How I Brainwashed Myself to Success

Summary

The speaker recounts their personal journey from a life filled with anxiety, anger, and frustration to one of success. They challenge the societal misconception that negative emotions are inherently bad, instead advocating for their use as fuel for motivation. The speaker shares three key strategies: negative visualization to create fear of stagnation, increasing frustration tolerance to achieve goals, and questioning the validity of negative thoughts to break the cycle of self-sabotage. This talk serves as an inspiring guide for harnessing negative emotions to drive personal growth and success.

Takeaways

• 🤔 Negative thoughts and emotions can be repurposed as fuel for success, contrary to societal norms that label them as detrimental.
• 🚫 Avoid labeling negative feelings as 'wrong'; instead, view them as part of the human experience and tools for growth.
• 🔄 Recognize that momentum can swing either way in life; it's your perspective on negative energy that dictates its impact.
• 💡 Use 'negative visualization' to motivate change by envisioning worst-case scenarios if no action is taken.
• 🥗 Losing weight or achieving goals isn't just about desire; it's about facing fears and avoiding the scenarios you dread.
• 🧠 High frustration tolerance is key to achieving goals; it allows you to endure discomfort to reach your objectives.
• 🏋️‍♀️ Build frustration tolerance by accepting, labeling, and creating realistic mental cues for the emotions you experience.
• 🌟 Embrace the idea that thoughts are not facts, and emotions are not commands, to break the cycle of negative behavior.
• 🤯 Challenge your thoughts by questioning their truthfulness, impact, and the alternative outcomes of not believing them.
• 🔄 Retrain your brain by proving it wrong, creating a compelling case for new, empowering thoughts.

Q & A

What was the speaker's emotional state when they were 19 years old?

The speaker was anxious, angry, frustrated, and felt hopeless at 19 years old.

How does the speaker suggest using negative thoughts and emotions?

The speaker suggests using negative thoughts and emotions as fuel to drive oneself towards achieving their goals, contrary to societal beliefs that negativity is bad.

What was the turning point for the speaker that led to change in their life?

The turning point was the sixth time the speaker was arrested, and the police took them home to their parents, leading to a realization that their life was heading in a dangerous direction.

What was the speaker's father's reaction when they were arrested for the sixth time?

The speaker's father did not yell at them but expressed concern that they might kill themselves due to excessive drinking and drug use.

What was the speaker's initial reaction to their reflection in the mirror after the conversation with their father?

The speaker felt a deep sense of self-hatred and saw themselves as a victim, being controlled by negative thoughts and feelings.

What commitment did the speaker make after realizing the need for change?

The speaker committed to changing their life, cutting off friends, getting off social media, and dedicating themselves to becoming the person they always wanted to be.

What is the first tool the speaker used to change their life trajectory?

The first tool was negative visualization, where the speaker asked themselves productive questions about the consequences of not changing their current behavior.

How does the speaker define frustration tolerance and its importance?

Frustration tolerance is the ability to tolerate unwanted thoughts and feelings to achieve goals. The speaker emphasizes that high frustration tolerance is key to achieving high goals.

What are the three steps the speaker suggests to build frustration tolerance?

The three steps are: accepting the frustration, labeling it, and creating realistic mental cues around the situation.

How does the speaker differentiate between thoughts and facts?

The speaker clarifies that thoughts are not facts, and emotions are not commands or directives. They suggest questioning the validity of thoughts and challenging them to change one's mindset.

What are the four questions the speaker asks to challenge their thoughts?

The four questions are: Is it true? Is it absolutely true? How does this thought make me feel? What would it be like if I didn't believe this thought?

Outlines

00:00

🔄 Overcoming Negativity to Achieve Success

The speaker begins by sharing their personal struggles at the age of 19, including anxiety, anger, frustration, and feelings of hopelessness. They acknowledge that many people use negative thoughts and emotions as an excuse not to take action, citing common self-defeating statements like 'I'm not motivated' or 'I'm too anxious.' The speaker challenges the societal notion that negativity is inherently bad, arguing that successful people use these feelings as fuel to drive their ambitions. They recount their own journey of being labeled with various mental health conditions and the realization that there's nothing inherently wrong with having negative thoughts or emotions. The key issue, they argue, is not the presence of these feelings but the labeling and self-judgment that accompanies them. The speaker's life took a turn for the worse, with physical, relational, and academic setbacks, culminating in multiple arrests. A pivotal moment was a candid conversation with their father, who expressed concern that they were on a path to self-destruction. This led to a moment of self-reflection and a decision to change their life. They committed to a new path, cutting off unsupportive social ties and focusing on self-improvement. The speaker emphasizes the importance of mental reprogramming and shares three tools they used to 'brainwash' themselves into a positive spiral: negative visualization, building frustration tolerance, and challenging negative thoughts.

