Getting Over Your Mother Complex: Ultimate Practical Guide
Summary
TLDRThe video script delves into the psychological and biological aspects of human behavior, particularly focusing on the impact of early attachment and instincts on identity and sexual dysfunction in young men. It discusses the limitations of cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and the importance of addressing emotional and instinctual levels of the psyche. The conversation highlights the role of societal and cultural influences on therapy and self-help, emphasizing the need for a holistic approach that integrates biology, social adaptation, and psychological development. The speakers advocate for a deeper understanding of the self through engaging with one's instincts and the genomic self, suggesting that this can lead to personal growth and resolution of complex issues.
Takeaways
- 🎵 The discussion revolves around the impact of early attachment and its effects on psychosexual development, suggesting that issues like erectile dysfunction in young men may stem from complex psychological origins rather than purely biological ones.
- 🤔 The script highlights the struggle of young men who experience erectile dysfunction and how they often turn to abstinence movements like NoFap, which may offer temporary relief but doesn't address the deeper psychological issues.
- 🚫 There is a noted suppression and lack of open discussion about the influence of maternal relationships on the psychosexual development of sons, which can lead to long-term personal and relational difficulties.
- 👥 The importance of community and collective discussion is emphasized as a means to help individuals who may feel isolated in their experiences, although it also warns against the potential pitfalls of groupthink.
- 🧠 The script criticizes the over-reliance on cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and the Jungian concept of archetypes, advocating instead for a deeper, biologically informed approach to psychology that addresses the instinctual and emotional levels of the psyche.
- 🧬 It is argued that instincts and emotions are closely tied to our genome and that understanding and addressing issues at this level can lead to more profound and lasting healing.
- 💭 The conscious experience of emotions is described as a primary form of consciousness, which is distinct from but equally important to our cognitive awareness, and is linked to our instinctual drives.
- 🧐 The speakers suggest that engaging with one's emotions and instincts in a conscious and deliberate way can lead to a reframing of traumatic experiences and a restoration of a sense of identity and wholeness.
- 🚫 The potential harm in self-help groups and therapeutic practices that focus on abstract concepts without addressing the concrete biological and psychological needs of the individual is discussed.
- 🌱 There is a call for therapists and individuals to reconnect with the biological basis of psychology, arguing that a failure to do so can result in a lack of resolution for deep-seated emotional and instinctual issues.
- 💪 The script shares an anecdote about addressing erectile dysfunction not through physical measures but through understanding and working with the underlying psychological and emotional blockages.
Q & A
What is the common issue discussed in the video regarding young men experiencing erectile dysfunction?
-The video discusses that erectile dysfunction in young men might not be biological or medical but could be related to psychological or emotional issues, often stemming from early attachment and relationship problems with caregivers.
What is the '90-day reboot' mentioned in the context of addressing erectile dysfunction?
-The '90-day reboot' refers to a period of abstaining from pornography and masturbation, often advocated by the 'NoFap' community, which some men undertake in an attempt to restore their sexual function and regain a sense of masculinity.
How does the video relate early attachment issues to a person's identity and life unfolding?
-The video suggests that early attachment to caregivers significantly influences a person's sense of identity, boundaries, self-concept, and anticipation of life's trajectory, implying that issues in early attachment can lead to various problems in adulthood.
What is the role of self-help groups and charities in addressing psychological issues as discussed in the video?
-Self-help groups and charities are highlighted as valuable resources that provide support and a sense of community for individuals struggling with psychological issues. However, the video also notes that they often operate with limited resources and may not be a substitute for professional therapeutic help.
Why does the video criticize the use of archetypes and CBT in therapy?
-The video criticizes the use of archetypes and CBT in therapy because they can lead to an overemphasis on abstract concepts and cognitive reframing, potentially distracting from the deeper emotional and instinctual issues that need to be addressed for true healing.
What does the video suggest as a more effective approach to therapy than relying on cognitive-behavioral techniques or archetypes?
-The video suggests that a more effective therapeutic approach involves engaging with the client's emotions and instincts, which are more closely tied to their biological and genomic self, to address the root causes of their suffering.
How does the discussion on 'NoFap' and erectile dysfunction relate to the broader topic of psychological suppression and cultural unconsciousness?
-The discussion on 'NoFap' and erectile dysfunction serves as an example of how cultural unconsciousness and psychological suppression can lead individuals to seek solutions in isolation or through movements that may not fully address the underlying issues, thus perpetuating a cycle of misunderstanding and inadequate treatment.
What is the significance of the video's emphasis on biology and the genome in understanding human psychology?
-The video emphasizes the significance of biology and the genome as the foundational elements that regulate and influence human psychology. It argues that a deep understanding of one's biology and instincts is crucial for genuine self-improvement and overcoming psychological challenges.
What role do emotions play in the process of healing and personal development according to the video?
-According to the video, emotions play a critical role in healing and personal development as they are a form of consciousness that directly communicates with the本能 (instincts) and the genome. By engaging with and understanding one's emotions, an individual can address the core issues that contribute to their suffering.
Why does the video argue against the concept of an 'inner child' in the context of therapy?
-The video argues against the concept of an 'inner child' because it suggests that such a notion is not based on biological reality and can lead to an infantilization of the client. Instead, the video advocates for a therapeutic approach that reconnects the adult client with the emotional and instinctual states of their past in a way that promotes growth and healing.
What is the potential issue with self-help groups that the video discusses?
-The video discusses the potential issue with self-help groups being that they can sometimes maintain or even reinforce pathology rather than resolve it. It suggests that individuals within these groups might become trapped in a cycle of self-reinforcing beliefs that do not address the underlying issues.
Outlines
😀 Addressing Young Men's Sexual Dysfunction
The paragraph discusses the issue of erectile dysfunction in young men, which is often not biological but rather psychological. It explores the tendency of affected individuals to adopt practices like 'nofap' to address their condition. The speaker highlights the importance of understanding the underlying causes, which may relate to early attachment and psychosexual development, and emphasizes the lack of open discussion and cultural and political suppression around these issues.
