Belonging, A Critical Piece of Diversity, Equity & Inclusion | Carin Taylor | TEDxSonomaCounty

Summary

The speaker shares a personal story about unconscious bias and how it inspired a lifelong dedication to fostering belonging in diverse spaces. They emphasize that belonging is unique for each individual, driven by factors like psychological safety, empathy, and acceptance. The speaker introduces a framework called 'VIBE' (Value, Inclusion, Belonging, Equity) to create inclusive environments where people can thrive. They encourage others to cultivate belonging in their circles, highlighting that when these conditions are met, individuals can flourish and contribute more effectively.

Takeaways

• 🤔 Unconscious bias can affect everyone, including those who are often judged themselves.
• 🙌 Belonging is deeply personal and varies for each individual based on their unique experiences.
• 💡 Psychological safety is essential for people to feel valued and share their true selves in any environment.
• 🤝 Empathy, compassion, and care are crucial in fostering a sense of belonging in communities and workplaces.
• 💪 Belonging isn't a passive experience; individuals must also lean in and communicate their needs for belonging.
• ✅ Acceptance of one’s authentic best self helps build a sense of belonging and inclusion.
• 🔗 Connection to others and a greater purpose is vital for fostering belonging and ensuring everyone feels wanted.
• ❤️ Feeling embraced, valued, and appreciated is an important component of belonging.
• 🌟 When conditions for belonging are in place, people are more creative, energetic, and driven to contribute.
• 🚀 Belonging enables individuals to thrive and change their environment for the better, promoting positive change in groups.

Q & A

What initial experience made the speaker realize the impact of unconscious bias?

The speaker realized the impact of unconscious bias after attending a sales conference where she judged a white male executive's talk on diversity. Later, she learned that the executive was gay, which made her reflect on how she had judged him based on appearance, just as others had judged her throughout her life.

What lesson did the speaker learn from her experience with unconscious bias?

The speaker learned that she had been doing to others what people had done to her all her life — judging based on appearance. This led her to commit to never making another person feel undervalued because of what they looked like.

Why does the speaker emphasize the importance of belonging in the workplace?

The speaker believes that belonging is crucial because it fosters a positive employee experience, helping people thrive, feel valued, and be more productive in their roles. Belonging creates an environment where people can bring their authentic best selves to work.

What is the speaker’s framework for addressing belonging in the workplace?

The speaker developed a framework called VIBE, which stands for Value, Inclusion, Belonging, and Equity. This framework aims to foster a culture of belonging in workplaces.

What mistake did the speaker make when initially trying to define belonging?

The speaker’s mistake was trying to find a single, universal definition of belonging for everyone. She learned that belonging means different things to different people, and what makes one person feel like they belong may not work for others.

What are the five basic conditions for creating a sense of belonging, according to the speaker?

The five basic conditions for belonging are psychological safety, empathy, acceptance, connection, and feeling embraced.

Why is psychological safety important for belonging?

Psychological safety is crucial because it fosters trust, allowing people to share their feelings without fear of judgment. It creates an environment where people feel comfortable being open and honest, contributing to a sense of belonging.

How does the speaker describe the role of empathy in creating belonging?

The speaker emphasizes that empathy, care, and compassion are essential in creating belonging, especially after the challenges of recent years. Leaders and colleagues need to show genuine concern for each other's well-being.

What does the speaker mean by 'authentic best self' in the context of belonging?

The speaker encourages bringing one's 'authentic best self' to work, meaning the parts of a person that contribute positively to the workplace. She clarifies that not every aspect of one’s 'whole self' is appropriate for the workplace, but the best, most productive aspects should be welcomed.

What can individuals do to enhance their sense of belonging when the five conditions are in place?

Individuals can take proactive steps to change their environment by introducing themselves to colleagues, expressing their needs, and contributing positively to interactions. By doing so, they help create a more inclusive environment and influence others to be more open and welcoming.

Outlines

00:00

🤔 Personal Bias and Realization of Belonging

The speaker begins by sharing a personal story about unconscious bias during a sales conference. She recalls her frustration listening to a white male executive discuss diversity, only to learn that he was gay, which highlighted her own biases. This experience led her to reflect on how she had been judged based on her appearance and how she, in turn, had started judging others. This realization sparked her passion for belonging and shaped her work in diversity and inclusion.