05:02

🔧 Tools for Mental and Emotional Transformation

The speaker outlines the first tool for personal transformation as 'negative visualization,' which involves envisioning the worst-case scenario if one does not change their current behavior. This fear of a negative future can be a powerful motivator for change. The second tool discussed is building frustration tolerance, which is crucial for achieving high goals. The speaker explains that high achievers can tolerate unwanted thoughts and feelings, and they share a three-step process for building this tolerance: acceptance, labeling the feeling, and creating realistic mental cues. They also discuss the importance of challenging negative thoughts by questioning their truth and the emotions they evoke, leading to the realization that thoughts are not facts and emotions are not commands. The speaker encourages viewers to prove their brains wrong by questioning the validity of their negative thoughts and replacing them with more constructive beliefs. This approach helps in breaking the cycle of negative thinking and moving towards a more positive and goal-oriented mindset.

Keywords

💡Brainwashing

In the context of the video, 'brainwashing' refers to the intentional reshaping of one's thought patterns and beliefs to achieve a desired outcome, such as personal success. The speaker uses this term to describe the process of reprogramming negative thought patterns into positive, motivational forces. It's not the traditional, negative connotation of manipulation but rather a self-imposed strategy for personal growth and success.

💡Negative Visualization

Negative visualization is a technique mentioned in the script where one imagines the worst possible outcomes of their current behavior to motivate change. The speaker uses this concept to illustrate how envisioning a future where they remained obese spurred them to lose weight and improve their life, contrasting it with the more common approach of positive visualization.

💡Frustration Tolerance

Frustration tolerance is the ability to withstand discomfort, stress, or negative emotions without giving in to the urge to alleviate them through unhealthy behaviors. The speaker discusses how high achievers have a high frustration tolerance, which allows them to endure negative feelings in pursuit of their goals. They provide strategies for building this tolerance, such as acceptance and creating realistic mental cues.

💡Acceptance

Acceptance, as used in the video, is the act of acknowledging and embracing one's current emotional state without judgment. The speaker emphasizes that accepting negative feelings, rather than fighting them, is a key step in managing them effectively. This concept is part of the broader theme of learning to use negative emotions as fuel for positive change.

💡Labeling Emotions

Labeling emotions is the process of identifying and naming the emotions one is experiencing. The speaker suggests that by labeling emotions such as frustration, one can gain a better understanding and control over them. This technique is part of building frustration tolerance and is used to differentiate between thoughts and emotions, which are not always indicative of reality.

💡Thoughts vs. Facts

The distinction between thoughts and facts is a central theme in the video. The speaker clarifies that thoughts are not necessarily true and should not be equated with reality. They encourage the audience to question the validity of their negative thoughts and to not let them dictate behavior, which is crucial in changing self-destructive patterns.

💡Emotions as Tools

Emotions as tools refers to the concept of using one's emotions, even negative ones, to drive action and achieve goals. The speaker argues against the societal view that negative emotions are inherently bad and instead suggests that they can be harnessed to fuel ambition and motivation, as exemplified by their own journey from rock bottom to success.

💡Rock Bottom

Rock bottom is a term used to describe a situation where one has hit the lowest point in their life, often leading to a turning point. In the script, the speaker recounts their 'rock bottom' moment, which was a catalyst for change. This concept is used to illustrate the potential for transformation that can come from recognizing one's lowest point.

💡Self-Dedication

Self-dedication is the commitment one makes to themselves to achieve a specific goal or to improve their life. The speaker shares their decision to dedicate themselves to becoming a better version of themselves, which involved cutting off negative influences and focusing on personal growth. This concept is integral to the narrative of self-improvement presented in the video.

💡Realistic Mental Cues

Realistic mental cues are statements or affirmations that are grounded in reality and can help guide one's thoughts and actions. The speaker contrasts these with unrealistic or overly positive affirmations, suggesting that acknowledging current struggles while maintaining a commitment to change can be more effective in building resilience and motivation.