😔 Challenges in Seeking Therapy and Institutional Support
This section delves into the difficulties individuals face when seeking help for psychological issues, particularly where institutional abuse is involved. It addresses the lack of trust in cultural institutions and the emotional inhibition that comes with trying to discuss personal traumas. The paragraph also touches on the politicization of therapy and the struggle to find therapists who are not biased by political or cultural contexts.
🤔 The Role of Self-Help Groups and the Importance of Avoiding Dogma
The speaker emphasizes the power of collective effort in healing and personal growth, while cautioning against the potential downsides of groupthink and the adoption of dominant ideologies within self-help groups. There's a critique of overly abstract psychological constructs, like those found in some interpretations of Carl Jung's work, and a call for a more grounded, biological approach to understanding and treating psychological distress.
🧠 The Interplay Between Emotions, Instincts, and Identity
This paragraph explores the deep connection between emotions, instincts, and a person's sense of identity. It argues against the reductionist view that focuses solely on cognitive reframing and neglects the biological and emotional aspects of trauma. The speaker advocates for a comprehensive approach that addresses the whole person, including their biology and emotional state, to effectively treat psychological injuries.
🚫 The Dangers of Cognitive Therapy and the Need for Emotional Engagement
The paragraph discusses the limitations of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and the potential harm of not addressing the emotional and instinctual roots of psychological issues. It stresses the importance of engaging with one's emotions and instincts to resolve suffering at a deeper level. The speaker also criticizes the rejection of biology in favor of psychological theories that don't account for the full human experience.
🧘♂️ The Importance of Psychological Maturity in Relationships
The focus of this paragraph is on the development of psychological maturity as a foundation for healthy relationships. It discusses how men often feel compelled to conform to certain stereotypes of masculinity, which can be counterproductive and lead to a lack of genuine connection. The speaker encourages a more authentic and varied expression of masculinity and stresses the importance of engagement and rapport in relationships.
🌱 The Genomic Self and the Integration of Biology and Psychology
The final paragraph emphasizes the inextricable link between the self and the genome, arguing against the separation of psychology from biology. It suggests that the Jungian concept of the self is a projection of the genomic self and that true self-understanding comes from recognizing this connection. The speaker advocates for addressing biological and social aspects of life before exploring more abstract, spiritual issues, as failing to do so can leave unresolved issues that will later resurface.
📚 Offering Practical Advice for Personal Growth
In this closing paragraph, the speaker invites viewers to download a free PDF on integrating one's shadow, which includes advanced theory and practical steps for personal development. The offer is a call to action for those seeking to understand and work through their psychological complexities in a structured and informed way.
Mindmap
Keywords
💡Erectile Dysfunction
💡Nofap
💡Anima and Animus
💡Attachment Theory
💡Archetypes
💡Instincts
💡Complexes
💡Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)
💡Individuation
💡Genomic Self
💡Mother Complex
Highlights
The discussion addresses the issue of young men experiencing erectile dysfunction and the potential psychological causes.
The influence of early attachment to caregivers on a person's sense of identity and psychological development is emphasized.
The importance of addressing early attachment issues is highlighted due to their potential to cause long-term distress.
The challenges of finding a therapist who understands the politicized nature of certain psychological issues are discussed.
The role of self-help groups and charities in filling the gap left by formal institutions is explored.
The potential downsides of self-help groups, including the risk of groupthink and the suppression of individual growth, are mentioned.
The significance of engaging with one's instincts and emotions to address deep-seated psychological issues is underlined.
The limitations of purely cognitive therapies, such as CBT, in treating emotional and instinctual wounds are critiqued.
The concept of archetypes and their relation to instincts are discussed, with a focus on the importance of real-life experiences over theoretical constructs.
The role of biology and the genome in shaping psychological experiences and the healing process is emphasized.
The discussion of how societal and cultural factors can influence the manifestation of psychological issues, using erectile dysfunction as an example.
The potential for self-help practices, like the 'Nofap' movement, to address psychological issues by tapping into deeper instinctual needs.
The critique of the 'inner child' concept as a therapeutic tool and the encouragement to connect with adult instincts instead.
The importance of recognizing and working through the impact of early life experiences on current psychological states.
The exploration of the intersection between psychological maturity, societal expectations, and individual instincts in forming identity.
The case study of a woman's struggle with her desire to become a mother, societal pressures, and her career, highlighting the role of instincts in personal fulfillment.
The conclusion that living out one's instincts and addressing biological and social needs is a prerequisite for authentic spiritual exploration.
