Cheetahmen (NES) - Angry Video Game Nerd (AVGN)

Summary

В этом видео-скрипте Angry Nintendo Nerd исследует одну из худших игр всех времен - 'Cheetahmen' из коллекции 'Action 52'. Он делится своими впечатлениями о плохой игровом дизайне, глюках и нелогичных правилах, что делает игру крайне сложной и раздражающей. В дополнение к критике игры, он рассматривает и другие игры из этой серии, выявляя их недостатки и странности, включая отсутствие инструкций и повторяющиеся темы, такие как дорожные жертвы. В заключении он радостно заявляет о завершении своего обзора Action 52.

Takeaways

• 😡 В видео рецензент обсуждает последнюю игру в коллекции Action 52, Cheetahmen, которая оказывается крайне плохой.
• 📜 С Cheetahmen поставляется комикc, и были планы по выпуску целой серии действий фигурок и мерчandise.
• 🐆 Игроку предстоит играть за великих Четахменов, борющихся за игрока, попавшего в телевизор, хотя об этом герое не упоминают больше.
• 🔫 В игре есть много глюков, таких как случайное остановление музыки при ударе и странные механики перемещения между экранами.
• 🤔 Игрок замечает, что в игре много повторяющихся врагов из других игр Action 52, включая Бооб-Леди и Саддам Хусейна.
• 🐾 В Cheetahmen II, продолжении игры, игрок снова сталкивается с проблемами, такими как одиночные выстрелы и отсутствие возможности уклониться от врагов.
• 💔 В рецензии подчеркивается, что несмотря на все усилия, игра не улучшилась и даже стала еще хуже, чем первая часть.
• 🎮 В Action 52 на Sega Genesis оказывается меньше игр, чем на NES-версии, и они все еще не очень качественные.
• 🤷‍♂️ Игры в Action 52 часто не имеют инструкций, что делает их сложными для понимания и выполнения.
• 😒 Игрок выражает разочарование качеством игр в Action 52 и их отсутствием оригинальности, особенно в сравнении с другими играми того времени.

Q & A

Какой игровой журналист обсуждает игру Cheetahmen в скрипте?

Игровой журналист, обсуждающий игру Cheetahmen, называется Angry Nintendo Nerd.

Какое издание игры Action 52 обсуждалось в последнем эпизоде перед обзором игры Cheetahmen?

В последнем эпизоде перед обзором игры Cheetahmen обсуждалось издание игры Action 52 для NES.

Какой предмет прилагается к игре Cheetahmen?

К игре Cheetahmen прилагается комикc, а также были планы на целую линейку действий фигурок и мерчandise.

Чему похожа история в игре Cheetahmen?

В истории игры Cheetahmen рассказывается о том, как игрок, называющийся Action Gamemaster, поглощен телевизором, и встречает там Cheetahmen, которые предложили ему помощь в борьбе с врагами в игровом мире.

Какие проблемы Angry Nintendo Nerd указывает на игре Cheetahmen?

Angry Nintendo Nerd указывает на проблемы с игровым процессом, глюки, плохие управляемость, нелогичные правила движения и многочисленные другие недостатки в игре Cheetahmen.

Каковы особенности босс-戦 в игре Cheetahmen?

Босс-戦 в игре Cheetahmen отличается несколькими уровнями, где каждый босс имеет свои уникальные особенности и стратегии, требующие от игрока различных подходов для победы.

Каковы изменения в игре Cheetahmen II по сравнению с первой игрой?

В Cheetahmen II графика и звуковые дорожки похожи на первую игру, но в этой игре есть новые элементы, такие как возможность стрелять ураганами из арбалета, и в игре появляется здоровье.

Каковы общие впечатления Angry Nintendo Nerd от игры Action 52 на Sega Genesis?

Angry Nintendo Nerd считает, что игра Action 52 на Sega Genesis имеет большое количество пазл-игр и недостаток действий, что не соответствует названию сборника.

Что делает Angry Nintendo Nerd с игрой Cheetahmen после прохождения?

После прохождения игры Cheetahmen Angry Nintendo Nerd выражает облегчение и радость от того, что он закончил с этим сборником игр.

Какое количество игр в сборнике Action 52 на Sega Genesis?

В сборнике Action 52 на Sega Genesis фактически 50 игр, так как 52-я игра отсутствует, и 51-я игра - это просто вариант игры Pong.

