What it means when a narcissist MISSES THE OLD YOU

Summary

In this episode of 'A Narcissist Explains,' Lee Hammock, a diagnosed narcissist, discusses how narcissists miss the 'old you'—the person they initially met during the love bombing phase. He explains that narcissists often miss the authentic version of their partners, which they drove away through mistreatment. Hammock emphasizes the importance of recognizing the changes in oneself due to a toxic relationship and the need for healing and rediscovering one's identity after escaping such dynamics.

Takeaways

• 😌 Narcissists often miss the 'old you' - the person they initially met during the love bombing phase.
• 🤔 The narcissist's longing for the 'old you' is typically due to the way they treated you, causing you to change.
• 👥 Changes in the victim are often a result of being mistreated and conditioned to behave differently within the relationship.
• 😕 Narcissists rarely take responsibility for the changes they induce in their partners.
• 🧐 The 'old you' that narcissists miss is often the naive, easily manipulated version of you from the beginning of the relationship.
• 😣 People in relationships with narcissists may lose their identity and sense of self due to the toxic dynamics.
• 🤷‍♂️ It's not narcissistic for victims to miss the 'old you'; they were authentically themselves at the start.
• 😟 Narcissists present a false self initially to win affection, whereas their partners are typically genuine from the outset.
• 😢 Victims of narcissistic abuse may feel like they've lost their sense of fun, spontaneity, and self-love.
• 📚 Lee Hammock suggests using self-love journals and courses to rebuild self-esteem and rediscover oneself after leaving a toxic relationship.
• 👋 The speaker encourages viewers to subscribe for more content and offers resources for healing from narcissistic relationships.

Q & A

What is the main topic discussed in the video script?

The main topic discussed in the video script is how narcissists miss the 'old you,' referring to the original version of a person they met before the relationship dynamics changed due to the narcissist's behavior.

What phase of a relationship does Lee Hammock mention that narcissists might miss?

Lee Hammock mentions that narcissists might miss the 'love bombing' phase, which is typically the beginning of a relationship when the narcissist is at their most charming and affectionate.

According to the script, why do narcissists miss the original version of their partners?

Narcissists miss the original version of their partners because that was the person they met when they were being their most manipulative and charming to win them over, and the partner was more easily manipulated and compliant.

What does Lee Hammock suggest is a common mistake narcissists make regarding the change in their partners?

Lee Hammock suggests that narcissists commonly mistake the change in their partners as a personal failure of the partner, rather than recognizing it as a result of the narcissist's own toxic behavior.

What is the 'masking' phenomenon Lee Hammock refers to in the script?

The 'masking' phenomenon refers to the act of both the narcissist and their partner putting on a facade or 'mask' to survive the relationship, which leads to a loss of their true selves.

Why does Lee Hammock believe people change in relationships with narcissists?

People change in relationships with narcissists because they are conditioned to not speak up, go out, have fun, or be themselves in order to fit the expectations and desires of the narcissistic partner.

What does Lee Hammock imply about the initial behavior of a narcissist in a relationship?

Lee Hammock implies that the initial behavior of a narcissist in a relationship is often a facade, where they present an idealized version of themselves to attract and win over their partners.

What does Lee Hammock recommend for people recovering from a relationship with a narcissist?

Lee Hammock recommends starting a healing journey, which includes rebuilding self-love and rediscovering oneself, possibly with the help of a self-love journal.

What is the title of Lee Hammock's children's book mentioned in the script?

The title of Lee Hammock's children's book is 'Remember It's Not Your Fault.'

What does Lee Hammock mean when he says 'you mask too'?

When Lee Hammock says 'you mask too,' he is suggesting that people in relationships with narcissists also adopt a false persona to cope with the relationship, similar to how the narcissist does.

What is the term Lee Hammock uses to describe the initial phase of attraction in a relationship with a narcissist?

The term Lee Hammock uses to describe the initial phase of attraction in a relationship with a narcissist is 'love bombing.'