Transcripts
[Music]
[Music]
[Music]
if you're young with erectile
dysfunction something's up
if you're older you know your body's
older and so naturally things stop
working so well
but when you're young it's like okay is
it biological is it is it medical
usually not so what is it and then what
guys will then do
driven by a complex dare i say is then
they'll turn towards
nofap and that's getting away from an
argument of whether or not we agree with
that particular
philosophy or lifestyle it's just
something drive you there it's like okay
and then what people do is through nofap
or a 90-day reboot as they call it their
erectile dysfunction comes becomes
the rest of the function goes away
what's going on welcome back everybody
too young to live by thank you for
tuning in once again
over the last week or so we've been
building somewhat of an impromptu
miniseries
all about the mother and the anima and
developments psychosexual development
that kind of thing
and the response to the last video that
we put up was quite staggering we were
all quite quite impressed with the
delivery moved very moved as well
actually by a lot of the comments so
thank you guys yeah it's it's surprising
actually like um
don't need to toot our own horn or
anything like that it's it's a
reflective of the quality of the
community but you don't get comments
like that in most
places even on say other psychological
channels but i thought i'd get a little
selection of what you guys have been
saying
um so johannes cox said similar
situation here
if it were possible for you guys to make
a video going into more detail about
going back down to the instinctive level
that would be extremely helpful to me
and to others joshua knox has said he's
had this same problem
and has been speaking for a therapist
for the last three weeks
but the therapist has basically said
there's nothing that can be done
is this a problem the answer that is yes
a guy called your feelings said i
am in such a similar situation
java arter said thank you so much for
this video i am in a very similar
situation and i'm also
gay christian sather or sava said it's
no joke how much inappropriate behavior
on behalf of the mother can mess up her
son i wonder if we can ever really
escape these sticky motherly webs
and ahmed n has said as a gay man myself
it's very hard to find any good clinical
discussions about the matter
particularly because of the social and
legal repercussions
and also you guys were saying in the
last video that this stuff is very very
common
yeah and people don't talk about it
you know the guys in the audience are
like wait a minute that sounds a little
bit like me yeah
so yeah yeah um
there is a political suppression of this
there's no doubt and
before we had the political suppression
there was more of a cultural one
which was a kind of a cultural
unconsciousness over this
and freud had broken surface tension
with it in the late 19th century
along with his colleague joseph broyer
and it was suppressed
then uh and it's being suppressed
now so in that sense
it is a very very important topic and
over the years paul and i certainly
and again i know i'm repeating myself
over 40 years of experience we've seen
so much of this
and it's a very private and personal
experience and a very distressing
experience
but it is so common and it's often
latent in the sense that it's in the
background of other problems that
presents and they're like screens if you
like which are
presented as if that is the problem when
it's not
and very often things bottom out into
this kind of thing which is really
all about early attachment because early
attachment to caregivers
through the parents or whoever's in loco
parentis
for a child of either sex will help to
determine that person's
sense of identity in all of its manifold
meanings which includes boundaries and
includes
your self-concept it includes the
anticipation that you would hold
consciously for how your life will
unfold
so many things are affected by early
attachment relationships so it's a vital
importance that
the people are helped when issues arise
around that
so i mean judging from the comments you
know we're not the most popular channel
in the world no but there's quite a few
of you guys
what can be done about something like
this in the absence of say a formal
therapeutic relationship
not to endorse any kind of self-analysis
jump into the psyche psychonaut type
stuff
but what's a practical thing someone
could do if they suspect that they've
been influenced and negatively affected
by something like this well
it's very hard very very hard indeed
james to do
something or to sort something out for
yourself in a vacuum would you say paul
if you believe it's only happened to you
and that your frame of self reference
has been shaped by those early
experiences it's actually normal
for you that's the way your life has
unfolded and
contradicting that when you suddenly
realize hang on this has damaged me
it seems so far in the past so remote
it's very very difficult isn't it or it
seems to be to bring about change
yeah i think some of it is what you've
you guys have just said really which is
the
inhibition or feeling the inhibition
about talking about it at all
um and
because of the institutional abuse that
exists
i mean that's that's where you should be
able to go for help
yeah i think we said this on the last
podcast you should be able to go out
into the culture and receive
the help that you need and it's only
when you realize um that those
institutions are corrupted and you can't
access that help
properly that i mean that that's that's
like being abused all over again
yes really uh and and yes
the culture you know the government uh
in particular always putting out
messages to say look that help is out
there it's available
you know don't be afraid to come forward
don't be afraid to speak about these
things and yet when you do
you you very often met with a very
different response to the one that you'd
expect
so to some extent you you left to fall
back to your own devices
and i guess and some of these guys
obviously have commented on this finding
a therapist that switched on enough
to know about these things and to
understand the current zeitgeist
and the fact that a lot of this has been
politicized
it's very very difficult to access
someone who
understands in that complete sense what
the
person coming to see them is up against
um
and um i suppose this is why we're
feeling the impetus as therapists to
talk about this more we possibly can
and uh talk about our own practice and
how we would tackle some of these things
and um hopefully some of that will be uh
helpful uh to people it's it's the only
way we feel that we can maybe yeah reach
more people
yeah is to talk about it collectively as
a group of therapists and our own
experience
of things and we have personal
experience of it within the context of
our own family
and obviously we have it within the
context of our wider work as well
yeah yeah we have yeah really good
points
of course as you say paul the uh one of
the problems
of going to a therapist is that the
therapist is a human being
who has developed shall we say within a
specific context
yes that will include a political
context these days sadly
yes um a lot of therapists even of the
analytical orientation are very shifted
and i won't say in which direction
yeah you can find out quite easily if
you google it
um shifted in a certain political
direction
which colours pretty much everything
that they do and how they think and how
they approach people
within the various psychotherapy schools
it's like a tower of babel
they all speak a different language they
all think they have the only truth
and therapeutic dogma is placed in the
way in between
the person who just wants help yeah and
the therapist
oh yeah um and you very often get this