Outlines

00:00

😡 Английский название: 'Angry Nintendo Nerd Reviews Cheetahmen'

В этом видео Angry Nintendo Nerd обозревает последнюю игру в сборнике Action 52 под названием Cheetahmen. Он делится своим разочарованием от игры, которая, как оказывается, ужасно. В видео также упоминается комикс, который полагается на игру, и планы на создание целой серии действий фигурок и мерчandise. Ведущий высказывает свое мнение о геймплее, глюках и нелогичных механиках игры, а также о том, как игра отличается от предыдущих игр из серии Action 52.

05:03

😡 Английский название: 'Cheetahmen - The Impossible Levels'

В этом отрывке Angry Nintendo Nerd продолжает свой обзор игры Cheetahmen, описывая уровни, которые становятся все труднее и сложнее. Он обсуждает изменения в игровом процессе, включая появление новых героев и изменение правил прыжков от уровня к уровню. Также он делится своими мыслями о глюках и нелогичных механиках, делающих игру практически непроходимой.

10:04

😡 Английский название: 'Action 52 on Sega Genesis - A New Low'

В этом отрывке ведущий обсматривает версию Action 52 для Sega Genesis и выражает свое разочарование от того, что игра не только не улучшилась, но и стала еще хуже. Он делится своими впечатлениями о разнообразии игр, большинство из которых являются плохими клонами уже существующих игр. Также он обсуждает странные название игр, глюки и нелогичные механики, делающие игру неприятной для игроков.

15:09

😡 Английский название: 'The End of Action 52 - A Relief'

В заключительной части обзора Angry Nintendo Nerd радостно заявляет, что он закончил с Action 52. Он делится своими впечатлениями о последней игре в сборнике - Cheetah Men для Sega Genesis, которая оказалась еще хуже предыдущих. Ведущий выражает свое облегчение от того, что теперь он может забыть об этой серии игр и перейти к другим обзорам.

Keywords

💡Action 52

Action 52 является названием коллекции видеоигр, которая часто критикуется за свою низкую качество. В видео это словосочетание используется для обозначения серии игр, которые представляют собой объект критики и пародирования. В скрипте упоминается, что Action 52 включает в себя 52 игры, и игра Cheetahmen является последней,也就是第52-й, в этой серии.

💡Cheetahmen

Cheetahmen - это название игры, которая является центральным объектом видео. Это серия игр с персонажами-героями, вдохновленными животными, в данном случае - гепардами. В видео автор выражает свое разочарование в качество игры и ее механики, упоминающие ожидания от игры с такими персонажами.

💡Glitch

Глитч (от англ. glitch - недочет, застенчивость) в видеоиграх означает ошибку или неправильное поведение программы, что может вызывать непредвиденные ситуации. В контексте видео, автор обращает внимание на несколько глитчей в игре Cheetahmen, которые затрудняют или искажают игровой процесс, например, когда игрок 'прыгает вечно в воздухе'.

💡NES

NES (Nintendo Entertainment System) - это популярная игровая приставка 1980-х годов, произведенная компанией Nintendo. В видео упоминается в контексте версии игры Cheetahmen для этой платформы, которая сравнивается с другими версиями игры на других платформах.

💡Sega Genesis

Sega Genesis - это конкурент Nintendo в сфере игровой индустрии, выпущенный в 1980-х годах. В видео автор обсуждает версию игры Cheetahmen для Sega Genesis, которая также подвергается критике за свои плохие игровые механики и графику.

💡Gameplay

Gameplay - это термин, обозначающий игровой процесс, включая правила, механики и взаимодействие игрока с игрой. В видео автор анализирует gameplay игры Cheetahmen и указывает на множество недостатков, таких как однообразность, плохие управляемость и раздражающие глитчи.

💡Rhinoman

Rhinoman - это вражеский персонаж в игре Cheetahmen, упомянутый в видео. Автор описывает, как этот персонаж может убить игрока с одного удара, что делает игровой процесс еще более сложным и фrustriрующим.

💡1-Up

1-Up - это игровой термин, обозначающий получение дополнительной жизни или шанса для игрока. В видео автор радобно отмечает момент, когда он получает 1-Up, что позволяет ему продолжить игру после смерти, что иллюстрирует важность такого механика в видеоиграх.

💡Pong

Pong - одна из первых коммерчески успешных видеоигр, выпущенных в 1970-х годах. В видео автор упоминает Pong в контексте игры '1st Game' из коллекции Action 52 для Sega Genesis, выражая удивление и критику по поводу использования такой старой игры для заполнения одной из позиций в коллекции.

