3 steps to getting what you want in a negotiation | The Way We Work, a TED series

Summary

The video discusses the art of negotiation, emphasizing that it should be viewed as a collaborative dance rather than a combative battle. Successful negotiations require preparation, including thorough research on realistic asks and understanding company policies. It highlights the importance of emotional management during negotiations, advocating for defensive pessimism and emotional distancing to navigate feelings. Lastly, the speaker encourages empathy by considering the other party's perspective and balancing assertiveness with concern for their needs. By fostering understanding and seeking win-win solutions, negotiators can achieve better outcomes.

Takeaways

• 💃 Negotiation should be viewed as a dance rather than a battle, focusing on collaboration rather than conflict.
• 🔍 Thorough preparation is essential for successful negotiations, including research on realistic requests and outcomes.
• 💰 When negotiating salary, base your ask on industry standards instead of past salaries to ensure fairness.
• 🏠 For less straightforward requests, like remote work, understand company policies and potential impacts on the team.
• 🧠 Adopt a mindset of defensive pessimism to prepare for obstacles and manage emotions during negotiations.
• 🧘‍♂️ Practice emotional distancing to detach your self-worth from the negotiation outcome and reduce stress.
• ⏸️ It’s okay to take a break if emotions run high; stepping back can provide clarity and perspective.
• 👟 Put yourself in the other person's shoes to anticipate their needs and challenges, fostering empathy in the negotiation.
• 📢 Balance assertiveness with concern for the other party's perspective to create win-win solutions.
• 👂 Listening actively and asking clarifying questions can lead to better understanding and unexpected opportunities.

Q & A

What is the common misconception about negotiations?

Many people view negotiations as a battle with winners and losers, believing they must be tough and dominate the other party.

How should we ideally approach negotiations?

Negotiations should be approached as a dance, where both parties move fluidly in sync, focusing on building a relationship rather than dominating.

What are some examples of negotiations that occur at work?

At work, negotiations can involve higher pay, promotions, vacation time, and greater autonomy.

What is the importance of preparation in negotiations?

Being well-prepared helps avoid misunderstandings and increases the likelihood of achieving a positive outcome.

What should one research before entering a salary negotiation?

It's important to research the salary range for similar roles, considering industry reports and networking to understand what is realistic.

What strategies can help manage emotions during negotiations?

Adopting a mindset of defensive pessimism and practicing emotional distancing can help manage feelings like fear and anxiety during negotiations.

How can understanding the other person's perspective improve negotiations?

Anticipating the other party's needs and challenges helps in balancing assertiveness with empathy, leading to better communication and potential win-win solutions.

What should you do if you feel upset during a negotiation?

It's okay to take a step back and request to pause the negotiation to gather your thoughts and emotions.

What kind of language can help convey concern for the other party during negotiations?

Using phrases like, 'I’m asking for this because I know it’s good for my team,' can show ambition while also demonstrating care for the other party's needs.

What are some common causes of missteps in negotiations?

Missteps often stem from misunderstandings rather than actual disagreements, highlighting the importance of active listening and asking clarifying questions.