inculcation of a particular theory or
world view or even a political set of
beliefs
into somebody who goes to a therapist
for help so
in everyday terms a self-help group
uh charities yes uh they do an awful lot
of good work
they do the awful thing is they
shouldn't have to exist
though the fact that they do shows there
is something wrong with the way the
culture broadly is handling these things
yeah and they're often underfunded yeah
and and sometimes
they'll just be a i mean we've known
this a single person at the helm
trying to deal with all the the you know
the incoming
traffic for want of a better expression
and whilst
they may be very well placed to help
people and often they are because
they've had this kind of experience in
their own background
um and experiences of coming up against
um the institutions and and uh
all the difficulties surrounding them uh
nonetheless
the there's often not enough people
uh within the charity or within the
organization
to to help the volume the sheer volume
of of
calls that are coming into them
this is why that um you know we get
comments or whatever else
saying you know why do you critique the
archetype so much or young so much
cbt so much and it's like this is why
yeah because we've we hit on a topic
which clearly resonates with people in
terms of their own personal suffering
which isn't just suffering in a moment
it's not acute it's chronic
that's the horrible thing where you
can't get back in your lifespan it's
like well that's why we speak out
against it because it's a real
it's it's a it's a threat it's what
people will come to when they first want
to seek help
yeah it's saturated with of the swear
word
oh yeah yes yeah yes indeed
and first of all though
there is hope there's massive hope and
that's an important thing to get across
we're in an ecology which does not
support people who've been abused
abuse being a very wide category of
course but the ecology the cultural
ecology does not adequately support that
the therapeutic ecology does not either
but fortunately there are ways for
people to share
information and share positive growth
potential that they have within
themselves and within a group
and they can move forward there's
immense power in people coming together
and bringing about positive therapeutic
change there is a shadow side to that
and that is that it can form a group
if you like of identification and mutual
cross infection psychologically
wherein people actually suppress
development because of a few dominant
personalities within
the group or perhaps even an ideology
that's taken on board that can be a
therapeutic or a political ideology
in effect they're the same thing and
that can lead to a suppression of growth
moving away from some of these you
mentioned archetypes uh
some of these these constructs these
therapies of constructs is very very
important
i am often put in the place where i
appear to criticize young or i actually
do
openly criticize young and i get
criticized for that
believe me i wouldn't do it if i wasn't
absolutely sure it was necessary
in the context of doing it at that time
and one of the reasons why it's
necessary is there is so much nonsense
out there
uh being pushed around about young yin
ideas
that they tend to inflate people away
from actual experience of tackling real
world problems
yes it's not the collective unconscious
it's what you've actually experienced
in your real life yes yeah yeah
the collective unconscious is real and i
don't want to get distracted necessarily
into that
it's what it is what it really is that's
important to understand
otherwise you provide yourself with a
fantasy
and a means of escape from engagement
with real life
nobody nobody ever comes in and says i
have a problem with this archetype or
whatever it is
they come in and they're suffering they
want the suffering to end
and it should be the job of a therapist
and that's my context
it should be the job of a therapist to
do everything they can to end suffering
this is primal suffering when someone is
abused
in such a way that not only is it
physical or sexual
it abuses their sense of identity and
their capacity to
develop and become themselves
over their lifespan that is so
fundamentally serious and damaging that
really has to be looked at in its own
context
there is a way of solving it archetypes
should not be your first pose of call
probably actually the last
if you're going to engage with this at
all these
archetypes will make some sense at the
end of your journey but you can treat
them them for what they are which are
basically just fantasies
the real place where the harm is done is
also the place where the cure will be
achieved and that
is at the level of instinct and people
don't understand what
instincts are generally there is this
prejudice that instincts
are animalistic and not human and
somehow archetypes are trans personal
and spiritual and quasi-religious
or even a replacement for a natural
religious
expression in our lives they're not
and i say that as someone who has got 40
years clinical experience but has got
close on 50 years experience of deaf
psychology
in my own life and in the lives of
others
i didn't come to this conclusion easily
it's hard one
we've been through a great deal together
as pauline said with respect to our own
families and
things that have happened to one of our
own children
and we've worked with thousands of
people
in depth we know what's important to
real people when they suffer
and we know how what the best ways are
to bring yourself out of this kind of
awful mess it is not archetyped and it
is not cbt
either people hurt the level of feelings
and don't fall for this jungian idea of
thinking versus feeling
all these oppositional polarized views
they don't lead to anything except
stasis and stagnation
and rumination avoid them completely
young said that feelings can have people
he's absolutely right
with respect to that and these injuries
are not cognitive these injuries are at
the level of emotion
and at the level of instinct and of
identity
fundamental identity if you just simply
try to reframe your thinking you're
going to do
nothing whatsoever to do with the
instincts
that have launched these feelings into
your consciousness to
impel you to do something about the
suffering
and the pain that you feel so deep it's
down at the level of your genome it's at
that level
it's biological and there's too much
rejection of biology in favor of
psychological reductionism
biology is the logos of life the
reasoning of
life itself why do people reject it
it's absolutely stupid biology is your
fundament that's what you come from
and when you die that's what you
decompose through if you have a spirit
and it's released after that that's
absolutely fine and that's something you
can argue about metaphysically
but living is biological psychology is a
concomitant of biology
it's never separate to it and when
people are hurt with respect to their
psychology you can be absolutely sure
that their biology has been affected as
well
instincts serve a purpose they are goal
directed they are
intelligent programmed actions
of behavior that our ancestors have gone
through they're about survival but
they're about adaptation
their whole situations they include
narratives
to push you through to completion and
getting through
serious situations of adaptation in life
we do require another level
to modify instinct that gives us
plasticity and
ability to to function widely in
response to immediate threats
but if you were only cognitive and have
no contact with your instincts
and with your emotions you're going to
end up in a mess
and if you then impose a cognitive level
of therapy on someone
there will be a dose effect curve which
is based on suggestion
that simplistic suggestion will wear off
and it happens time and time again with
cbt people
