Unmasking masculinity -- helping boys become connected men | Ryan McKelley | TEDxUWLaCrosse

Summary

The speaker discusses the importance of emotional connection, particularly for men and boys, highlighting how societal norms often suppress their emotional expression. He uses historical examples and personal stories to illustrate the negative impacts of masking emotions and argues for the redefinition of masculinity to include vulnerability and openness. The talk concludes with a call to action for individuals to embrace vulnerability and courage in their daily lives to foster deeper connections.

Takeaways

• 😐 **Emotional Masking**: Men are often socialized to mask their emotions, leading to a disconnection with their own feelings and others.
• 👥 **Importance of Connection**: The presenter emphasizes the significance of social connectedness for mental and physical health.
• 👶 **Early Emotional Development**: Infant boys are naturally expressive, but societal norms often suppress this as they grow older.
• 🚹 **Gendered Emotional Expression**: Cultural norms dictate that men should primarily express anger, contempt, and pride, while women are allowed a wider range of emotions.
• 🧠 **Emotional Awareness**: Suppressing emotions can lead to a decreased ability to detect and respond to emotional cues in oneself and others.
• 🌐 **Social Isolation and Health**: Social isolation is a significant risk factor for cardiovascular disease, highlighting the importance of social connection.
• 🔄 **Turning Points**: Personal and professional turning points can lead to a shift in perspective and approach to emotional expression and connection.
• 👨‍⚕️ **Therapeutic Journey**: The presenter shares a client's journey from emotional suppression to expression, illustrating the benefits of vulnerability.
• 👨‍👧 **Personal Reflection**: The presenter reflects on personal experiences with emotional expression and the missed opportunities for connection.
• 🌟 **Cultural Shift**: Small changes in behavior and attitude can lead to a broader cultural shift towards accepting emotional vulnerability in men.
• 💪 **Call to Action**: The presenter encourages the audience to take small risks to be more vulnerable and emotionally open to foster deeper connections.

Q & A

What is the main theme of the talk?

The main theme of the talk is the exploration of connections between masculinity and social connectedness, and how societal norms affect men's emotional expression.

Why does the speaker mention the historical experiment involving infants conducted by Holy Roman Emperor Frederick II?

The speaker mentions the experiment to illustrate the importance of social connection for survival and healthy development, as the infants who were denied social interaction died within weeks.

What does the speaker suggest about the emotional expressiveness of infant boys compared to infant girls?

The speaker suggests that infant boys are actually more expressive in both range and intensity than infant girls.

What changes occur in boys' emotional expression as they age?

As boys age, particularly around the age of six, their emotional expression starts to diverge from girls, and they become more restricted in their emotional display.

What is the 'male emotional funnel system' referred to in the script?

The 'male emotional funnel system' is a concept suggesting that men are socialized to suppress a wide range of vulnerable emotions and express primarily anger and aggression.

What role does the speaker believe emotional suppression plays in men's social connections?

The speaker believes that emotional suppression impairs men's ability to connect with their own emotional states and with others, leading to less compassion and joy in their lives.

What is the professional turning point the speaker shares about his work with a male client?

The professional turning point is when the speaker realizes the importance of helping men connect with their emotions after witnessing a client break down after 25 years of not crying.

What personal experience does the speaker recount to highlight the challenges of emotional vulnerability for men?

The speaker recounts a personal experience where he almost hid his tears from his daughter, reflecting on the missed opportunity to model emotional vulnerability for her.

What two simple tips does the speaker suggest to help men become more emotionally open?

The speaker suggests eliminating phrases that enforce gendered emotional norms and redefining what it means to be courageous by embracing vulnerability.

What is the speaker's final message to the audience?

The speaker's final message is to encourage the audience to be courageous, be vulnerable, and take small risks to make deeper connections in their lives.

How does the speaker use the anecdote about the boys trick-or-treating to illustrate his point?

The speaker uses the anecdote to show that boys can naturally express care and concern for each other, challenging the stereotype that men must suppress emotions to be strong.