Belonging is not about fitting in | Lola Adeyemo | TEDxTemecula

Summary

The speaker shares her journey of belonging, from her childhood in Nigeria to her adult life in the United States. She discusses the challenges of fitting in as an immigrant, a woman, and a person of color in corporate America, and how she learned to embrace her identity to find a sense of belonging. The narrative encourages embracing one's unique identity and influencing others positively towards belonging.

Takeaways

• 🏡 The speaker's childhood in Nigeria was filled with family, fun, and a strong sense of community.
• 🍲 Cooking and sharing meals was a central part of family and community life, with an open-door policy for visitors.
• 🌐 Growing up, the speaker was exposed to international news, which contrasted with their personal experience of belonging.
• 📚 The speaker's father's education abroad inspired their own aspirations to study overseas.
• 🗽 Moving to the United States for graduate school was a significant transition, marked by feelings of excitement and support from the school.
• 🛒 An early experience of cultural disconnect was felt when the speaker couldn't communicate their needs to a store employee, highlighting the challenges of being an outsider.
• 🏫 The speaker found a sense of belonging within the international student community at their university.
• 💼 Transitioning to corporate America after graduation was difficult, with the speaker facing biases related to their foreign background.
• 🌍 The realization that fitting in often meant suppressing their identity to meet societal expectations was a painful lesson.
• 🔄 A pivotal moment of belonging was experienced at a diverse professional conference, which challenged the speaker's need to conform.
• 💭 The speaker concludes by emphasizing the universal human desire for belonging and the importance of embracing one's identity.

Q & A

What does the author associate with the word 'belonging'?

The author associates 'belonging' with family, fun, celebration, community, and a sense of being part of a place where one is accepted.

What was the author's childhood like in Nigeria?

The author's childhood in Nigeria was filled with family, fun, celebrations, and a strong sense of community. The author's father had a fun personality and was sociable, and the family often hosted gatherings and cooked together.

How did the author's father influence the sense of community in their home?

The author's father was sociable and had a welcoming personality, which naturally drew people towards him. He would sit in the backyard in the evenings, attracting friends and neighbors to stop by, contributing to a strong sense of community.

What was the significance of the gate at the author's home?

The gate at the author's home was always open, symbolizing a welcoming environment. The creaking sound it made when pushed indicated to the family that someone was coming, and guests typically entered through the kitchen door.

What was the author's experience when trying to find powdered milk in a U.S. grocery store?

The author had a negative experience when trying to find powdered milk in a U.S. grocery store. Despite asking for help, they were met with a bland look and lack of response, making them feel self-conscious and different.

How did the author's experience in the U.S. differ from their sense of belonging in Nigeria?

In Nigeria, the author felt a strong sense of belonging and community. In contrast, in the U.S., they experienced feelings of being different and not fitting in, particularly due to their accent and foreign background.

What challenges did the author face when trying to enter the American workplace?

The author faced challenges such as automatic denials from employers due to their foreign name and work experience. They had to update their resume to indicate that they did not require visa sponsorship.

What did the author learn about fitting in during their corporate career?

The author learned to be less of an immigrant, adapt to being a woman and a black person in the corporate workplace, and to control their reactions to jokes or comments that might be offensive.

How did the author's experience at a global conference in Atlanta differ from their usual workplace?

At the global conference in Atlanta, the author felt embraced and part of a community of diverse black professionals, which was a rarity in their professional STEM field. This experience made them feel a sense of belonging.

What is the author's definition of 'true belonging'?

The author defines 'true belonging' as a bi-directional sense of being part of something and being accepted, which involves embracing one's own identity and not just fitting in.

What is the author's call to action for others regarding the concept of belonging?

The author calls for everyone to check their assumptions, learn about others, and be aware of how their words and actions can impact others' sense of belonging. It's about embracing all identities and influencing positively on others' journeys to belonging.