💡Roadkill

Roadkill - это термин, обозначающий животных, погибших в дорожно-транспортных происшествиях. В видео автор обсуждает, как в некоторых играх из коллекции Action 52 используются изображения дорожных жертв, что может быть шокирующим и неприятным для игроков.

Highlights

回顾了被认为是糟糕至极的Action 52游戏合集。

介绍了Action 52中的最后一个游戏，第52号游戏Cheetahmen。

Cheetahmen游戏附带了漫画书，并计划推出一系列动作人物和商品。

尽管投入了大量精力，Cheetahmen游戏的质量仍然很差。

Cheetahmen游戏拥有一个故事背景，与其他Action 52游戏相比是一个进步。

游戏中的敌人设计缺乏创意，甚至重复使用其他Action 52游戏中的角色。

游戏中的音效设计存在问题，打击敌人时音乐会短暂暂停。

游戏的关卡设计存在逻辑问题，玩家的行动受到限制。

游戏中存在严重的图形和游戏机制问题，如角色无法通过某些障碍。

Cheetahmen游戏的关卡结束方式令人困惑，没有明确的终点。

游戏中存在严重的bug，如角色可以在空中无限跳跃。

游戏的难度设置不合理，玩家在第三关开始时很快就会死亡。

游戏中的敌人设计过于庞大，使得玩家难以躲避攻击。

Cheetahmen II游戏存在严重的重复性，包括关卡编号的错误。

Cheetahmen II的游戏设计没有改进，反而比前作更糟。

Cheetahmen II的游戏bug更加失控，包括随机变色的方块和突然出现的石块。

Cheetahmen II的游戏难度极高，敌人设计不合理。

Action 52在Sega Genesis上也有一个版本，与NES版本截然不同。

Action 52的Sega Genesis版本包含了更多的游戏类型，但质量仍然很差。

Action 52的Sega Genesis版本中，有些游戏过于简单，缺乏挑战性。

Action 52的Sega Genesis版本中，有些游戏存在严重的设计问题，如角色无法跳跃或躲避。

Action 52的Sega Genesis版本中，有些游戏的标题与内容不符，如'1st Game'实际上是Pong。

Cheetah Men在Sega Genesis上的版本（作为第13个游戏）同样糟糕，甚至比NES版本更不具可玩性。

Transcripts

He's gonna take you back the past

To play the shitty games that suck ass

He'd rather have a buffalo take a diarrhea dump in his ear

He'd rather eat the rotten asshole of a road-killed skunk and down it with beer

He's the angriest gamer you've ever heard

He's the Angry Nintendo Nerd.

He's the Angry Atari Sega Nerd.

He's the Angry Video Game Nerd!

Last episode we looked at the master-piece-of-shit that is Action 52.

Now we're looking at the last game, number 52, Cheetahmen. This is like the feature presentation.

There's a comic book that came with the game, and plans for a whole line of Cheetahmen action figures and merchandise.

They must have spent all their focus on this one game, so this one's gotta be good...right?

IT SUCKS! MONKEY! BUTTS! LIKE ALL! THE FUCKING! REST!

Okay...let's go.

Well, it's not AS bad as the other games. For one thing, it actually has a story.

"The Action Gamemaster was at home playing his video game, when suddenly,

an arm reached out of the TV and pulled him inside!" Yo, watch the gonads.

"When he looked up, he saw three gigantic yellow bodies. It was the Cheetahmen!" Oh, really?

"He began to explain. The Cheetahmen told of the enemies here in the game world. Don't worry, we will fight for you!

The Cheetahmen ran off...and now...the Cheetahmen."

What kind of story is that? The Cheetahmen are fighting for some gamer that got sucked into the TV? Whom we never refer to again?

What's this, a crotch burglar? Yeah, burglars your crotch.

Oh yeah, the enemies in this game are so inspired!

They even resort to recycling characters from other Action 52 games, like Boob Lady and Saddam Hussein.

Dude, think about it: a giant cheetah jumping over Saddam Hussein! Whoa...I never thought I'd see that!

That's weird. Whenever you hit somebody, the music pauses for a brief moment.

As far as the gameplay goes, there's not a whole lot to say. You just move right, and kill everything in sight.

What the hell? I can't go up?

I can't go right, either?

Oh, you gotta go right BEFORE you can go up. That makes a whole lot of sense. Just because the screen didn't move all the way.

And what's this, I can't walk past a hole?