💡Proving Your Brain Wrong

Proving your brain wrong involves challenging and disproving negative or limiting thoughts. The speaker discusses the importance of questioning the validity of one's thoughts and not allowing them to dictate one's actions or future. This strategy is part of the process of changing one's mindset and breaking free from self-imposed limitations.

Highlights

The realization that negative thoughts and emotions can be used as fuel for success.

The societal misconception that negativity is inherently bad.

The empowerment of using negative thoughts to drive personal growth.

The personal struggle with anxiety, anger, and frustration leading to a sense of hopelessness.

The pivotal moment of arrest leading to a life-changing decision.

The father's candid conversation that served as a wake-up call.

The commitment to change starting with a social media post and cutting off negative influences.

The importance of starting with the mind to achieve change.

The process of unlearning societal programming that leads to self-imposed limitations.

The concept of negative visualization to motivate change.

The strategy of asking productive questions to avoid unproductive answers.

The role of high frustration tolerance in achieving high goals.

The technique of accepting, labeling, and creating realistic mental cues for building frustration tolerance.

The understanding that thoughts are not facts and emotions are not commands.

The four-question method to challenge and change unhelpful thoughts.

The practice of proving your brain wrong to break the cycle of negative thinking.

The transformation from a downward spiral to an upward trajectory in life.

The top three tools shared for self-brainwashing towards success.