05:01

🌍 The Complexity of Belonging

The speaker explains that 'belonging' is subjective and differs for everyone. She shares personal examples of feeling like she belongs, such as not being judged for her hairstyle or tattoos, and being shown empathy after a traumatic event. She emphasizes that belonging is a two-way street and requires active participation. The speaker notes that it's essential to understand one's own sense of belonging and communicate what makes them feel included.

10:02

💡 The Five Conditions for Belonging

The speaker introduces the five key conditions necessary for fostering a sense of belonging: psychological safety, empathy, acceptance, connection, and feeling embraced. These conditions create an environment where people feel valued, safe to express themselves, and respected for their individuality. She highlights how these elements enable creativity, engagement, and thriving in a workplace. Without them, individuals can experience psychological harm, trauma, and isolation.

15:04

👐 The Power to Change Belonging

The speaker concludes by stressing that individuals have the power to change the status quo around belonging. She contrasts two scenarios—one where a person is welcomed and another where they are ignored—to illustrate how inclusion fosters engagement. By taking proactive steps to connect with others, individuals can influence their own sense of belonging and positively impact their environment. The speaker urges the audience to create the conditions of belonging in their circles to help others thrive.

Keywords

💡Belonging

Belonging refers to the feeling of being accepted and valued as part of a group. In the video, the speaker emphasizes that belonging is a deeply personal experience, varying from person to person. It involves more than just being included; it’s about feeling genuinely wanted and connected in an environment. For example, the speaker shares how different experiences, like showing up with braids or being acknowledged after a traumatic event, can foster that sense of belonging.

💡Unconscious Bias

Unconscious bias refers to the automatic judgments we make about others based on their appearance or other superficial traits, often without realizing it. The speaker recounts a personal story of confronting her own unconscious bias when she initially judged a white male executive based on his appearance, only to later discover that he was gay. This moment of realization becomes a pivotal part of her understanding of bias and belonging.

💡Psychological Safety

Psychological safety is a condition in which individuals feel comfortable expressing their thoughts and emotions without fear of judgment or retaliation. In the context of the video, it is highlighted as a foundational element for creating a sense of belonging, especially in the workplace. Without psychological safety, people experience emotional and mental trauma, which hinders their ability to thrive.

💡Empathy

Empathy involves understanding and sharing the feelings of another person. The speaker stresses the importance of empathy, especially in the last few years, as critical to fostering belonging. She explains that caring and compassion towards others, especially in moments of vulnerability or difference, are key to building inclusive environments where everyone feels accepted.

💡Authentic Best Self

The 'authentic best self' refers to the version of oneself that is true and genuine but also respectful and positive. The speaker differentiates between bringing one’s 'whole self' versus one’s 'authentic best self' to work. She argues that while certain aspects of a person might be best kept private, everyone should feel safe to express their authentic best self in the workplace without fear of judgment.

💡Connection

Connection is about building relationships and feeling a sense of attachment or relevance within a group or community. The speaker explains that feeling connected, both to people and to a bigger purpose, is essential for fostering belonging. She uses the example of walking into a meeting and being acknowledged versus being ignored to illustrate how connection impacts a person's sense of belonging.

💡Inclusion

Inclusion means creating an environment where all individuals feel valued and respected, regardless of their differences. The speaker has worked in the diversity and inclusion space for years and explains that while inclusion is important, it does not automatically equate to belonging. Inclusion lays the groundwork, but the personal feeling of being embraced and accepted is what truly leads to belonging.

💡Equity

Equity is about ensuring fair treatment, opportunities, and advancement for all people, while striving to identify and eliminate barriers that have prevented the full participation of some groups. In the speaker's structure 'VIBE' (Value, Inclusion, Belonging, and Equity), equity ensures that everyone has the opportunity to thrive in a just environment. It goes hand-in-hand with the speaker's goal of creating workplaces where belonging is possible for all.