the victims of cbt they end up going
back into the system and recycled
told to think again in another different
way whereas the fundamental issues have
not been addressed
and for those of you who are informed
about neuropsychoanalysis and if you're
not i strongly suggest that you
should you will learn that emotions
themselves
are conscious it's a separate kind of
conscious to our normal consciousness
but it's faster it's two milliseconds
faster in terms of processing
than the way information is processed in
the cortex down in the limbic system
down in the base of the brain that's
where things start to
happen very very quickly in terms of
forming reactions to traumas and to
stress
this is where complexes come from and
this is where our ideas about
archetypes come from the conscious idea
we have about the representation of
instinct through emotion
and action in culture that produces
these so-called archetypal images
get down to the level of instinct and
emotion and you will sort this out
well steve you were saying about the
emotions being conscious but different
type of consciousness
it's very very strange how we don't know
that yeah i wouldn't toot my own horn
either because it's one of those things
you that you kind of know it's like well
of course we have emotions for a reason
but we like to think it's primal and
pushed away but rossi was the one who
sort of slapped me into shape with that
i was reading him recently
and he's like the the things that you
experience in your body and your
emotions
are akin to signals from the unconscious
because how else would it signal to you
well we know from the union analysis
stuff that dreams are like a signal or a
message to you from the unconscious for
individuation purposes
but so could a headache so could anxiety
so could
a feeling of being scared or a feeling
of being sad it's like what's wrong with
that it's like well therefore you're
right you're right you've got
your cognitive side and then you've got
this other side that's equally as valid
that's trying to talk to the cognitive
side yeah
she's like okay that immediately gives
you so much power to come back because
you've got
in the moment either watching this video
or away you've got a starting point
to be like how am i feeling yeah yeah um
for those guys who are used to thinking
of the conscious and the unconscious
minds
in the more usual way and that's most
people that's no one's fault or problem
as such
the insights gained by
neuropsychoanalysis are enlightening
because most of what we regard as being
conscious is unconscious
and a loss of what we regard as being
unconscious is
actually primary consciousness and the
emotions
are conscious in and of themselves but
this is a real discovery this is not
theory this is something which is
demonstrable scientifically
emotions are the primary basic form of
consciousness
the way that uh professor mark salms
puts it is that you can't have
as such an unconscious feeling
that doesn't mean to say that there are
or there are not
feelings that are not conscious and of
words that the
unconscious feelings don't exist it's
just that you can't receive that without
the form of consciousness
when you are aware of a feeling it is
conscious at that point
the thing is it's always been conscious
and it becomes
conscious with respect to our normal
awareness
at a point of significance and it's
always when we're being impelled
to bring about the proper satisfaction
of a need
of some kind this is why we feel
an emotional impetus to solve problems
out in the environment we're being
impelled to do that
and the emotion itself is delivered by
instinct
and the instinct is under the regulation
of the genome
very often on a timed release mechanism
because of issues like puberty which is
perhaps the clearest example but in
order to get to grips with
how you've been hurt in the past you
have to understand that you were in a
particular emotional state
and a particular developmental state at
the time
that that particular trauma first
started and then if it was reinforced
then you have that occurring
over a timeline there is a level of
consciousness then which is independent
to normal cortical consciousness
which exists before we can think about
it as i mentioned before
and these feelings and instincts imprint
a whole body state with respect
to the the genome as it is at that time
and the anticipation of how you should
be treated so if it's from a caregiver
the anticipation genetically from your
genome
is that this caregiver will meet your
needs properly and the attachment
instinct in you is to bring that about
and
under normal conditions the caregiver
should imprint
reciprocally upon the child and then the
whole situation
is nurtured and cared for properly the
caregiver has all the power
if the caregiver abuses that
relationship for whatever reason
then the instincts which are powering in
from the genome delivering
emotions to imprint attachments at a
particular time
gets affected this is subcortical but
it's already beginning to build what we
would call complexes later on
as that person evolves and develops
through puberty and on into adolescence
then that initial impression starts to
attract other material to it
the kind of things that we can think
about but perhaps we're not
fully conscious of in an ordinary sense
so
i'm sorry if this is too theoretical no
no
but what you need to do then is to
reactivate the whole state that was
involved at the time
when you received that initial
impression
not to go back to being a child a
vulnerable child
that is the key distinction and where a
lot of therapists go wrong is that they
infantilize people
by getting them to reenact childhood in
a cognitive way
that's not the way to do it the way to
do it is to approach
it by activating in consciousness a
bridge
a connection between who you are now and
the state
that received the impression that was
traumatic or problematical for you
once you've got that you can truly
reframe the experience
at an emotional level because you're
directly communicating with the doorway
the portal
to your instincts and therefore your
genome
if you approach it only cognitively
hyper-rationally you'll never get there
if you approach it through fantasy you
won't get there because fantasy is a
distraction
it's a diversion away from direct
contact with what is your real
unconscious mind the real collective
unconscious includes many things
instincts for sure for all of us many
many other categories as well to do
information processing and anticipations
about the environment but instincts
are the primary drivers of our behavior
they have
intentionality and as young himself said
archetypes as he called them were the
self-portrait
of instincts which means instincts
create them
and the portrait by analogy in this case
is an
image there's your archetypal image
and that's something which becomes
conscious instincts when they're
fully mobilized are really conscious in
a normal ego or echocentric way they
just impel us to action
it has to be that way if we had to think
about them
cognitively we'd never get anything done
we get distracted
um off into diversions but when you
connect with an instinct through emotion
and i don't mean by cophasis or
abreaction or freaking out or
primal scream or anything like that i
mean the
conscious aspect of emotion you can
truly begin
to correct for the damage that was done
in the past
and this is why i don't believe in
re-traumatizing people by
infantilizing them saying that our inner
child creating the fantasy of that and
directing it back in time
allegedly you're not touching it you're
not touching the problem
the problem is coded emotionally at the
level of instinct in the genome
that's where you have to go to fix it
there are methods of doing that
there's so much i want to say on that
but quickly on the in a child granted in
