How I Learned To Go To A Bar Alone And Meet Women

Summary

The video shares a strategy for overcoming approach anxiety when going out alone to meet women at bars. The creator, who struggled with this anxiety, developed a process to build confidence and have fun solo. It starts with social warm-ups, such as calling a friend and having small conversations before entering the bar. The key is to make the first approach quickly, then find a group of friendly women to be 'temporary friends' for the night, boosting confidence and motivation. This approach leads to enjoyable nights and successful interactions.

Takeaways

• 😬 Going out to bars alone and approaching women can be intimidating, especially for those with approach anxiety.
• 🤔 The speaker emphasizes that relying on friends for social interactions is not always ideal, especially if friends are in relationships or also anxious.
• 💡 He developed a strategy for going out alone to have fun and meet women, which took a few months to evolve.
• 📉 Initially, the experience of going out alone was uncomfortable, leading to low energy and unsuccessful interactions.
• 🔥 Step 1: Get socially warmed up by talking to friends or strangers before entering the bar to elevate your social energy.
• ⚡ Step 2: Get the first approach out of the way immediately upon entering the bar to prevent anxiety from building up.
• 🎉 Step 3: Find a group of friendly women and ask them for help in meeting new people, positioning yourself as non-predatory and sincere.
• 💪 Being upfront and honest about going out alone can create positive reactions, leading to fun interactions with new groups.
• 👫 The strategy also works because groups of women are often enthusiastic about helping a solo guy meet others, increasing his chances of success.
• 🏆 This approach has resulted in the speaker having more enjoyable nights and sometimes even being set up with other women by the groups he meets.

Q & A

What is the main challenge the speaker faces when going to a bar alone?

The speaker struggles with approach anxiety, especially when it comes to talking to women in bars. He finds it difficult to go out alone and feels self-conscious about it.

How does the speaker initially feel when walking into a bar alone?

The speaker feels as though everyone is looking at him, which makes him uncomfortable. He feels emotionally flat and unable to bring a positive vibe to interactions, leading to awkward or failed attempts at talking to women.

What realization motivates the speaker to find a strategy for going out alone?

The speaker realizes that he cannot always rely on his friends to meet women, especially if they are in relationships or have their own fears of approaching women. This motivates him to create a strategy for going out alone successfully.

What is the first step in the speaker’s strategy for going out alone?

The first step is to get socially warmed up by talking to someone, like a friend or family member, before going to the bar. This helps the speaker become more social and increases his energy.

Why does the speaker recommend having a short conversation with strangers before entering the bar?

The speaker recommends chatting with strangers, such as at a corner store or with people at traffic lights, to further warm up socially. This helps the speaker get into a positive, conversational mood before entering the bar.

What is step two of the speaker’s strategy, and why is it important?

Step two is to make the first approach as soon as the speaker enters the bar. The purpose is not to succeed with the first interaction but to get rid of the initial anxiety that builds up when delaying approaching someone.

What is the speaker's secret to making going out alone successful?

The speaker’s secret is finding a group of women in a good mood and approaching them to make friends. Instead of hitting on them, he explains that he’s out alone and needs some friends to help him meet women, which usually works well and makes the night more fun.

Why does the speaker prefer not to target attractive women when looking for a group to approach?

The speaker emphasizes that the women’s appearance is irrelevant. He advises approaching a happy, friendly group of women rather than focusing on their attractiveness, as this is about building rapport and enjoying the night.

What are some positive outcomes the speaker has experienced using this strategy?

The speaker mentions that groups of women are often excited to help him meet other women, and sometimes they go as far as introducing him or even promoting his qualities. On several occasions, women have taken his number and tried to set him up with their single friends.

Why does the speaker believe this strategy works better than going out with male friends?

The speaker believes this strategy works better because he doesn’t have to deal with the nervousness of his male friends, which can be contagious. Instead, he feels supported and motivated by the women he befriends, which enhances his emotional state.