💡Judgment

Judgment refers to the assumptions and conclusions we make about others based on their appearance, background, or behavior. The speaker recalls how she judged the executive simply based on his appearance, only to later realize her error. She reflects on how this mirrors the way she has been judged throughout her life and the importance of moving beyond superficial judgments to foster true belonging.

💡Vulnerability

Vulnerability in this context refers to the openness to expose one’s true feelings and experiences in an environment where one feels safe. The speaker shares moments of vulnerability, such as her emotional breakdown after realizing she judged someone based on appearance. She advocates for creating spaces where people feel safe enough to be vulnerable, as this is key to fostering psychological safety and belonging.

Highlights

The speaker asks if anyone has ever felt like they didn't belong, followed by asking if they've ever made someone else feel the same way.

The speaker shares a personal story about feeling alienated at a sales conference where she was one of the few women and the only African-American woman, while the topic was diversity.

The speaker realizes her own unconscious bias when she dismisses the speaker at the conference based on his appearance, only to learn he is gay.

After reflecting on her experience, the speaker commits to never making another person feel undervalued based on their appearance.

The speaker explains how this experience inspired her to explore the importance of belonging and its relevance in diversity work.

The speaker introduces the idea of belonging as a critical part of diversity and inclusion, which led her to create the framework VIBE: Value, Inclusion, Belonging, and Equity.

She emphasizes that belonging cannot be defined the same way for everyone, as it is different for each individual depending on their unique experiences.

One example of belonging for the speaker is being able to wear braids or natural hair at work without feeling judged or alienated.

The speaker highlights that belonging is a two-way street and individuals must also actively communicate what makes them feel like they belong.

The five conditions for belonging include psychological safety, empathy, acceptance, connection, and feeling embraced.

The speaker explains psychological safety as creating an environment where people feel trusted and safe to express their emotions, good or bad.

Empathy and compassion are essential in leadership, especially after the challenges of recent years.

The speaker emphasizes the importance of acceptance for our 'authentic best selves,' explaining that there are parts of our personality we leave at home.

Connection involves not only being connected to people and a purpose, but also feeling wanted in a group or workplace.

The speaker closes by urging listeners to actively create conditions for belonging in their circles, emphasizing that when people feel they belong, they thrive and soar.

Transcripts

[Music]

