approach to life was
developed
that had deep wisdom in it you may have
never heard of it
but it's called wabi-sabi
and at its core it's about learning to
accept
the imperfections of life not only
accept them
but embrace them and see the beauty of
these imperfections and a manifestation
of wabi-sabi
began with the actual tea ceremony
which many of us have heard of if
perhaps even participated in
it's a beautiful tradition celebrating
the tradition of tea and the tea
ceremony
and of course when you drink tea you
also have to have tea cups
well historically the teacups had to be
perfect
beautifully shaped no imperfections at
all
and then the philosophy of wabi-sabi
began to be developed
and it comes from the buddhist tradition
of three main principles
one is impermanence the other is
suffering
and the third is emptiness or the
absence of an egoic self
but with the concept of impermanence
that life does
change it does not stay the same the
most beautifully made cup
will at times age or won't be made
perfectly
like the previous cup and what happened
was
with time these imperfections were seen
as
beautiful not something that is bad
but something that is good that can be
embraced
that can be loved and be seen as
beautiful
in its own imperfections or the term
that i love is
flawed beauty so when the potter made a
teacup
he or she didn't have to make it
perfectly and actually the imperfection
in the cups
were seen as something to embrace to
love
to cherish and to value
if we're not familiar with the japanese
culture we may be familiar with
the western culture of the term patina
which has to do with surfaces aging and
seeing that aging process
not as necessarily something bad but as
something beautiful
i think there's a tendency here in the
west to see is something
old or decrepit as ugly
or something worth getting rid of or
definitely not seen as beautiful
but what if we were to begin to adopt
the philosophy
of wabi-sabi the thing i talk so often
about in this happiness podcast
is how powerful our thoughts are so if
we start developing thoughts saying
when we see something older we see
something beautiful there
imagine then when we look at our bodies
our failures or
all the tragedies we had in life
and say that isn't ugly
that's part of who i am now it shapes me
it's
memories and i'm going to begin to not
only
accept that but even love that
so with the remainder of this talk let's
discuss
ways that we can embrace this wabi-sabi
approach to living that can add so much
beauty
and joy to our life well the first and
most important thing is
to acknowledge that our thoughts are
powerful
whatever we think has force behind them
in adopting a philosophy that only
perfection
is acceptable and i'm going to reject
all imperfection
is guaranteed to be the path of
suffering and we're here to learn not to
suffer
so we have to look at our thoughts and
say okay what am i thinking throughout
the day
am i looking at other people and judging
them
am i looking at my own behaviors and
judging my imperfections
that is the path of suffering
and if we want to stop doing that we
need to start
seeing imperfections as something
beautiful something worth embracing
and all day long we can practice this
for example
we go out to get some groceries and as
we're checking out we see the person
behind the counter and we may think
they're fat or may think
they have wrinkles or we may think their
job is stupid why are they doing such a
silly job at their age
all these negative thoughts about the
imperfection of this person
instead we can say in our minds wow
they may be heavy but i don't know their
story and their weight may be perfect
for them
and i find it beautiful we may look at
their wrinkles and say
i wonder what memories those wrinkles
have
and what wisdom they learn from those
wrinkles we may look at their job and
say
isn't it beautiful that they work so
hard and are willing to do this to
support themselves and perhaps even a
family
i always remember years ago meeting this
one man
because he and his wife and his kids
were so proud of him
because he'd been out of work and he was
able to get a job
at a local fast food place and he was
the cashier
and he had that job and now he's able to
support his family
and they were gonna be okay and he was
so proud that he had that job
i too had worked fast food when i was
younger i'd been trained to do other
things now
but at one point i did exactly what he
did and if someday
i need work doing that i'd be honored to
do that job again
so much of this is about seeing beauty
in the flaws of life seeing beauty in
the choices that we made
that may not have been the way we wish
they'd been but we grew from them
we learn from them and we're moving
forward and if someone is above us
or someone is beneath us we still see
the beauty in who they
are and if we practice accepting
and loving other people with their
imperfections
the most wonderful gift comes from that
we'll do the same when we look in the
mirror when we look at the flaws in our
lives
and remember the things that we've done
that maybe we're not too proud of
or the things we're doing now that
aren't as pretty as we wish they were
then we'll look and say but that's okay
there is beauty in flawed
there is beauty in imperfection
there is beauty in impermanence
and life is impermanent no matter how
much i achieve
no matter how much i fail i'm still a
human being
and i'm gonna love that human being and
i'm gonna love
other human beings and when i take that
approach
the wabi-sabi approach accepting
the imperfections of life
what i find is life goes better
i stop judging others i stop judging
myself
and life becomes a beautiful adventure
instead of a grind where we're
constantly critiquing ourselves
or critiquing others the people that
truly do critique others a lot
struggle because i can guarantee you
they're critiquing themselves
just as harshly or even more so when we
stop looking at the imperfections of
others
as flaws and instead see it as something
beautiful
then when we look in the mirror
physically or emotionally or spiritually
we'll do the same we'll accept our
imperfections
and say this is who i am i can work on
changing things if i can
but things that i can't change i'll
accept and even embrace
and i'll embrace the imperfections of
others too
there are just so many factors in life
that we don't have control over
we don't choose our parents we don't
choose our genetics
there's so many things that we just
can't control
we don't choose how quickly our bodies
age what shape we're in sometimes
there's just so many things out of our
control
but the one thing that we do have
control over
is our response and with the philosophy
of
wabi-sabi we can begin to embrace
and love our imperfections and not even
see them as imperfections
but something as beautiful it just makes
sense
accepting imperfections is one of the
key ingredients of having a happy life
and we all want to have happy lives i
really believe that
but we have to take the right approach
criticism
critiquing attacking is not going to
lead to the path of happiness
learning from our mistakes growing from
them
absolutely accepting the things that we
can't change absolutely
learning to love the things that are
just natural part of life
positively and when we approach
life through a wabi-sabi philosophy
i do think that we'll find that as we
age
as we have our successes and our
failures in life
we'll look at them with gentleness with
kindness
and we'll say in our hearts i know
you're not perfect but i love you
perfectly
for the way you are thank you
for each day you give me to enjoy life
with all your imperfections with your
flawed
beauty
thank you for joining me on the
happiness podcast
if you'd like to learn more about the
podcast please go to
happinesspodcast.org
and until next time accept what is
love what is
you
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