Even though I'm as high up as the game will allow. If you can only pass the hole from below, why is there such a big space up there?

Not to mention, why couldn't the cheetah fall down the hole, instead of exploding into four glowing orbs?

Oh, and guess how the level ends?

Like that. It just stops. What more do you expect?

Welcome to the most awesome glitch of all. I'm jumping perpetually in mid-air.

Yeah, I could do this all day. That's no problem.

Oh, what the fuck? I went through the top of the screen and came out the bottom and died?

You might say it's my faut for cheating, but come on, when I fall down I don't drop through the ceiling and live.

Besides, there's more enemies in the air than on the ground, so I don't recommend it.

In level 3, you're a different Cheetahman. This is where the game starts to get hard.

First of all, to die, all it takes is a few hits.

Then, because this big tub of fuck is such a large target. You can't duck, either, so there's not much you can do to avoid all these projectiles.

The jumping glitch only gets you so far.

Fuck! FUCK! EUNGH!!!

Oh, no...wait a minute...

A 1-Up?

And it skips me to the next level?

Aw, kick fuckin' ASS! Life is kinda cool sometimes.

But here's the weird part. The next level's supposed to be 4, but it's called 3. So there's two level 3s?

It begins with this bizarre flashing disco strobe with Tetris blocks. What's that all about?

And what's this, a health bar? I have a health bar all of a sudden?

Well, that's convenient. I don't know why it's not in the other levels.

And now the jumping glitch doesn't work anymore?

The rules of jumping change from level to level?

The major reason why it's so difficult is because you outrun the screen,

so you're always taking damage from enemies that you can't see until it's too late.

I mean, look how far to the right I am! Aw, shit.

You gotta jiggle back and forth just to get the screen oriented properly.

Rhinoman here, or Rocksteady, whoever the fuck he is, he kills you in one hit!

Doesn't matter how much health you have, he runs right in and you're dead.

The only way to beat him is to very slowly inch your way up...

And as soon as he appears you run all the way to the left.

If you're just a hair too late, you're dead

Then you have to make very subtle taps with the D-Pad to get yourself facing right...

And one tiny step forward, just enough so he can't touch you.

It's like the only way to beat this game is to cheat!

Guess that's why it's called "Cheetahmen".

Now we're up to level 4, which is actually 5,

This time, you get a cheetah that shoots arrows with a crossbow.

You'd think that would make it easier...but NO! The arrows never hit anything!

They're too small, and you can only shoot one at a time.

It doesn't matter how careful you are, the enemies will always sneak in a hit before you can kill them.

By the way, the health bar's gone again, but the formula's the same: three or four hits and you're dead.

And I die on the first three or four enemies!

Wow...

The fuck-nuggets who made this game thought they were gonna make action figures, and it was gonna be the next best thing to Ninja Turtles?

Well, that's the end of Action 52...

But...they made. A Cheetahmen. SEQUEL.

Oh yeah! You know how with a bad game, sometimes you wonder how could it have even made it into stores?

Well, this was a case in which the horror was so unspeakable, the game was never released.

The cartridges were taken to a warehouse, where they remained for years to come. It was never meant to be played.

Then, in the late 90s, a massive break-in took place,

the cartridges were discovered, and became valuable collector's items.

That's a true story

Except that the real story was probably a little less dramatic than that.

Only 1500 of these games are known to exist, and they command outrageous prices on eBay.

I don't know if I should consider myself lucky or not, but...

Here it is. The Unholy Grail of gaming.

Would you believe that this game is so bad it doesn't even get its own cartridge?

The recycled the same plastic casing from Action 52, and put a Cheetahmen II sticker on the back.

Let's pop this golden turd in and give it a go.

The plot involves a Doctor Morbis, who creates an Ape-Man to fight the Cheetahmen.

At least it explains who the villains are this time, and no mention of the stupid Gamemaster...

The gameplay and graphics are similar to the first Cheetahmen, and it reuses the same music.

Geez, at least TRY to do something different.

If they made Cheetahmen VS Chester Cheetah, that shit would be the motherfuckin' ass!

The only original thing about this game is that you shoot tornados with a crossbow.

Yeah. Next time there's a tornado ripping through town, just shoot an arrow at it.

At least there's a health meter this time...

but how many hit points do I have? A half and two and a half?

The glitches are out of control. Blocks randomly change color, there's a stone nugget that keeps appearing out of nowhere,

and...what is THAT?

The game's taking an 8-bit shit.