thank you

i have an important question has anyone

out there ever felt like they didn't

belong

almost everybody's raising their hands i

have another important question has

anyone out there

ever made someone else feel like they

didn't belong

i certainly have and i'll start there i

was at a sales conference once it was a

sales conference about 300 people in the

room

i'm one of about 10 women

i'm one of two african-americans and i'm

the only african-american woman in the

room

and the topic of conversation that day

just happened to be diversity

so i remembered sitting in the front row

and

i remembered steam coming out of my ears

because i'm sitting there looking at

this typical white male executive talk

about diversity and i sat there thinking

you are going to talk to me about

diversity

no that's not going to happen

so as i was sitting there i couldn't

receive this person's message i mean as

a matter of fact today i have no idea

what that conversation was even about

but i do know that i couldn't receive

his message and i'm a really curious

person so during a break i walked up and

i said mike you know what i really can't

receive your message and he said why not

and i said because of what you look like

and he said i'm gay

it was the first time that unconscious

bias really hit me upside the head but i

really didn't understand the impact of

that story until i got home later that

evening i was sitting down i was about

to take my first bite of food and i

burst into tears

because what i realized

is what i had done to mike

people had been doing to me my entire

life

they had been judging me simply by what

i look like and i in turn had started to

do that to other people

it was that day that i said i would

never make another person feel

undervalued for who they were simply

because of what they look like

and i share that story with you because

it's what drives me around this topic of

belonging and it's actually what spurred

me to start to think about the

importance of why the notion of

belonging really mattered to people

so i want to talk a little bit about

that so a few years ago and by the way

i've been doing diversity work for a

really long time about 15 20 years

and a few years ago there was a new

topic that was or a new term that was

actually introduced into the diversity

arena and it was this term called

belonging and i was super excited

because i felt that as we were talking

about inclusion and diversity there was

something that was missing and for me it

was belonging and now i finally knew

exactly what it was

and so

i wanted to go and find the secret sauce

of belonging because what i thought

because i wanted to solve problems for

the world and i thought that if i could

solve for belonging for all people and

find that secret sauce i could help to

transform

corporations and workplaces and cultures

and i could ensure that every single

person in the workplace

had a really positive employee

experience

i was so excited about this word

belonging i created a whole structure

around it it's called vibe

value inclusion belonging and equity for

all that's a talk for another day

and so as i sought to actually find this

common definition of belonging i thought

if i can just solve for belonging for

the entire world i'll kind of have that

secret secret size i'll bottle it up

maybe make some t-shirts maybe some cool

tennis shoes or mugs or something maybe

make a couple of dollars

um and so i went on the search to find

the common definition a common

definition that could apply for

everybody around the world didn't matter

what your race was your gender your

physical ability your sexual orientation

whether or not you were an immigrant it

really didn't matter this thing called

belonging was going to be the best thing

for everybody

so as i search for this common

definition i will admit that was my

first big mistake

let me tell you some lessons that i

learned as i was going along this

journey of belonging and i was trying to

discover this for myself

the first thing is that there are five

basic conditions that must be in place

for just about each and every one of us

to feel like we belong there are five

things that i feel must be in place for

me

and i'll share those five things in a

few minutes

the second thing that i learned and it

was a huge mistake and that was trying

to define belonging in a single way for

all people i couldn't do that because

belonging means different things to

different people what makes me feel like

i belong doesn't necessarily make you or

you or you feel like you belong

belonging is different for each and

every one of us so some things that make

me feel like i belong

one of those things is i can walk into

work one day sporting my braids and i

can walk in the next day with my natural

hair and people not look at me like i'm

an alien

because that's actually happened before

or people gloss over me because they're

afraid to say something because i've

changed my appearance a little bit

right

but when i can come in and do that that

makes me feel like i can belong

or when i go into an executive meeting

and i roll up my sleeves because it's a

hot day and i want to show off my tattoo

i don't want to be judged for my tattoo

because my tattoo is special to me it

means something really important to me

and i don't want to hide that part of me

another thing that could make me feel

like i belong

is if i walk into work after a traumatic

event has happened within my community

and one of my workmates leans in and

says hey

how are you today

that makes me feel like i belong now

those might not be the things that make

you feel like you belong but one of the

important things that i also found was

that belonging is a two-way street and

what i mean by that is we have to

understand our own sense of belonging

belonging isn't something that we can

sit back and have something done to us

we must participate and in order to do

that you must know who you are as an

individual in order to feel in or in

order for you to be able to articulate

what makes you have a sense of belonging

those conditions those five conditions

that i talked about which i'm going to

talk about in a minute those must be in

place and that must be what other people

do but you must also lean in and be able

to tell people what it's going to take

for you to feel like you belong

because as i said it's different for

every one of us

the other thing that i discovered about

belonging is that when those five

conditions are in place and i still

don't feel like i belong the power is in

my hands i am the decision maker around

how i can actually turn the tables and

ensure that i do feel like i belong and

i want to share some tools and tips for

that as well and then lastly and this is

the most important thing and this is

what my talk is all about and that is if

you want people to thrive

create the conditions for belonging

these are the five tenets or conditions