Transcripts

how I brainwashed myself to succeed have

you ever looked at your life and thought

to yourself man I am so far from where I

want to be when I was 19 I was anxious I

was angry I was frustrated and I felt

hopeless I would go so far to say that

99 people in this world feel that way

they use their negative thoughts and

emotions as reasons not to do something

I don't feel motivated I'm too anxious

I'm too upset think about the amount of

times that you've told yourself those

things majority of most of our Lives

we've been told that negativity is a bad

thing I'm here to tell you that the one

percent of people in this world that

succeed know it's the exact opposite

they actually use those negative

thoughts and emotions as fueled to get

what they want you see most of us have

been brainwashed by Society into

thinking that these thoughts and

feelings are bad that they mean there's

something wrong with us you're anxious

you're depressed you're OCD every label

in the book you can think of I was

called and I spent so much time and

energy trying to rid myself of these

things thinking there was something

wrong with me that there was something

broken that I was damaged good there's

nothing wrong with thinking those

thoughts with feeling badly with feeling

negative the problem is labeling it as

something wrong and it telling ourselves

that there's something wrong with us

when we feel these things momentum can

either work for or against you your life

either continues to get worse and worse

and worse or it continues to get better

and better and better it just depends on

what Outlook you have on that energy and

my life was honestly going wrong in

every direction that you could think of

like I was 85 pounds overweight I wasn't

in a relationship I was doing drugs and

drinking alcohol on a regular basis I

was flunking out of school I got

arrested six times and I had really like

no real friends I continued to fail

until what I would say is like one of

the many Rock Bottom moments I had which

was the sixth time I was arrested and

the cops took me home to my parents

house because I was going to college

about 30 minutes away from where my

parents house was where I grew up the

cops took me there I don't remember what

happened I just woke up at my dad's

house and I knew that was not good I was

expecting my dad to yell at me and to

tell me I'm a loser and I'm amounting to

Nothing in life and all these things

that I already knew and I already

thought of myself and instead my dad

told me I don't care if you want to keep

doing this or not doing this but I have

to tell you I do think you're going to

kill yourself

what do you mean he said I think you're

going to drink so much we're going to do

drugs and you're going to die what was

so tough to hear about that was that I

knew he was right I remember leaving

that conversation and going to the

bathroom to take a shower and looking in

the mirror and just hating myself when I

looked in the mirror I saw a victim I

was letting all those thoughts and

feelings dominate me control me rather

than learning how to wield them and use

them as tools to build the life that

I've always wanted and so I went home

that night to my apartment and I made a

commitment to myself I remember

specifically I sat down in bed and I was

so angry angry at the fact that I let my

life get here and I made a post on

Facebook I was proclaiming that I was

going to change my life that I was no

longer going to be at any parties that

you wouldn't see me that I was getting

off social media and I was just going to

go commit myself to bettering my life I

made that post I cut off my friends and

I went to work I decided to dedicate

myself to becoming the version of myself

that I had always wanted to be the

version of myself that I envisioned when

I was a little girl when you're growing

up and people are asking you what do you

want to be when you're in school you're

thinking of this like amazing successful

person I decided to rededicate myself to

that Vision but I knew that in order to

do this I needed to start with my mind

what I really need to do is undo all the

garbage that had been put in my head

when I was growing up through society

and other authority figures that I knew

wasn't right so what I want to share

with you in the rest of this video are

the top three tools I use to brainwash

myself to go from spiraling downwards to

spiraling upwards and become the person

I am today tell me the last time you

asked yourself one of these questions

why am I so fat why can't I succeed why

do I suck at this the first tool that

helped me negative visualization instead

of asking myself questions that were

unproductive and led to unproductive

answers I started asking myself

productive questions if I continue to do

this and I do not change what happens

five years from now well you've gained

85 pounds in about two and a half years

that's impressive and that means at that

rate

oh my gosh I would be 500 pounds in five

years that version of me staying the

same was so terrifying that there was no

option but to change not that I wanted

to change more but that I was terrified

not to change a huge component of life

is learning how to utilize the negative

a lot of people say well you want to

make sure that you're always running

towards something screw that if this

works do it you know what got me to lose

85 pounds not wanting to be skinny in a

bikini but it was being terrified of

being 500 pounds using a more powerful

negative future to propel you into the

future that you actually want to

understand the second tool I'm going to

ask a series of questions and answer

them myself why did I eat because I

didn't want to feel hungry why did I

drink because I didn't want to feel

anxious why did I flunk school because I

didn't want to tolerate feeling like I

wasn't good at something I had a very

low frustration tolerance people who

achieve high goals Studies have shown

that they have very high frustration

tolerance they are able to tolerate a

large amount of unwanted thoughts and

feelings in order to achieve something

usually the reason that we're not able

to achieve any sort of goal is because

we have low frustration tolerance in

that area and the thing about feelings

and leaning into them and being able to

tolerate them is that the more that you

step into them the more they dissipate

here's what I learned and what I do for

myself to build frustration tolerance

and what I did to get myself out of the

place I was in one is accept the

frustration oftentimes we spend so much

energy in life trying to rid ourselves

of anger anxiety frustration sadness

whatever it is acceptance the second is

labeling it label it as frustration I

have frustration here and then the third

step is creating realistic mental cues

around the situation when I was growing

up I was told to say affirmations to

myself so if they work for you that's

great but I actually found this work

better for me I don't say I am a

beautiful confident skinny woman when I

was 85 pounds overweight not confident

at all saying it just felt like I was

like a fraud I want to make sure that I

can get my life in order what can I say

to myself I may feel anxious hungry and

alone but I can become the person I want

to be if I work hard enough with enough

consistency realistic statement I can do

it and the third tool that I used to

change my life was proving my brain

wrong I went personally most of my life

thinking that my thoughts were me that

my thoughts were real that my thoughts

meant something I realized that that

wasn't true at all thoughts are not

facts and emotions are not commands or

directives I think he's going to leave

me I think he's cheating I think I'm

going to lose my job I think I'm gonna

die think about the amount of times that

your brain goes to that well it's wired

to do that what I hadn't been doing for

so long was if I felt some acted on it

and what I learned is I needed to break

the link between feeling and behaving

oftentimes we think I feel so strongly

that it must mean something but what if

it doesn't mean anything so there's four

questions I ask myself when I don't know

what to do because I have very strong

emotions and racing thoughts one is it

true say the thought is I'm so fat I'll

never lose weight is it true maybe not

is it absolutely true I mean it's not

absolutely true because I guess I

haven't tried everything okay so it's

not absolutely true that you can never

lose weight then the third question is

how does this thought make me feel when

I think to myself I can never lose

weight how do I feel

discouraged frustrated anxious depressed

so is that a productive thought probably

not and then the last question I ask

myself is what would it be like if I

didn't believe this thought I might

actually try harder I would actually

show up to the gym because I wouldn't

feel like I was just like a dead end and

there was no point of trying build a

case as to why your thoughts are not

true and then you can create more

compelling reasons to convince yourself

of new thoughts that will lead to the

life that you want instead of ones that

are just going to keep you stuck where

you are