You'd think they would have ironed out all the flaws and improved all the mistakes made the first time around,

but no! Somehow, they actually made it worse!

Like pouring salt on an open wound.

You die by jumping.

Yeah. If you walk and fall, and you're fine, but jumping from a great height, you're fucked.

Oh, come on, I can't land on that thing? Then why is it there?

The biggest issue is not being able to duck. You couldn't duck in the first game, either, but here,

90% of your enemies are on the ground.

That's a major problem.

I still can't accept this fact, so I'm always hoping in vain that if I press down hard enough, it'll duck.

Sometimes, enemies come in pairs.

You can't even jump over that shit!

The can't hit me here, right?

What??

Let's see that again!

You can't even STAND above the enemies!

The only enemies that aren't on the ground are up in the air.

Can't jump over, can't duck, and can't even shoot with a straight shot!

You have to pull off a tricky jumping shot, but the enemies appear so quickly, you don't have time!

The second level boss, on the other hand, is too easy!

All he does is run to the right. Never jumps, never throws anything, never changes pattern,

just runs in the same direction until he's dead.

Level 3, it's the big cheetah again.

Since all the enemies are stationed on the ground, the jumping glitch actually works favorably this time.

But I don't feel bad about it. You know what, game? All the shit you put me through the first two levels?

Now it's my turn! Yeah! You wanna play dumbass? Well double dumbass on you, motherfucker!

You swine! You son of a motherless goat!

Level 3?

Both games have two level 3s? How'd they repeat the same mistake twice?

Maybe it was intentional.

Now it's time for the Ape-Man. Oh, get your head out of my crotch, you monkey fuck!

UNGH!

You won't get me this time, you son of a bitch! HUH! HUNGH!

HU-ah-aaaww...

Whoa...speaking of monkey fuck...

Get back here, you shit biscuit!

Where'd he go?

He's not coming back, is he?

Aw, man. Alright, so can I jump up and kill myself?

No? Not this time, when I need it?

This is limbo. This is purgatory. The only thing I can do now is reset the fucking game.

You're not gonna get away this time!

MMM! MMM! UGH! UGH!

UGH! MMM! AAW-yeah!

Bitch!

Well, I beat the game.

At least I went as far as you could possibly go before it fucks out!

Well, this is where I'd end things...

But...there's yet another Cheetahmen game.

Yeah. Action 52 on the Genesis. They just couldn't leave it alone, could they?

Well, you'd think it would be the same as the NES version, except for enhanced graphics, but, believe it or not, it's totally different.

So, before we can move on to the last Cheetahmen game, let's take a quick look at what these assholes shat out this time.

That music is so Genesis.

It's nice that we have outer space on the title screen. I mean, at least they're being up front with it this time.

Look at me! I'm shooting at strands of vomit in Space Town.

But to tell you the truth, there's not that many space shooters. There's only about six.

That's kind of astonishing. They probably made up for it with the abundance of puzzle games.

There's nothing wrong with something that challenges your mind, but this went way overboard.

It's called ACTION 52, I want some action.

Besides, if you're gonna make a puzzle game, can you at least have some instructions?

There's a game called Echo, which is basically Simon Says.

Come on, that thing was in every toy store in the 80s, did we really need a watered down version on a Sega Genesis cartridge?

There's definitely more of a variety here than on the NES.

There's a pinball game, a boat game, a skiing game, and a handful of different action games.

But, they're all just shittier clones of mediocre NES titles.

There's a flying game that's worse than Top Gun, and there's a racing game that's a shittier version of Rad Racer.

There's also a tank game, based off Storm Over the Desert.

Remember in the NES version, you're invincible, and anything you touch explodes?

Well here, it's the total opposite!

You can't even touch a soldier!

What kind of tank is that?

Then there's games that are too easy. In Alien Attack, if you just keep running right and shooting, nothing will stop you.

In the ninja game, you can actually run through everybody!

In Bombs Away, you're running through a village avoiding bombs, but they'll never hit you as long as you keep moving.

You can also jump like you're on a trampoline.

Look at him! He jumps higher than the houses!

And there's nothing to jump over, no holes, no obstacles, nothing at all!

There's also a boxing game where the same thing happens.

Have you ever seen a boxing match where somebody jumped? Let alone ten to twenty feet in the air?

Another theme I've noticed is roadkill.

There's a game called Freeway which is an exact clone of an Activision game called, uh...Freeway!

They didn't even change the title! Instead of a chicken running across the street, you're a dog.