that i talked about the first one is

psychological safety psychological

safety must be in place because that

that's what drives that sense of trust

for us in the workplace or in the

communities that we are in or at our

church or at our synagogue or even on a

team that we are on that's psychological

safety that place where i can actually

share how i'm feeling regardless of how

i'm feeling the environment is such that

people are going to welcome how i'm

feeling whether or not it's good or bad

they're willing to listen to the

experiences that i have

and they're willing to they're willing

to lean in to understanding those

experiences as well psychological safety

must be in place

the second thing is empathy if we

haven't learned anything over the last

couple of years it is that empathy and

care and compassion needs to stand tall

when we are leading other people and

when we are engaging with other people

we've got to go back to that sense of

care about one another and in some cases

we've actually lost our place there but

empathy that care that compassion has to

be in place for most of us as well

acceptance is the next thing we need to

be accepted for our out for our

authentic cells

and i use our authentic cells and our

authentic best selves

for a reason not our authentic whole

selves because there is a thing about

bringing our whole self to work right

there are parts of me that should be

kept in the closet that we actually

don't want to come out and when karen

wants to be me nasty karen taylor on a

monday

my colleagues shouldn't have to deal

with that that person gets to stay at

home but my authentic best self that's

the person that we want to show up every

single day because that's a person who's

going to who's going to help us thrive

in the workplace as well

the next one is about connection and

connection is about a couple of things

it's about being connected to the people

it's about being connected to a bigger

purpose

but for me this connection was even more

so about feeling wanted

people wanted me to be in that room that

is an important element of belonging for

me to feel that connection with other

people regardless of how i am feeling

that particular day

that need for connection in all of us is

something that is prevalent when you are

building a culture of belonging

and then lastly

the notion of feeling embraced and some

people think embraced hmm but think

about this think about what it feels

like when you get that big warm warm

embrace from someone that really loves

you you feel valued you feel respected

you feel appreciated and that's critical

when it comes to belonging

so these things are really important for

just about any single person to feel

like they belong

but the important thing is when these

things are at play this is when your

energy level rises this is when you lean

in at the table this is when your

creativity and your innovation thrives

this is when you want to be at the table

and people want to hear your voice

because it's infectious the way that

you're showing up

okay that's what that feeling of

belonging is all about because when

these things are not in place you can't

have a feeling of belonging when

psychological safety is not in place

psychological harm is and when

psychological harm is that place

emotional and mental trauma is actually

playing out as well no one can thrive or

feel like they belong when they're being

traumatized

right similarly if you feel disconnected

how can you actually feel like you can

thrive or like you can belong if you

feel disconnected from people and

purpose

right if you're not

appreciated

and respected

for your contributions as a person and

as an individual

how are you going to feel

like you belong

so as long as these things are in place

we all have an opportunity to feel like

we belong because

when the opposite is in place

that's when we sit back

that's when our voices are not being

heard

that's when we feel

we're not a part of the system

i don't know about any of you but that

certainly isn't a place that i can live

for a very long time and

imagine that you're actually the only

one

you're the only black person you're the

only woman the only man you're only

white person the only person with a

disability

it doesn't matter because when you're

the only one now you actually are

feeling isolated and you have no one

that you can actually reach out to and

talk to because that safe environment

that psychological safety peace

is not at play

and that is not an environment that

people want to stay or can thrive in

all sounds doom and gloom but i promise

it's not

because what i also believe is that you

can actually change status quo

when you when those five tenants that

peace is in play for you

and you are in your feeling

psychological psychologically safe you

can actually change the status quo if

you're feeling like you're not belonging

because imagine that you're sitting

around a room

and imagine that there's one seat left

at the table

and you go and you sit there and let's

say that the two people standing next to

you sitting next to you greet you and

they say hello welcome to the meeting

how are you doing they want to hear your

voice you're in a place where you can

thrive your energy is high

now imagine that you walk into the room

it's that same room that same one seat

is left

but this time no one says anything to

you

no one says hello

no one introduces himself no one cares

about your opinion in the meeting okay

that's a very different feeling

that's a place where people can't thrive

but if that's at play

you can actually change status quo and

here's why if those five things are in

play you can introduce yourself to the

people next to you

you can lean in and you can say i want

to hear your voice a little bit more

you can change your attitude and when

you change the system around you

is going to change as well

when you act differently

if you are more positive

that will be infectious to people and

they will be more positive around you so

you actually can change the outcomes of

your own belonging if peace is at play

so

i want to give you a few things to think

about

as we close this day

over the last few years

we've lost our sense of humanity

our sense of connection

our sense of caring for one another

our sense of coming together

and making this a greater world for all

people

ensuring that there is inclusion

belonging and equity for all of us it

doesn't take much

and so i leave you with this one

question

what are you going to do

to ensure that you are creating

the conditions of belonging in the

circles that you run in because i

guarantee you when you do

create that sense of belonging

it allows people that opportunity to

thrive

it allows people

to do what they do best and i guarantee

you that if you want people

to thrive

create that sense of belonging and then

sit back

relax

and watch people soar

[Music]

you