2183 - Charles Duhigg on 3 Ways to Be a Supercommunicator

Summary

In this interview, Charles Duhigg, author of 'The Power of Habit' and 'Smarter Faster Better,' discusses his new book 'Super Communicators' and how anyone can unlock the secret language of connection. He emphasizes the importance of truly connecting with others through deep questions, active listening, and reciprocal authenticity. Duhigg highlights that being a super communicator transcends cultural and language barriers, focusing on human principles and the desire to connect.

Takeaways

• 📚 Charles Duhigg is the author of 'The Power of Habit' and 'Smarter Faster Better', and a staff writer at The New Yorker.
• 🏆 Duhigg won a Pulitzer Prize for explanatory reporting in 2013 and has appeared on various media platforms including NPR and Frontline.
• 🌟 His new book, 'Super Communicators', explores how to unlock the secret language of connection.
• 🤝 Connection is a superpower that can be developed through practice and habit formation.
• 🧠 The匹配原则 highlights the importance of having the same kind of conversation at the same moment for effective communication.
• 🗣️ There are three types of conversations: practical, emotional, and social. Understanding these helps in connecting better with others.
• 🔍 Duhigg's research found that good communicators ask deep questions that reveal values, beliefs, or experiences.
• 💡 To become a super communicator, practice active listening and prove your engagement by looping for understanding.
• 🌐 The principles of good communication are universal across cultures, but their expressions may vary.
• 📈 A study from Harvard Business School suggests that preparing conversation topics can reduce anxiety in interactions.
• 💖 Building deep connections is crucial for a satisfying and meaningful life, and it requires intentional investment.

Q & A

What is the main focus of Charles Duhigg's new book, 'Super Communicators'?

The main focus of Charles Duhigg's new book, 'Super Communicators', is to explore how to unlock the secret language of connection and improve our ability to communicate and connect with others.

How does Charles Duhigg define a 'super communicator'?

A 'super communicator' is someone who is exceptionally good at connecting with others, regardless of how much or little they have in common. This ability is not innate but can be developed through practice and forming certain habits.

What are the three types of conversations that Charles Duhigg mentions in the transcript?

The three types of conversations are practical conversations (making plans or solving problems), emotional conversations (talking about feelings and seeking empathy), and social conversations (discussing social identities and how we relate to each other and society).

What is the 'matching principle' in psychology?

The 'matching principle' in psychology states that in order to truly hear each other and connect, we need to be having the same kind of conversation at the same moment. This means aligning our conversations to understand each other better.

How does Charles Duhigg suggest we become better communicators?

Charles Duhigg suggests becoming better communicators by asking more questions, particularly deep questions that explore values, beliefs, and experiences; proving we're listening through looping for understanding; and investing in connections by setting time aside to nurture relationships.

What does the Harvard study of adult development reveal about the importance of connections?

The Harvard study of adult development reveals that having a small handful of close connections by the age of 45 is the best predictor of being healthy, happy, and successful at age 65. This emphasizes the importance of cultivating and maintaining strong relationships throughout our lives.

How does Charles Duhigg recommend handling conversations in different cultures?

Charles Duhigg recommends recognizing that while the basic principles of communication are universal, they may be expressed differently across cultures. He advises learning the cultural rules and nuances of a particular culture to communicate effectively and connect with people from diverse backgrounds.

What is the significance of asking deep questions in a conversation?

Asking deep questions in a conversation allows individuals to share their values, beliefs, and experiences, leading to a more meaningful and authentic exchange. It fosters reciprocal authenticity and vulnerability, which helps people feel closer and more connected.

How can we overcome anxiety in conversations?

To overcome anxiety in conversations, Charles Duhigg suggests taking a moment before the conversation to think about topics that might come up or questions to ask. Having these talking points can provide a sense of confidence and reduce anxiety, even if they are not directly used during the conversation.

What advice does Charles Duhigg give for non-native English speakers to become super communicators?

Charles Duhigg advises non-native English speakers to focus on being curious, asking questions, listening, and showing a genuine desire to connect with others. He emphasizes that being a super communicator is not about fluency or perfect grammar but about the ability to engage and connect meaningfully with people, regardless of the language used.