That's horrible!

The poor dog doesn't just get run over, it gets smushed into pieces!

The other roadkill game is Skater. You're some kid on roller skates jumping fifty feet in the air, of course.

And most of the obstacles...are dead cats.

At least I'm pretty sure they're dead. Why else would a cat be laying in the road?

Tell me, if you're programming a video game, and you have a choice of all the things that could be on the road,

Like mufflers, puddles of oil, traffic cones, hubcaps, fallen trash cans, open manholes,

of all the things you could put there, why does your imagination go straight to "dead cats"?

The names of these games are as mystifying as before. The tank game is called Norman.

Is "Norman" the name of the guy in the tank?

Then there's Sunday Drive. Yeah, just chilling out, going for a nice, relaxing Sunday Drive,

speeding through traffic at a hundred miles per hour on a five line highway.

There's no accelerator. All you get is a horn, which doesn't do a damn thing.

Oh, look! "Segaville, next exit." Again. And again. And again.

For a nonexistent exit, it sure has a lot of signs.

There's a lot more two player games this time around, so if you're playing by yourself, that's just more games you can skip.

Dino Tennis is pretty funny, though. You're two dinosaurs whacking a caveman back and forth.

And a purple dinosaur? Really? Don't we have Barney? Isn't that enough?

They recycle the same grunt and scream sound effects countless times.

Even the spaceship screams!

They must have been really hard pressed coming up with ideas to fill 52 games.

This one, called Appleseed, is just a farmer catching apples!

"Y'all shit, motherfuckers! Damn apples coming outta trees so fast, motherfuckers!"

Then there's this shitty drawing game! Yeah, try drawing with the D-Pad!

Game number 51 is called "1st Game."

Seems like a contradiction. Why isn't it the "51st Game"?

Well, guess what?

It's Pong.

This blows my mind on so many levels.

First of all, just the fact that they had to use Pong to fill one of the games,

second, that Pong even EXISTS on Sega Genesis,

and third...The "1st Game"?

Like it's the first video game ever made?

That's debatable. The Odyssey came out the same year, and that was being worked on since the 60s,

And before that there was Space War, and if you REALLY wanna go back,

There's those old games made out of radar equipment, like Tennis For Two.

So that's all they got for the 51st game?

As for the 52nd game, there is none. It's just a trial run of the hardest levels from the other games.

So, technically, it shouldn't even be CALLED Action 52. There's only 50 games.

But at least they're all functional. Only once I've had a game crash, and it worked after I reset the Genesis.

So, just being able to play all the games is more than can be said for the NES version.

As for the games with identical titles, they're all different, and improved from their NES counterparts.

In Ooze, you can actually jump better, in Dedant, your ant can actually move up and down, and in Sharks, there's blood.

So, let's move on to Cheetah Men, so I can clean my hands of this Action 52 shit.

For some reason, this time it's game number 13.

I guess they realized that there's no sense saving it til the end because it's just as shitty as all the other games

There's no story this time. No explanation, no intro, just a title screen, then it drops you straight into the game.

Is this the badass 16 bit version of Cheetahmen we'd hoped for?

The background looks like the wallpaper in a baby's room!

And the music...well, just listen!

Sounds like something you'd hear if somebody slipped on a banana peel.

Even the NES music was better.

One hit deaths? Isn't that great.

How do I keep dying on the same part?

I know you're coming...I know you're coming...aw, fuck!

It's because you outrun the screen. Why does it gotta be like that?

And what's up with the punching? When you tap the button just once, it throws two or three punches.

You can only punch while standing still, and if your timing isn't perfect, it leaves you vulnerable.

Well, I've made it to the end of the screen...I think...so my only guess is that you're supposed to collect all these Cheetah icons.

I mean, who knows, it's not like the game gives you instructions.

Oh, and after you die, just once, all the icons are back, so you might as well just reset.

Ugh, getting on these vines is such a bitch!

UGH!

And look at that? Am I on the vine, or what?

I'm not gonna let that thing kill me this time--oh, there's a bat--UGH, YOU MOTHER OF AN ASS!

Look at this situation!

Yes! NO!

I can't even beat the first level, and I'm trying as hard as I can!

Oh my God, Oh my God, NO! NO! NO!!

I don't believe it...

I just can't believe it, that...

this is even LESS playable than the NES version!!

You'd think by now they'd come back down to Earth and un-fuck themselves!

But you know what the really good news is?

I'M DONE WITH ACTION 52!!!