biology the idea of an inner child
theoretically it wouldn't get into any
journal ever no one would ever take it
seriously it's like yeah you were once a
child but not anymore your
transcriptomic profile is completely
different than when you were a child
yes so therefore you're not a child
anymore by definition when you're
talking about this sort of affect work
if you like
um done it on myself and i've helped
other people through it it is so
so so powerful it is because someone
like myself will just
bring in typology slightly just for
illustration you could say i'm like a
walking around floating head there's
been a bit of joke on this channel and
with the
with the uh um for a little while now
and you you know i come to you with some
kind of issue like oh
i am i can't fix this or this is going
wrong and you're like
feel it and i'm like oh well
yeah which doesn't work because if you
go straight to your cognitive faculties
you're just asking for complexes to come
in i'll distract you and you know this
is true because every time you approach
a problem
which you might have had for years the
solution's different every time
different complexes will tell you a
different thing well i should go work
more to fix it oh well maybe this this
book will help me ah you just profit
yeah
but the emotion is like i don't know the
emotional profile will vary from person
to person
but when you start to feel that rage
come in or the upset come in
then you you change
psychophysiologically
all your cognitive faculties are blown
out of the water you're not conscious in
that same sense anymore it's like you've
ducked down into something slightly
deeper
that as an introductory exercise so
powerful
yeah you actually you actually lose the
capacity
at that point to think in that way oh
yeah you've just described it's so
refreshing as well yeah
in a weird way yeah yeah but it's
interpreting the signal correctly as
well it's coming up isn't it
that that's got to be important that you
do that accurately
yes yeah that's why i was saying that um
don't just have a catharsis or an ab
reaction
which uh was the way that freud and
breuer dealt with
traumatic memories from childhood for
example where there were emotions
there'd be a ritual purging um
and people feel okay after that just
like dare i say
people who suffer from bulimia can feel
great after they've thrown up
that's a a transitory hormonal response
to the discharge of
of emotion in the moment but it's not
the emotional encoding
of the trauma it's something separate
it's another level of distraction
and it's also potentially damaging
because when you
revivify and you're not actually you're
creating a completely new state
uh through a caphasis or an ab reaction
you are open to impression to suggestion
from the outside
and internally from your own complexes
and what you may find is you just
created more and more layers of
distraction
are you also saying at that point or
implicitly through your action that the
ego has no purpose
in terms of orienting for a problem so
if the ego evolved to do that specific
purpose if you simply give in to emotion
yeah and just release it much for
example you go into a rage state
so you go and scream at everyone that
you have ever met to break away yeah
you've sacrificed the actual
like phylogenetic purpose you want the
egg with that it's a unification
yeah you are i mean that that's really
how freud conceived of uh
diego it was had an executive role of
adaptation to the outer world
and euro psychoanalysis which is an
emergent discipline from within
affective or emotional neuroscience uh
the two leading figures
will be respectively professor mark
zones and the late professor yak pongsep
um they looked at it in that way because
it makes absolute sense biologically it
makes sense clinically
as well and marx alms for example says
that
consciousness essentially in evolved
to deal with an extension of homeostasis
which is balanced within the body
an extension beyond what the body can do
for itself
so it allows you to adapt to the
environment with flexibility
that's the purpose and an evolutionary
sense of consciousness
once it evolves it evolves further and
it's reached its alleged apex in
human beings but one of the problems
with that is that we tend to over
identify with the contents of our
immediate consciousness
and we forget that things are imprinted
at a different layer
it's emotional again though making the
distinction
between emotion as in a catharsis or an
ab reaction
and emotion as in a whole body state
and that whole body which is rossy that
you mentioned
ernest rossi's work is involved with
that
interface between pure psychology and
pure biology it's the interface
that crosses young cycloid boundary the
level of instinct
and straight into the genome where there
are so many controls in place
for like for gene expression and then
obviously through lifespan developments
as well so if you get to that level if
you get to the level of emotional
processing
and understanding you'll find that your
emotions actually
calm down because the pressure on you is
reduced immediately
and as soon as you ask yourself the
question what do my instincts
want from me you can ask yourself real
questions and i don't mean
go out and kill people because i want to
be possessed by rage
and revenge or anything like that it'll
be the instinct to be adapted
the the instinct to optimally develop
yourself this is young's individuation
process
but young didn't bring biology in enough
it was psychologized
and then put into the realm of myth and
fantasy
which are containing vessels for other
things but the real primary drivers are
biological
if you ask yourself with all honesty
where your real pain is
it's in your adaptation through your
lifespan development
it's not in a fantasy it's not the
engagement
say with a computer game but it's
treated as if it is when people start to
go on about archetypes and archetypal
images
those things are unnecessary in terms of
development
and in terms of addressing real issues
within yourself
i'm reminded quickly of um i think this
is a decent example for like the whole
body state
because it also sums up um young men and
potentially mother problems
is working with guys with erectile
dysfunction if you're young with
erectile dysfunction
something's up if you're older you know
your body's older and so naturally
things stop working so well
but when you're young it's like okay is
it biological is it is it medical
usually not
so what is it and then what guys will
then do driven by a
complex dare i say is then they'll turn
towards
nofap and that's getting away from an
argument of whether or not we agree
with that particular philosophy or
lifestyle it's just
something drive you there it's like okay
and then what people do is through nofap
or a 90-day reboot as they call it their
erectile dysfunction comes becomes
the rest of the function goes away and
they can start performing sexually
properly again
and it's like well therefore it was well
pornography calls this through
dopaminergic damage or something where
there's no mechanism known whatsoever
so no no you got your sense of
masculinity back
that was what happened and whether or
not that's a healthy thing in the long
run it's a different question
but it's like you've influenced through
your psychology your biology and
a slight jungian splash on top it's
symbolic like there's more freudian even
it comes back you've got a mythologizing
of dopamine there
and the creation of imaginary
connections which you say actually feed
into other things far better to get into
the other things
and set the distraction aside then
there's a misattribution of things isn't
it
yeah yeah yeah absolutely
so on that idea with the with the nofap
and the um
erectile dysfunction it's like okay what
you've got there is
a man's inability to properly relate to
a woman now
we would be very crude to reverse
engineer that and say it's caused by an
overprotective mother
but it can be caused by an
overprotective mother and that has been
some of my experience both with friends
and with working on the clinical work so
you find a weird paradox that ends up
which is really sad and keeps people
trapped
it's like so i've had issues potentially
with my mother or with something similar
in the past
that then becomes psychobiological and
by confirmation bias
i end up overemptying my masculinity
further and further and further what you
end up doing is you know in these um
communities that i was part of them for
years it's like well we need to do
our cold showers and our walks and our
journey and all this and all this and
working out and everything else it's
like where's where's mentioning of
talking to women
it's actually lens up being pathologized
semen retention is what they call it
independent obviously a spiritual
framework which is where something like
that
would belong but rather i'm getting it's
one of the self-development thing to
hold back
my ejaculation and it's like what you
can see if it is caused in specific
instances
by say an overprotective mother she's
one
she's one and everyone just gives into
it
yeah i don't i don't know what you guys
think about that but that sounds
incredibly sinister to me
well i think it absolutely is and and if
it's
in keeping with what you said earlier
steve really about um
self-help groups of any kind and so much
as often
they um they maintain pathology as well
and um sometimes it it takes someone to
break out of that or break away from
that
frame in order for other people to see
how just how entrapping it is
and you're right to say james you kind
of um
men seem to do this don't they that they
try they almost become a
a caricature of themselves and in an
attempt to to display their masculinity
and uh in the in the process of doing so
they actually
uh lose the very thing that maybe
it it defines them in that way and
um it doesn't like you say it doesn't
solve the problem of relating either
because
uh you know men are supposed to create a
uh
create a vessel for themselves in order
to receive women
then the kind of the rather than being
proactive they're kind of doing it
passively the kind of trying to shape
themselves in such a way that they hope
women will then be attracted to them
i was going to mention that yeah yeah
and then but they're not actually doing
that they're actually
doing the opposite of that and um
that's very sad it's it's very very sad
it is
it's like when you don't psychological
maturity isn't being built
but it's as if you're tacking other
things onto yourself to compensate for
that yes and
i i was there once as well and you know
i've got lots of friends who do that
so there's no like value judgment on
those people but it's like
i'm not a woman i never have been a
woman and probably never will be a woman
but i presume a woman would not find
that kind of thing
optimally attractive to be like well
he's on his nofap and his cold showers
yes i want to beat him you know it's
other things which would be
psychological maturity in the broadest
sense
yeah well in any relationship people
want engagement don't they
that's what surely what relating is all
about whether it's between men and women
or
you know same-sex uh individuals it it's
it's that
feeling that you can connect and you can
have rapport to someone
with someone and there's i mean we've
often
said this steve ourselves haven't we and
we've probably said it to our own son
along the way there are so many ways of
being a man
yes so many of you oh yes so many many
authentic ways of being a man
and they don't all involve going to the
gym and
pumping iron and building yourself up in
that way and uh
appearing to be virtuous by um
repressing you know your your your
sexual needs and so on
i mean it's um it's a kind of um
it's the word i'm looking for it becomes
kind of
uh not sterile there's another word
which probably describes i know you mean
that
yeah but um
i don't know it's just it just strikes
me as being
so devoid of relating of doing
something about something which isn't
really the thing in and of itself
it's symbolic isn't it yes it is
symbolic conversion
yeah like the success of libido
having been in that situation before if
you can actually
i know it appears cognitive at first to
be like this is a good idea to build
myself into a strong man
it's not really if you sit in the moment
and think about it
it's something is compelling you to do
it and usually the cognitive result of
that is i must do it or else i'm not a
man
something like that then you know you're
being driven by something else
there's a complex there that there's an
instinct underneath that wants to come
through
if you look at what's happening and what
you obviously talk about the personal
myth a lot
it's like well the base of that or the
usual deepest layer that you can go to
for for um
um just general practicality is mating
and relating
and it's like if those things aren't in
place but these other things are
what's driving you what's driving this
it's another way to sort of get back
down yeah
instinct again and be like okay wait
what buy his libido or buy her libido
you shall know them yes
it's like so why where's this interest
coming from
and it could well be obviously on topic
of this conversation we've gone off a
little bit of a tangent
but it could well be something like an
overprotective mother or it could be an
absolute father or other
experience yeah that's the depth
psychology way of doing it it is that's
why we've got all of these theories
really um
that have branched off from freud and
joseph breuer who's often forgotten
um the declinings
and the object relations school all of
this has come from something it's come
from real world observation
and we may disagree with some of their
conclusions or some of their emphases
we can't eliminate though the fact that
it's based on real observation of real
people
and that's important and this is one of
the drawbacks of young isn't it paul it
gets too abstract or is the
interpretation of him is that way
with what james was saying then about
how deep you can go
and this idea of individuation you get
this ego self-access idea
um it's not necessary to think in those
terms and it is a distraction and it's
why
paulie and i and particularly me on this
channel anyway
um promote shall we say the idea of the
genomic
self that it is biological in
origin you cannot separate yourself off
from your genome you have no choice
about that it's what you're born with
and its regulation regulates your
psychology
fundamentally can't escape from it your
development biologically
anyone would accept is based on your
genome so why would you separate your
psychology off
and then put in this other entity the
jungian
self as this reified
thing which manages everything it
doesn't the so-called
jungian self is a projection of the
genomic
self in our view in other words it is
the same thing but it's
that thing which stands a chance however
difficult
of being perceived within consciousness
and experienced as a symbol
within the culture that's what it is
it's a psychological experience of a
biological fact
which itself interfaces with culture
so when you bring it back down to the
logos of life
and lifespan as being a biological
release
of your genome and adaptation you
understand yourself better
immediately you don't have to throw away
spirituality so those people who
feel and pauline has often discussed
this uh
with me and pointed this out it's as if
people think or feel
in an inappropriate way that they are
dispensing with spirituality by focusing
on biology
they're not not at all what it means is
that they're too attached to fantasy
when you can ground yourself in biology
you can authentically move forward
this is why we you know i talk about
freud first then ardler
then young so in other words instincts
and biology then social adaptation
and then you can address jungian issues
so-called spiritual and trans-personal
issues
if you don't deal with your biology if
you don't deal with your social and
environmental
aspects of life and adaptation you'll
never have a spiritual life
because life will eliminate you way
before you get there
and if you're lucky and you somehow
navigate your way through to a jungian
level but you've still got a pile of
freudian and adlerian issues
left behind and you're awake they will
come for you so you need to address them
and remember that a lot of jungian talk
conceals freudian and adlerian issues of
adaptation yeah
so important yeah well i was talking to
um a lady yesterday who
um is very
knowledgeable um and all the jungian
ideas she also has a wider understanding
of psychology too
and understands about the model that we
use
but um nonetheless she was
she had reduced everything to psychology
with respect to
understanding and interpreting some of
the difficulties that she's been having
in her own life
and it was the thing that struck me
about it and i think struck her
as well as she was um she was giving
this
um very sort of um
lengthy analysis really of her own
situation i kind of just sat and
listened to her patiently for some time
because
it almost felt that it was necessary for
it to give this exposition
um at the at the by the end of the
session
it was quite clear that it was all
irrelevant and she talked around lots of
things she talked around for and like i
said she was pretty well informed so she
was talking around things like the
animus
around transferential issues um
about complexes etc etc and
at the at the end of the session it got
down to the fact that well she's
she's hit 30. she's in a relationship
with somebody she's not sure whether
it's the right
relationship for her or not um
and the pressure to become a mother the
instinct to become a mother is
is starting to um
well it's been making itself known for
some time but it's starting to increase
in intensity
and she's a career woman and all all of
those things obviously are on her mind
as well and also the relationship
to uh her own mother but also the
the complete lack of transmission
transgenerationally through the female
line for her
about what it means to be a mother
herself
and her early conditioning uh was such
that she was made to feel that she
always had to prove herself and that she
had to go out into the world of work and
prove herself as well and that she had
to be competitive
uh with her siblings and it was as if
she's or she has been for a long time
this kind of constant drive state
and you could you could see um
from her body language and from the the
increased emotionalism
that she was emotionally and physically
exhausted
because she was so driven but at the
very heart of that
the very bottom of all of that was her
need to be a mother
and to do things her own way but she had
no
decent female role models to fall back
on
through which to um uh
to to draw on if you like to to be
nourished by
uh that would allow her to release
her own potential to become a mother and
to do things in her own way
and she said to me at the end of the
session she said well
i really wasn't expecting that i'd i'd
you know i wanted to talk to you because
i wanted to talk to you about
about theoretical issues really and
she had to accept by the end of the
session well that's that's the thing
that's where the pressure
is coming from for her to actualize that
aspect of her
herself and she also said
well i guess the the only way i'm going
to
solve this problem is in the doing of it
and that might not seem like a lot to
say but that's actually quite a profound
thing because
yes she does have to go through it
in order to resolve it and yes she will
hit up against a mother complex and it
will try and interfere
with what she has in mind and and uh
with even just say uh getting to a point
where she gets pregnant
and you know obviously there will be
issues beyond the pregnancy as well
but unless she
goes with that and she fulfills the
obligation
to the genome she will never resolve it
and it just struck her i think in that
moment that that's what she has to do
and the difficulties that she's having
uh
relating to her partners well to some
extent
will be resolved as well by her
by allowing herself to go with that
process because
he was almost parenting her and that was
pushing her into a particular state
where she
in relation to her him she was more of a
child
and i had to say to look if he's allowed
to release his instincts properly
and therefore to father his own children
then the likelihood of him wanting to
father you in in that kind of
almost inappropriate way will probably
fall away as well and so many issues can
be resolved
by as i think we're all saying
by tuning into the instincts and finding
out what they want from us
and find a way of managing them and
managing that process in our everyday
lives
and i i really i really hope that and i
do believe she could be a fantastic
mother
there's no reason why not and the the
going
through with that and the living office
that lived experience
is what ultimately will blow our own
mother complex away
and it will be irrelevant at that point
she needs to go out and be a mother
and be a mother on her own terms in her
own way
with her own experiences and to simply
look out for where her mother complex
might try and intrude on that
but the more she does it and the more
she works on it the less of an issue
will be
i do believe that and uh you know like i
say it was
um it was a bit of an eye-opener i think
too because she hadn't expected that
that was
that was the thing that was really
bothering her
perfect exposition of how practically uh
to look at things from a therapist point
of view uh guiding somebody
who thinks they have a theoretical
problem and has their head full of
in this case it is probably jungian yes
it was yes it was all
animus stuff and typological stuff and
yeah so all the jungian constructs were
there
but getting in the way of her instincts
being expressed properly you can
utilize the theory later it's a luxury
when you're comfortable enough
to do with it but uh right in the raw
when you need to deal with
adaptation you have to go where the
adaptation is or has
not been so far in your life yes so that
was a perfect example
yes outside of uh theoretical rebuttals
which you tend to get from me
i think the the the thing that that
struck me was her own
realization or the the realization that
our psyche
provided in that moment of what she
needed to do that that was
what struck me the most really was that
suddenly
it was summed up for her the way forward
the way out of it and it was it was
clear and it was simple
and uncomplicated and it was
it was um
you could say it was a kind of spiritual
awakening
in a way oh yeah but this is what you've
been saying about the instincts
as being a vehicle yes to spiritual oh
yes
in a way that people don't fully
understand that they can be
i totally agree because it was an
awakening when you have a truly numerous
experience
you're on the side if you like and of
your instincts but also of your genome
that's why you get the rush that's why
the emotions pour through why you feel
better emotionally because your genome
which is watching you all the time
will say that's it that's what you want
yeah that's what you
need if you then replace that
awareness with a whole set of construct
ideas you've lost it yeah
you've dropped it you've dropped the
progress you could have made
don't do that don't do that thank you
for watching this episode of young to
live by
if you haven't already make sure you
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